


The Deca (Series Four)

by Taegan Ulhana (Barnable)



Series: The Deca [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anxiety, Dialogue Heavy, Doctor Who: Academy Era, Drinking, Friendship, Gallifrey, Gallifreyan Culture (Doctor Who), Hide and Seek, Hurt/Comfort, Including Another Ship, Marijuana, Mischief, Multi, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prydonian Academy (Doctor Who), Shenanigans, Teen Angst, The Gallifrey Academy Hot Five, Time Lords and Ladies (Doctor Who), episodic, sitcom style, tags are still hard, wink wink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 160,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25830844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barnable/pseuds/Taegan%20Ulhana
Summary: As they get older, the Deca are given more responsibility, and the permissions needed to partake in more reckless activities. But as they're about to discover, there's a lot they've yet to learn about the world. . . and each other.((No more passes unfortunately, you'll likely be confused if you haven't read at least series three first.))
Relationships: Millennia (Doctor Who)/Rallon (Doctor Who), The Doctor | Theta Sigma/The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era)
Series: The Deca [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1312817
Comments: 79
Kudos: 68





	1. For My Eyes Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rallon tries to be more fun. Koschei and Ushas "accidentally" read Theta's journal. Mortimus indulges in a new hobby.

“No, I’m telling you guys, this year is going to be different.”

Admittedly, the snorting and laughter which spread around the table was a little disheartening, but Rallon didn’t let it get him down. He had big plans for the new year, and no amount of mocking or teasing from his friends was going to change that. Unfortunately, the look on his face wasn’t enough to stop them, and the biggest mouth at the table kept the banter going.

“Haven’t you been saying that since the day we met you?” asked Drax, ignoring Ushas’s cries when he kicked a leg onto the dining table. “I’m not even joking; I seriously remember that. Anyone else? I called him boring and he was all like ‘don’t worry guys, I’ll be more fun next time’, but you weren’t. You were never more fun. Not unless we dragged you into something against your will.”

“Don’t listen to them, sweetie,” said Millennia, placing a hand on her boyfriend’s forearm. Rallon sighed sadly when she gave his hand a squeeze, to which Vansell rolled his eyes. “They’re just jealous because _you_ don’t spend half your year in detention.”

“No, actually, we’re not jealous of him for _exactly_ that reason.” Theta crossed his arms, his fork clanging as it crashed into the plate on the table beneath him. He glanced over at Koschei to his right before going on, his eyes narrowed. “I don’t like detention. Don’t get me wrong. But there is a charm and a very special feeling that comes with being name-dropped in Academy PSAs, and that is a feeling you and your dull-ass boyfriend will never understand.”

It always circled back around to that. Every time they had one of those discussions at that same lunch table they’d been sitting at forever, and someone mentioned Rallon’s lack of a criminal record, they acted like it was a bad thing. As if things would somehow be better if he _were_ a horrible troublemaker like the rest of them. He sighed deeply and shook his head.

“Actually, I prefer _not_ to be mentioned in front of the entire school.” Of course, that wasn’t really the right answer either, and Jelpax instantly made a gesture with his hand, flailing wildly at his throat and pointing to Drax as if to tell him to stop before he made it worse. He didn’t get the memo. “You see, this might come as a surprise to you, but we’re not all here to wreck our permanent records.”

“Please, those aren’t even real.” Ushas snorted and waved a hand dismissively, barely glancing over to Rallon when she spoke. “That’s just something they threaten you with in hopes it’ll scare you enough to stop you turning into them.”

“Hey!” It was Koschei who was so offended, glaring across the table to her. “For your information, I am something everyone wants to _become_ , not avoid. I might be everyone’s worst nightmare, but you know that I’m a massive inspiration for children all around. Do you know how many have come to me for advice?”

“Advice on what?” asked Magnus, giving him a look. “The only thing you’re good at is being good at nothing at all.”

“Excuse you, he is good at _plenty_ of things!” cried Theta, slamming a hand against the table. “My best friend is one of the smartest, greatest, funnest people in the entire universe and if you can’t see that—”

For once, Rallon didn’t go along with it when Vansell turned to him and mumbled something about Theta and Koschei being boyfriends. Instead, he just bent over and slammed his head into the table, unable to take another second of his friends’ ridiculous babbling.

//

In her defense, Ushas wasn’t _intending_ to find and read Theta’s journal, it just sort of happened.

The only reason she’d gone into that godforsaken dorm room in the first place was to find the homework he owed her. By that point, it was already days overdue (on her own schedule, of course; she’d never let Theta work on the official one or they’d never turn the project in), and she just wanted to get the goddamn papers already so that she could move on with her half of the project and turn it all in.

She’d simply intended to walk over to his desk, grab the papers which would inevitably be lying on it somewhere in his OCD organized disaster table, but something else caught her eye before she could find it. A strange looking, leather bound book which she couldn’t recall having seen before. Ushas had frowned and lifted it, opening it only to gasp when she found the words written inside it. It wasn’t just any notebook; it was Theta’s journal. And with all the little doodles on the pages, she couldn’t resist taking a peek.

Each word she read was more embarrassing than the last, with the exception of the few which were simply disturbing to see. She wasn’t aware of just how violent Theta’s thoughts could get until she read them on the page, her eyes widening with each sentence. The doodles of stars and planets were just that, stars, and planets, but the ones of the monsters turned out to be crude representations of Anzor and Torvic, which honestly hurt Ushas more than she expected.

Still, it was hilarious reading about all his little ideas to be a pioneer for his people when the entire galaxy had already been explored, and she couldn’t stop herself from flipping through page after page of the book. She was already halfway through it by the time someone walked in, and she practically threw it over her shoulder to hide it when she realized it wasn’t Theta, but his roommate. Koschei frowned at her, one brow raised.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked, his face twisting in confusion. “What did you just throw across the room?”

“It, uh, may or may not have been Theta’s diary.” Ushas nearly stopped herself from outright confessing to what she was doing but decided not to bother trying to hide it since Koschei was hardly a threat anyway. “Have you read it? It’s absolutely hilarious.”

“No, what? I have not—! I didn’t even know he _had_ a journal. I thought… wait. How much did you read? Did you see anything in there? Did he say anything about you? Or me? Or the Deca? Is there _gossip_?”

“Wow, slow down. Come over here.” She stood up and grabbed the journal off the floor before hopping onto Theta’s bed, patting the blanket beside her. Koschei locked the door before he walked over, glancing over his shoulder as if he thought someone would break in and bust them right there and then. “Ready to learn all your best friend’s dirty little secrets?”

“Not when you phrase it like that, I’m not.”

Ushas ignored his comment as she opened the book back to the page she was on. She wasn’t really asking for an answer anyway.

//

Were Magnus being completely honest, he’d gotten sick of Mortimus’s stench the moment it first arrived.

The piles of shit were one thing. Dirty laundry and dust bunnies were not big deal. He’d even gotten used to the everlasting smell of rotten food at that point. But his roommate finally crossed a line. He finally found something that had such an overwhelmingly distinctive scent that Magnus couldn’t just tune it out, and it was driving him fucking insane—not just because of the smell, but because of how many times his roommate nearly set all of the other shit on fire.

“For the love of all that is holy,” Magnus started, dropping his pencil onto his desk dramatically, “would you stop smoking that goddamn weed in here?”

Mortimus looked up from where he was sat on his bed, shoving a lock of dark brown hair behind his ear before he said anything, his eyes wide and bloodshot. “Dude, I don’t know what you just said, but I am having the greatest idea right now. It’s like, an opposite brain fart. Like, not forgetting something out of nowhere, but like, _making something_ out of nowhere. You know what I mean? Is there a word for that?”

“Yeah, it’s called an idea. You just fucking said it. You need to stop doing that stuff, you’re going to melt your brain if you don’t burn our fucking room down first. How many times have you almost dropped your lighter into your clothes now?”

“I don’t know, man. I can’t remember how to count. What’s the first number? It’s that one with the like, the— you know, the line on the bottom and the—the thing on the end? The dangly thing? What’s that called?”

Magnus wanted to slam his head right into his desk but resisted the urge. His roommate was always pretty much a dumbass but before he was at least a lovable dumbass. Now, he was just a stoned, stupid, out of his goddamn brain dumbass. Magnus tried talking to his friends about it before, but none of them took him seriously, saying it was a phase that would blow over, but he didn’t think so. Being a stoner was too in character for his roommate and he couldn’t see him giving it up that easily.

“Again, you literally just fucking said it,” he groaned, shoving his hands back through his hair as he spun around to look at his roommate. “Listen, Mort, I don’t care if you’re doing drugs, but can you not do them in here? You’re stinking up the whole room.”

“Yeah, but with the weed smell, you can’t smell the smells of the laundry and the food and the dead things. It makes it so much easier to sit on this side of the room. Do you have any snacks? I would like, die for a chocolate bar right now. Literally. Or a smoothie! Ooh, I would love a smoothie. Do we have any smoothies?”

“Does our room with no refrigerator have a smoothie? I’m guessing not, but you can look in your piles of shit if you want. You never know what you might find in that garbage dump.”

It was the fact that Mortimus actually dove into his piles of laundry and trash to look which made Magnus realize he really did need to stage an intervention.

//

“No, no, no, no, no, just hear me out. Rallon, please. Come on. If you want to have fun, I am your man. There is no one else who can make you as fun as I could. You remember all the great things we’ve done together! Like—”

“Burn down the library?” Rallon didn’t slow his stride for one moment, trying desperately to shake off the friend who was following close behind him. “Say whatever you want to, Drax, I’m not interested in you helping me with this. I don’t want to get in trouble with the Headmaster again!”

“That was _one time_ ,” said Drax, clasping his hands together in almost a pleading motion. His dark green eyes were pleading, his fluffy brown bangs bouncing under the beanie his professors hated so much. “Come on, this will be different, I swear. All you have to do is just go with it. Just let loose. Have some fun for once. _Real_ fun. Not whatever lame-o shit you _think_ is fun.”

“Uh, just because we have differing opinions on what fun is doesn’t mean either of them are any less valid.”

“Ha, that’s hilarious, but I think it’s pretty damn clear your idea of fun is a lot less fun than mine. Yours doesn’t even break any rules. What’s the point of that? How can you even call something fun if you’re not breaking at least one tiny little rule?”

“Well, contrary to what you believe,” Rallon told him, finally ceasing his stride and whipping around to look at his slightly shorter friend, “not all of us are here to ruin our reputations. I don’t care what Ushas said about permanent records not being real, people are going to look at the way our professors thought of us and I don’t want to be one of those people who is nothing but a troublemaker. No offense to you or any of our other friends.”

“None taken.” As if it were no big deal, Drax shrugged, crossing his arms against his slender chest, and dragging his sleeves down over his hands when they slid up. “Seriously though, I know this academy better than anyone—believe me, I’ve broken into or out of every damn room in the place—and if you want to have some real fun, I know the places to go.”

“Oh, god. Please don’t take me to Mortimus’s room. That place reeks like marijuana like, all the time now.”

“No, I know, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about better, funner, smarter things. Schemes which are much more sophisticated and much more fun than sitting around and getting high off your arse. Although, I’ll admit, the few times I’ve joined him, _have_ been quite a trip, so— no. Nope, that’s not the point. The point is, you can have fun and break the rules while also being safe and not get caught and I think _that_ is exactly the kind of fun that you need to be channeling right now. What do you say?”

Rallon hesitated. In all honesty, regardless of how long he’d known Drax for, or how many times he’d proven that he held only the best of intentions when it came to his friends, Rallon did not trust one bone in his body. The bloke was all over the place, a complete mess of a person, and no matter how nice he was, he’d been in detention at least once a week since they day they met. He shook his head.

“I can’t do it,” he answered flatly, resuming his stride down the hall as he slid a hand through his dark brown quiff to straighten it. “Sorry. I’ll let you know if anything changes but I think I have to pursue this whole ‘new me’ thing on my own for a while.”

“Fine, all right, suit yourself.” Drax clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a regretful look. “But if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

As he walked away, Rallon was torn between two thoughts. The one which said he would never, _ever_ bow down to what Drax thought he needed, and the one that really wanted to let go of his iconic boring personality. He sighed, willing himself not to run over to his friend. He didn’t know how long he could resist for, but he wanted to do it as long as he could.

//

“My god, can you believe how much shit he’s never told us about?”

When he first found out what Ushas was doing, Koschei was honestly rather skeptical and not too on board with the idea of joining her. But then he realized that if he didn’t go through Theta’s journal on his own, he’d never know what he was hiding and he’d never know if there was anything he needed to fix so really, it was all working in his friend’s favor. At least, that was what he told himself to make himself feel less guilty about the situation.

Most of the things in the journal, Koschei actually already knew. He and Theta were close, very close, and so it wasn’t that surprising that they kept few secrets. But the ones that they did keep, the things in the journal that Koschei didn’t know about, were absolutely heartbreaking. The way he felt about the two assholes who bullied him, how he knew he was never going to get to fulfill his real dreams of exploring the universe—it all just made Koschei want to hug him, while Ushas gagged at the sappiness of it all.

“I mean, honestly,” she went on, continuing her earlier started rant about Theta’s babbles, “does he have no sense of direction when he writes? This is practically just a fucked-up stream of consciousness inserted onto a page.”

“Yeah, well, what did you think it was going to be?” Koschei snatched the journal back away from her, giving her a look as he did so. “It’s a journal, not a bestselling novel. It literally _is_ just a way to dump words out onto a page. Leave him alone, all right? It’s not like he was expecting anyone else to be reading this. Actually, I think we should probably stop now. We’ve seen enough.”

“What? No!” As quickly as he had it, it was gone. Ushas yanked the journal into her own hands again, her eyes immediately turning back down to the page. “I am not leaving this until I’m done. You know there’s dirt on me in here somewhere and I need to find it. Or I need to find something particularly embarrassing about him so I can lord it over him next time he’s being a little bitch.”

“Really? Seriously? You can’t just let it go for one time? This is his private property, Ushas. His secret, personal thoughts. You really don’t have to be looking through them like this. Can you imagine how it would make _you_ feel to have someone else looking through _your_ diary?”

“No, I can’t, because I’m not a little girl and I don’t keep a diary. Now shut up and let me read.”

He didn’t. Koschei reached out to take the diary back from her, glaring when she refused to let up her grip. It was tight and too strong for her admittedly built frame and he wanted to do anything to stop her. Deck her, kick her, spit in her face, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Whether it was because they were friends or because she was too scary, Koschei backed down and let her have the win. He would just have to keep reading over her shoulder, so he could stop her in case she came across anything that was too secret for her to see. After all, even if Theta didn’t want them to see it, he’d still rather Koschei read it all than Ushas, right?

//

Despite his best attempts to hit up the group chat, exactly one person ended up coming to Mortimus’s intervention, and it wasn’t even him. No, Mortimus wandered off somewhere during the twenty minutes between when Jelpax agreed to come over and when he actually arrived, and so when Jelpax walked into the room, there was no real reason for him to be there. Magnus just gave him a look.

“Mort will be back any minute,” he said, turning to look at his friend. Jelpax seemed mildly confused but said nothing as he closed the door behind him, a strange look on his face. “Yeah, sorry about the smell, that’s why we’re doing this. And because he’s turning into a fucking lunatic, but you know. He was already down that path without the drugs anyway.”

“All right, well, before he gets here,” Jelpax started, moving closer to Magnus, “you have any plans as to how you think this is going to work? You ever been a part of an intervention before? Because you can’t just tell him to stop and expect it to happen. You know that, right? We have to take this steps at a time.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s our first time staging an intervention. Just relax, we’ll take it as it goes. What? This _is_ your first time staging an intervention… isn’t it?”

He hesitated just long enough for Magnus to figure out the answer. “Yeah, obviously. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t read up on how it works and especially with Mortimus, this is going to be a pain in the ass, so let’s figure this out, yeah? What’s the end goal here? Are you really trying to get him to quit smoking or do you just want it out of the room?”

“I want it the fuck out of my room,” Magnus answered flatly. “Honestly, I couldn’t care less about whether he smokes or not, I’m just sick of the whole dorm stinking like it. And I’m fairly sure he’s melting his brain with the amount he’s doing too. You should have heard him earlier; it was absolutely ridiculous.”

“Right, okay. So, we’re not trying to get rid him to stop completely, we just want him out of the room. Good. We don’t have to stage a whole intervention then, just a Mortimus intervention. We’ve done a thousand of those. Maybe more. How much stupid shit has he done over the years?”

“If you think there’s an actual number that I can give you, then we have bigger problems to deal with right now. No god could ever count the amount of times Mortimus has fucked with our very sanity.”

“It was a rhetorical question, jackass. Now shut up, I hear him coming back.”

In a failed attempt to look casual, Jelpax dove onto Magnus’s bed and sat on the end of it, making it look like they were having some sort of conversation, though they were obviously silent when the door opened up. Mortimus looked to them oddly at first, though he quickly blinked his bloodshot eyes and strode over to his own side of the room, flopping down on his bed. He sank down into his pillows, sighing loudly as he did so.

“What are you two talking about?” he asked, not lifting his head from the pillows, and muffling his speech to a point where it was nearly inaudible. “Don’t tell me you were thinking about taking my weed. I’m willing to share but only at dedicated smoking times.”

“I told you a thousand times I hate the smell of it,” said Magnus, giving him a look. “Why the hell would I want to _steal_ it from you?”

Mortimus only shrugged. “Just a guess. What’s going on then? Staging an intervention? Wait. Shit. Why are you looking at me like that? You’re not seriously staging an intervention, are you? Oh, god. Oh, fuck. Here we go.”

He leapt off the bed and tried to make a run for the door, but Magnus rose from his seat and latched onto his roommate’s bicep before he could. Being much taller and stronger than Mortimus, it wasn’t difficult in the least to stop him from getting away, though Mortimus seemed to believe he could escape and kept trying to pull away until Magnus sat him down in his desk chair.

“All right, stop it. You are losing your _mind_ , Mort.” One hand on the desk, blocking Mortimus from running away, and the other yanking his own hair back, Magnus went on; eyes narrowed. “We’re not going to force you to stop, but we _are_ going to make you learn about safe habits and smoking within boundaries.”

“Oh, god, no. Not a _lecture_.”

Jelpax barely had time to block his other side before he tried to bolt again.

//

“Honestly, sweetie, I don’t think you should be trying to change yourself. You’re perfect exactly the way you are.”

Rallon groaned for the thousandth time that afternoon. It was the first time he hadn’t done it to Drax, but he felt similarly about his girlfriend at the moment, as awful as it was. He knew that Millennia was just trying to help, but Rallon really did want to be more fun and pretending there was nothing wrong with him wasn’t going to fix the problem. Respectful as ever, Rallon glanced over his shoulder before he spoke, ensuring no one else in the study hall would be bothered by his quiet speech.

“Thank you for saying that, Millennia,” he started, hoping his tone was as sincere as he intended it to be, “but honestly, I want to change myself. For the better. I’m trying to do the absolute best I can to be a great person and I don’t think I can be the best I can be until I’m fun like the rest of you lot. So, no matter how strange or difficult or foreign it is, I am going to do my best to be more fun.”

“You already are fun,” Millennia insisted. She reached across the table to hold his hands, a reassuring smile on her face. “Rallon, seriously, we think you’re great. You’re just fun in a more reserved sort of way, and I like that about you. You’re not constantly getting into trouble or breaking rules just for the hell of it. It’s okay. You’re absolutely fantastic just the way you are.”

“Again, thanks, but I really feel like I have to find something. I don’t know what, even. I’m just sort of hoping something will fall out of the sky at some point, you know? Like—”

He was definitively not going to end that sentence with “Drax”, and yet that was what the universe gave him. Suddenly, Drax dropped right onto the bench beside him, landing with such a ferocity that he actually shook the entire table. He grinned over at Millennia before looking to Rallon, whose olive face was frozen in a stunned silence. Rallon swallowed hard, bracing himself for the worst.

“All right, I’ve got a brilliant idea for you,” he started, slamming one hand onto the table, and ignoring the snaps from the people around them. “I’ve been thinking for ages and I know _exactly_ how you can make this happen. All you have to do is go with it, all right? I’ve planned a prank. An innocent prank. Well, a mostly innocent prank. And if you just join me in it, you’ll be as good as fun.”

“Yeah, remember when you told me you were going to do something harmless and we burnt down the library?” Drax rolled his eyes, but Rallon’s expression was deadly serious. “Mate, we were in detention for _months_. This isn’t a joke. I don’t want to do that again.”

“All right, I get it. Do you have to keep throwing that whole thing in my face? It was _one time_ , Rallon. _One time_. And it was like, years ago, so just stop talking about it. It wasn’t even that bad, was it, Millennia?”

“I—” Millennia shook her head quickly, though the words weren’t what Drax wanted to hear. “It was probably one of the worst things you’ve ever done. You burned some priceless artifacts.”

“Seriously, get off my back,” snapped Drax. “That was literal years ago. I was a _child_. Just leave it alone and let’s move on. I’ve got more mature pranks now and if you want to be fun, you’re going to have to get in on it. All right? Okay. That’s the plan then. Get yourself ready because we’ve got a hell of a lot of shit coming your way. Good shit. Not shitty shit. I wouldn’t drag you into a mess of shitty shit.”

“You’re dragging me into a mess of— okay.” Rallon took a deep breath, glancing down to the homework he knew he wouldn’t be finishing any time soon. “Thank you for this. This— humble offering of a horrible quest. Okay. Please don’t kill me.”

“Don’t worry. I have much more fun things in mind than that.”

Rallon only got the chance to send Millennia one last pleading look before Drax latched onto his arm and yanked him out of the study hall, not even allowing him to gather his things before they left.

//

After a certain point, Koschei honestly did start feeling guilty about reading Theta’s journal. Again, he did already know most of the stuff that was written in there, so it wasn’t too bad, but then they would come across something that he hadn’t known before and suddenly, his hearts started pounding and he felt awful for snooping in on his best friend’s secrets. He couldn’t believe he had the audacity to do something so stupid as that, especially knowing how sensitive Theta was (and how angry he could get).

He thought about trying to get Ushas to stop at one point, asking whether she needed to get back to class, but apparently she had a short day and didn’t need to get anywhere, and so Koschei skipped his own classes in favor of making sure she didn’t see anything that she really didn’t need to be. But, of course, that meant that he needed to be seeing those things too and the guilt swirled in his stomach until he could barely even take it anymore.

“Ushas, we really need to stop,” he said, his tone almost pleading as he kept his hands beside him. Trying to tear it away from her hadn’t worked, but maybe negotiating would. “I know we’ve been looking at it for a while now and getting ourselves to forget about it will be hard, but we can’t just keep—”

“No. We’re not stopping.” With no regard to what he was saying, Ushas flipped to the next page, tossing her hair back over her shoulder as she did so. “We’re already three-fourths of the way through. What else could possibly be in here that we haven’t already seen? I think his doodles are the best part, personally. What about you?”

“Uh, I think all of it is none of our business and the longer we spend looking at it, the more awful I feel about the whole thing. Can we please just stop? Give that to me. I don’t want to know what he’s hiding from us. If he doesn’t want us to know then there’s no reason for us to be reading about it.”

“Yeah, there is. Look, dumbass, if you want to be a little bitch about it and stop reading then that’s fine, but I’m going to see this thing through to the end. It’s been ages since I’ve been able to sit down and read something for pleasure like this. My personal favorite part was when he was talking about how you two did all those awful things the Headmaster never caught you for. So much evidence right here that could get you in trouble for _ages_. Just think of the possibilities.”

“I would really rather not.” He stood up, hands in the air. “I’m done, Ushas. You can keep looking at it, but I think I’ve hit my limit. I want no more part of this.”

“Fine then, suit yourself. There’s probably not that much interesting stuff in here anyway, considering how dull it’s all been so far. Really, I’d rather enjoy it on my own. Without your commentary added to it, it’ll all be far more— holy _shit_.”

Koschei whipped back around to look at her, stopping where he’d been near the door. “What?”

“Nothing,” said Ushas quickly, her eyes darting between him and the journal. “Absolutely nothing. You just go on your way. I think you chose a good time to step out. You really don’t need to be reading any of this stuff. Thanks for your thoughts, though. It was nice while it lasted. Now, shoo. I know you’re skipping class, and—”

“Ushas, what did you find?” When she didn’t answer, Koschei ran back over to Theta’s bed, practically leaping onto it to try and yank the book back out of her hands. “Give it to me. Ushas! Just tell me what you found!”

“No! If I tell you, you’re going to go fucking insane and then everything is going to get way out of control!”

“Okay, I swear to fucking god—! Holy shit.”

He froze dead in his tracks when he read the words Ushas pointed to on the page, his eyes widening so far he feared his eyeballs may pop right out of their sockets. He swallowed hard, reading and rereading them several times over as he tried to come to terms with what he was looking at. It had to be some kind of gag, right? There was no way it was actually true. There was no way that Theta actually believed it.

Then again, he _did_ have pretty nice pecs.

//

“…you see, there are plenty of ways that you can keep doing this, you just have to do it safely.”

Mortimus yawned. He was no more interested in the babbles than he was in the first place, but he had to go along with it. Magnus was refusing to let him leave until Jelpax finished educating him on the dangers of substance abuse—which he knew a surprising amount about, so Mortimus made a note to himself to look into that later—and it was boring as all hell.

“And he forgot to mention because he doesn’t give a shit since he can’t smell it across the hall,” added Magnus, “but you have to stop smoking in here. It’s not okay. It is not. You’re driving me fucking insane with that. At this point, I feel like _I’m_ stoned half the day and I’ve never even picked up a joint.”

“Well, sorry that the rooms are so small,” said Mortimus, rolling his eyes as if he really couldn’t see how the situation was his fault despite the obviousness of it. “I’ll start opening the window when I smoke, how about that? Then most of the smell would float right out instead of getting over to your side of the place, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. That’s stupid. For one thing, it’s not all going to just disappear, and for another, you’re going to reveal to the entire academy that you’ve been breaking the rules since the last end of term party. By the way, are you ever going to tell me who gave you the drugs there? Because I still want to kick their ass.”

For what must have been the tenth time since they’d begun their supposed intervention, Jelpax slammed his hand into his forehead. He was trying to teach Mortimus how to smoke safely, so he would be able to keep doing it without hurting himself or anyone else, but he and Magnus couldn’t stop bickering for long enough to let Jelpax actually say anything. He took a long, deep breath as he lowered his hand, bracing himself to interrupt their ridiculous chatter.

“All right, stop,” he snapped, cutting off his friends before they could start yet another argument. “We’re not here to fight about what already happened, we’re here to talk about how we can change it going forward. So just calm down, all right? We just have to figure out the right way to go about this. Mortimus, how do _you_ feel about smoking in moderation?”

“I think that takes all the fun out of it,” Mortimus answered, crossing his arms. His eyes were narrowed, his dark hair framing his flushed face. “Look, this isn’t your problem, it’s mine, so let’s just leave it alone. I am perfectly happy smoking copious amounts of weed and laughing at Magnus when he gets secondhand stoned. I like to think of it as revenge for all the times he’s been a dick to me in the past. Thanks for the efforts, but I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing. Have you seen my lighter?”

He stood up suddenly, patting Jelpax on the head as he shoved past him to get back to his side of the room. Magnus looked over to Jelpax, looking for him to do something to resolve the situation, but Jelpax had no better ideas than he did. Mortimus was not easy to deal with in a clear mind and figuring out how to handle him when he was stoned was going to take a lot more effort than they’d put in so far.

//

“I’m telling you, Rallon, this is going to be fantastic.”

Rallon said nothing as he twisted his hands around yet again. There was not a bone in his body that was comfortable with the situation he’d been dropped in, and yet there he was, stuck in that stupid place because he was too goddamn nice to get himself out of it. He took a deep breath as he turned to look at Drax, his own expression not nearly as excited as his friend’s. The only good news so far was that neither of them had any matches, so there was little chance they’d end up burning anything down.

“Okay,” Drax went on, when Rallon failed to say anything, “just follow my lead, all right? Put your hood up.”

The fact that Drax decided whatever they were doing was bad enough to warrant needing to cover their faces was horrifying, and yet Rallon had made it that far and couldn’t convince himself to back out. After all, he was the one who wanted to learn how to be more fun, right? If he was going to be more fun, that meant doing more crazy things, and Drax was definitely the master at those.

Without asking whether Rallon was ready, Drax threw the door open and slid into the room, ducking down behind the furthest back row of chairs. There was some kind of lecture going on in the hall, but Rallon didn’t have time to figure out what it was about before Drax started walking straight down the path deeper into the shadows. No one was sitting in that very last row and didn’t seem to notice them thanks to the pitch-black jackets they were wearing, but it was still awful, and his heart pounded in anticipation.

Drax turned back around to look at Rallon, handing something over to him and nodding for him to walk over to the other side of the room. Baffled, Rallon did as he was told, glancing back over to his friend constantly to figure out what they were doing. He didn’t even know what he was holding, aside from the fact that it fit in his hand and was shaped like a tube. He poked around at the cap of it, but Drax shook his head frantically, so he got the feeling that whatever it was, he shouldn’t be opening it in front of his face.

After just long enough for Rallon to be halfway into an actual panic attack, Drax gestured for him to copy what he was doing. He placed the tube down on the slanted floor beneath the nearest chair, carefully popping the cap off before he leapt to his feet and slid away; nodding for Rallon to do the same. Not much seemed to be happening, so he did as he was told, only to find the entire room covered in colorful smoke by the time they slid back out the door. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice them in the chaos, and the halls were nearly empty, giving them space to get far away before they were caught.

“What was that?!” Rallon gaped, as soon as they were far enough away that he felt comfortable speaking again. In response, Drax only shrugged, which left his friend to panic harder. “Drax, _seriously_. What did you just make me do?”

“Oh, nothing. It wasn’t even that bad.” Drax waved a hand around dismissively, glancing over his shoulder and lowering his voice before he went on. “Just a couple of little smoke bombs with some chalk in them to make it more colorful. It won’t hurt anyone; it just looks exceptionally fancy.”

“Sorry, you’re concerned about it looking _fancy_? Oh, god. Our fingerprints are all over those things, aren’t they? We’re going to get caught. We are so going to get caught.”

“Rallon, relax.” He dropped a hand on either one of Rallon’s shoulders, giving him a look that was all too calm for the situation they’d just come out of. It was astounding to him that Drax was consistently able to ignore how many terrible things he’d done in his life. “It’s going to be fine, okay? Just chill out. No one is going to catch us and even if they do, you can just blame it on me again. Right now, focus on the rush. How fun was that? You’re over the moon with excitement right now, yeah? Well, don’t worry, I’ve got plenty more things we can do. Any idea which locker is Vansell’s?”

He didn’t have time to argue before Drax took off again, one hand latched onto Rallon’s poor, unwitting wrist.

//

There were a lot of thoughts running through Koschei’s mind after he discovered that Theta thought he was hot, but the most prevalent was confusion. Not even at his best friend, or at Ushas’s mixed reactions, but at his own, baffling feelings. He didn’t know how to react to the information. It wasn’t like Theta said he _liked_ Koschei, he just said he thought his friend was hot. There was nothing weird about thinking your friend was hot, right? That was fine. That was normal. There was absolutely nothing weird about admiring someone you cared a lot about.

Except Theta had never actually said anything to him about that before, not seriously or coherently, and the information was both coming out of nowhere and kind of freaking him out. He read and reread the page that Ushas came across at least a dozen times and he still wasn’t quite sure he’d processed the news. He was right in thinking that reading the journal was a bad idea. There was absolutely nothing good that could come out of knowing a secret like that.

“Koschei? You still alive over there?”

When he heard Ushas talking from a few feet away, Koschei just held up a thumb to let her know that yes, even though he’d been buried in his pillows for the last twenty minutes, he was still pretty much fine. He was freaking out and trying to process information that nothing in the world could have prepared him for, but it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like it meant anything. It was just useless information. A random thought that Theta had written down, probably in a half-sleeping state.

The hardest part about the situation was trying to figure out how he was supposed to handle the fact that he had to be around Theta after that and pretend he didn’t know. How he was supposed to just hang around the guy who literally wrote that his pecs were hot and act like it never happened because he shouldn’t have been reading Theta’s journal in the first place. He groaned and dragged another pillow over his head, further messing up his dark black hair, but it didn’t matter. He was ready to suffocate, If only for an easy way out of the situation.

“You know, I don’t think he meant anything by it,” said Ushas casually, flipping to yet another page of the journal. Apparently, since she wasn’t the one who Theta thought was hot, she wasn’t the least bit bothered by the situation. “It was just a passing thought. He has a lot of those in here. Random things about his friends that don’t mean anything. Like, just a few pages ago, there was something about me having nice hair. Which is obviously true, but—”

“Okay, thinking I have nice pecs is a lot different from you having nice hair.” Koschei didn’t look up, ignoring the fact that his words were completely muffled by the pillows he was flopped into. “Saying someone has nice hair is like, wow, you managed to put it up without half of it frizzing out for once. Not complimenting me on something that normal people would not ever point out. Ever. _Ever_.”

“All right, just relax, okay? It’s not the end of the world. If it meant something, I’m fairly sure he would’ve said something to you by now. You know Theta is awful at keeping his mouth shut, so just let it go. It doesn’t matter as much as you think.”

“Except it does! How am I supposed to be calm about this when I am completely freaking out? Do you think he likes me? Or is it just some passing comment? He doesn’t _like_ me, right? Theta wouldn’t like me like that.”

“Do you _want_ him to like you like that?” Koschei shot up quickly when Ushas spoke, his jaw dropping in shock. The sheer audacity of the question was stunning, and he sputtered too many times to get out a word. “I don’t care if you do, I’m just trying to get a grip on the situation. Your reaction seems pretty harsh if you don’t like him, so—”

“I don’t like him! Oh, my _god_. He’s my best friend, Ushas. I love him but not like _that_. Not like— oh, shit.”

He didn’t have to say what cut him off. Ushas was already throwing the journal back where she’d found it before the door could even unlock, Theta walking in with the strangest look on his face. Thankfully, he didn’t look as if he knew what was happening, just baffled as to why Ushas was sitting on his bed. He barely glanced over to Koschei before he spoke.

“What are you doing in here?” he asked, the question directed toward Ushas but just as easily answered by either of them. When Ushas only looked to Koschei, Theta’s confusion deepened. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Neither of them had a good answer to that question.

//

There was one fundamental hole in Magnus’s plan, and it wasn’t one he thought to consider until it was already too late.

From the beginning, Magnus did not give a shit about whether Mortimus was into drugs. He was doing a pretty harmless one, comparatively speaking, and he wasn’t even doing it that often. The problem was that he was doing it in their room and inevitably going to get them caught if he didn’t stop, and, more notably, Magnus kept feeling secondhand stoned from the smoke in the air. That was what he should have stopped to consider before sitting down for an intervention in their room, but he didn’t.

Magnus was pretty much used to the smell at that point, so it took him a little longer to start feeling loopy, but Jelpax was blinking weirdly just a few minutes after Mortimus started puffing a bong beside them. Their quiet discussion about how to re-approach Mortimus quickly devolved into trippy babbles, and it took too long to get themselves back on track. By the time they did, they were both so tremendously out of it that they barely had the capacity to function anymore, and suddenly, Jelpax was babbling on about a vehicle that runs on water.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Mortimus moved his hands around dramatically, his eyes too wide and too bloodshot for his own good. “You’re saying that there’s a vehicle out there, that runs on actual _water_? Like, there’s no fuel? You just fill it up with water and let it run? No way. You’re bullshitting me right now.”

“No, I’m serious.” He was breathing much too heavily given how much smoke was in the air, and Magnus was fairly certain that was part of why he’d gotten stoned more quickly. “It’s got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine, and it runs on _water_ , mate. _Water_.”

The look in Mortimus’s eyes after Jelpax spoke had to be one of the most ridiculous Magnus had ever seen. His jaw dropped to the floor as he shook his head slowly, as if somehow surprised that other planets had to rely on other sources of energy for their vehicles and other contraptions. It was by far the stupidest conversation he had ever listened to, and even half-high, it made him want to slam his head right into his desk.

“All right, all right, that’s enough.” Magnus knocked his hand against his desk a few times to get their attention, breaking Jelpax and Mortimus’s focus from where they’d been discussing the water-powered vehicle. “We are not here to have stoned conversations, we’re here to stop Mortimus from stinking up my room. I thought we’d agreed that was the plan, Jel? Why the fuck are you letting him get you stoned right now?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He was clearly out of his mind, simply shrugging as the bong fogged up his glasses yet again. “I suppose I was just letting loose for once. Believe me, I know the dangers of substance abuse better than anyone, and I really don’t think this is that big of a deal, you know? He’s just like, chilling out. I feel totally great. All the tenseness in my body is just gone.”

“Doesn’t it feel fantastic?” Suddenly, Mortimus leaned halfway off his bed, holding the bong out closer to his roommate. “Here, get a big whiff. It’ll help you understand the situation better once you’re stoned like us.”

“What the—?! No!” Magnus shook his head quickly, leaning back further in his seat. “We are _not_ doing this, you imbeciles. We are here to _stop_ Mortimus from smoking, not convince him that it’s a good thing to do!”

“I don’t know, I think it’s pretty fun.” He fully expected Mortimus to resist the intervention, but the fact that Jelpax had turned on him was downright shocking. “Seriously, he’s only doing it every so often, so I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Now, my dad, he drinks like, more alcohol in a day than you’ve seen in your life. I thought we were at that level. A little recreational fun isn’t a problem. I say, if Mort wants to be a stoner, he can go ahead and be a stoner. It’s not like he’s hurting anybody.”

“But he is! He’s— you know what? Fuck it.”

Magnus didn’t say one more word before he kicked back his chair and headed over to the door, slamming it on his way out. The corridors only vaguely smelled of the drug, and he hoped beyond anything he wasn’t carrying the scent on his skin.

//

When Drax initially planned to carry out a prank on Vansell’s locker, he hadn’t anticipated the twist in which his friend would be at the locker when they arrived. Should he have seen that coming—which he should have, and he should have planned for it because he was no amateur prankster—Drax would have made sure that Rallon got away before Vansell saw him. But he didn’t. He didn’t do it and they ended up getting caught because he was just too damn clumsy to get them out of the way before it was too late.

“What the hell are you doing?”

It wasn’t just because Vansell was smart that he picked up on his friends’ antics so quickly, but because Rallon was anxious as anything and gave away his uncomfortable mood within seconds. He was awkward, hunched back, and leaning into the wall in a way which definitely told the world that he had something to hide. Drax groaned and elbowed him in the ribs, hoping he’d take the hint. He didn’t.

“You _never_ come down this corridor,” Vansell went on, when neither of them managed to form a response in time. “ _And_ you’re walking towards my locker. What the hell? Are you trying to prank me? Because I swear to god, if you try anything on me, I will not hesitate to—”

“Rallon, haul ass!”

Despite how loud he shouted, Rallon barely had time to react before Drax chucked something in Vansell’s direction and tore off down the hall. Apparently, what “they” had been planning to do was unleash another smoke bomb in their friend’s locker, but Drax decided to go for the worst plan B after they got caught. At least, Rallon _hoped_ it was the worst one. If there was something worse than throwing a smoke bomb at their friend’s face, he didn’t want to know what it was.

They didn’t stop running for one moment as they hurried down the hall, Rallon constantly glancing over his shoulder to make sure his roommate wasn’t following them. Vansell was usually pretty quiet, but he had a temper to rival Magnus’s and angering him was not something Rallon wanted to do. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to be coming after them, though there was every possibility it was because the smoke bomb had seriously injured him in some way.

Rallon was panting by the time they finally came to a halt around a far-off corner, dropping his hands onto his knees as he turned to look at Drax. Somehow, his friend was still smiling, as if the whole situation were some sort of joke even though he’d just done something highly dangerous. Inhaling the smoke alone wasn’t good for you, let alone having the tube blow up in your face.

“What… the hell… did you just… do?” asked Rallon, struggling to catch his breath.

“I pranked Vansell,” said Drax, his own breathing far too steady considering how far they’d just run. Clearly, he had more practice running away from shit than Rallon did. “I thought that was the plan, eh? Sorry if I told you nothing could go wrong, but in my defense, I wasn’t really planning on Vansell being there. I was just going to throw this extra bomb in his locker to get everything all chalky.”

“And when that didn’t work, you just thought you’d… throw it at him? Great, genius, I’m so glad I agreed to come along with you. You were right, nothing went wrong, no one is going to get in trouble, and—”

“I mean, the odds of us getting in trouble over that are slim to none. Vansell wouldn’t go to the Headmaster over something regarding me, or even any of the rest of us. You don’t know, because you’re dull, but unless it involves an outsider, no one gives a shit what we do to each other in the Deca. It’s just one never ending stream of chaos in their minds.”

“Yeah, in mine too,” Rallon agreed, scoffing as he finally rose back to his full height, leaning against the wall behind him. “Every time I do something like this with you, I die a little more inside.”

“Better learn how to regenerate soon then, yeah?” He laughed and clapped Rallon on the shoulder, causing him to flinch. “If you’re still scared, you’re still a little dull inside, and we’re going to frighten that right out of you.”

Rallon choked on his own spit, hoping beyond anything that that was an offer and not a threat.

//

“You know when someone opens their mouth and your first thought is always just ‘I wish I never met you’? That’s how I feel every time Mortimus says something. Every goddamn time.”

Mortimus—his dark eyes no longer bloodshot but his glare less than amused—turned to him sharply. “Hey! I didn’t say anything to _you_ about being better. You don’t have to be such a dick all the time, you know.”

“Have—Have you never met me before?” Magnus made a face, shaking his head and blinking in disbelief. “If I weren’t a dick, I wouldn’t even be me anymore.”

“Good, maybe you _shouldn’t_ be you anymore. Remember that time we let Epsilon be you for a while? That was nice. He was a much better Magnus than you are. He might have been a little stupid, but least he wasn’t such an asshole. Who’s in favor of having Epsilon come back and replace Magnus again? Raise your hands.”

Not one single hand went up in the room except for his own, leading Mortimus to groan as he flopped back into his seat. He’d only stood up to argue Magnus’s earlier point about his supposedly dangerous smoking habit. He was only doing it recreationally, so what was the big deal? Mortimus sighed as he leaned forward onto his arms, waiting for the next person to speak.

They were in their same seats as always, with the exception of Magnus sitting on Borusa’s desk, much to Ushas’s distaste. She was still standing in the front of the room, where she always thought she should be, just frowning with her arms crossed while Magnus resumed his bitching about this and that. Honestly, she never cared for his rants, but they were a staple of the Deca’s meetings at that point and she couldn’t be bothered to try and change that now.

“Anyway,” Vansell interrupted, finally cutting off the increasingly annoying rant, “does anyone want to know just how stupid Drax and Rallon are? Because I’m fairly certain you’re all well aware of the former’s reputation but the latter seems to be getting dumber by the day. It’s Drax, I believe. He’s truly infectious.”

“In a good way,” said Drax bitterly, whipping his head around to glare at Vansell. “I’m infectious in a fun, loving, makes-everyone-smile kind of way. Not a dumbass kind of way which is what you seem to be implying.”

“Implying? No, I’m flat out saying it.”

“Sorry, can we not fight about this?” asked Rallon. He chewed on his thumbnail lamely, as if he were uncomfortable being the reason for the argument to start. “I mean, I know we did some dumb things but it’s not the end of the world, right? I already admitted that Millennia was right, so we might as well just move on.”

“And I’m glad you did that, sweetie.” Millennia reached out an arm to squeeze her boyfriend’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring look. “I know you were worried about being boring, but I promise, you’re the furthest thing from that. You’re just not as much of a rule-breaker as some of the others.”

“Rather dull, isn’t it?” Koschei piped up, tearing his gaze away from where he’d been looking at Theta. “What’s the point in being young if you’re not going to be a little rebellious sometimes? I think you should keep trying to be more fun. It’s much more entertaining than just sitting around and taking it, you know.”

“Can you not encourage people to break the rules?” said Jelpax, raising a brow bitterly. “Honestly, the worst of you lot like Theta, Mortimus, Drax—sorry, dear—are just giving all of us a bad name. Rallon, Millennia, and I are probably the most normal of you lot and frankly, I’m getting a little tired of you all dragging our names through the mud when we haven’t even done anything wrong.”

“Wow, bold of you to assume you’ve done nothing wrong.” Of course, it was Drax who dragged him through the mud yet again; leaning forward to tap him angrily on the shoulder. “I can’t count the number of things you’ve fucked up on. And not just things I’ve dragged you into, either. There are all _kinds_ of things you’ve done, like—”

“Stop. No. We don’t have to go there.”

Drax shrugged and leaned back in his seat. “Suit yourself.”

“All right, does anyone have anything actually _constructive_ to say?” asked Ushas suddenly, trying and failing again to shoo Magnus from where he sat at Borusa’s desk, but he refused. “We’re not getting anywhere right now and continuing to fuck around isn’t going to do anything.”

“Right, of course not.” Theta shook his head slowly, the look in his eyes one of utter disbelief. “It’s not like that’s what we do every goddamn week.”

“You’re right. Maybe we should just cancel these meetings. It’s not like you weren’t already planning to host a rave one of these mornings anyway.”

“Host a _what_? Where did you hear that?!”

Koschei’s eyes went wide at the same time Ushas’s did, both of them realizing that she’d made a mistake. She’d mentioned something that Theta hadn’t told to anyone but the pages of his journal, and Ushas’s comment had just revealed that she read it. She swallowed hard, looking towards the door and back to Theta, clearly trying to regain her composure before it all fell apart.

“Okay, meeting dismissed. Thanks everyone.”

She barely had time to bolt of the room before Theta ran after her, leaving Koschei to let out a deep sigh; relieved that his friend hadn’t realized he too was involved. He was far from ready to have _that_ conversation.


	2. Delivery Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ushas gets caught in a strange situation. Drax and Theta discover the thrill of online shopping. Mortimus stalks Jelpax.

Upon being approached by a stranger, most people would probably give them the benefit of the doubt. There was little chance they meant any harm, particularly in a place where both you and them were surrounded by other people, and there was no reason to blow them off immediately. But Ushas was not most people, and she had little patience for interruptions.

“What do you want?” she asked sharply, not looking up from where she dragged her pencil across a page.

“Nothing much,” said the stupidly muscular boy, leaning forward on the desk as if he’d been invited. “I was just wondering whether you had any plans tonight? There’s that presentation going on in the amphitheater, if you wanted to—”

Ushas froze. Of all the reasons people had interrupted her before—to be tutored, to cheat off her, to demand she account for something her friends were responsible for—no one had ever done _that_. No one had ever asked her out, especially not while she was doing her homework. She glanced over at him for the briefest second before she shook her head.

“Save your breath. I’m not interested.”

The guy’s face fell, and he groaned, rolling his eyes as he strode away from her. Honestly, Ushas couldn’t have cared less as to how he felt about the situation. It was stupid, asking her out when she didn’t even know his name. If she were to go out with anyone, it would have to be someone she knew well. Not that she _liked_ anyone she knew well, of course, just that if she had to date someone, it wouldn’t be—

Her train of thought was cut off when Koschei slid into the seat beside her, a strange look on his face. Ushas tried to ignore him and go back to her work, but he poked her shoulder repeatedly in an attempt to get her attention. She refused to acknowledge him in such a manner, holding off for as long as she could, until suddenly she clenched her fists and whipped around to look at him; her eyes narrowed.

“And what do _you_ want, Koschei?” she snapped, her patience running out faster than her study time.

“I don’t know.” Koschei shrugged casually, though it was clear there was something he wanted to say. “I saw what happened with that bloke and I thought I’d see if you needed someone to go to the thing with. He wasn’t making that up, was he? There’s a thing? Cool. I’ll go with you if you’d like.”

“What?” Though she tried to keep herself serious so he would get the message, Ushas almost laughed. “Koschei, what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to ask me out right now?”

“Uh… no? Why would I be asking you out? That’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t ask you out unless—”

“Wait, _what_?” It wasn’t Ushas who spoke that time, but Magnus, sliding across from them on the other side of the table. Ushas sighed deeply, knowing every chance of more studying was quickly slipping down the drain. Magnus slid a loose lock of dark blond hair behind his ear, his green eyes narrowing as he looked between his friends. Eventually, his gaze landed on Koschei, where it narrowed even deeper than it had on Ushas. “You were trying to ask her out? Where the hell did that come from?”

“I was _not_ trying to ask her out, holy shit.” Koschei shook his head slowly, his eyes widening in disbelief. “I was simply asking whether she needed someone to accompany her to tonight’s event since she told that other guy to fuck off.”

“One: what event? Two: since when the hell does Ushas need someone to accompany her places?”

“I don’t know. I just thought she might like someone to go with her since none of us ever want to go to those things. It’s not the worst thing in the world to have a friend along with you. And if you’re going to say something about me being awful company, then you can just go ahead and shut your goddamn mouth right now.”

Ushas nearly cut them off as they went deeper into their argument, but ultimately decided not to. Watching two idiots fight over her, whether platonically or not, was far too entertaining to interrupt without good reason.

//

“Hey, Theta, check this out.”

Without any sort of invitation, Drax flopped onto the couch beside Theta, interrupting him from a very entertaining fight scene in the book he was reading. He shoved his phone in Theta’s face, no regard for what he was getting in the way of. Annoyed, but curious as to what Drax wanted to show him, Theta slid his thumb in his book to hold the page and looked over to his friend’s screen.

“I was talking to Millennia about needing new trainers,” he started, his fingers hovering above his phone, “and she showed me _this_. It’s like, shopping, but you don’t have to go to the shops. You just pop open your phone and send money over to the Academy market. They have a lot of shit in here since it’s a school thing but some of the shadier students have some great shit too.”

“Wait, is shit good or bad?” asked Theta, furrowing his brow. “Because you just said ‘shit’ like it was a bad thing but then you said, ‘great shit’ and that doesn’t make any sense.”

“It doesn’t matter. This is a _goldmine_ , Thete. I’ve been running around all morning looking for someone to show this to. I haven’t tried awfully hard, and in my defense, Jelpax is busy being stalked by Mortimus—long story—but still. Share this glory with me. We have to buy things. I think I’m going to get more hats. Or a sweater. Or—”

“Drax!” Millennia shoved open the library’s double doors, her tone sparing no regard for the room they were in. She glared at Drax, clenching her hands into tight fists as she stomped over to them and snatched the phone away from the boys. “I told you no more shopping. You have already spent way too much money. How much space do you think you have in your apartment? I showed this to you so you could get _one_ pair of shoes. _One_. What do you think you’re doing?”

“Nothing, I was just showing Theta. I wasn’t going to buy anything else!” He reached out for his phone, his bandaged wrist poking out from the edge of his sleeve as Millennia held it away from him. “Goddammit. Okay, look. I promise I’m not going to buy anything else, all right? I already bought a ton of shit so just leave me alone. I just wanted to share this with Theta since he was saying he needs some new shirts. Right, Thete?”

It was only because of the way Drax jabbed him in the ribs that Theta mustered out a squeaky, “Yeah.”

“Fine,” Millennia started bitterly, “but if I hear a _word_ about you putting in another order, I’m calling SA.”

“The fuck is SA?”

“Shopaholics anonymous.”

Drax blinked. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Why don’t you spend your time trying to get Mortimus into creeps anonymous instead? I’m sick of him stalking us whenever he feels like we know something he doesn’t. Anything else you’d like to look at on here, Thete?”

Though she knew it wouldn’t end well, Millennia just sighed and shook her head as she turned away. Those two were always getting into too much trouble, and if something else happened, there was really no one but themselves to blame—even if she _had_ technically introduced Drax to the concept of online shopping.

//

Jelpax put up with a lot of bullshit. Aside from Rallon, he was pretty much the most normal bloke in the Deca, and honestly, the amount of stupid things he had to put up with was ridiculous. Which was why, when he managed to finally get a break from all the chaos, he tried to savor it. And why it sucked so much that the world was determined not to let him do that.

He didn’t even know what he’d done to make Mortimus start trailing him, he just knew that his friend was _convinced_ he was hiding something and wouldn’t get off his back until he admitted to whatever it was. Even though there was literally nothing he was hiding, especially nothing Mortimus needed to know about.

“…and so, I’m a really good secret keeper,” Mortimus went on, leaning back against the wall beside where Jelpax was fiddling in his locker. Aside from during classes, they hadn’t been apart in hours, and Jelpax was getting absolutely sick of his company. No offense. “So, like, if you need to tell me anything that you don’t want anyone else to know, it’s cool. You can talk to me.”

“Okay, for one thing, you have a seriously fat fucking mouth,” said Jelpax closing the door to his locker and turning to face his slightly shorter friend. Mortimus’s dark eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say a word to interrupt. “And for another, I don’t know what you think is going on here, but I’m hiding absolutely nothing.”

“No, you’re definitely hiding something. I can tell. There’s something about your body language that’s putting me off, I just haven’t figured out exactly what it is yet. It started this morning, so I’m fairly certain it’s something to do with Drax, since you were around him when I first caught the vibe. I just can’t pin it down. You want to point me in the right direction?”

Mortimus nudged him, but Jelpax only rolled his eyes in response. He did not want to let Mortimus in, especially since he didn’t even know what he would be letting him into. As far as Jelpax knew, he _wasn’t_ hiding anything, and whatever Mortimus _thought_ he saw in his body language that morning was wrong. It wasn’t like anything even happened. He just came over to borrow a few pens while Drax and Jelpax were getting ready for class.

“Come on, mate,” Mortimus begged. “I swear to Rassilon, I won’t tell anyone a word you said, all right? Just tell me. Please?”

The thing that Jelpax did not remember from that morning was that he and Drax were particularly touchy in a way that stood out to Mortimus as abnormal. Not entirely abnormal, of course—Drax was a rather hands-on person in general—but about halfway abnormal, as Drax was just hanging around Jelpax’s shoulders like he always did, but the weird thing was, Jelpax held back. When Mortimus walked in, he was sitting on the bed with Drax draped around his shoulders; one handwriting in front of him and the other lifting to hold onto his best friend. _That_ was what stuck out to him. That _Jelpax_ made a move of physical affection.

“I’m not hiding anything, Mort. God. Would it kill you to just leave me alone for once?”

Mortimus didn’t try to follow when Jelpax turned and hurried down the hall. His mannerisms were too hostile; there was no way he’d be talking any time soon. Not that it would stop Mortimus from trying completely.

//

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Had she known that the fight would not stop when they called to an end of study hall, Ushas would have cut off her friends in two heartbeats. The fact that Koschei and Magnus were still at it several hours later was honestly ridiculous, and she would’ve slapped them both right then and there if there weren’t so many damn professors around.

Unsurprisingly, the only members of the Deca who appeared to have showed up to the optional lecture were her and the boys who’d trailed her there. She had no real interest in sitting beside them, but no real ability to get rid of them either or put up with it when they sat on either side of her. Ushas honestly felt a little squished between Magnus’s broad shoulders and Koschei’s slightly clingy body language, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it without making a scene, so she stayed silent.

“Wait, what is this about?” asked Koschei, a few minutes into the lecture.

Ushas rolled her eyes. “If you don’t already know from the title, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

“And _I’m_ afraid you’re an idiot,” Magnus added smugly. His tone was annoying as hell and all Ushas wanted to do was kick him in the shin. She glanced over to the other students around them and resisted, not wanting her own reputation tarnished worse than it already was. “Ushas is right, he literally said the name of it. Were you not listening?”

“No, I was not listening. Was I _supposed_ to be listening?”

“Why else would you come to a lecture? That’s the entire point of these damn things.”

“Fair point, but have you considered—”

“Hey, look, it’s Millennia!” Ushas stood up suddenly, glancing over to the presenter in the front of the room before rising to her feet and ducking down to get through the aisle to where she’d spotted her friends in the hall. She clapped Rallon on the shoulder as she passed by, gesturing for him to take her seat, then led Millennia out into the hallway, her expression desperate. “Mil, I need your help.”

Millennia glanced back over to the room they’d run out of, her brow furrowed. “Why? What happened?”

“I’m fairly sure Magnus and Koschei are fighting over me and I don’t know what to do. I mean, I realize Magnus was spending a lot of time around me, but I hadn’t realized that Koschei was— well, let’s just say I had reason to believe he was interested in someone else.”

“Are you _sure_ they’re fighting over you? They’re not just using you as an excuse to further some other argument? Because this kind of seems to have come out of nowhere, no offense. If you can figure out whether they’re really fighting over _you_ or if they’re just fighting over the kind of silly things they always are, that might help you to figure out exactly what’s going on.”

“Okay.” Ushas nodded, hesitating before she went on. “Can I not do it tonight, though? I wanted to listen to the lecture. Let’s just sit somewhere else and deal with this all later.”

“Uh, I don’t know.” For a moment, Ushas thought that Millennia was going to argue that she take care of it sooner, but then she realized her friend was dealing with something different. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave Rallon smashed in between those two? Especially if they _are_ having an argument, he doesn’t do well with conflict, so…”

“He’ll be fine, Mil. He’s capable of taking care of himself.”

In all honesty, Ushas didn’t know whether that was true, but she was too busy worrying about her own problems to care. She could worry about Rallon once she’d gotten past the worst of her own troubles.

//

The shopping was fun. It was definitely fun, don’t get him wrong, but after a certain hour, Theta started to see spots.

He and Drax had been scrolling through pages and pages of market items, ever since their last class got out and they met up at dinner. Millennia still threatened to stop them but she’d gone off somewhere with Rallon, giving them full space to do whatever they pleased, and what they pleased was Drax leaning against Theta’s bed as Theta dangled over his shoulder and repeatedly swiped around on his screen despite protests. It wasn’t exactly the best set up, but they were having so much fun, regardless of whether they were going broke or filling up all their space without a way to store it.

“How many of these have we gotten?” asked Theta groggily. It was well past the middle of the night, and at that point, Koschei had been sleeping for several hours. They didn’t stop scrolling despite his begs for the bright light to go away. “I feel like we need more. Do we need more? Do we have that color?”

“Theta, we don’t need any more lamps,” Drax told him, swiping onto a different page. “We already got six and the dorms come with four of them. We have lamps for _life_.”

“But what if there’s another blackout?”

“Then the lamps will go out too, dumbass. Maybe we should get battery ones.”

“Ooh, yes. Now _that_ is a brilliant idea.” Theta straight up took the phone from Drax’s hands that time, quickly tapping in a new search. They were far too hooked on the shopping at that point, and he had a feeling things would go really sour once stuff got delivered, but he was having far too much fun with the actual shopping to give a shit. “Look, brass knuckles!”

“The fuck?” Drax whipped around to see what his friend was looking at, his eyes going wide when he realized his friend had somehow come across the weapons section. That was the one part he was _not_ intending to actually look at. “No. Bad Theta! We are not buying weapons!”

“What? They’re hardly even weapons. It’s just brass knuckles. I’ll just buy one or two and then we can keep going, all right?”

“No. I don’t trust you. If I let you get these, you’re going to break someone’s nose and then you’re going to get me caught for using this technically illegal service.”

“Aw, come on.” Theta draped his hands under his chin, blinking innocently. “You don’t trust me?”

“Absolutely not. Nope. There is not one part of me that thinks you won’t put that on and immediately go clock Vansell.”

“Dammit, all right, you caught me. But it’s not going to hurt anyone if I clock him just _one_ time.”

“Yes, it would.” Bewildered, Drax made a face, shaking his head as he snatched his phone back. “It would hurt Vansell, you dumb fuck.”

“He doesn’t count. Nobody cares about Vansell.”

“Would you both just shut the fuck up?” Koschei’s exasperated request was accompanied by a pillow being thrown at his friends, which Theta promptly chucked right back at him. “It’s the middle of the goddamn night. Just go to _sleep_.”

Neither Drax nor Theta moved until Koschei got up and ripped the phone right from their hands.

//

“Hey, Mortimus. What are you doing?”

It wasn’t until after the words left his mouth when Rallon realized that what his friend was doing was spying on someone. And it wasn’t until he looked to Mortimus with a disturbed expression and followed his gaze when he discovered that the person he was spying on was none other than Jelpax, though it was unclear why.

Rather than answering the question, Mortimus just glanced over at Rallon and turned right back to his task. He wasn’t using binoculars this time, thankfully, though he was still staring with a serious ferocity. There was something happening that Rallon didn’t know about, something that maybe even Mortimus didn’t know about, and he really didn’t want to get involved.

“Do you think Jelpax is hiding something from us?” asked Mortimus suddenly, reaching out to grab Rallon’s sleeve before he could duck away. “Not that _I_ think he’s hiding anything from us, of course, it just seems like he’s really hiding something from us.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rallon glanced over his shoulder, looking for any sort of out, but there wasn’t one. The halls around him were filled with random students, the only person who may have helped him being the one Mortimus was staring at. “What kind of thing do you think he’s hiding?”

“I don’t know. I just know that it’s something. I realized the other day that he’s got some strange vibe around him and I want to know what it is.”

“Well, have you tried speaking with him?”

“No, I never would have thought of that. Thanks for the suggestion.” Mortimus rolled his eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear before crossing his arms against his chest. “Seriously, I have to know what’s going on, but he won’t tell me. He just said that he wasn’t hiding anything, and he didn’t know what I was talking about and I know that’s all a bunch of bullshit.”

“Have you considered the possibility that it might be none of your business?” Rallon’s words came out hesitantly, and he bit down on his lip; fully expecting the brunt of Mortimus’s wit. “I’m not saying that he won’t _ever_ want to tell you, but you’re not exactly the closest of friends compared to him and Drax, and if he doesn’t want to tell you, it’s—”

“No, he has to tell me. It’s absolutely my business. Shit, he’s coming.”

For a moment, Rallon thought Jelpax was just coming in their direction and would pass by without a note, but then he realized he was wrong. Jelpax’s expression was highly unamused, apparently knowing exactly what Mortimus was doing there and giving Rallon a look which said, “Really? You got yourself dragged into this shit again?” Rallon looked down to his shoes uncomfortably.

“Mortimus,” Jelpax started, his tone far calmer than the look on his face, “if you’re spying on me, I swear to god—”

“I’m not spying on you!” Mortimus threw his hands in the air dramatically, glancing over to Rallon as if pleading for help. “Why would I be spying on you? That’s just ridiculous. I was just hanging out here with Rallon. We’re pals, you know. Deca mates. It’s rather selfish to make everything about you, you know?”

“The only reason I asked is because you’ve been staring at me for the last ten minutes. You think I didn’t notice you following me around the entire morning? You’re fucking ridiculous, Mort. I’m not hiding anything from you, so just leave me alone, yeah? If you want to get someone’s secrets, you’d do better to follow Vansell.”

“What?” It was Rallon who asked the question, his face twisting in confusion. “What’s Vansell hiding?”

“Don’t know, he’s just shady as fuck.”

“Okay, you have a point,” said Mortimus, ignoring the other comments, “but no. He’s probably hiding like a thousand things and you only have one, so I think I’m going to focus on that one for a while.”

“No, you’re not. Get lost, Mortimus. I don’t have time to deal with this right now. And Rallon, you have got to stop getting wrapped up in our mates’ bullshit. It’s getting out of hand.”

Mortimus tried to call after him, but he didn’t get the chance before Jelpax turned and disappeared down the hall; leaving Rallon to wonder what exactly he’d gotten in the middle of.

//

When she first introduced Drax to the concept of online shopping, Millennia never thought it would get so out of hand. She was just trying to help, since he needed a new pair of trainers and couldn’t get out to buy them until break. But as it turned out, Drax was quite the obsessive shopper, and he apparently dragged Theta into his schemes too, which she only learned by mistake.

Millennia forgot one of her books in her room that day and went back to the dorms to retrieve it. When she did, she found that both Theta and Drax’s dorm room doors were almost completely blocked by packages. Combined, they’d bought enough stuff to build a cardboard wall in the corridor, and though she didn’t even know what was inside, Millennia was not happy.

She stormed right back over to the dining hall, not bothering to get something to eat before she went over to the Deca’s usual table and sat down; glaring between Theta and Drax. They both looked rather confused, as if they somehow believed themselves to be innocent of their crimes, and Millennia was astounded. There was no way they didn’t know what she was pissed about.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, ignoring the looks from their other friends.

“Eating lunch?” Theta answered, his tone awkward and confused as he stuffed another bite of his sandwich into his mouth. “That is what we’re supposed to be doing here, right?”

“I’m not talking about this; I’m talking about all the boxes back at the dorms. How much stuff did you order? I showed you that app so you could get a pair of trainers, Drax! _One_ pair of trainers! This is absolutely ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but I really needed those brass knuckles.”

“Oh, I swear, if you’re planning to clock me with those…” Vansell’s voice trailed off as he jabbed a fork in Theta’s direction, his eyes narrowed bitterly. When Theta only shrugged, he dropped his fork onto the table and grit his teeth. “You may think you’re immune to me here because we’re both members of the Deca, but I will not hesitate to get the Headmaster involved if you try anything.”

“Aw, look at Nosebung.” Theta reached across the table and messed up Vansell’s hair, to which Vansell shot him another look. “Next thing you know he’ll be snuggled up in his nightie and crying off to his mummy.”

“Hey, stay on topic.” Shockingly, it was Drax who said something; popping a chip into his mouth as he adjusted the leg he’d draped over Jelpax’s lap beside him. “It’s rather rude to interrupt while Millennia was in the process of shouting at us.”

“Who cares?” said Magnus, sitting on the other end of the table. “They haven’t even done anything that’s interesting to listen to her shout about. Let’s do something else, yeah? How about we address the fact that Koschei is a backstabbing motherfucker and spent three hours bitching at me from across Rallon yesterday?”

“Sorry, what?” Jelpax turned to look at Rallon, who was burying his face in his arms on the table ahead of him. “Rallon, how much shit have you gotten yourself into this week? You know you’re allowed to decline when they ask you to do these things, right?”

“Yeah.” Rallon nodded, not moving from where he lay. “Yeah, I know.”

“That was actually my fault anyway,” cut in Ushas, to everyone’s surprise. She sighed and dropped her fork onto her plate, looking over to Koschei and Magnus. “Are you two morons over your little squabble, by the way? Or are we going to have to get back into that bullshit again?”

“No, we’re not getting back into any bullshit,” said Koschei, rolling his eyes. “The only bullshit we have to discuss today is—”

“The fact that Drax and Theta have spent their entire life savings on internet shopping!” Millennia interjected, slamming a hand onto the table to get their attention. “I mean, honestly. I said to get one pair of trainers and you went about and bought the entirety of the catalog! What were you thinking?”

“We were thinking that it was fun to shop,” Drax answered, ignoring the horrified look his best friend and roommate was giving him. Clearly, he hadn’t thought about how the hordes of merchandise might affect the other person living in his tiny room. “You can’t be mad at us for doing something that made us happy, can you?”

“Yes, actually, she can.” In a twist, it was Magnus who spoke up, the look on his face not even remotely amused as he glanced over to where Mortimus was doing his best to quietly observe. “Like, doing weed makes Mortimus happy but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to get pissed at him when he stinks up our entire room.”

“That’s not the same thing, though. That’s getting you secondhand stoned, we’re just buying cool shit.”

“Okay, but Drax,” started Jelpax hesitantly, trying and failing to scoot his friend’s leg off him, “if we get back to our dorm and the entire room is filled with useless shit, I’m seriously going to go over and demand a new roommate.”

“Yeah, right. Like you’d ever replace me.” Drax made a jokingly angelic face, reaching an arm around Jelpax’s shoulders and beaming when his friend made a highly annoyed face. After a second, he released and turned back to Millennia. “All right, we won’t fuck around with this shit anymore. Happy? We’ve shopped enough. No more. I swear.”

Only Theta knew he was crossing his fingers under the table.

//

The only reason Magnus and Koschei managed to keep things civil throughout lunch was because Millennia spent the whole time shouting at Theta and Drax. There wasn’t much space to speak over her loud tone, and it was pointless to try. However, they had class together immediately after lunch, and they didn’t hesitate to bring back the rivalry on the way there.

“I just don’t understand why you care,” said Koschei, refusing to meet Magnus’s annoyed gaze. It was too much looking at his stupid green eyes, especially when they were almost eternally filled with rage. “I was just offering to hang out with Ushas to get away from Theta for a bit. See, I accidentally found out about something I had no business knowing, and it’s real awkward trying to—”

“I literally could not care less.” Magnus’s tone was flat as he dragged back a lock of deep blond hair that fell out from behind his ear. “I mean, seriously. Out of all the things in the world I care about, that doesn’t even make the very bottom of the list. I am physically incapable of caring about your stupid, bullshit drama. It’s just not interesting. I don’t care why you wanted to go out with Ushas, but you need to back off.”

“Why? She’s my friend too, mate. Unless you can give me a damn good reason for not being allowed to hang out with her, I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. Particularly the way I’m doing it right now because it seems to be pissing you off and I’m not really sure why. Is there something I’m missing here? Why don’t you want me to hang out with Ushas?”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to hang out with Ushas, I just don’t like the way you’re doing it.”

“Again, why? I’ve known her just as long as you have, you ass.” Koschei stopped walking, crossing his arms as he turned to get a better look at Magnus’s increasingly irritated expression. “It’s not like I’d try and make you stop hanging out with Mortimus. Not that I think you spend a lot of time with Mortimus, you don’t, but I’m just saying that unless you fancy her, there’s no reason for you to— oh, holy shit. You— oh, my _god_.”

Magnus rolled his eyes and resumed his trek towards the classroom, not waiting for Koschei as he picked up his pace. That was it, Koschei was sure of it. He’d unintentionally stumbled onto the truth behind the oddity from the day before and suddenly, he felt like he should be watching him more carefully. Not because he fancied Ushas, but because he was a dick more often than not and Koschei wasn’t going to let Ushas get hurt. Probably. That was what he decided, anyway.

“So… how long have you been into her for?” asked Koschei, doing his best to keep his tone casual. He got no response, not even another roll of the eyes or a middle finger, and so he tried again. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. And just so you know, I’m not into her. I was just getting away from Theta, like I said, so you don’t have to think I’m trying to take her from you.”

“I don’t think you’re doing that,” said Magnus bitterly, “I think you’re making assumptions. I’m not into Ushas. If I were into Ushas, I’d have to be completely oblivious to the ridiculous things she’s done in the past. Unless you hadn’t noticed the fact that she’s fucking insane.”

“Yeah, and I suppose you like that, don’t you? Not to say you’re into psychos, but it’s fine if you like Ushas. She _is_ pretty nuts but she’s also rather nice, so. That’s all right. Good for you.”

“Koschei, seriously, I do not like—”

He didn’t get to finish before Koschei smiled at him and ducked into the classroom, stopping him from denying what may or may not have been the truth.

//

“…and I know it’s a bit of a ridiculous purchase, but that one made me think of— is that Mortimus?” Drax made a face when he noticed their friend ducking behind a nearby corner, glancing over to Jelpax who only groaned in response. “It’s been like, three days. Is he still following you?”

“It’s only been since yesterday,” Jelpax corrected him, rolling his eyes, “and yes, he is. He’s absolutely convinced I’m hiding something from him, and I don’t even know what the hell it is. _He_ doesn’t even know what the hell it is, actually, because I directly asked him what he wanted to know, and he just said my body language was giving him lying vibes or something. It was bullshit.”

“Pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth is bullshit. Actually, I think all his thoughts are bullshit. Do you think I could get him to shut up?”

“No. Absolutely not. Don’t even try.”

Jelpax didn’t want to admit to exactly _why_ he didn’t want Drax to get involved but based on what Mortimus had told him about his suspicions the day before, it seemed too much of a risk. He didn’t know what Mortimus _thought_ was going on, but he didn’t want anything to get awkward between him and his best friend and if Mortimus was onto something strange and untrue, then he couldn’t let Drax find out about it. Especially knowing how he reacted to things like that.

Unfortunately, Drax just ignored him and whistled to Mortimus, waving for him to come over. There was no good reason for him to be doing that, to be walking into an uncomfortable conversation, but it was too late for Jelpax to object. Drax was already crossing his slim arms, giving Mortimus a look as he trudged over sheepishly.

“Hey,” he said, hesitating before he went on, “fancy meeting you two here.”

“One, we’re in the middle of the Academy halls. Where the hell else would you find us?” Drax sighed, blinking dramatically. “And two, you’re literally stalking Jelpax, so it’s not much of a surprise to find us anywhere, is it?”

“What? I’m not stalking Jelpax.”

“You literally just sent a message to Magnus telling him you’ll catch up with him later because you’re busy stalking.”

“No, I didn’t. What are you talking about?” He continued typing on his phone despite his claims, Drax rolling his eyes as he not-so subtly read each word his friend was writing. Mortimus glared at him, dramatically clicking his phone off and sticking it into his pocket. “Do you mind? I’m having a private conversation here.”

“You’re talking about us. Right in front of us. That’s not even talking behind our backs, you dick, that’s just gossiping about us to our faces. Hey, what are you typing? Stop it. Stop typing everything I’m saying. Magnus doesn’t care what I’m saying!”

Before they could get any deeper into their stupid arguing, Jelpax reached out and ripped the phone from Mortimus’s hands, shaking his head at the both of them. Out of all his friends, Drax and Mortimus were easily the most difficult to argue with, if only for their combined lack of common sense (which only seemed to diminish further when they worked together).

“All right, stop it. Both of you.” Jelpax narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between his friends. “I don’t have the patience to deal with this right now. Mortimus, I’m not hiding anything, so just leave me alone. And Drax, it _is_ rather rude to be reading other people’s messages, regardless of the situation.”

“Whatever, it’s not like Vansell doesn’t do it all the time.”

“What?”

“What?” Drax glanced around awkwardly, dragging a hand through his hair. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Drax—”

“Nope, got to go.”

He backed away slowly, before turning and hauling ass down the corridor. Once he disappeared around the corner, Jelpax finally turned back to look at Mortimus, who only shrugged, as if he somehow thought they were past the initial topic of conversation.

“So, are you going to stop stalking me now?” asked Jelpax hesitantly.

“I, uh…” Mortimus looked down to his shoes and back up again, his gaze staring in the same direction that Drax had disappeared to. “Nope, got to go!”

Jelpax never slapped his forehead harder.

//

“Please don’t kill me.”

Koschei wanted to respond, to say something about how he would never kill his best friend, but he couldn’t. He was fuming, enraged, and at that point, felt like killing him might be the simplest option. Theta bit down on his lip, staring at Koschei as he waited for a response he didn’t get.

“Please, Kos,” he begged. “You have to promise not to kill me because otherwise, I might have to kill you, and I really don’t want to do that. I won’t hesitate to save my own ass, though. So just tell me it’s not coming to that, okay? Tell me I won’t have to kill you?”

“For the love of god, Theta,” started Koschei, shaking his head, “we’re talking about _shopping_ right now. I don’t think murder is anywhere in the cards. What is wrong with you?”

“About the shopping or about the murder?”

“The fact that you have to ask is the part that’s most disturbing right now.”

They’d only been standing in their room for about five minutes, but it felt more like five hours. Koschei was not pleased in the least to find that Theta had bought half the internet with the money he didn’t have. Literally. Apparently, he’d taken Koschei’s money at some point during the night and spent _that_ when he ran out of his own. And, though Koschei did have a remarkable wealth, he was not the least bit interested in having to speak with his family about more money and losing it was a serious issue.

“Okay, I’m sorry that I bought so much stuff, okay?” said Theta rolling his eyes. “I just got really into it. If anything, you should blame Drax. He’s the one who showed me the app. And if you want to go even deeper, then you can blame Millennia, because she showed Drax and everyone knows that Drax has exactly zero impulse control.”

“Oh, my god. Stop trying to blame this on other people.” Koschei rubbed his temples as he shook his head, doing his best to stay calm despite the fact his entire room was filled with unnecessary clutter. “ _You_ are the one who spent all the money, Thete. _You_ are the one who stole my wallet. _You_ are the one who knows that Drax has no goddamn impulse control and didn’t stop to think that maybe, that wasn’t such a good idea!”

“Like you’ve ever had that thought. I can’t count how many stupid things we’ve done and yet you’re going to go and act all high and mighty? You’ve done your fair share of impulsive shit and to pretend it’s all my fault is just ridiculous. Can we talk for a moment about the fact that you once—”

“No, we cannot. We absolutely cannot discuss anything that doesn’t have to do with your ridiculous overspending because someone needs to knock some goddamn sense into you. Can you return this stuff? Please? I don’t care if you keep a few things but there’s boxes on the fucking _toilet_.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll talk to Drax and Millennia and see if I can get rid of it, all right?” Theta didn’t necessarily _want_ to get rid of all his new things, but if he could at least keep his new brass knuckles, he’d be okay downsizing. “Just don’t kill me. Else I really might have to kill you.”

“Please stop saying that, Theta. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop talking about murdering me.”

“But—”

“No buts. Go fix this. _Now_.”

Theta sighed as he trudged over to the door, flipping one finger back to his friend before he stepped out into the hall.

//

“So, you’re finished with the whole feud now, yeah?”

Magnus nodded, not looking up from the book in front of him. He hadn’t exactly intended to hang out with Ushas at that hour, they just happened to be in the same part of the library working on their assignments. Not that he was complaining, of course—there were only two of his friends he would adamantly refuse to study with, and Ushas was not one of them.

“Fairly certain Koschei was just trying to start drama to get away from other shit,” said Magnus blandly, though he wasn’t entirely confident in his answer. “Apparently, Theta’s been up to something very stupid recently. Not that that’s any sort of surprise.”

“The day Theta’s dumbassery surprises me is the day I drop dead.” Ushas made a face after she spoke, also keeping her gaze on the book she was reading. They were both capable of holding a conversation and studying at the same time. “Not to say I’m ever going to let him die after I do but you know. Sayings are sayings.”

“Right. Can you really promise that though? Because you’re kind of suggesting you’ll go so far as to kill him to keep yourself from dying first. Yeah? Or am I hearing you wrong?”

“No, you’re hearing me absolutely correctly. I’d like to live in a fantasy and pretend we’re all going to be best friends forever, but the fact is, we’re Prydonians. We’re all destined to become asshole little snakes and if we don’t all turn on each other at some point, whether due to personal reasons or political reasons, I’ll be shocked as anything.”

“And if someone doesn’t, at some point, put a hit on your head, _I’ll_ be surprised as anything.” Magnus flipped the page in his book, shifting back to get comfortable in his seat on the dark red couch. They only had a little while left until the library closed, but it didn’t matter. He was nearly finished anyway. “What course are you working on right now?”

“Neurochemistry,” answered Ushas, gently placing a pencil behind her ear. “What course are _you_ work on right now?”

“Not neurochemistry.”

The small talk was too boring. It wasn’t the kind of conversation you had with a friend; it was the kind of conversation you had with a cousin who you desperately wanted to get away from. He sighed and glanced over his book to Ushas, who had yet to look back at him. After a long day of classes and shenanigans, her appearance should have been disheveled, but it wasn’t. She was still as impeccable as ever; her dark brown hair pulled back into a perfect ponytail and her robes looking as if they’d been pressed fresh that morning.

“What are you looking at?” The moment she spoke, Magnus shrugged and looked down again. “Seriously, have I got graphite on my face or something?”

“No.” Magnus shook his head, turning his gaze to meet Ushas’s. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Thinking about what?”

He didn’t answer. That wasn’t a conversation he was ready to have.

//

The only reason Mortimus continued to follow Jelpax for as long as he did was because he was genuinely convinced his friend was intentionally withholding information from him. It wasn’t until the third day he was not-quite-stalking him when he realized that Jelpax honestly had no idea what he was talking about.

It was obvious. It was really fucking obvious what he was hiding, at least, to Mortimus, and yet Jelpax himself seemed to be clueless as to what it was. He just kept telling Mortimus to go away, denying that anything was going on, and refusing to give him the gossip that supposedly didn’t exist. He was living in a state of denial so deep he couldn’t even pull himself out of it for a minute.

“Okay, so, theoretically, pretend you had something to hide.” It was a last-ditch effort to get something out of him, and yet Jelpax still only rolled his eyes. “Jel, come on! I’m serious right now. _If_ you had something to hide, what would it be?”

“Well, I’m holding onto a lot of secrets about my brothers,” said Jelpax blandly, not bothering to look up from whatever was on his phone. “But I’m assuming whatever you’re trying to get out of me isn’t about the lampshade Ailmar broke when he was six.”

“No, it’s not. I don’t even know which brother Ailmar is. Is he the oldest one?”

“No. In fact, you literally could not have been farther off in your guess.”

“Whatever, that’s irrelevant. It’s impossible to keep up with all of your siblings.” Jelpax wanted to interrupt and point out the fact that he didn’t even have that many, but he didn’t get the chance before Mortimus went on. “Listen, I know there’s something going on with you and I just want to know what it is. I won’t tell anyone; I’ll just be a confidant you can talk to about it!”

“Thanks for the offer,” he started blandly, “but for the last time, I’m not fucking hiding anything. I honest to god have no idea what you’re talking about right now. I don’t even know where to _begin_. It’s been what? Three days now? And I haven’t even been able to find a place to start thinking about what you’re coming after me for. I’m just as confused by this whole thing as you are.”

Mortimus groaned. Sometimes, he loved how perceptive he was. Actually, _most_ times, he loved how perceptive he was. But then there came the days when he was too perceptive, and he saw right through the layers that people had yet to unravel for themselves and that made it impossible to get answers as to what he was perceiving.

Unsure as to how to proceed, Mortimus crossed his arms and leaned back against the air, nearly falling off the dining table’s bench when he remembered where he was. He was almost certain Jelpax watched his failure, but he didn’t say anything, so Mortimus made the choice not to comment on it either.

“So, anyway—”

“Oh, my god, you are not going to _believe_ what I have to do this afternoon.” Before either Jelpax or Mortimus could get another word in, Drax dropped onto the bench beside his best friend, groaning as he dropped an arm around him dramatically. “I made the mistake of showing Theta that shopping app, and now Millennia is making me help him send it all back to…”

After the first few lines of his babbling, Mortimus stopped listening, his attention drifting over to Jelpax’s gaze. It was the way he acted around Drax behind closed doors that started the whole thing in the first place, but it was the way he stared at him right then and there that made Mortimus realize he didn’t need verbal confirmation to understand what he already knew.

//

Were there a bone in her body which believed that the boys would be able to complete their task without a supervisor, Millennia would not have shown up at all. She had no intention of helping them reseal and relabel all of their boxes, simply to scold them and make sure that the task got finished. Rallon tried to talk her out of it a couple times, telling her that she shouldn’t get in the way of the two crazies, but Millennia wasn’t scared. Beyond her own skills, she found a pair of brass knuckles on Theta’s table which proved _extremely_ useful for keeping them on the job.

“What are you doing just sitting around for?” she snapped, looking over to Theta who was slumped across a flatter box. “You still have half the room to go. We’re not leaving until all of this has been moved and sent back to the facility. Must I remind you again how much money you lost by ordering it in the first place?”

“Well, how was I supposed to know they only give a partial discount?” Theta moaned, slowly dragging himself from where he lay. On the other side of the room, Drax didn’t look too enthused either; slapping labels onto boxes with little regard for how they were positioned. “I mean, honestly, I’m not a total idiot, I was just having fun shopping. It was so goddamn fun.”

“Yeah, and yet you bought twice as much as even I did,” started Drax bitterly, “and now both of us have to pay the price.”

“No, we don’t. I stole Koschei’s money to pay for this, not yours.”

“I— I don’t even know where to start with that.” He blinked several times, the look on his face nothing short of utter disbelief. Rather than going on immediately, Drax lifted another box, walking right over to the door before he looked back over his shoulder. “I mean, honestly. You are unbelievable, Theta. Absolutely unbelievable.”

Theta looked over to Millennia once he stepped out of the room. “In a good way?”

“I’m fairly certain that’s the exact opposite of what he meant, but all right. You just go on believing whatever you’d like.” Millennia smiled and nodded to the box he was still yet to finish repacking. The fact he’d actually opened everything in one night was astounding. “Finish that now, please. I don’t want Koschei to get back and shout at the both of us.”

“If he shouted at you, you’d just kick his ass.”

“Like you wouldn’t do the same.”

In response, Theta only smirked. Koschei may have been his best friend, but he absolutely would do the same.

//

“All right, let me be the one to ask the awkward question here,” said Vansell, following far too lengthy a silence at the dinner table. “Which one of you has been snogging Ushas?”

Koschei’s jaw dropped, and he whipped his head around to look behind him. Unfortunately, nothing appeared to suck him in, nor anyone else to take the blame so he could get out of the conversation. Magnus stayed silent as well, leaving Koschei the only one able to move the conversation along.

“Uh, neither of us?” he started, baffled as to how Vansell had come to that strange conclusion. “What are you talking about?”

“You were both being weirdly quiet,” answered Mortimus, despite not being the one who’d been asked the question. “And just generally weird. Then she left and now you’re being normal again except you keep looking over at Magnus. What’s that about? Do I need to start stalking you now?”

“Please, for the love of god, stop stalking people.” Jelpax rubbed his temples, clearly sick of dealing with his friends’ chaos for the day. “If you want to know something, just out and ask about it. And if they don’t answer, back the fuck off. It’s really not that hard.”

“It’s funny, you’re talking like you’ve never met me before. Can you imagine me not following people around until they tell me what I want to know, or I figure it out myself? I certainly can’t. That’s a fucking bizarre reality.”

Koschei rolled his eyes, trying to avoid letting the conversation turn back to him. Yes, he’d glanced over at Magnus a few times, but not only after Ushas left. While she was there, too. He wanted to get some confirmation so he would know that he wasn’t going insane. He might not have been as perceptive as Mortimus, but he certainly wasn’t thick, and anyone could tell something was up.

“Can we just drop it?” asked Rallon, sighing on his empty end of the table. Normally, Millennia would’ve been there beside him, but she was off making sure Theta and Drax took care of all the shit they’d bought. “I think I’ve had enough of all the shenanigans this week. Let’s just call it quits for the next few days, yeah? I don’t think I can take much more of it.”

“Oh, blah, blah, blah.” Mortimus made a mocking gesture with his hand, rolling his eyes at his friend. “Whatever you say. I’m personally going to keep up with my shenanigans but there are no rules saying you have to join me in them. Just don’t try to stop me because I’m having fun. What’s the point of life without shenanigans?”

“Well, for one thing, you get peace and quiet,” Magnus started, “which is something I haven’t had since I was assigned _you_ as my roommate. Even less so since I got stuck with the rest of you lot, but I won’t pin names since two of the biggest dumbasses aren’t here right now.”

“I mean, you basically just placed the blame on them,” said Jelpax, rolling his eyes. “We all know you’re not talking about Ushas or Millennia, so you’re saying it’s Drax and Theta. What? I’m not arguing, I’m just saying you’re not exactly being subtle.”

“Nor are you being subtle about your fancying Millennia,” Mortimus added, waving a spoon in his direction. “Didn’t I mention something about that before? At her birthday party or something?”

“Stop. Just stop. I’m not dealing with this right now. You are absolutely unbelievable.”

Magnus didn’t wait one second before turning around and heading out of the dining hall, leaving his friends to continue on with their shenanigans without him.

//

As to be expected, the shenanigans did not stop, and by the time their weekly meeting rolled around, more than enough shit had taken place to take up the first half of the discussions. They were knee-deep in a conversation about something to do with cheating at a test when Millennia heard the clang from Theta’s desk on the far side of the room. She wasn’t the first to notice, but she was one of the only two who weren’t surprised by what they found.

“Oh, my god.” Vansell’s jaw dropped when he whipped around to see what fell to the floor, his eyes going wide when he caught sight of the shining object. “What the hell, Theta? Are those brass knuckles?”

“Uh… no?” His tone was ridiculous. Quickly, Theta tried to shove the definitely brass knuckles into his pocket, but it was already too late. Everyone had seen them by then. “Okay, great, thanks for ratting me out, Nosebung. You fucking donkey. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about these and now everyone knows. What a waste of a fucking prank.”

“A _prank_?” Drax gaped. He shook his head slowly, his gaze fixed on Theta’s annoyed face. “Thete, you were planning to break Van’s nose. That’s not a prank. That’s fucking assault. I thought you got rid of those things! We sent everything we didn’t need back, remember? We both ended up with like, two things.”

“Yeah, and one of my two things was the brass knuckles.”

Ushas dropped her head into her hands, trying to figure out how to pull the meeting back to a saner place. Her friends were basically impossible to control, but sometimes, she was able to get them back together for long enough to at least discuss the state of their courses. Not that anyone but her cared about the grades, but still. She liked to know how everyone was doing.

“Okay, okay,” she started, holding her hands up as she glared around the room. One of the biggest advantages to always sitting up front was that she could easily get their attention, even if they didn’t necessarily want to listen to her. “Can we stop talking about the brass knuckles? Theta, we all know you’re not going to break Vansell’s nose—okay, I know you’re capable, but you’re not going to do it because Millennia would kick _your_ ass—so let’s just pull this back, all right? What were we talking about before?”

“Something boring, probably.” Mortimus was flopped over on his desk, his head buried in his hands. Though Ushas wanted to shout at him for his muffled speech, she didn’t get the chance before he spoke again. “Everything we’ve been talking about recently is boring. We need more fun things to happen. Anyone else got some fun things we can do? I need more shenanigans in my life.”

“No, please.” Eyes wide, Rallon shook his head quickly. “No more shenanigans. I can’t take any more shenanigans. Please. I just want some peace and quiet and I don’t want to have to abandon my friends to get it.”

“Well, sorry, but that’s exactly what you’re going to have to do. Our lives revolve around shenanigans and if you can’t get on board, then you’re just going to have to get lost. Goodbye, good luck, try not to let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

“I… I don’t even know what to say to that. Are you telling me to leave the Deca? Because at this point, I really think it might be for the best. I really don’t fit in with you lot.”

“Oh, sweetie, of course you do.” Millennia reached out to squeeze his arm reassuringly, giving him a soft smile. “You’re the one in the group who’s sane. You keep the rest of us from completely losing our minds. Honestly. I can’t tell you how many times we would’ve died if you weren’t there to tell us when to stop.”

“Well, I did stop you all from trying to jump off the roof onto a trampoline but that just seemed like common sense.” He made a face, narrowing his eyes slightly as he searched his brain for other things he’d done. “And there was that time Mortimus wanted to put laxatives in the entire Academy’s lunch but didn’t consider the fact that it would also affect our own. That was pretty stupid.”

“Yeah, see?” Somehow, it was Mortimus who nodded along, despite starting the change of topic in the first place. “You might not be good for much but you’re great for keeping us alive. And given you’re majoring in law or whatever, I’m assuming you’ll be good for helping us stay out of prison sometime in the future.”

“Actually, I think that would be a conflict of interest, so— okay. No, you’re right. I’ll absolutely represent you all in the future. Every single one of you, I’d bet.”

“Ooh, you know what? That would be a fun conversation.” Drax rubbed his hands together eagerly, looking around the room with an all too enthused expression in his deep green eyes. “What do you think we’re all going to have to be represented for? Easy ones first, Millennia’s going to need a lawyer for punching out a misogynist, and Vansell’s going to need one for aggressive blackmail. I have some ideas for me too, of course, but I’ll let you two have at it.”

“Drax, darling,” began Jelpax, his tone already exhausted, “this really doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“That’s just because you don’t want anyone to know you’d be represented for stealing. Probably a museum, yeah? Or a library. Can you imagine how lame that would be? ‘What did you do?’ ‘Oh, I stole a book from a library.’”

“Well, Ushas would definitely be arrested for some sort of experiment gone wrong,” said Magnus, ignoring Drax’s comments about his best friend. “And there’s no question that Mortimus would end up in there for stalking.”

“No, yeah, I’m definitely a stalker kind of guy. I’d peg you for murder. Probably Koschei too. Not sure about Theta. Thoughts? Who else haven’t we said?”

“Theta would end up in there for something particularly stupid and dangerous,” replied Ushas, shockingly engaging in the conversation. “I couldn’t tell you exactly what that would be, though. His type of stupidity ranges by the day. Probably telling a politician to fuck off or something.”

“Nah, I’d be on the murder list too,” said Theta casually, leaning back in his seat. “Not that I’m actually _planning_ to commit murder, but you know, things happen…”

“Things happen and you just suddenly have to commit murder?” Koschei raised an eyebrow. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

“I’ll never remember to do that, Kos, but okay.”

Though Ushas still wanted to know about the more serious things in their lives, she decided to let that ridiculous conversation go on for the rest of their meeting. All things considered, it was just far too much fun to listen to.


	3. Millennia in the Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millennia gets partnered with Koschei and Mortimus. Drax becomes self-conscious about his habits. Theta threatens Vansell.

“I am so fucking sick of you.”

Vansell made a face as he looked up from his phone, baffled as to what his friend was talking about. It was far from the first time Theta had said something along those lines, but it was one of the few where he’d done it out of nowhere, and Vansell wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to respond to it.

“Sorry, have I done something to you?” His words weren’t questioning, but accusatory; wanting to know exactly why Theta was being such a little shit. “Last I checked, I’ve just been sitting here and minding my own business for the last hour or so.”

“Minding your own business? Please.” Theta scoffed and shook his head, refusing to meet the eyes of his rival. “You’ve never minded your own business since the day you took your first breath. You don’t even have to talk; your _face_ is just so fucking annoying that no one can focus when you’re around.”

“Are you saying you hate me or are you saying you fancy me? What? That’s not a joke, Theta, I honest to god cannot tell whether you’re joking or not. Or insulting me. Can you just not be such a sarcastic little shit all the time?”

“No, I can’t. I have to be a sarcastic little shit all the time or I won’t even know who I am anymore. Now shut the fuck up, your voice is more annoying than your face.”

“You’re the one who talked to me first.” Immediately after he spoke, Theta gave Vansell a look which seemed ready for murder. Thankfully, he no longer had the brass knuckles he ordered off the internet and was thus unlikely to actually harm him. “Seriously, can you stop looking at me like that? I didn’t even do anything to you.”

“I mean, you existed.” The moment Rallon opened his mouth, he appeared to regret it, though it was already too late, and he decided to push forward with his comment instead of trying to retract it. “Not that I think there’s anything wrong with you existing, of course, it’s just that I know Theta really hates you and the fact that you’re sitting here is— yeah, I’m going to shut up now.”

He sank back into his seat as Theta turned his glare to look between the both of them, though Vansell did his best to avoid it. There was no knowing why Theta had decided to get up in his space that day, but he knew there was no stopping him once he got started, and it was easier to just let it go than try to get him to go away.

At least, it _usually_ was.

//

Most of the time, it wasn’t difficult to be around her friends. Ushas truly did care for them all, even if they could be a bit much at times, and she had no problems spending time with them. But sometimes, they went a little too far. Sometimes, they did things that she just couldn’t sit by and watch and though you would think that was all shenanigans, it wasn’t. Not that day.

They weren’t even talking about anything annoying. Drax and Jelpax were just sitting there across from her, hanging out on the floor near the couches in the library. But they weren’t just studying. Oh, no. Drax had one leg draped across Jelpax’s lap, and kept playing with his hair for no reason other than that he claimed it was soft (Ushas didn’t know whether that was true and had no intentions of finding out).

“Do you mind?” said Ushas, giving them a look. They might not have minded falling all over each other in front of the whole school, but she found it rather embarrassing to be caught with them. “I don’t care if you fancy him, Drax, but not all of us want to see you fawning all over him.”

“ _What_?” Drax pulled away from Jelpax suddenly, his green eyes going wide as he turned to look at Ushas. “I do _not_ fancy Jelpax. He’s my best friend. That’s all. We’re just studying. God. Why would it be anything else?”

“Because you’ve been lying across his thighs for the last twenty minutes. It doesn’t exactly scream ‘heterosexual’.”

As Ushas was still looking down to her own homework, Jelpax was the first one to notice the way Drax’s body language changed after she spoke. He turned away from Jelpax, pulling his previously outstretched legs into himself and wrapping his arms around them. Drax rested his chin on his knees, running a hand through his light brown hair awkwardly as he looked down to the book in front of him, not saying a single word.

“Drax, it’s fine.” Jelpax reached over to give his shoulder a squeeze, but Drax pulled away from him. Of course, Ushas had no regard for the fact that her friend was sensitive, and Jelpax had to pick up the pieces. “Seriously, it’s fine. I don’t care. We’ve known each other since we were eight years old, darling. You can do whatever you want. I don’t mind.”

“No, Ushas is right. It’s pretty strange how I’m always hanging on you.” He lifted a hand to chew on his nail, and Jelpax resisted the urge to reach out and stop him. Drax needed his space and he wasn’t going to get in there and make him uncomfortable. “I’ll try to stop doing that. Sorry. I know you’re not big on people touching you.”

“Hey, no. Seriously, Drax, it’s not a big deal. You’ve been doing it for literally decades at this point and I’ve never cared once. Just relax, okay? Ushas is messing with you. Aren’t you, Ushas?”

“I mean, it _is_ pretty strange,” started Ushas, ignoring Jelpax’s sideways glare, “but yeah. I don’t care _that_ much, though I might go sit somewhere else if you keep this up. Not because I disapprove of it, but because I disapprove of—”

“Sorry, I’m just going to go. You guys finish studying. I’m going to fail this test anyway.”

Neither Jelpax nor Ushas got the chance to say anything else before Drax scooped up his materials and hurried out of the library; not glancing back over his shoulder once before he disappeared out into the hall.

//

“Well then. This is going to be interesting.”

Millennia nodded slowly, unable to tear her eyes away from the sheet of paper on the wall in front of them. She didn’t mind being paired up with Koschei—he was better than many of the other people she could have gotten stuck with—but the fact that the third person in their group was _Mortimus_ brought a whole new angle to the assignment.

“What’s going to be interesting?” asked Mortimus, stepping up behind them. Though Koschei and Millennia were basically just standing there in shock, Mortimus’s eyes went wide with glee as he read through the list. “Oh, hell yeah! This is going to be great. When do you guys want to meet up? Whose room should we hang out in? I don’t think mine would be a great idea since Magnus is around, but we could probably—”

“No, let’s just figure that out later,” said Koschei. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure he _wanted_ there to be a later, but there was nothing he could do. He wasn’t about to go and ask their professor for a new partner. That would just be cruel. “The first thing we should do is figure out what we want our topic to be for the assignment. Then we can brainstorm before we have to start working.”

“Oh, good idea. I think the topic should be something like—”

“Wait, not yet.” Millennia didn’t know what he was going to suggest, but there was almost no chance it would be a usable concept. Not on the first try. “How about you really think on it, and then we can try and talk at lunch? We’ll exchange ideas and see who has the best ones. Everyone on board for that?”

Koschei nodded gratefully, his mind in the same place as hers. He didn’t think it was a bad thing to be working with Mortimus, but he was certainly an eccentric character and there was no way the assignment would be easy. Not unless he’d somehow become a different person since the last time they’d worked together.

//

Usually, when Theta decided to go off at Vansell, it didn’t last more than a few minutes. He came and went in phases, sometimes hating on Vansell for no real reason and sometimes clinging to him despite the fact they hated each other. But that day, instead of letting it go after breakfast, Theta just kept glaring at him.

They passed each other in the hall, and Theta looked ready to kill him. They went to the same class, and Theta threw things at the back of his head. They were forced to partner up for a science experiment and Theta _intentionally_ burned his arm and set his robes on fire by supposedly dropping his match on accident. It was annoying at the beginning, and by the end, Vansell wanted to punch _him_ in the face.

“Have I seriously done something to him?” asked Vansell suddenly, keeping his voice low as he turned to look at Rallon. His roommate wasn’t the first person he’d want to talk to about such a situation, but he didn’t have much of a choice given where they stood and decided to go with it regardless of how he felt. “Like, did I insult him and forget about it? Why is he coming after me today?”

“I don’t know.” Rallon shrugged, keeping most of his attention on the papers on his desk. He clearly was far more afraid of getting caught by their professor and wouldn’t have said a word if Vansell hadn’t spoken to him first. “Can we talk about this later? I’m trying to take this exam.”

“No, you studied for like, twelve hours straight. You can spare a few minutes. The answers aren’t going to just fall out of your head. Have you heard anything about why he’d be doing this? Not just an insult, but maybe he remembered something I did to him in the past and he’s just being a little shit about it like he always is?”

“Honestly, Van, I don’t know. We only have so long to do this and whatever you say, I need to focus. Please stop talking to me.”

Vansell groaned as he turned back to his own exam, not the least bit interested in finishing it but knowing he had no other choice. It was difficult to keep his attention in one place when he was distracted by everything happening with Theta. Still, it wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it at the moment, so he sighed and picked up his pencil. He could deal with his friends later.

//

Jelpax met his best friend when they were both barely eight years old. At first, he found it rather distasteful how clingy Drax seemed to be, but over time, he got used to the way his friend would hang on him at all hours of the day; whether that be an arm around his shoulders or a leg across his lap. It wasn’t weird to him in the least, it was just something they did. It was familiar. Comforting, even.

And that’s why it was so fucking weird when Drax stopped doing it.

In general, Jelpax had never done well with people touching him and still didn’t do well with people touching him. But it wasn’t the same with Drax. He had a certain way about him, something he did differently from other people that made it so much simpler to let him do whatever he wanted. Whether that was because he was gentler or because they’d known each other since they were kids, Jelpax didn’t know, but he didn’t really care either. Drax was awkward as anything and he loved being the one he was comfortable around.

“Hey.” Drax was sitting a little too far away, and Jelpax had to repeat himself twice to get his attention. “You know Ushas isn’t an authority on me, yeah? I honestly don’t mind you being close to me.”

“Yeah, I know, but she’s right.” He shrugged lamely, not looking up from his phone. The fact that he could see a thing through the glare on his screen was astounding, and Jelpax had to resist the urge from scooting to be closer to him on the steps. “Magnus says it all the time too, you know. I started doing this when we were kids and I should have grown out of it at some point and I didn’t. That’s on me. Sorry for making shit so weird for the last… ever.”

“It’s not weird. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t think it’s weird, I just think it’s something that maybe they don’t understand. And no, I don’t know why it’s fine for us, but it is, and you’ve been acting sad since it happened so if you want to just keep going like nothing happened, then—”

“No, I don’t. I don’t want to go on like nothing happened. It was about time someone knocked some sense into me. I’m clingy. I get it. I know I’m very emotionally dependent and I’d never considered how that affected my physical behavior before. I also know you don’t like people touching you, and I’ve always ignored that, and I’m sorry. I’ll do better from here on out and don’t tell me not to because I know you’re lying. I know you’re not really okay with it.”

Jelpax’s hearts dropped into his stomach. Though he was acting totally casual, the familiar twinge in Drax’s tone said that he was anything but chill about the situation he was in. The touch didn’t just bring Jelpax a sense of comfort and grounding, it did it for Drax, and he knew that was the reason he’d always done it. Well, Drax had admitted at some point earlier that part of the reason he used to hang on Jelpax was to keep himself from falling over during spontaneous seizures, but still.

“I am okay with it.” Jelpax kept his tone soft as he spoke, looking to Drax when he finally turned around. “You’re my best friend, Drax. Honestly, no, I’m not comfortable with most people touching me, but you’re not most people.”

“Okay.”

For a moment, Jelpax thought he’d finally gotten through to his friend, but he was wrong. Drax just nodded and shifted his pen in his left hand before looking back to the sketchpad on his desk. He wasn’t past whatever block Ushas has built up inside him, and suddenly, Jelpax realized he had no idea how he could help him do that.

//

In theory, working with Mortimus was a pain in the ass. In theory, working with Koschei was generally pretty chill. In practice, combining the insanity with the chill made it physically impossible to get anything done. Mostly because Mortimus’s crazy canceled out Koschei’s chill and replaced it with an unending need to be correct. Coupled with the fact that neither of them had any sort of artistic talent nor interest in the field, they were instantly spiraled on a disaster course, which seemed to be heading straight for Millennia.

She loved her friends. She really did. Even when they were being ridiculous, Millennia still loved and cared for every single one of them but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to slap them sometimes too. That didn’t mean she wasn’t willing to kick their asses when they went too far or got in her way and at the moment, they were doing exactly both of those things.

“Both of you need to shut up and stop it,” she said, breaking off whatever argument they were starting up next. “All we have to do is choose one artist to do our presentation on. It’s not that hard and no, Koschei, we cannot do Theta. It has to be a _known_ artist, not some random bloke from the Academy. No offense.”

“None taken.” Rather than eating his lunch, Theta was preoccupied glaring at Vansell on the other side of the table; his eyes narrowed so far they nearly closed. “But in case you haven’t already figured it out, I feel obligated to let you know that Koschei sucks ass at everything to do with arts. The only creative bone in his body is used exclusively for scheming.”

Unfortunately, Millennia couldn’t argue with that. Koschei had a habit of making things ridiculously convoluted, and aside from the ability to kick ass on drums, appeared to lack any sort of artistic abilities. He also lacked the ability to care, and that was what was holding them back more than anything. That he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about but was insisting that he did.

“Yeah, whatever, Mil,” started Koschei, waving a hand around dismissively. His disregard for other people was almost appalling, though she’d known him too long to truly be bothered by it. “I think we’re almost at a decision. Right, Mort? We’re thinking it would be fun if we just like, invented an artist. Doesn’t have to be a real one. Some are really shit, you know?”

“No. Absolutely not.” Millennia shook her head urgently, her eyes widening in alarm. “You know our professor is going to be fact checking everything, right? If we make someone up, she’s going to know and then we’re all going to get in massive amounts of trouble. Let’s just pick someone from the suggested list. It won’t be a hard assignment if we just—”

“Why the hell are you still glaring at me?” Vansell’s sudden outburst cut off Millennia’s train of thought, and she groaned as she dropped her head into her hands. She was doomed. “It’s been all fucking day; you won’t stop looking at me like that. What the hell did I do to you?”

Theta scoffed and turned his head away, crossing his arms against his chest. “Like you don’t know.”

“I don’t! I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking, you asshole!”

“Well, I’m sorry—no, I’m not—but if you don’t know, I can’t help you.”

Rather than explaining why he’d been so pissed off the entire day, Theta shot a glare in Vansell’s direction before throwing his bag over his shoulder and stomping out of the dining hall. Vansell only sighed when he disappeared out the door. Apparently, he was just going to have to put up with that bullshit forever.

//

“Hey. What did you say to Drax?”

Magnus let out a deep breath when he heard Jelpax’s voice behind him, fully ready to defend himself. To his knowledge, he hadn’t done a damn thing to Drax, but he also knew his friend was sensitive as fuck and any misstep could have been misinterpreted as a deliberately dick move. He sighed and turned around; one brow raised to Jelpax’s clearly pissed off expression.

“I don’t remember saying anything to him,” he answered, “but if you’d like to elaborate, I might be able to recall something. Probably not for a fee but I can’t say I won’t decide to blackmail you after.”

“You remember when we had that fight about him hanging on me all the time?” asked Jelpax, his tone sharp. He was sure Magnus was lying, having known him for far too long to believe he wouldn’t remember the shit he pulled. “Well, he’s all fucked up now because you and Ushas are acting like he’s doing something wrong when neither of you have any authority on the situation.”

“Ushas said something? What?”

“That the way he acts around me is weird, but it’s not, all right? You don’t know him like I do. He’s my best friend and you all need to back the fuck off because he doesn’t need this stress in his life, yeah? I know you won’t apologize for anything but if you try one more thing on him, I swear to god, I will kick your ass.”

“You’re going to kick _my_ ass?” Magnus let out a hearty laugh, shaking his head slowly. He looked back to the book in his hands, shifting to get more comfortable against the pillows on his bed. Jelpax glanced back over his shoulder instinctively, hoping Drax couldn’t hear their chatter from their room across the hall. “Sorry to tell you this, mate, but you’re a literal fucking twig. You couldn’t hurt a damn fly and you think you’re going to hurt me? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

Jelpax inhaled sharply, trying to keep himself calm through what was happening. Yes, Magnus was an absolute dick, but that didn’t mean he had to behave the same way. He was always the calming presence through his friends’ chaos—except for when things got really bad, and then he passed that role over to Rallon so he could shout—and he refused to give up that title for any reason.

“Fine, I won’t kick your ass,” said Jelpax, sighing, “but I’m not going to let you get away with this either. Drax is my best friend, Magnus, and I know you care about him too, even if you won’t admit to it. He’s not clingy, he’s dependent, and it keeps him calm. He needs that. So just leave him the hell alone, all right? Or I _will_ go to the Headmaster with shit you definitely don’t want getting out.”

“Please, like you have anything on me.”

In fact, the list of things Jelpax had on Magnus was endless, just as his list of things he had on other members of the Deca was as well. He couldn’t count how much dirt he had on his friends; all he knew was that it built up quite the pile over the years. Instead of pointing that out, however, Jelpax just nodded along. Just because he had a lot of information on his friends didn’t mean he had any interest in letting them know what that was.

//

“Seriously, what did he do to you?”

It was Rallon who asked the question, despite knowing it was a terrible idea to get involved. He tried to stay as far away from his friends’ madness as he could, but there was nothing he could do right then. His curiosity got the better of him before he could bring in his common sense and thus, he was forced to wait for Theta to answer the question as to what the hell Vansell did to piss him off so badly.

“I’m glad you asked,” said Theta, shaking his head. He clenched his hands into tight fists, glaring down at his knuckles. “Of all the things he’s ever done to me, this is the absolute worst. A crime against the universe. A tragedy to the galaxy. You see, what Nosebung did was… _exist_.”

“What?” His tone was flat. He glanced over his shoulder, looking around as he’d hoped someone else would be around to help him understand the situation, but there wasn’t. No other Deca members were to be seen, leaving him alone in the crowded halls with his ridiculous friend. “Sorry, I don’t understand. You’re upset with Vansell because he existed?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m upset with him. Sometimes I’m just having a nice day and then I look over and there’s his stupid little rat face. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, I don’t want him to exist all the time and he does it anyway. Can’t he just fuck off for a day or two? Even just an hour where I can live in a blissful world without Nosebung around to torture me?”

“I— no.” Rallon looked down to his shoes before taking another glance around the hallway. Nope. His luck ran dry again. “Theta, you have got to stop this. You’re driving Vansell insane and he’s driving me insane. Let’s just stop this madness, all right? Just stop.”

“I will stop torturing him when he stops existing,” snapped Theta bitterly, his tone all too serious considering what they were discussing. “It ruins my life every goddamn day and I would like to be able to live peacefully, if only for a few days.”

“That’s absolutely ridiculous. You can’t just ask him to stop existing, Theta. There’s no way for him to simply cease to exist. Even if you got him to like, die or something, he’d still _exist_. You just wouldn’t see him anymore. But his memory, his legacy, all that would still be intact. You can’t just tell him to stop existing.”

“Oh, but I can. We have time machines, don’t we? Go back in time and stop him from existing. It’s not that hard.”

“No, you can’t do that.” Eyes wide, Rallon shook his head, desperate to get Theta to stop before it was too late. “I’m fairly certain his birth counts as a fixed point and you can’t rewrite fixed points. It would have catastrophic repercussions for the rest of the universe.”

“Okay, you’re right. Here. Look at my face.” Theta pointed to his face and baffled, Rallon followed the line of his finger. “No, look closer. Look really, _really_ close. Great. Yeah. All right. Do I look like I give a shit?”

“I… guess you don’t.”

“No. I don’t. So, come on. Let’s see if we can find us a time machine, yeah?”

Rallon didn’t get the chance to protest before Theta grabbed onto his arm, yanking him down the corridor. Sometimes, he really wished he knew how to keep his stupid mouth shut.

//

Millennia did not fear a lot of things. She was one of the bravest people she knew, and rarely backed down from a challenge or an opponent. There were few things which could really throw her off her game, but if there was one that never ceased to take her by surprise, it was her friends and the ridiculous shenanigans they got themselves into. Or, worse, the stupid things they decided to do.

She never wanted to leave them on their own. In no reality did Millennia believe that Koschei and Mortimus were trustworthy enough to work on their project without her, but she didn’t have a choice. She had a meeting with the _Prydonian Paper_ that afternoon, and as much as she wanted to get right over to the boys, she knew that she couldn’t. Millennia had to attend to her commitments and that meant showing up later to work on their project. Of course, Mortimus and Koschei didn’t want to wait, and started without her; despite her telling them a thousand times over that they needed to hold off until she arrived.

Unsurprisingly, when she did finally make it to Koschei’s room (where they’d agreed to meet after much discussion), it was not a pretty sight. There were so many papers and writing utensils strewn about that she nearly thought she’d walked into Mortimus’s after all and sat in the middle of it were the two boys who were laughing too much for it to be good. The worst part, however, was the fact that, of all the books and things they had lying around, she didn’t recognize one single face, name, or picture that was scattered on the floor around them.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her tone sharper than he intended but conveying her meaning well. Koschei only shrugged casually, while Mortimus kept doodling something on the notebook in front of him. “I thought we’d agreed you wouldn’t start working until I got here.”

“Yeah, but we had some really great ideas, and they were a bit time sensitive,” argued Koschei. He glanced over to where Mortimus lay on his stomach to his right, ignoring the discussion going on around him. “We only have so much time to finish this project, so it’s very important we use each second to the best of its ability.”

“Okay, but what exactly are you working on during those seconds because this doesn’t look like it’s been remarkably productive. What are you even doing? Mortimus? Did you hear me? Are you just scribbling random colors onto a page?”

“Uh, no?” Mortimus scoffed, looking almost offended as he turned his gaze to meet her light gray eyes. “That would be stupid. I’m creating a piece of artwork. You see, we’ve decided to go the route we thought of the other day and make up our own artist to do the report on. It’s going to be far more fun than just writing it about someone that half the class will be doing it about too, you know?”

“Absolutely not.” It was insane. Her friends had either lost their minds or were intentionally pranking her because things had gotten completely out of hand. If they did their presentation about someone who didn’t even exist, it wouldn’t just be bad, it would result in an automatic failure. “We’re doing our presentation on something _smart_. A real, actual artist. I need this elective, you guys.”

“Yeah, so do I, but what’s the point if it’s not any fun?” Koschei reached over and grabbed a crisp from the bag between him and Mortimus, ignoring the crumbs he spilled across the floor. Theta would not be happy about that later. “I suck at art, Mort sucks at art, and I know it’s not your passion, so what the hell’s the point? Let’s just have some fun with it, yeah? It’s one assignment. How big of a deal can it be?”

“It counts for a quarter of our grade.”

“Eh.” Mortimus shrugged, still not lifting his gaze nor his colored pencil from the page. “That’s not that much compared to the rest of our grade. As long as we pull our weight for the rest of the semester, it won’t be a big deal. A quarter of the grade really isn’t that much overall, you know? I usually only get like a seventy percent in my courses anyway.”

“Okay, but if you normally get seventy percent in your courses,” started Millennia, “then drop another quarter and you’ll be down to forty-five percent. That’s not good. That’s a fail. So, can we please just do this the right way? Can we just pick a name from the list and go with that instead?”

“Nah.” As if he hadn’t heard a word she said, Koschei shook his head, glancing over to Mortimus’s work in progress. “I would rather do it the fun way. I’m probably going to fail this class regardless, so what’s the point in trying to do better at it, you know?”

“The point is that—! Never mind. I can’t even with you two.”

Millennia turned right around, shaking her head as she stormed out of the room. If she had to do the whole project by herself, then so be it. But she wasn’t going to get dragged into their ridiculous shenanigans. Not this time.

//

It wasn’t hard to tell when Drax was in a mood, but it _was_ hard to discern the dramatic from the real.

He was overly expressive from the first day Ushas met him and quite honestly, she’d never really cared for it much. Women were stereotyped as the emotional ones, yet she rarely shed her poker face and he was basically a walking ball of emotional turnover. His mood changed every six seconds and he thought it was funny to mess with people too, so you couldn’t even tell when he was really upset over something or if he was just trying to make you feel bad for the hell of it.

That day, however, Ushas was quick to realize that he was deeply bothered. He cracked none of his usual jokes, kept fidgeting and snapping at the rubber band around his wrist, and bit down on his lip more often than he actually spoke. Even Jelpax couldn’t get him to smile, and weirdly enough, he kept pulling away from his friend like he didn’t want to be close. It was only after the fourth or fifth time she saw that happen when it finally clicked what happened.

She made a comment about the way Drax always hung all over his friend. It meant nothing. Magnus made those kinds of comments all the time. But, apparently, whatever she’d said at breakfast that morning—honestly, she couldn’t even remember exactly what it was anymore—had bothered him so badly that he felt like he couldn’t act like himself anymore and as she was responsible, Ushas felt unfortunately responsible to help him fix it.

“Hey.” Ushas knew there was not enough compassion in her tone, but she also didn’t have it in her to fix it. Again, she was not remarkably emotional and felt no need to express more sympathy than she naturally experienced. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough for Drax and he ignored her, walking out of the classroom without a word. “Drax, seriously. Stop for a second. Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His tone was definitively not fine, but Ushas didn’t know how to say that without sounding like a bitch. “There’s really nothing wrong and I don’t want to talk about it so can we just leave it alone? Or rather, can you just leave me alone? I have no interest in speaking with you right now.”

“Okay, so you’re definitely pissed at me then.” She had to follow him down the corridor when he tried to walk away, doing her best to stop him from getting away. Ushas may not have been sensitive, but she was stubborn as hell. “Listen, if this is about what happened at breakfast, you should know that I was just fucking with you. Do I think it’s kind of odd that you’re always hanging on Jelpax? Sure. But I also know both of you really well and I know that for you two, it’s normal. I wasn’t judging, I was just making a comment. A joke, even. I don’t remember what I said but I feel like it was humorous, yeah?”

“No. It was not humorous. I was not laughing. Jelpax was not laughing. I have been feeling uncomfortable as shit the entire day and I don’t want to talk about this so just leave me alone, all right? I’m serious. I really, really do not want to discuss this with you.”

“All right, but if you don’t say anything to me now, you’re not going to say anything to anyone and then you’re just going to make things worse.” Drax glanced down at his arms after she spoke, tugging his sleeves down a little further. She made the decision not to comment on the movement. “Honestly, Drax, I just want to help. I know I’m a bitch and I shouldn’t have said those things but I’m sorry and I want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“You want to make sure I’m okay?” He almost seemed like he was laughing at her, his tone filled with angry amusement. “You fucking hate my guts, Ushas. The only reason we’re ever even around each other or pretend that we’re friends is because we’re both part of the Deca. We don’t hang out on our own, we don’t get along, and I know I annoy the shit out of you so why don’t you just let it go already?”

Ushas’s heart dropped into her stomach. She knew that Drax was sensitive, but she hadn’t realized her comments had built up to a point where he genuinely believed that she hated him. Ever since they’d met, Ushas had always thought of Drax like her younger brother. Was he irritating? Yes. Was he emotionally dependent as fuck? Yes. But that didn’t mean she didn’t love him. That didn’t mean she didn’t care about him as if he really _were_ related to her by blood.

“You do annoy the shit out of me,” Ushas started, wanting to be honest with her words, “but I do care about you, Drax. I never meant to hurt you this badly. Have I meant to hurt you in the past? Sure. I’ve done some rather questionable experiments with you as my lab rat—sorry again for turning you blue—but you’re my friend. You mean a lot to me.”

“Well, you certainly have a fucked-up way of showing it.”

For a split second, Ushas thought that Drax was going to say something else, to elaborate and let her know that he forgave her and understood that she was only making a joke, but he didn’t. Instead, he just shook his head and resumed walking down the hall. She didn’t go after him that time.

//

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. There’s no way he said that.”

“No, he did.” Rallon looked almost terrified as he curled into the corner by his bed, his eyes wide and his body rocking back and forth slightly. Vansell still hadn’t gotten out of him what exactly happened, but he knew that it was something to do with Theta. “He said that he wants you to stop existing and then he tried to get me to steal a TARDIS with him. I thought we were going to die.”

“Wait, _what_?” It wasn’t just the fact that Theta had literally tried to have him erased from history that was concerning, it was the fact that however he’d tried to do it apparently nearly resulted in the death of Rallon. And possibly himself too. “Okay, back up for a second. What the hell was Theta trying to make you do? He wasn’t seriously trying to get me erased from existence, was he? That’s fucking insane.”

“I don’t know if he was serious or not, but we certainly broke into the TARDIS hall and we certainly touched things we were not supposed to be touching. I thought we’d get expelled or something. I couldn’t tell whether he was really going to go through with it either and it was fucking terrifying. I’m never doing anything like that again.”

He shuddered as he wrapped his arms around his knees, staring back to the floor beneath him. Vansell rolled his eyes, wishing he had a more reliable source to give him the full story but knowing that his only other option was the lunatic who’d arranged the whole scheme in the first place. As such, he simply sighed, accepting that he would never truly know what went down that day.

“All right, well, do you think I should be concerned?” he asked, hoping that he wouldn’t have to watch his back too closely. He didn’t have the time to put up with all of Theta’s ridiculous shenanigans. “Like, is he just on one of his bullshit rants, or…?”

“I don’t know.” Normally, Vansell would have pushed him to say more, but Rallon’s tone sounded too genuine to argue with. “I mean, I thought I knew? But I don’t know. At first, I thought he was just being ridiculous but then, like I said, it really seemed like he was going to go through with it. It was pretty much terrifying. Remind me to never get involved in his schemes again.”

“Collectively, we all remind you of that about forty-six times a week, but all right. Whatever you say. So, ignoring whether or not you think he’s being genuine, do you think that I should be concerned? Should I keep an eye on myself or is it going to fizzle out by tomorrow?”

“Keep an eye on yourself. Definitely. You don’t have to be watching too closely but yeah. I would definitely, _definitely_ watch your back. Like I told you, I don’t know if he was telling me the truth or not, but he seemed far too enthused about the fact that there’s a way to wipe your existence out of the records. Not that I told him that! I definitely did not mention that as an alternative to preventing your birth.”

“Oh, my god, you idiot!” If they weren’t on opposite sides of the dorm room, Vansell would have walked right over and slapped him across the head. “Now he’s not just going to try and prevent my birth, he’s going to try and get me exiled. You know how much that little shit hates me. Fucking hell.”

“Okay, it’s not that big a deal.” Rallon turned to look at him, raising his hands up in defense. “I know I said I was doubtful, but Theta is a good person, right? He wouldn’t do anything _that_ bad, you know? I think he’s just having a laugh or something. You probably just pissed him off like you always do, and he decided to go and make a fat joke out of it.”

“Maybe, but I can’t trust him. Bitch has got a dark side like you’d never imagine. Only reason no one’s called him out on it yet is because he likes the rest of you. Most of the time. But he hates my fucking guts and if he’s really out to destroy me, I don’t doubt he tries to kill me before the end of the week.”

“I mean, he kind of did already try to kill you. You know, stealing a TARDIS and going back in time to prevent you from ever existing kind of counts, doesn’t it? Even if it didn’t quite pan out the way he thought it would.”

“All right, that’s it. I’m fucked. End of discussion. Let’s just get through life while I still have one.”

He sighed deeply as he turned back to his homework. There was no real guarantee that Theta would try and put a hit on his head, but if he did, at least Vansell was prepared for it.

//

Though she was still utterly annoyed by it, in all honesty, what Koschei and Mortimus managed to come up with was rather impressive.

Millennia didn’t see it until the next day, since she’d been too busy trying to create a backup plan, but when she did see it, she almost wanted to turn it in. Koschei and Mortimus had come up with an extremely elaborate story to explain their fictional artist, and far more paintings than they needed for it to seem real. Their plan was fun, if nothing else, though Millennia still wanted to make sure she got a good grade in her class and rejected their offer to turn it in yet again.

“Oh, come on, Mil, please?” Mortimus was almost begging, his hands clasped together in a way that only made her roll her eyes. He leaned back against his bed, glancing over to Koschei who was giving her a similar look with his eyes. “We have put so much effort into this. Even if she doesn’t think it counts as a presentation, there’s no way Professor Quendria won’t give us credit for the art itself.”

“Actually, she will, because this isn’t just an art class,” said Millennia, rolling her eyes. “It’s not drawing or anything, we’re in art appreciation. Doodles don’t matter. This class is about essays and perspectives and words. We’re only supposed to be admiring the art and commenting on it, not making it.”

Mortimus blinked. “Well, where the hell’s the fun in that?”

“It’s not supposed to be fun, Mort. It’s a class. You learn from it. There’s no reason to be acting like it’s anything more than that. Either you enjoy the subject material, or you don’t. Regardless, I need to pass this, and I know you do too, so we have to come to some sort of an agreement on this, all right? We can’t just keep pretending that something is going to happen if we keep arguing.”

“Oh, but that’s so much more entertaining,” Koschei groaned. He glanced over at the clock, turning back after he’d acknowledged that they still had time before breakfast. “Okay, look. How about we bring our presentation, and if Professor Quendria doesn’t like it, then you can do yours and we’ll say ours was like, a bonus, gag, art project or something. She’ll appreciate that, right? She’s an artist.”

“She’s an artist, yeah, but she’s also a professor. If you walk in there with something that’s completely opposite to what she’s asked for, she’s not going to give you a good grade on it. It doesn’t matter if she appreciates it or not, it’s not what you were meant to turn in and I highly doubt she’s going to give you any grace on that.”

“Yeah, but she could.” Mortimus’s tone was almost astounding as he shrugged casually, far too relaxed about the whole situation for Millennia’s taste. He was acting like it was no big deal, like losing a whole quarter of their grade wouldn’t affect a thing. “I mean, she let Drax off the hook that one time when he painted shit just ‘cos she thought he was creative. How d’you know that won’t happen with us?”

“Uh, because again, that was on a completely different type of project.” Millennia took a deep breath, doing her best to keep herself calm. She had a hell of a temper, but she cared about her friends and she didn’t want to accidentally hurt them in her mood. “Look, we just need to make a proper project, all right? We still have a few days to pull this together, so if we can all agree on one artist, then we can do this.”

“Yeah, but I pick the artist that we came up with, so…”

“I pick her too. She’s hilarious.” Koschei nodded, pointing over to Mortimus eagerly. “Oh, you know, I meant to tell you, I was thinking we should make her a lesbian. I don’t feel like she’s the type to need any man in her life, d’you?”

“No, you’re absolutely right.” Before he’d even finished speaking, Mortimus was already scribbling words down on the page in front of him. “That’s cool too, ‘cos my sister’s a lesbian. What? Have I never mentioned that before?”

Millennia stared at him; her brow furrowed in confusion. “You’ve never even mentioned that you had a sister before. What are you talking about?”

“My sister.” He looked equally as baffled as she was, shaking his head slowly. “You know, Mairead? She’s my twin sister. Mai. Come on. You know her. Right? You don’t— you don’t know her, do you? Wow, this is awkward.”

“Are you sure you’re not making her up?” asked Koschei hesitantly.

“No, he’s not.” It was Magnus who spoke up, finally acknowledging their presence from where he was sat at his desk on the other side of the room. “I’ve met her a few times. She’s an absolute bitch. Won’t talk to either of us most of the time. No wonder you’ve never mentioned her, Mort. I’d disown her too.”

“Hey, I didn’t disown her, she disowned me.” Mortimus crossed his arms bitterly, though the look in his eyes seemed more sad than anything else. “Anyway, I think you were onto something good there, mate. Let’s add some more depth to her character. We have to make sure she’s as convincing as we can possibly make her.”

Millennia groaned and looked over to Magnus for help deterring the others, but it was no use. He’d already gone back to his own work, leaving her alone to figure out how to stop her friends’ absolute insanity.

//

Jelpax was already planning to make tea, and talk, and give Drax a good, long hug when he got back to their dorm that night, but he moved up the whole plan and decided to skip the first two steps the moment he walked in. He was expecting Drax to still be in a mood, but he wasn’t just. No, he was lying face down on his pillows, sniffling quietly with his arms thrown over his head in distress.

Sighing softly, Jelpax dropped his bag onto the floor beside him and walked over to his bed, silently sitting down on the side of it. Drax shifted a little, clearly registering the weight beside him, but didn’t move a muscle. He just stayed where he lay, barely moving when Jelpax slid a hand on his face to gently pull away his fluffy, light brown bangs. Drax’s deep green eyes blinked up at him, though he turned back into the pillows after a second; hiding what was visible of his freckles.

“Drax, come on.” Jelpax tried to nudge his friend to move again, but he wouldn’t listen. “You know I’m not upset with you, right? This has been a shitty day and I know that, but I think we should just try and move past it. Ushas and Magnus are always being like that and just because they’re being assholes doesn’t mean you have to let it get to you.”

“Well, I can’t just stop it either.” His fingers curled around the edges of his hair, his face shifting deeper into it. Jelpax resisted the urge to pull him back before he suffocated. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. Like I said before, I think they’re probably right. I was really clingy when I was a little kid because of… shit and I don’t know; I should have stopped being clingy and I didn’t. It’s time I grow up.”

He hesitated before saying a word. In all honesty, as much as Jelpax wanted what was best for his friend, he was being selfish with his arguments too. Over the years, Jelpax had come to a point where he was comforted by Drax’s touch just as much as his best friend was, and the idea of being apart from him every day didn’t sound like a good plan at all.

“Okay, but what if you didn’t?” he started hesitantly. “I mean, do whatever makes you comfortable, of course, but honestly, I’ve gotten _really_ used to how clingy you are over the years and I’m not sure I could function without it. Not to say I _want_ you to be hanging all over me, but it’s just the normal now and it seems like it would be weird if you—”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Drax sat up suddenly, flapping his arms around as he shoved himself into an upright position; his eyes narrowed as he scanned each part of Jelpax’s face. “You _do_ like it, don’t you? You’re not trying to make me feel better, you just want me to keep hanging all the time. All these years, you’ve secretly _liked_ how clingy I am. Right? Tell me I’m wrong, Pax. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Obviously, you’re—” Not necessarily wanting to lie but not wanting to upset Drax again either, Jelpax sighed, pushing a hand through his own curly red hair. “No. I’m not saying it. Not happening. Nope. We are not having this discussion.”

“But we already are.” Finally, fucking _finally_ , the smile was back on his face as he reached out to poke Jelpax’s chest playfully. “You _do_ like hugs. All these years I thought you were just putting up with them because you’re my best friend, but you love them, don’t you? You _love_ the hugs.”

“I absolutely do not! I am a lot of things, but I am _not_ a fan of hugs. I’m not. There is no reason to be spreading lies about me like that. And even if I did like hugs, I would only like hugs from a select group of people because people in general are still just—”

Jelpax didn’t get the chance to finish his thought, cut off by Drax’s arms being flung around his shoulders. He groaned when Drax squeezed him tighter but couldn’t honestly keep the smile off his face. No, Jelpax wasn’t remarkably fond of physical contact or touch in any way, but it was different with Drax. It was different with his best friend.

“All right, all right, that’s enough.” Jelpax’s tone was still humorous and gentle, doing his best to make sure that Drax stayed in the good mood he’d finally returned to. He leaned back a little when Drax pulled away, giving Jelpax a smug look. “Stop looking at me like that. I didn’t confess to anything. You just tackled me with a hug and decided you won for some reason. That’s not fair.”

“Nothing is fair when it comes to me. My entire life built around cheating, mate.”

He only rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like he could exactly argue.

//

From the first time he saw Theta peek around the corner that morning, Vansell felt like he was in the middle of a horror movie. Not just any horror movie, but one of those ones where the main character spends the whole ninety minutes being stalked only to get murdered at the end of it. His heart raced every time he turned a corner or walked through a door, terrified that he might come face to face with the person who wanted him to cease existing altogether.

He wanted to just avoid Theta, to stay as far away from him as he could, but he no longer had an option. It was the weekly Deca meeting, and it was either go and put up with Theta for an hour or get his ass kicked by Ushas. There was no winning, but at least one didn’t mean he was _guaranteed_ to get pummeled.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about it,” said Rallon, as they continued down the corridor towards Borusa’s classroom, “and I really don’t think that Theta is going to try and get you killed. Yeah, it might seem like he hates you that much sometimes—”

“He does,” Vansell interjected flatly.

“—but you know how much of a prankster he is. He’s probably just trying to get you scared or something. It’s not like he’s actually going to come out and— holy mother of—!”

Rallon cut himself off suddenly, when Theta leapt out of nowhere and tumbled out in front of them with an evil grin on his face. He held out a bottle of water to Vansell, who shook his head frantically, rejecting the offer before Theta could even say a word. It was poisoned. It _had_ to be poisoned. There was no other reason for Theta to try and give it to him. The little bastard was just trying to take him out before he learned to regenerate.

“What the hell are you trying to do to me?”

“Nothing!” Theta feigned offense, clapping a hand over his chest dramatically. “I just happened to see you two on your way to the meeting and I thought you might want to share some of my before school snack.”

“You mean breakfast?” asked Rallon blankly, realizing too late he’d gotten himself involved in the conversation. Already panicking, he blinked twice before shuffling past his friends awkwardly and urgently. “Sorry, I’m just going to pop off now. Don’t want to be late to the meeting.”

“Yeah, we shouldn’t be late either.”

Vansell gave Theta a shifty eye when he turned to walk past, never once letting the boy out of his sight. He was not going to get himself killed because he wasn’t smart enough to keep Theta where he could see him at all times, and so he even stopped to open the door for his friend. He couldn’t take any chances.

They were one minute late when they walked into the classroom and Ushas scolded them for it as they’d expected. Not that Vansell cared to respond with anything more than a quick roll of the eyes, of course, as he was too busy choosing a better seat from which he would be able to keep a close eye on Theta.

“Anyway, I was about to discuss how I’ve been working to be more productive during my time at the dorms,” said Ushas, as if she somehow believed anyone would be interested in listening to that lecture. “You see, I think we’re spending far too much time messing around when we could be using it to—”

“Literally not one person gives a shit.” Drax groaned and snapped a rubber band in her direction, smiling when she ducked, and it slammed into the wall behind her. “Can we talk about what happened with Mil’s project? I heard Mortimus totally tanked it for you, yeah? Or was that just a rumor?”

“Why would I spread rumors about myself?” asked Mortimus, rolling his eyes. He wasn’t actually the one to tell Drax about what happened—that was Theta, having heard it from Koschei and thinking it was hilarious—but no one bothered to question what he said. Mortimus was unintelligible half the time anyway. “Anyway, I’m not telling the story because Millennia will clock me but yeah, it was pretty much a disaster. Through no fault of my own, I might add.”

“Through no fault of your own?” Koschei gaped, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re the one who came up with the idea to invent our own fictional artist, you moron!”

“What? I am not! That was _all_ you. I just decided to go along with it because _you_ were blackmailing me. Dick.”

“Right, of course, there’s no way you’re just trying to avoid taking the blame because it was _your_ idea and you don’t want anyone to know that. Tell me I’m wrong, Mort. Tell me I’m fucking wrong.”

“Can you both just shut the hell up?” asked Vansell, rubbing his temples. He had too much to deal with considering Theta was trying to murder him; he didn’t need to be listening to their pointless arguments as well. “Let’s talk about something more productive, please. Obviously, your stupid presentation went wrong but nobody cares why. Any _civil_ topics to discuss today?”

Of course, given who they were talking about, the answer to that question was ‘absolutely not’. The only other topics anyone could think of were making fun of Vansell for the rest of the time (from Theta, obviously), or discussing their recent study methods, which nobody but Ushas was keen to do. In fact, they were all so horribly repulsed by the idea that they got themselves into yet _another_ argument while talking about how boring and stupid of a conversation that would be.

“All right, all right,” Millennia started, finally moving the conversation back into a more interesting direction. “Since you’re all so interested in our stupid project, you should know that I still passed. See, I knew those two were working on some seriously stupid project, so I decided to go ahead and make my own separate one just in case. Which was a good idea because I ended up presenting that instead after the boys turned in _that_ thing and thankfully, our professor let me pass.”

“And I am so proud of you for that,” said Rallon, smiling at her a little too sweetly. Magnus rolled his eyes, but no one else seemed to care. “That was supposed to be a three-person assignment and you did it all on your own. That’s so impressive.”

“Yeah, yeah, you love your girlfriend, we get it.” Drax sighed dramatically, kicking his legs up onto the seat in front of him. “No reason to be rubbing it in the faces of us single blokes.”

“Drax, you could literally land any girl you wanted,” Ushas pointed out, her tone flat. “Believe me, I’ve seen enough of them making eyes at you. You’re single by choice so don’t be acting like it’s Rallon’s fault.”

“What? I wasn’t saying I didn’t _want_ to be single; I was just pointing out the act that he’s really showing off the fact that he’s not. Nobody cares that you’re in a relationship, you know.”

“You cried when we got together,” said Millennia.

“It was a long time coming, okay?!” He glanced around the room awkwardly, crossing his arms against his chest. “Listen, I don’t have to explain myself to you. I’m allowed to stan my friends’ relationship if I want to.”

“But you just said you don’t care?”

Vansell tuned them out as they continued to go on about the thing he _honestly_ couldn’t care less about. He turned his gaze back over to Theta, his fingers gripping around the edge of his desk when he realized his rival was already looking back at him. He dragged one finger across his throat, an evil grin creeping up his face.

Though he was almost entirely certain Theta was just messing around as he winked and turned away right after, Vansell resolved to watch his back. If Theta were planning anything, he _would_ be prepared for it. After all, he did know more about the kid than anyone else, and that gave him an edge no one would ever see coming.


	4. The Kissing Tape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drax and Vansell encourage a gag which gets out of hand. Magnus pursues Ushas. Theta and Koschei question everything.

Ushas was a lot of things, but she was not oblivious. She knew exactly what Magnus was doing and how long he’d been doing it for, she just didn’t care to respond to it. Not that she necessarily didn’t _like_ it, just that she didn’t want to humor him. Ushas fully appreciated the affections and she loved that someone was fawning over her in their own way, but why it had to be _him_ of all people was beyond her. Truly unfortunate, to say the least.

“Hey.” Speak of the devil, it was Magnus who stepped over the couch to flop down beside her; his deep blond hair pulled back into a ponytail and his sharp green eyes looking straight at Ushas, though he didn’t look any happier than usual. “You see the others yet today? I heard from Van earlier but haven’t seen anyone else. Little afraid they’re planning to burn down the Academy today.”

“Yeah? What’s it matter if they are?” asked Ushas, not looking up from her book. She didn’t mind speaking with Magnus, but she was not going to be deterred from her studying. “It’s not like they’re ever going to succeed. Nearly every one of their plans absolutely backfires. No, they’ll be aiming smaller scale. Just because we have the day off doesn’t mean they’re going to become ten times stupider.”

“Have you never met them before?” he scoffed, giving her a look. “They look at a day off and think it’s an invitation for the biggest scheme in the entire world, you know what I’m saying? Someone is going to be dead by the end of the day, no doubt. Probably a Scendel, possibly Mortimus. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

“No, Mortimus is going to end up dying by his own— okay, I suppose you’re right. He _could_ be the one doing something stupid enough to get himself killed. I mean, he did jump off the building that one time. That was probably one of the stupidest things he’s ever done.”

“Stupider than trying to convince us he was a superhero after the fact? Right. Listen, I know our friends are pretty much insane and you know that too, so we only have a couple of options here. Go find and stop them or hang out on our own and just avoid the chaos. Take your pick.”

“Do I have to hang out with you?” Ushas questioned, raising a brow in his direction.

He smirked and draped an arm around her shoulders. “What other choice would you have?”

//

“I really don’t understand why you all dislike it so much.”

Drax spun the lens on his camera one more time, sighing as he looked over to his friends. Theta and Koschei were both sat on the couch, while Vansell shunned them from a nearby chair and Drax did whatever he could to get the best angles he could. He was getting a lot better at filming things, and he wanted to include his friends in his projects. The only problem being that they didn’t share the same enthusiasm.

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” asked Koschei, rolling his eyes. “Just let you film our entire lives? Yeah, I don’t think so, mate. It’s not like anything interesting is going to happen anyway. We’re just studying. Doesn’t get duller than that.”

“So, make something fun happen.” Drax was not about to give up just because his friends were being boring. He had high ambitions and he intended to fulfill at least some of them. “Why don’t you two pretend to fight or something and we can have an argument on film?”

“An argument? No thanks.” Of course, it was Theta who was ruining his plans that time, not turning his gaze from the novel he was reading. “For one thing, I’d rather not have that on camera, and for another, we’re in the library. There’s no way I’m going to get into an argument with you lot and risk pissing off… what’s-her-face. You know, the old librarian lady.”

“No, I thought you were talking about someone else. Come on, just do something fun, please. You could pretend to sword fight, or write some slam poetry, or make up characters, or you could, uh, snog?”

“Oh, my god, yes.” Vansell practically threw his own book away, quickly moving to sit up more normally as his eyes locked on his friends. “That’s a brilliant idea. Get that on camera. Okay, three, two, one, go. What the hell? You two didn’t even do anything.”

“Yeah, ‘cos I’m not kissing Theta.” Koschei shook his head slowly, one hand resting against his temple. “He’s my best friend, not my boyfriend. Right, Thete?”

Theta, who’d been utterly silent and frozen in his seat up until that point, nodded quickly. “Yeah, absolutely. “I would never kiss Koschei. That’s disgusting. Ew. Why would I want to make out with my best friend? He’s not even good looking. No offense, Kos, I’m just saying that I wouldn’t— yeah, you get the point.”

“I do, but you don’t have to be such a dick about it.”

“And you don’t both have to be such pussies about it,” interrupted Vansell, ignoring the looks they gave him. “What? I’m just saying, based on your reactions, you’re both way too chicken to make out. Pathetic. With everything I’ve seen you do, I thought making out would be a walk in the park, but it is what it is, I suppose. Everyone has their limit; however pathetic it may be.”

“Wait, wait, wait, I’m not weak.” Koschei sat up quickly, shooting a glare in Vansell’s direction. “I’m just not interested in making out with my best friend because it would be weird.”

“And you’re a chicken?” said Drax, clicking the recording button on. If nothing else, at least he could get some footage of them making fun of each other. “Come on, just one little snog for the camera. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just for fun. It’s just so we have something to remember of the night, yeah?”

“For one thing, it’s stupid. For another, it’s nine in the goddamn morning.”

“Yeah, whatever. You’re a bunch of chickens. Boc!”

“He’s right for once.” Vansell crossed his arms, an annoyingly smug look appearing on his face. “Can’t believe you two would back down from this challenge after you’ve done so much else. How does this even compare to the shit you’ve done in the past?”

“Right?” Drax nodded in Vansell’s direction, doing his best to win his friends over. “Just one snog. That’s all I’m asking for. Come on. Just so that we can have something stupid to look back on when we’re all old and stuffy and shit.”

“I have no plans to become old and stuffy but yeah, what he said.”

“No!”

“Please?”

“ _No_.”

“Come on, just one—”

“ _No!_ ”

“Just a little kiss and we can all—”

Drax’s jaw dropped but not as fast as Vansell’s. Koschei was in the middle of adamantly denying the challenge when Theta suddenly spun to face him, throwing his hands on either side of Koschei’s face and shoving their lips together. Instantly, both Vansell and Drax froze where they stood, though neither of them were stopped more than Koschei who stayed shock still until Theta finally pulled back, not acknowledging any of his friends as he turned back to his novel.

Nobody knew what to do. Drax hadn’t thought they would actually do it, and Vansell hadn’t either. He just thought it was hilarious given he and Rallon’s running gag of shipping the pair, and the fact that something actually happened still hadn’t registered in his brain. All he knew was that he needed to message his roommate, and he needed to get the footage to prove that what he was saying actually happened.

“You have to give me that tape,” he demanded, whipping around to face Drax.

“No, I don’t.” Drax shook his head, moving his arm back when Vansell tried to grab the camera right out of his hand. “Hey, whoa, what the hell, mate? I don’t go around trying to touch your personal property!”

“Dick, you have _dismantled_ my personal property. If anything, you owe me a thousand of these things just for that. Now hand the tape over before I take it from you myself.”

“Absolutely not. This is the greatest footage I have gotten so far, and I am _not_ going to lose it to your sorry ass.”

Drax turned and ran out of the library, Vansell not even reaching for his bag before he chased after him. Once they were gone, Koschei slowly shifted his gaze to look at Theta, who was still staring down at his novel, despite not having turned his page in ages. He barely even blinked as he looked down to the words in front of him, his hazel eyes frozen in shock.

“So… that happened.”

“Yep.” Theta slammed his book shut suddenly, rising to his feet as he turned to look back at Koschei. “I have to go get that thing from that place I left it in. I’ll talk to you later. Probably. Might die of embarrassment first.”

He was gone before Koschei had the chance to say a word.

//

Rallon’s jaw dropped, his eyes going wide as Vansell recounted exactly what he’d missed. The one time he decided not to go to the library, the one time he chose to stay in and study at home, the most momentous event occurred, and he wasn’t there to see it. He shook his head yet again, hoping beyond anything that his roommate was lying.

“No,” he said, his fingers gripping onto the edge of his desk. “There’s no way that happened and I missed it. You’re just making things up, right? You’re not saying I seriously missed it?”

“I am.” Vansell nodded a little too enthusiastically, and Rallon’s shoulders sagged. “But listen, the good news is, Drax got the whole thing on film. All we have to do is get the tape from him. Of course, he didn’t seem too keen to let me have it. I chased him halfway across the room before he dove into some empty classroom and locked me out. So. Game plan. You in?”

“Obviously, I am.” Yes, Rallon was trying to steer clear of the crazy, but he was also one of the two longest-standing Thoschei shippers and he was not going to quit until he had proof that Vansell wasn’t just yanking his chain. “You just have to promise we’re not going to go too far with this, yeah? I’m all for getting the footage but I don’t want to die doing it.”

“Fantastic, I don’t either. All we have to do is find a way to get the camera from Drax. It can’t be that hard, right? If we pin him down, he has no physical strength and he won’t be able to resist us. But he _is_ a tech whiz and probably already locked us out of the camera or stored the footage elsewhere, in which case, we should probably start by—”

“Hey, all right, back up please. You’re getting far off from what we’re going to need to do. Er, what we’re _probably_ going to need to do. You can’t build our entire plan around assumptions.”

“Why not? I’ve known Drax for _years_ ,” said Vansell, as if that somehow made him a genius. “I’m pretty sure I can guess what he’s going to do with that footage.”

“No.” Rallon shook his head again, crossing his arms against his chest. He was almost ready to just give up. “The only person who could accurately guess what he’s going to do is— that’s it! Jelpax! We have to find Jelpax!”

“Okay, calm down. That’s a good start, but what if we don’t find him? We need a plan b.”

“We absolutely do not. This is foolproof. Come on!”

Vansell opened his mouth to protest, but he didn’t get the chance to actually tell his roommate “no” before Rallon was already well out the door, hurrying down the hall to find their friend.

//

“All right, here’s the thing.” Ushas leaned back into the couch, glancing around the somewhat busy room. “You’re being weirdly nice today and while I’d like to believe it’s because you’ve had a change of heart, I’m fairly certain that can’t be true, yeah?”

“I’m not being weirdly nice,” argued Magnus, crossing his arms. “If anything, _you’re_ the one who’s being weirdly nice. Normally, you would’ve told me to fuck off by now and you haven’t, and I’m fairly sure that says more about you than it does about me.”

Ushas groaned, taking another sip of her drink. She wasn’t an idiot. As much as she wished she were oblivious, Ushas was entirely aware of the fact that Magnus fancied her. It was unclear exactly how long he’d fancied her for, but she knew when he’d started advancing and she wasn’t sure how to respond to it. Did she dislike him? No. But did she _like_ him? Also no. So, she just made it as clear as she could that, at least at the moment, she wasn’t interested in pursuing anything.

“Right, well, I don’t tell people to fuck off every day.” Plus, they were sitting in the middle of the student lounge, and it would make quite the scene to do that in front of everyone. She had no plans to get in trouble with her professors on their one day off. “Now, would you just quiet down for a few minutes? Some of us are trying to study.”

“Studying?” Contrary to what she’d requested, Magnus rose from his seat in the chair across from her and flopped onto the couch, leaning over to view her textbook. He gently closed the cover, giving her a look. “Ushas, this is our only day off for the rest of the semester. Do you really want to spend it studying?”

“Well, no, but I want to succeed, and that means—”

“That means, you need time to recharge your brain. Come on, just stand up for a few minutes, yeah? Relax, stretch your mind. I know you’ve got this whole way about you, but it _is_ okay to relax sometimes, you know? Just—”

“What the hell are you doing?” Mortimus practically shouted out the words when he stepped into the room, his eyes going wide when he realized that Magnus’s arm was resting around Ushas’s shoulders. His jaw dropped as he approached them, suddenly glaring in his roommate’s direction. “Are you hitting on my friend?”

“Uh, for one thing, no.” He shook his head, one brow raised in confusion. “And for another, she’s not only your friend. Also, you hit on all of us, like, all the time. Especially Drax. So, what’s the big deal? I’m allowed to sit with _my_ friend, you know.”

“Yeah, but I hit on you lot as a joke and you’re toxic as shit, so you better not try and get with her. No offense, Ushas, you’re lovely, but Magnus is a piece of work. Believed me, I’ve had to share a room with him since the day we first met. On which, he loudly declared his distaste for me, I might add.”

“No, I was utterly silent. I recall not saying a word to you for two weeks. Or was that someone else?”

“See, the fact that you can’t even remember who you were a dick to is exactly the problem.” Mortimus turned to look at Ushas, who was sat with her lips in a tight line. She was not in the mood to be in the middle of their shit. “So, if you wouldn’t mind getting the hell away from my friend, then I think—”

“Oh, for the love of god, can we just stop this?” Ushas pulled away from Magnus, clutching her book in one hand as she rose to her feet. “For one thing, I’m friends with both of you, so stop acting like I’m not. For another, I literally could not care less about whatever this is, so by all means fight it out, but I won’t be a part of it.”

She rolled her eyes at them one last time before shoving her way out of the room. Ushas loved her friends, she truly did, but men were just intolerable sometimes and there were two ways about that.

//

Somehow, Theta managed to walk out of the library with his head held high, but Koschei was too thoroughly stunned to say a word. He just sort of stared at his friend when he tried to talk and move past the moment, and before he knew what was happening, Theta had run off and he had no idea how to proceed.

He was fairly certain Theta fancied him, at least a little. According to his journal, Theta thought that Koschei’s pecs were something to be admired and if that were true—which he assumed it was, as he couldn’t think of why Theta would lie in his private journal unless for a truly elaborate joke—then he felt at least _something_ , it just wasn’t clear what.

Considering he couldn’t get himself to talk to Theta, Koschei decided the next best person to go to would be Drax. Not because he had any sort of expertise in the field of romance (quite the opposite), but because he had the footage of the kiss. If Koschei could see that, he could figure out from the look on Theta’s face whether he enjoyed it, or if it really was just to get their friends to shut up as he’d claimed.

Unfortunately, it took close to an hour for him to track Drax down and by the time he found him on the steps outside the Academy, sketchbook in hand and earbuds stuck on both sides, his camera was nowhere to be seen. Nevertheless, Koschei sat down beside him, hoping he could at least give him some information on what was happening.

“Hello, mate.” Drax didn’t look up from his sketch, continuing to work away on the detailed outline of what looked to be a skimmer. His right hand pulled one earbud out, the left gliding easily across the page; filling in the drawing as it turned from a doodle into plans. “Can I help you with anything or are you just here to stare at me while I work?”

“No, I was actually wondering if I could see that video from earlier?” The moment Koschei asked the question, Drax groaned, though he wasn’t quite sure why. “Please? I’m trying to figure out if Theta fancies me or if he was just doing it to make you and Vansell shut up.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. You might be selling it to him and Rallon. Why do you care anyway? Aren’t you into Ushas or something?”

“Uh, no. Dammit, you’re like the third person to ask that in the last couple months. I’m allowed to be close friends with a woman without it being romantic, you know.”

“Mm, whatever you say.” Drax nodded along, though he clearly wasn’t convinced. “Anyway, it’s cool if you fancy both of them, but I’m not showing you the tape. I’ve already locked it away, and I can’t risk removing it from its secure hiding space.”

“Why not?” Since they’d all met, Koschei’s friends had done a lot of strange things, but this was not one of the ones which he could easily decode. “It’s not some priceless treasure, you know. It’s a goddamn home movie. Just let me see it. I want to know why Theta snogged me.”

“Well, if you want to know, why don’t you just go ask him? Rallon and Vansell want the tape from me and I’m not letting them have it. I take it out, I risk it all. Best figure out a new solution to your problem, mate, ‘cos I got nothing for you.”

Koschei reached out to stop Drax from walking away, but it was too late. He’d already stood up and was heading back into the building, leaving Koschei alone to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do next.

//

For once, Jelpax was hoping to have a nice, peaceful day.

Drax was gone somewhere, likely off pulling a prank, which left him alone in the dorm to relax and read as he wished. But, of course, not all of his friends were so willing to let him chill out for a day, nor to take the day off for themselves, and so he was forced to abandon his book to answer the door. At first, he was slightly relieved to find that Rallon and Vansell were on the other side of it, but then he saw the expressions they wore and realized they were just as crazy as the rest of the Deca.

“Hey, has Drax been through here?” asked Vansell quickly, shoving his way into the room before Jelpax could even begin to shake his head. “Dammit. Well, how long have you been around for? We’re trying to find something, and we think you might know where it is.”

“I have no idea what this is about,” Jelpax told them, watching as both Rallon and Vansell turned to search Drax’s side of the room, “but I guarantee you, I do not know where anything is. I’ve asked Drax to keep me out of schemes like that and so far, he’s been doing a damn good job accepting my request. But thanks for thinking of me.”

“Please, Jel, we don’t have time for the sarcasm.” Rallon sounded exasperated, running his hand under Drax’s pillows as if he thought something would be there. “If Drax wanted to hide something where no one would ever find it, where would it be?”

“Well, if he wanted to hide something where _no one_ would find it, he wouldn’t think to put it anywhere I would look.”

“I don’t know,” said Vansell, slamming shut the last of Drax’s desk drawers. “I really think there’s a good chance he would. After all, it’s not like he thinks of you as an enemy in any way. You’re practically married. Just shoot him a message, ask if he’ll tell you where it’s at. For scientific reasons. But don’t mention us.”

Jelpax was too hung up on the phrase ‘you’re practically married’ to refuse, and simply nodded; blinking several times as he reached over to grab his phone off the table. Yes, there was very little chance Drax would tell him where the thing was hidden, but it was worth sending him a message if only to figure out what the hell was going on.

**ME: rallon and vansell are here looking for smthn??**

**ME: any idea what it is??**

He got no immediate answer, and so went over to make sure that Rallon and Vansell weren’t absolutely wrecking Drax’s things. Thankfully, everything was still intact, albeit rather messy, though neither of his friends looked pleased.

“Did he answer?” Rallon didn’t stop searching to ask the question, only glancing over in Jelpax’s direction. When his friend shook his head, Rallon sighed deeply. “Get him to hurry up, we need to find that tape!”

In all honesty, Jelpax couldn’t understand why they were so desperate to get their hands on the tape, but he wasn’t particularly interested in the answer either and chose not to pursue it. Instead, he just turned back to his phone when it dinged, looking to see what Drax said.

**DRAX: lmao tell them im not handing it over**

**DRAX: them bitches can search forever**

**ME: ???? what is going on**

**DRAX: believe me babe**

**DRAX: it’s better u don’t know**

On a normal day, Jelpax probably would have pushed Drax to tell him what was going on, but that was no normal day. It was the one day off they got for the rest of the semester and he would be damned if he lost it to the chaos. So, rather than asking further questions, Jelpax just tossed his phone back onto the table and shrugged.

“He’s not handing it over,” he revealed, ignoring the looks his friends gave him.

//

“…and so, I told him, ‘you’re the piece of shit, you goddamn piece of shit’. You should have seen the look on his face. It was absolutely priceless. Oh, if only I’d had a camera when _that_ was happening.”

Mortimus blinked. He wasn’t really sure at what point Theta had come into the student lounge and interrupted his conversation with Magnus, but he had done. He also wasn’t sure whether Theta was sober or not, though that was something he felt would be easier to figure out with a quick breath test or some questions.

“All right, yeah, we get it, you hate Vansell.” Magnus rolled his eyes, shifting back into the pillows. Up until that point, Mortimus hadn’t realized he was still listening or was even awake, but he wasn’t very surprised. “How much can you go on about that? I mean, holy hell. Shut up already.”

“Me shut up already? At least I’m not you.” Rather than elaborating on what he meant, Theta simply flipped into a properly seated position, crossing his arms as he glared at his friend. “Fuck you, Magnus. And Mortimus, fuck you too. I know you’re just as annoyed as he is. You act like you’re my friends and yet you’re on top of Vansell too. Motherfuckers.”

“ _I’m_ on top of Vansell?” Mortimus made a face. “For one thing, I’m pretty definitively a bottom. And for another, I thought it would be you on top of Vansell. Aren’t you two hate-fucking or something? Or is this just a really elaborate frenemyship… thing?”

The look on Theta’s face was so blank, so horrified, that Mortimus was unable to even backtrack to correct his mistake. Magnus simply snorted beside them, clearly amused by the allegation which seemed to shock Theta to his very core. They stayed that way in silence for several seconds, until Magnus finally spoke again.

“All right, shove all that shit aside for a minute,” he started, “or forever. Please. Forever. I do not want to think about Vansell on top of you ever again. Ever. _Ever_. Okay. Anyway, Mortimus, you pick up a lot of women, right?”

“Yep.” He nodded eagerly. “And guys. And enbies. Just people in general, honestly. I’m like a magnet.”

“How do you do it? Like, before you scare them off with all your creepy stalker shit?”

“Oh, well, that’s easy. I just— no. Nope. You’re trying to get me to tell you how to win over Ushas, yeah? No. I already told you, you cannot be with her. It’s not happening. You’re toxic and you’re a bully and I’m not even sorry to say this because you might be my friend but you’re just an absolute jackass. Really. Objectively.”

“Well, yeah, I’m a jackass,” said Magnus, rolling his eyes, “but she’s a bitch too, so. Perfect match, right? Just tell me how to get her to go out with me. I’ve been trying to get her to acknowledge me for years now and it’s just not working. I’m out of ideas.”

“Good, because if you were any sort of a decent boyfriend, you wouldn’t call her a bitch.”

“I mean, he’s not wrong.” Theta only shrugged when Mortimus whipped around to look at him, not a hint of regret in his eyes. “Anyway, Magnus, just get Drax to film you two and she’ll end up kissing you first. That’s what happened with me and Kos earlier.”

“You kissed _Koschei_?” Magnus gaped, his jaw dropping to the floor.

“Duh, why wouldn’t he kiss Koschei?” Contrary to his roommate, there was not one bit of surprise on Mortimus’s face as he turned between his friends in confusion. “I mean, Koschei _is_ his boyfriend, yeah? So, what’s the surprise?”

Theta blinked first, but Magnus wasn’t far behind. Given the fact that Koschei was not and never had been Theta’s boyfriend, at least not in the timeline they were living in, neither of them knew how to respond. So, instead, they just looked to each other and opted to pretend Mortimus never spoke. It was easier than trying to explain the truth.

//

“Hey.” Ushas didn’t request permission before flopping down on the steps beside Koschei, barely even glancing to her friend whose chin rested upon his hands. “You having a shitty day too?”

“More confusing than anything else, but yeah.” He nodded, deliberately avoiding the answer to the question. Koschei wasn’t exactly sure _why_ he didn’t want Ushas to know what happened, but he didn’t. Not yet. “Why? What’s up with you?”

“Oh, just dumbass boys again. No offense to you, of course. At least, not right now. You’ve certainly been a dumbass in the past, and I know you’ll be a dumbass again in the future.” She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder, not moving when he dropped an arm around her. “From the looks of it, I have an admirer. And I’m really not sure that I’m interested.”

“No? Who is it? It isn’t Epsilon, is it? I always thought he might have a thing for you, but expressing it in like, the pulling hair kind of way. Although, I thought he fancied Millennia once ‘cos he was doing that, and it turned out he just wanted a lock of her hair to see if it was really blue or not.”

Ushas snorted. “He is such a dumbass. But no, it’s not Epsilon. Actually, this is going to sound kind of crazy, but it’s Magnus. He’s been hitting on me for a while now and I keep ignoring him, though it’s been getting more difficult as he comes on stronger. I just wish I knew what I wanted there, you know?”

“Well, do you think you want to be in a relationship?” asked Koschei, glancing down to her. It was a nice day outside, cloudy, and breezy but not too cold, and it was only made better with the company of a close friend. “I mean, Magnus or not, that’s a pretty important thing to figure out.”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s just never _felt_ important before. I really don’t care for romance above my grades and education and reputation and all that glitz, so what’s the point in thinking about a relationship? I have far more important things to be concerned with.”

“So, that’s your answer then, isn’t it? If you don’t want to think about romance, then you don’t want to participate in romance. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Just tell Magnus that you’re not interested. Odds are, he’s not going to care. Like, honestly, when was the last time you saw him care about something?”

“When he was hitting on me.” Ushas sighed and pulled away, dropping her head into her hands. “This is an absolute disaster. I don’t want to break his heart. If he has one, that is. I’m fairly certain the reason he’s attracted to me is because both our hearts are so small you could barely see them with a microscope.”

“Now you’re just exaggerating.” He nudged her shoulder, sighing when she failed to respond. “Come on, you have a heart. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t care about the fact that you could potentially hurt Magnus by shooting him down. You know that. I know that. You’re a good person, you’re just a little crazy, and we like that about you.”

“Right, sure. Anyway, you said you were having a weird day too?”

Koschei recognized that she wanted the conversation to move away from her, but he wasn’t quite ready to shift it back to himself yet. “Not more than usual.”

Okay, it was a _little_ more than usual, he just didn’t want to tell her that yet.

//

“All right, you know what?” Drax took another step toward the wall, inhaling sharply when the backs of his hands pressed against the cold lockers. “This was fun when we started, but now it’s gone too far. I think we should just forget anything ever happened before this gets any worse.”

“Yeah, right.” Clearly not acknowledging or caring how uncomfortable his friend was, Vansell simply rolled his eyes. “We want that tape, Drax, and we’re going to get it whether you like it or not. So, we can do this the easy way and you can just tell us where you’ve hidden it, or we can do this the hard way and… well… you don’t want to know what that is.”

Rallon turned to Vansell fearfully, his mouth opening and shutting a few times before he blinked and shook his head. It wasn’t worth asking what it was, especially since he probably didn’t want to know what it was any more than Drax did. Yes, he wanted to see the tape, but he didn’t want anyone to get hurt while they were procuring it.

“I absolutely do want to know what that is,” said Drax, glaring at Vansell. He kept his hands in the air, displaying his surrender rather than trying to defend himself. “You can do whatever you want to me, but I will _never_ give up this tape. It is my greatest blackmail in the world and if I give it to you, I will never see it again.”

“Seriously? You want to use it for blackmail?” It actually was Rallon who spoke that time, his jaw dropping in disbelief. “Such a beautiful, pure tape, and you want to use it for your own gain? To shame. Maybe we _should_ do this the hard way.”

“No.” Vansell shook his head. “That’s far too cruel. We need to do something that won’t get Drax killed.”

At that, Drax and Rallon both turned to look at each other with wide eyes. They knew that Vansell was capable of terrible things—they were more convinced than anyone that he was up to some shady business behind their backs—but neither of them thought him capable of _murder_ and all they could do was hope he was exaggerating.

“Never mind that,” he went on, after realizing his friends were giving him odd looks. “Just hand over the tape before we have to take it from you.”

“You can’t take it from me,” Drax bragged, finally lowering his hands to cross his arms smugly against his chest. “I’ve hidden it where no one will ever find it. It will remain in its safe hiding place until the day I decide to pull it out for blackmail or bribery or whatever shenanigans I’m getting up to. Ha. You lose. Now fuck off.”

Despite the fact he’d told the others to fuck off, Drax smirked and turned away on his own, disappearing down the hall. Rallon and Vansell watched him go in silence, neither of them quite knowing how to proceed. There had to be _some_ other way to get the tape from him… right?

//

A lot of thought went into Ushas’s decision. She’d never been one to make them lightly, always wanting to be sure she’d taken the right path. There were too many variables in life to risk messing with the wrong ones, and so after a few messages to Millennia and a lot of questions as to what _she_ wanted, Ushas made her choice.

It wasn’t hard in the least to track Magnus down. He was in the same place he always was, hanging out in his dorm room and scribbling away at his desk. The only reason he hadn’t been there earlier was because he wanted to spend time with Ushas, and since she made it clear she wasn’t interested, he of course went right back.

“Hey.” Ushas didn’t even knock on the door before she walked in, giving Magnus a look when he turned around to face her. That sealed the deal. If she wasn’t sure before, she was sure now. He never turned around for anyone. “Let’s just get this over with, yeah?”

“Get what over with?” asked Magnus, furrowing his brow. He dragged a lock of hair behind his ear, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “I’m kind of in the middle of something right now, but if you want to come back and shout at me later, we can—”

“I’m not talking about shouting at you, I’m talking about going out with you.”

“Wait, _what_?”

It wasn’t exactly a thorough decision. Yes, Ushas weighed her pros and cons a lot after her conversation with Koschei, and what she realized was that there were answers she didn’t have. She didn’t know what it was like to be in a relationship with someone. She didn’t know what it was like to go out with someone. So, she decided to try it. Just once, so that she could make an informed decision.

“You’ve been hitting on me, yeah?” She gave him a look, to which he only rolled his eyes. He was not as subtle as he seemed to think he was. “Well, I want to go out with you. Just once. Nothing fancy, and if you try to make it romantic then I’m going to kick your ass. We do dinner, no candles, inside, and absolutely no dressing up. Understood?”

“I, uh, sure.” Magnus nodded, looking almost blown away for the first time in what must have been years. Ushas couldn’t help but smirk as she looked at him. He _was_ pretty objectively hot, she had to admit, he just didn’t have a remarkably appealing personality. “You want to meet up tomorrow? Or are you studying or something?”

“I am studying, thank you for asking. We will have our date at the end of the week. I’ll let you know the exact details once we’re a little closer, I don’t want to commit to anything in case my study plans change. And don’t cancel on me or else you’re going to have to face a wrath you never thought possible. Okay, that’s all. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ushas didn’t say another word before she turned back around and headed out the door. Behind her, Magnus was left in a stunned silence, not quite sure what to do. He’d never thought Ushas would actually say yes, and now that she did, he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about the whole thing anymore.

//

Given how much stupid shit he’d done over the years, and how many times he’d gotten into trouble, Koschei was used to being in uncomfortable situations. Between the amount of times he’d been in the Headmaster’s office, the number of pranks gone wrong he’d been a part of, and every smaller disaster, he’d seen pretty much every awkward situation in the book.

Except this one.

The moment Theta walked into the room, Koschei’s hearts started pounding in his chest. They hadn’t spoken since their kiss that morning, and he had no idea what was going to happen next. As far as he could tell, Theta wasn’t the least bit interested in him emotionally, so he didn’t think anything would happen, but he didn’t know. He also didn’t know what he _wanted_ to happen and that made it harder to figure out how to brace himself.

Thankfully, despite the awkwardness of their last encounter, Theta didn’t appear to be uncomfortable. He just waved to Koschei when he walked in the room, walking over, and flopping down onto his bed without a word. His gaze didn’t linger, his voice didn’t linger, and that made it clear that whatever happened that morning was just a fluke. Theta really had only snogged him to get Drax to go away. Not that Koschei was disappointed or anything, he was just glad to know where they stood.

At least, that’s what he thought at first. Then he spent twenty minutes in silence, unable to focus on anything but the boy in the bed behind him, and he realized that maybe there was something else gnawing at him. The need to know whether there was something he was missing. After all, Theta _had_ admitted to thinking Koschei’s pecs were hot in his journal, so there _could_ be something there.

“Hey.” He stood up suddenly, rubbing his palms together as he flopped over to his bed. He sat down on the blankets, looking over to Theta with wide eyes. “So, I was just wondering… well, I was wondering if, uh… sorry. This is a weird question. It doesn’t matter. Probably shouldn’t mention it.”

“Uh, Kos?” Theta gave him a weird look, and Koschei winced. He was definitely about to tell him that he wasn’t interested and that the moment they shared that morning was the most uncomfortable of his life. “I don’t know why you’re acting like such a little wimp right now, but if you’re talking about this morning, don’t worry about it. I was just trying to shut up Drax.”

“Oh, all right. That’s— that’s all I wanted to know. I figured. It was just kind of sudden, you know, and I wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything here that I was missing. Not that I think there should be anything else here! I just— I don’t know, like I said, I wanted to know what was going on. That’s all. Thanks for explaining.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them said a word for far too long, staring down at their feet dangling off their respective beds. Koschei wanted to say something, to get them out of the awkward funk they’d entered before it got any worse, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. As such, he let his mouth run without him, speaking without regard for what came out.

“So… it really meant nothing to you?” he confirmed, hoping his tone sounded as casual as he wanted it to.

“Nope.” Theta shook his head, his hazel eyes flickering up to meet Koschei’s bright blue ones. “Not a thing.”

“Good, ‘cos it meant nothing to me too.”

“Right.”

Their gazes moved back and forth for far too long, neither one of them able to hold onto the other’s gaze. They simply sat there in an awkward silence, Theta kicking his legs back and forth as Koschei stared down in silence, not sure how to proceed. He ended up not having to figure it out himself. Before he could even look up again, Theta was already moving towards him; his hands landing on either side of Koschei’s face as he pulled their lips together and shoved him onto his back.

It was nothing like when they’d kissed that morning. That was quick and fake, and it didn’t mean anything. This was deep and soft and passionate, and Theta’s knee was kind of crushing Koschei’s ribs on one side, but it didn’t matter. He reached up to grip Theta’s shirt, gently squeezing his waist as their bodies slid together in a way he never thought they would.

Up until that moment, Koschei had no idea what he really wanted. He didn’t know whether he needed answers or if he needed Theta to kiss him again but as he lay there underneath him, underneath the person he’d only ever known as his best friend, he felt like he’d found the only thing in his life he’d ever been missing.

There was no telling what would happen when they pulled apart, but for the moment, Koschei’s only concern was making sure they didn’t.

//

“That’s it. I can’t take this anymore.”

Drax had been pacing back and forth in front of their door for what must’ve been an hour at that point, his fingers tapping rapidly against his leg. When he first started, Jelpax tried to talk to him and figure out what was wrong, but it reached a point where he realized he wasn’t going to get an answer, so he just gave up.

“Can’t take what anymore?” asked Jelpax lamely, not turning away from his work. “The pacing? Newsflash: it’s been driving me nuts for an hour, darling.”

“Yeah? Well your pet names have been driving me nuts for years, babe.” Drax groaned dramatically, throwing his hands over his face, and not ceasing his pacing across the room. “They’re going to kill me in my sleep, aren’t they? No, wait, they wouldn’t do that. Right? Because if they killed me, they wouldn’t get the tape. But what if I wake up and they’ve got a knife to my neck? Would you save me? Or would you let me die?”

“Would I go after our crazy friends while they’re holding a knife? Mm… for you, yes. I rather like you alive.”

“Good, because I prefer myself living and breathing as well. Okay, but seriously, what should I do? I don’t want to give them the tape, but if I don’t, I really think they’re going to— oh, god, they’re here.”

The banging on the door was urgent and angry and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Jelpax still had no idea what was going on or what ‘tape’ they were after, but Drax had chewed his nails down to nothing and looked absolutely petrified as he turned around to face the locked door. That was the biggest sign something was wrong—he _never_ locked the door.

“Get lost, assholes!” Drax cried, not daring to open the door.

“What?” Oddly enough, it was Mortimus’s voice who came from the other side, baffled as he spoke. “What are you talking about? I was just coming over to see if I could borrow a notebook. All of mine are full and the supplies room is closed for repairs. Probably because _you_ did that thing that made all the shelves fall over.”

“I tripped!”

“You tied a rope to see if you could give Borusa a concussion!”

Drax sighed deeply and reached over to open the door, giving Mortimus a look when they locked gazes. At first, he opened his mouth to say something about Mortimus specifically, but he cut himself off when Rallon and Vansell jumped out of nowhere from either side of the door and dove into the room, knocking Mortimus over in the process.

“Ow, what the hell?!” The only thing the comment was good for was ensuring Drax that Mortimus had not intentionally let the other two into the room. “What are you two doing? Are notebooks really in that high of demand? I’ll share if you just— ow! Stop it!”

He’d barely stood up before Rallon stumbled and knocked him over again, trying to look stern as he copied Vansell and did his best to intimidate Drax. Unfortunately for them, it didn’t work so well, as Drax had seen every pissed off professor in the Academy and was not moved in the least by their looks.

“I’m not giving you the tape,” he said, ignoring Mortimus when he tried to ask what was going on. “You can keep trying, you can keep begging, but it’s not fucking happening. This is _my_ blackmail. _My_ bribery. I’m not letting it get lost to you two fuckers because you want proof of your stupid ship.”

“But we _need_ it.” Rallon’s tone was almost pleading, his eyes going wide as if he thought it would somehow help. “Drax, please, I have got to see that tape. I have to know that Vansell isn’t just fucking with me. _Please_.”

“He’s not fucking with you, take my word for it. Now get the hell out. I don’t want to deal with your shit.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Mortimus crossed his arms, moving to stand beside Drax in some sort of strange solidarity. “I came in here for a notebook and now you’ve gone and ruined my entire evening. Just leave him alone already.”

“What’s going on in here?” The only reason Millennia walked in the open doorway was because she spotted Rallon inside. If he weren’t involved, she would’ve done her best to stay far away from it all too. “Rallon? Is everything all right? You look upset. Why is everyone shouting?”

“Because they’re fucking insane,” said Drax, sliding his glare around the room. “They think they have some sort of right to the kissing tape but it’s my film and I’m not going to share it if I don’t want to!”

“Wait, hold up.” Oddly enough, it was Koschei who spoke, leaning in the doorway past Millennia. “All this screaming is because you’re still fighting over that damn tape? It means nothing! It was nothing! We were just messing around and we wanted you lot to get away from us. Grow up.”

“Us grow up? Look at yourself.” Mortimus blinked after he spoke, apparently realizing that he had no part in either side of the argument. “Never mind, I have no idea where I was going with that.”

“Right, anyway, we need to get this settled,” Vansell started. “I’m thinking, if we just make a copy of the tape—”

“Then it loses its blackmail merit!” cried Drax, whipping around to slap him across the shoulder.

“All right, all of you, shut the hell up!” Suddenly, Jelpax rose from his seat; his voice loud and carrying across the room. “I know you’re all pissed off about whatever this is, but you need to quiet down right now before—”

They all went silent at the same time, as the weasel’s steps echoed through the hallway. Runcible had one greasy brow raised, his hands behind his back as he stepped forward to stand in the doorway of the room. Koschei slid away from him, making a disgusted face, and glancing over to his nasty, slimy hair.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” said the hall monitor, an irritating smirk on his face. “Shouting about while students are trying to sleep? Tsk. Might just have to write you all up for this. The whole Deca is here? Suppose I could just write you all down anyway, not like anyone would question it. You make enough chaos on a regular day.”

“Fuck off, Runcible.” Drax glared at him, flipping him the finger without hesitation. It was far from the first time he’d given that gesture to the hall monitor and he was certain it wouldn’t be the last. “It’s not even after curfew so why don’t you just bugger off, yeah? Nobody fucking cares about you or your stupid rules.”

“Yeah? Well, I think the Headmaster would beg to differ. He really appreciates my rules and the amount of effort I put into maintaining them. So, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll be writing you up now.”

“I do mind.”

“What?”

“I said, I do mind.” The look on Mortimus’s face was challenging, a smirk creeping up his cheeks. “What are you going to do about it? You still going to write us up? Don’t you have _any_ manners left? So rude to do it after I’ve already told you it’s bothersome.”

“Well, that’s not my problem.” Somehow, Runcible actually looked conflicted, glancing around at the others. “Your ruckus has been bothersome for the rest of the students in this dorm, so it’s only fair you get bothered too.”

“Right, but are _you_ going to be the one who bothers us? That’s against your moral code, isn’t it? And you’ve always stuck pretty fast to that, yeah? Wouldn’t want to compromise it now. It just might haunt you for life.”

Drax smirked when he realized when Mortimus was doing. Most of the time, his ways were annoying. He was creepy and intrusive, and nobody wanted to talk about the things he brought up. But he was also a goddamn genius and the way he so quickly and easily turned the tables on Runcible was incredible.

Rather than trying to join in, Drax just made himself comfortable. Runcible was already uncomfortable, and Drax intended to be there to watch him explode.

//

For once, Millennia was really looking forward to the Deca’s weekly meeting.

She always liked spending time with all her friends, but it was more important that week because _so much stuff_ happened, and she had no idea what it was. All she figured out was that Rallon and Vansell wanted to get some tape from Drax, though Rallon wouldn’t tell her what exactly it contained.

Given how excited she was to find out about all the shenanigans she’d missed during her relaxing day off, Millennia was one of the first people to arrive at Borusa’s classroom that week. She made it there right around the same time as Ushas did, waving to her as she unlocked the door. Ushas waved back lamely, clearly not nearly as enthused.

“Hey, Ushas!” said Millennia cheerfully. “Where have you been all morning?”

“Staying away from you lot. No offense.” Ushas pushed the door open, sighing deeply. “You’re fine, but I have no urge to speak with the others right now. There has been far too much chaos this week and honestly, I just don’t want to hear about it anymore. We can just move right on past it for all I care.”

“But it’s so much fun to listen to everyone talk about their perspectives on things. I mean, I get that sometimes it can be a little noisy, but I really look forward to these meetings. Do you seriously not like them?”

“I like them sometimes. Just not when I already know that the entire hour will be dedicated to idiotic topics that I have absolutely no interest in revisiting. Not to mention any names, but there are a few people in particular that I just do not have the energy to deal with today.”

Millennia nodded, following Ushas into the room when she opened the door. If _she_ was being honest, then she really didn’t want to listen to Ushas badmouth their other friends and decided the best course of action would be to keep her own mouth shut until they arrived. There had to be some kind of fun conversation once they walked in, she just had to wait for it.

And wait she did.

Generally, everyone was pretty punctual. A couple minutes late, sure, but no one was outright tardy. Until Theta and Koschei failed to show up fifteen minutes after everyone else got there and suddenly, they were sitting around waiting for two people who Ushas apparently didn’t want to talk to anyway.

“They’re just going to try and turn the whole thing around on us again,” said Rallon, resting his chin on his hands as he failed to elaborate on what the ‘thing’ was. “Like it wasn’t them who started it all in the first place. Ha. We never would’ve shipped them if they weren’t so damn shippable.”

“I’m still confused on that.” Mortimus scratched the side of his head, glancing around the room as if he expected someone else to share his response. “What? I can’t be the only one who thought Theta and Koschei were already together. I mean, damn, next you’re going to tell me Drax and Jelpax aren’t a thing.”

“We—” It was Jelpax who turned around, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped in disbelief. “We’re _not_ a thing, Mort. What the hell? Yeah, we’re really close, but we’re not a thing. We’re just best friends. Why the hell would you think we’re a thing?”

“Well, in his defense, you act like you’re fucking married.” Vansell only shrugged when Drax whipped around to look at him, his own expression looking almost more stunned than Jelpax’s. “You can keep saying you’re not a thing, but you very clearly are. At this point, I think the only people who don’t know about it are you two.”

“Ha, yeah, very funny, but we’re not a thing.” Drax crossed his arms, glaring around to their friends. “You’re just jealous because we’re better friends than the rest of you lot.”

“No.” Mortimus shook his head quickly, his expression utterly blank. “I’m jealous that I don’t have a friendship with as many homoerotic undertones as yours. Like, damn, I can’t even get a partner, and you’re over here too stupid to realize you’ve already found yours. It’s just maddening, honestly.”

“You know, maybe you’d have better luck finding someone if you stopped saying ‘damn’ all the time,” said Magnus, as if he didn’t constantly say it himself. “Also, if you quit smoking, meddling, and your general creepiness. Not to say it’s a total turn-off, but I’m fairly certain it’s a total turn-off.”

“Wow, you’re so supportive. Couldn’t ask for a better roommate. Jackass.”

“Okay, all right, can we talk about something else, please?” asked Ushas. She glared at Magnus when he smirked and started to open his mouth. _That_ was not something she had any intention of discussing in front of all their friends. Not until she felt she’d worked through it enough by herself. “Anybody have anything _interesting_ to talk about? Preferably not slandering each other, if we can help it?”

“Why not?” Theta made a face, leaning forward onto his desk. “Isn’t the whole point of these meetings to slander each other? Like, seriously. Why else would we be here? I come specifically to make fun of Nosebung.”

“Seriously? The only reason you still show up is to make fun of Vansell?”

“I mean, I understand it.” Vansell shrugged, apparently not bothered in the least by his comments. “I do the same thing, but about Theta. Of course, I don’t have a horrible nickname for him because I’m simply not that cruel, but it is what it is. I settle for ‘bastard’ when I feel that just Theta isn’t appropriate.”

Ushas groaned and flopped backward, sitting down on the edge of Borusa’s desk. Honestly, she didn’t even know why she still bothered making them all gather once a week. At that point, they were really only still doing it because it was routine, not because they actually wanted to. The whole thing was essentially pointless. Much like her attempts to get them to discuss something else.

“All right, okay, let me get this straight.” Mortimus rubbed his temples, taking a deep breath as he looked around the room. “Drax and Jelpax aren’t a thing, Theta and Koschei aren’t a thing, and Vansell has never hate-fucked Thete? Good god, what reality are we living in?”

“The real one.” Koschei rolled his eyes, though he threw a smirk in Theta’s direction. It was impossible to tell what the look on Theta’s face was supposed to say, and so Ushas didn’t bother to try. They were probably just pulling some other prank again. “None of us have ever been together. The only relationship in this group is Millennia and Rallon and it’s probably going to stay that way.”

“Yep, no reason for that to ever change,” said Magnus, leaning back in his seat. Ushas glared at him, and he only shrugged. She was the one making it obvious with her looks. He was just making a casual comment. “Anyway, what did you do with that tape, Drax? You said about a thousand times that you weren’t giving it to those two, so then what did you…?”

“Like I’m going to tell you,” Drax scoffed. He shook his head slowly, snapping his rubber band as if to threaten Magnus with it. At that point, he’d thrown so many of those in his meetings, he had to be running out. “I’m going to keep it where it’s hidden and I’m never going to take it out. Not until I have the perfect opportunity to blackmail one or both of you dickwads.”

There was no stopping them. The moment that left his mouth, Theta and Koschei started shouting about the blackmail, and Rallon and Vansell started shouting about the fact that they would never see the tape again. Ushas just sighed and looked over to Millennia, giving her a look which she hoped conveyed the meaning she intended it to. It did.

Ushas was right. The meeting might have been fun, but the chaos was more than a little difficult to endure.


	5. Harping and LARPing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mortimus comes up with a new idea. Most of his friends go along with it, but things quickly go south.

“I have the _greatest_ idea.”

Those were not the words that anyone wanted to hear coming out of Mortimus’s mouth. Should you ask even every member of the Deca, there is a good chance you’ll fail to find someone who could name a time when one of Mortimus’s ideas was actually decent. He had a habit of making everything into a disaster, and this, of course, was unlikely to be any different.

“Oh, god.” Ushas pushed her hands back through her hair, her eyes widening in alarm. “Here we go again.”

“What? Never mind.” Mortimus blinked, shaking his head quickly. He didn’t even sit down at the dining table, just standing up at one of the ends so everyone would be able to see him. He smirked, his eyes glistening with excitement. “Look, I was just walking past the Patrex Academy, and did you know they have this incredible extracurricular called ‘LARPing’?”

“Excuse me?” It was Magnus who raised his eyebrow on the other side of the table, giving his roommate a look, which properly conveyed his confusion. “What the hell is LARPing? And why do I get the feeling I have no interest in being a part of it?”

“It stands for live action role play, and—”

“Yep, no interest.”

“— _and_ it looks like it’s seriously fun. Like, the one person narrates and invents the story, and everyone else creates a character and acts out said story. So, I’m thinking, we take up LARPing after classes a few times a week. Can you imagine how much fun that would be? Plus, we’d get to spend a whole lot more time together.”

Ushas blinked. Clearly, she was the only one at the table who had no interest in spending more time with her friends than she already did. “I really don’t think that’s a great idea. Your enthusiasm is cute, Mortimus, but we’re not going to do this. Right?”

“Speak for yourself!” Shockingly, Theta was the first one to speak out against her, whipping around to get a better look at Mortimus. “Tell me more about this. How _exactly_ does it work? Like, is there just one consistent narrator, or…?”

“Yeah, they take care of the story, and the players… play. So, we’d have to pick one person to be the narrator, and they wouldn’t get to play as much, but—”

“I’ll do it!” Rallon threw his hand in the air far too quickly, and beside him, Millennia made a face. He turned to look at her when she tugged on his sleeve, lowering his voice before he spoke. “Look, I’m going to get roped into this somehow, so I might as well claim the most mundane position while I can.”

“Is there a character who gets to cheat?” asked Drax, pulling his ice lolly from his mouth. Beside him, Jelpax sighed, shifting under the weight of his friend’s legs which were draped across his lap. “‘Cos I’ve never been too into that kind of stuff but if I can be the overpowered, cheating kind of bloke, then I’m totally in.”

“I mean, we’d have to set the rules on characters,” Mortimus started, “but sure. I don’t see why not. We’ll figure it out as we go along, you know? I’m sure the Patrexes wouldn’t mind giving us some advice.”

//

As it turned out, the Patrexes minded exactly that.

They were not of any high political power, but the bastards were still headstrong and no matter how hard Mortimus tried to convince them to share their secrets, they refused. They wouldn’t even crack beneath the pressure of his powers of psychological manipulation, leaving him unable to defeat them.

Mortimus sighed deeply, trudging back over to the Prydonian Academy. He was disappointed to have to go back to his friends without good news, but there was nothing he could do about it. The Patrexes wouldn’t budge, which meant they’d just have to figure out how the whole thing worked by themselves.

Unless he could find another way in.

In no reality did he think that his plan would be a guaranteed success. In fact, he was fairly certain it was going to backfire and leave him without anywhere else to go. But he was already stuck and desperate for a solution, so rather than heading back to his own dorm room, he went to the one a way down the hall.

He pounded on the door to the room he rarely went into, hoping its occupant was home. As far as Mortimus was aware, just the one person lived there, so if he wasn’t around, then there wouldn’t even be anyone to take a message. He knocked again and again, waiting for someone to open it, and finally, they did.

“Okay, okay, I’m here, jeez.” Epsilon threw his hands up in defense, giving Mortimus a strange look. “I thought you were trying to bust my damn door down! What do you want, Mort?”

“I was just wondering if you happened to be friends with any Patrexes?” he asked hesitantly. It was a long shot, but he knew that Epsilon was friends with Scendeles, and if he were friends with those losers, he could be friends with anyone. “See, I’m trying to figure out how LARPing works, but they think I’m a stuck-up prat since I’m a Prydonian and I’m not sure if I can—”

“Say no more. I have exactly what you need.”

Epsilon smiled and turned around, heading right back into his room. Confused, Mortimus followed him in, his brow furrowing even further when he realized that there was actually enough stuff in the room for two people. He shook his head, deciding not to ask about it. He wasn’t in the mood for another made-up story about Ummins.

It took a few minutes of digging, but after a bit, Epsilon reemerged from his closet waving a book around in one hand. He grinned over to Mortimus, who only frowned in response. He took the book from Epsilon, becoming even more confused when he realized it was handwritten.

“That’s the original LARPing manual,” he announced. “Written by the Arcalians, I believe. Could be wrong. Might have been a Scendeles invention. Either way, I’m glad it’s finally making its way into the Prydonian Academy. I’m guessing your club is going to be Deca-only, but let me know if you ever have an opening, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure.” Mortimus nodded, knowing his friends would never let him in but also not wanting to refuse after his kind gesture. “Hey, how did you get your hands on this?”

He blinked. “You know what? Probably best no one finds out.”

Mortimus opened his mouth to ask another question, about to promise not to tell, but it was too late. Before he could say a word, Epsilon shoved him out of the room and closed the door, claiming Ummins would be back soon and he didn’t want Mortimus around.

Ummins. What a load of bullshit.

//

“For the last time, no. This is not happening.” Magnus crossed his arms, shaking his head slowly as he let out a huff of air through his nose. “You lot can do whatever the hell you want but I am not going to be a part of it. This is ridiculous.”

“Oh, come _on_. Everyone else is in on this!” Drax threw his hands into the air dramatically, gesturing around the courtyard to their other friends, who were all dressed up and ready to go. “We got fucking _Vansell_ to agree, mate. If we can get Vansell, to agree, then we can get you to agree. Just—”

“Drax, Vansell left like a half an hour ago. He responded to your text, saw what we were doing, and walked right back inside. Did you miss that part, or did you just willingly choose to forget it? Because for some reason, I’m starting to feel like it’s the latter.”

“No, I didn’t— never mind. We’ll just go without him. That’ll make for even teams anyway. If we end up doing teams. I’m still not quite sure how this whole thing is supposed to work. Mortimus? Where’s the book? I want to get started!”

“We can’t get started,” Mortimus groaned. He turned around to glare at Rallon, who was sitting on the steps with Millennia and only shrugged in response. “ _Someone_ didn’t finish planning their story yet.”

“Well, sorry!” said Rallon defensively, not raising his voice enough for how far away he was sitting. “When I volunteered to do it, I didn’t think we’d be having our first meeting tonight. I barely had any time to plan. Do you know how many courses I’m taking? I’m not you, Mort! I don’t have any free periods!”

“Are you implying I don’t work as hard as you? Because I may not be a law student, but psych is no walk in the park either. In fact, I’d differ to beg and inform that work hard and lawyer contrary to thinking be more than difficult believe.”

“I… what?”

Mortimus opened his mouth to respond, but blinked and shook his head instead, mumbling some excuse of grabbing a drink of water before he skipped up the steps back into the Academy. Nobody said anything for a few seconds, as Magnus made a face and Drax simply sighed and turned to look to Rallon.

“I can’t believe you haven’t finished the story,” he said, his tone overly disappointed. “After all this work we put into getting our costumes ready. Hell, I dyed my hair blue to make it convincing and you don’t have the decency to finish your damn story?”

“Well, in his defense, darling, you dyed your hair yesterday.” Jelpax winced when Drax whipped around to glare at him, realizing he’d made an obvious mistake. “Okay, okay, sorry. I apparently did something wrong by stating the truth so I’ll just back off now. I really wasn’t planning to play with you lot anyway.”

“No, wait, you have to play. Come on, Pax. You were going to be my partner, remember? And we’ll destroy everyone together?”

“Wait, what?” Theta leapt out of nowhere, swatting a pool noodle in Drax’s direction. Behind him, Koschei waved, looking slightly embarrassed by his best friend’s actions. “No, no, no. _We’re_ going to overthrow everyone. I’ve already made plans to destroy you all! There’s no way that you two dumbasses are going to destroy _us_. As if.”

“And actually,” interrupted Rallon, his own tone hesitant, “I was planning for this to be more of a team effort sort of thing? So, if we could just like, not do the whole betrayal and shit, that would be great. I really don’t want to get into a whole thing with this. It’s just supposed to be for fun, and fun isn’t destroying your friends, so—”

“Fun _isn’t_ destroying your friends?” Koschei frowned, glancing over to Drax who was just as baffled as him. “Sorry, are we living in different worlds? ‘Cos the whole reason I even came to this thing was because I loved Theta’s idea to destroy you lot. Honestly, at this point, Rallon, you need to be turning the story around. It’s a battle of the wits. Who will destroy whom first?”

“Okay, while that sounds fun,” Millennia started, doing her best to keep her tone cheery despite the tension rising between them all, “Rallon actually has a thing planned already, so… it’s probably best we just stick to that. He can be really creative sometimes, you know. I’m sure you’ll like what he’s come up with.”

“Yeah, maybe, but if it’s all about being goody-goody best friends, then nah.” Drax shook his head, gesturing towards Theta when he nodded in solidarity. “I’m already friends with you all. Just give me a chance to kick your asses.”

Millennia nearly started to speak again, but Rallon just sighed, holding out a hand to gesture for her to stop. It wasn’t worth it. There was no way to convince their friends that it would be better to work as a team, so he would just have to modify the script a little bit. It wasn’t like it would take that much effort to make it happen.

The only thing he had to account for was the fact that the others would never stick to his plans; no matter what he tried to do.

//

Though they’d tried their best to pressure him into working faster, Rallon’s unfinished narrative ended up delaying their first LARPing event to the next day. Most people were upset about this, most notably Mortimus who was remarkably disappointed when he returned, but Rallon was honestly relieved. He wasn’t nearly prepared to start so soon.

“I’m not so sure this is a good idea,” said Millennia, interrupting his train of thought. Rallon glanced up from the notebook he was writing in, scribbling little doodles beside his monologue. “Honestly, sweetie, I don’t want to get in the way of your fun, but I’m afraid the others are going to get far too into this.”

“Are they, though?” Rallon made a face, going back to the last doodle he’d been working on. “I think you should just join in. You could keep all of them in line. And I know, I know, you said it’s not really your thing, but come on. With Drax’s blue hair, you two could form some kind of alien alliance or something. I could make it a whole plot point.”

“Well, sure, you could, but do you really want to? Again, I’m not trying to get in the way of your fun, but the only reason you agreed to do this was because you thought you’d get roped in. You don’t _have_ to be roped in, you know. You can just step out.”

“No, that’s fine. I like the distraction. See, normally I’d be freaking out over my law essays right now, and instead, I’m doodling pictures of cartoon aliens. Do you like them? They’re like real aliens, but they’re not _really_ real aliens, they’re just inspired by them. I haven’t figured out what to name them yet, but I rather like the designs.”

“Okay, that’s really nice, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”

“Sorry, can we talk about this later?” asked Rallon, hoping his tone didn’t sound too harsh or dismissive. “I want to make sure I finish everything in time for tomorrow. I don’t want to mess it up again; everyone is really looking forward to the game.”

Millennia sighed and nodded. She was not looking forward to the game herself, but she wasn’t about to say that to Rallon. If he was having fun with it, then she wanted to support him. Even if it did get in the way of them spending time together for a few days.

//

It took a lot for Magnus to be the one to approach his roommate.

Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t that he disliked Mortimus. He thought he was annoying, sure, but they were also pretty close. If nothing else, Magnus thought of Mortimus like his younger brother, and even though they didn’t always get along, he didn’t want to see his friend get hurt.

And _that_ was why he forced himself to approach him that evening. Not because he was suddenly feeling social, or because he wanted to get involved in whatever stupid game he was arranging for the others, but because the look on his face was off. It was distant, blank, and unreadable to a point of concern.

“Mortimus?” Despite the fact that he was only a few feet away, Magnus received no response. He rose from his seat, walking over to his roommate’s bed and crossing his arms as he stopped beside it. “Mort, are you all right?”

He didn’t so much as blink. Rather than making any move to respond, Mortimus just kept his eyes fixed where they were, his fingers twitching in an almost unnatural way as he gripped and twisted the blankets between them. It was only when his own gaze drifted that Magnus realized Mortimus’s knuckles and knees were bruised again, though he didn’t seem to care.

“Seriously, Mort, you’re freaking me out.” It wasn’t a nice confession, but it was the truth. For some reason, Mortimus’s unnerving movements and stone-cold gaze were putting him on edge. “ _Mortimus_.”

Finally, Magnus just reached over and dropped a hand on his shoulder, and that did the trick. Mortimus lurched away when he registered Magnus’s grip, his chest rising and falling heavily. His dark eyes went wide, his hands shaking worse than they had before when he whipped around to look at his roommate. He blinked several times before actually speaking, shaking his head as if he were trying to clear something from his visions or his thought.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked, his breaths shallow as he swallowed hard. “You scared the shit out of me!”

“ _I_ scared the shit out of _you_?” gaped Magnus. He made a face, trying to convince himself not to be too much of a dick. If he upset Mortimus, he wouldn’t get any answers as to what the hell just happened. “Mortimus, you’ve been staring out into space for the last twenty minutes. What the fuck is going on with you?”

“Nothing.” Mortimus made a face, dragging a lock of dark hair behind his ear as if he were genuinely completely innocent. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just thinking about how awesome the LARPing is going to be. Sorry, am I shaking? I feel like I’m shaking. I think I had too much sugar this morning.”

“ _I_ think there’s something going on that you’re not telling me about. What happened to your knuckles? Did you beat someone up, or…?”

“No, I don’t— I don’t know.” He looked down to his fingers suddenly, furrowing his brow as he clenched and unclenched his fists. It wasn’t until Magnus said something that he even realized they were bruised, and the fact that he couldn’t remember _how_ alarmed him more than he cared to admit. “I probably tripped or something. Never mind. I have to prep for our first LARPing session.”

He leapt off his bed, running over to the door excitedly. Magnus nearly let him go, only stopping when he noticed the way Mortimus walked slightly off-balance, likely due to the bruises on his legs. He called after his roommate, surprising even himself when his stupid conscience took over and got Mortimus to turn around.

“Hey, I know I’m pretty much a big dick, but I don’t hate you, Mortimus. I don’t know what’s going on, but if you ever need to talk to someone—”

“Nope. I’m fine.” Mortimus grinned as if that would somehow help his case. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

This time, Magnus decided not to go after him. It was one thing to confront his roommate in the comfort of their private quarters, it was another to try and interrogate him in front of the entire Academy.

//

“…and so, I was thinking, if we _really_ want to destroy them, then all we have to do is— wait, shut up, they’re coming.”

Given the fact that he hadn’t said a word in the last twenty minutes, Jelpax wasn’t sure why Drax was telling _him_ to shut up. He wasn’t the one babbling on about how they were going to destroy their friends at some ridiculous game. He thought he’d given that up after he and Vansell won basically every tournament there was, but apparently, there was a whole other kind coming to spite him.

Blissfully unaware of how annoyed Jelpax already was, Theta smirked as he and Koschei walked up to him and Drax; his arms crossed confidently. Clearly, he believed that his team would be the one to dominate, even though Drax had already come up with unstoppable plans. There was no chance of them losing, and Jelpax wasn’t just saying that because he was biased.

“Hey there, future losers,” said Theta, glancing over to Koschei before turning back to Drax. “I don’t know what you two _losers_ have in mind but I’m fairly sure you’re never going to be able to beat us. We’ve already thought of every way we can possibly overthrow you.”

“Yeah, we have.” Koschei nodded enthusiastically, gesturing to his best friend. “We don’t know what Rallon is going to throw at us, but when he does— wait. We don’t know what Rallon is going to throw at us.”

“And?”

“And that means there’s a chance that none of our plans will work. Probably none of yours either. What if his plot doesn’t work with what we’re planning at all? And then everything gets fucked over? We might have to find and ask him about what’s going on. Otherwise we won’t know whether we’re able to properly fuck each other over.”

“Well, he should be here soon,” said Jelpax, glancing down at his watch. It was well past the start of lunch, and unlike Rallon to be late. “Anyone heard from him? I’ve never seen him miss a meal except for when he has a lot of studying to do, and I can’t remember him saying anything about an exam.”

“Yeah, you know what? It doesn’t really matter.” Drax waved a hand around dismissively, as if he couldn’t care one bit as to where Rallon actually was at the moment. “Either way, _my_ plan is foolproof. If yours doesn’t work with any scenario, then clearly, you’ve planned something wrong. Sorry, but it’s not my problem.”

“Why do people do that?” asked Theta suddenly, his tone bitter. “Why would you say ‘sorry’ right before you say something super douchey? What is the point of that? Like, do you think it makes you less of a douche? Because newsflash, it doesn’t. You’re still a fucking douche.”

“Okay then. Thanks for the lecture, prof, but I really don’t give a shit.”

“Again, with being a douche. I’m not being a douche to you, so why do you have to be so—”

“Can we just stop right now?” Jelpax was not in the mood to listen to the inevitable argument that was to follow and groaned as he watched Drax and Theta get increasingly pissed off. “I know you lot want to get into some big, stupid fight, but this really doesn’t have to be about that. Can’t we all just work together and have fun for once?”

No one responded for several seconds, and when they did, the only sound they made was loud, obnoxious laughter. Jelpax only rolled his eyes at them. Yeah, he knew that what he was asking was ridiculously outlandish given who his audience was, but that didn’t mean they had to act like it was utterly impossible.

(Except they did, because it was, and that was just a fact.)

//

Considering it was Mortimus’s idea to do the whole LARPing thing in the first place, everyone was a little baffled when he failed to show up to their first meeting.

He hadn’t said anything about being late, but they gave him the benefit of the doubt anyway. Except then ten minutes passed, and fifteen, and half of them sent him messages without getting a single word back. Eventually, Koschei got so fed up with waiting that he decided to take matters into his own hands and just get started, while Magnus groaned and went over to the dorms to find their friend.

Most of the Deca were getting into character, but Rallon was sitting off to the side on the steps, reading over his plans for the umpteenth time. Millennia sighed softly as she looked over his shoulder, biting her tongue to keep from commenting on the sheer ridiculousness of some of his intended plot points.

“You know, it doesn’t have to be perfect,” she said, giving his knee a squeeze.

Rallon only nodded, his gaze never leaving the page. “I suppose not, but you know how harsh these blokes can be. Don’t want to anger them with a low-quality story, yeah? And anyway, it’s actually been a lot of fun to write. I know it looks a little silly now, but once they start acting it out, it’ll all come together.”

“Yeah. Right.” Millennia blinked, turning to look at their friends who were running around and joking with each other like they were eight years old again. Regardless of how good Rallon’s story was, there would be nothing of quality with that group. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up too high. You know how they can be sometimes. They’ll probably try and twist your plot around to fit whatever they want and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, just—”

“No, no I get it. You’re right. I won’t be too picky about the way my story goes. As long as they don’t kill each other during this game, it’ll be a win for me.”

Millennia chose not to point out the fact that there was every chance her friends might kill each other. She’d been in a physical fight with Theta before and he might have had a sweet side, but the bloke could throw a vicious hit. Even with Magnus around, her money was on Theta to be the one who actually hurt someone; especially if they got him into a serious fit of rage.

Regardless of how she truly felt about the situation, Millennia wanted to do her best to support her boyfriend and rose to her feet, walking over to where he stood by their friends. He was already introducing them to the concept of his story, which she found remarkably difficult to follow, though her friends appeared to be enamored. She chose not to say anything about it.

“Okay, all right, so who’s the main character?” asked Koschei excitedly. He glanced over his shoulder towards the door, as if he expected Mortimus to walk out at any moment, but he didn’t. Their other friend was still nowhere to be seen. “You do know who the main character is, right? There’s a main character.”

“No, actually, I was thinking it would be more fun if we were all sort of even,” said Rallon, his face falling when the others gave him bitter looks. “That way, we wouldn’t have anyone fighting, and—”

“Nope, there’s a main character. There’s always a main character. Tell us who it is.”

Rallon froze dead in his tracks, and immediately, Millennia let out a sigh. Exactly as she expected, they were already turning against him. It was going to be a long afternoon, she knew, and all she could do was make sure that Rallon didn’t lose his mind.

//

Mortimus was weird.

He’d always been weird, in more ways than one. He was creepy, he was awkward, and he was far too overbearing; especially considering the fact that Magnus was incredibly open about not liking him. But the most important part, the thing that Magnus always did his best to focus on when he was mad, was that Mortimus was kind. He cared about his friends more than anything. So yes, he may have been weird, but it was okay. He was harmless.

Until he wasn’t. Until he went too far with his games and upset someone, even if he didn’t mean to. Until he went off and got himself covered in bruises and scratches that he always refused to explain. Until he managed to reach a point that was so awful and confusing and secretive that even _Magnus_ started to worry about him. It didn’t make sense to others, since Magnus always made fun of him out in public, but he really did care.

His heart really did sink when he walked into their dorm room and found Mortimus curled up beside his bed, his arms wrapped around his knees and his entire body shaking. For a moment, Magnus nearly kept his distance due to the dramatically twitchy nature of his movements, but Mortimus’s dark eyes were wide and almost scared and he forced himself to walk over and sit down. Mortimus jerked way when he sat down, his chest rising and falling heavily.

“Get away from me.”

“What?” Magnus frowned. Yeah, he was a dick, but Mortimus never told his friends to go away. “Mortimus, what happened? Everyone was waiting for you outside and you didn’t show up.”

“Stop talking to me.” His voice shook as he continued to shift his body back and forth, refusing to turn to look at Magnus. There was something wrong about the way he moved, something unnatural and almost terrifying. “I’m done listening to you. I don’t want you in my life anymore. I can’t.”

“I— what? Mort, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Whatever I did, I’m sorry, I don’t—”

“ _Stop it_.” Suddenly, Mortimus threw his hands over his ears, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he dragged his legs in even closer to himself. Only then did Magnus notice the red lines on the carpet beneath his feet, and the situation became more serious. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You ruined my presentation. My life. Everything. I hate you. I hate you _so goddamn much_. Fuck you. _Fuck_.”

That was a tone closer to one that Magnus recognized. He was babbling. Babbling on and on and there was every chance that even he wasn’t sure what he was saying. Mortimus joked once that he’d learned to tune himself out a long time ago and honestly, Magnus was fairly sure it was true. He nearly placed a hand on his roommate’s shoulder, but stopped, not wanting to alarm him.

“Listen, Mort—”

“No. I’m done listening. I’m done. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want you here. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone. I can’t coherent anymore. I can’t thoughts it’s just— I can’t— brain mush because you’re all talking to me and I can’t— go away.”

“I’m not leaving, Mortimus, you’re bleeding. What the hell happened to your feet?”

Something snapped. Instead of telling him to go away again, Mortimus froze for a moment, then lowered his hands and turned slowly to look at Magnus. His eyes went wide again as he blinked, biting down on his lip as he slid his shaking hands back around his knees and shifted to avoid his roommate’s gaze.

“Magnus?” His voice was quiet, almost surprised to find the person sitting beside him. When Magnus only nodded, Mortimus dragged his hands over his face and let out a deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was you.”

That was enough to throw him for another total loop. How the hell would Mortimus not know it was him? Yeah, Mortimus had a bad habit of leaving the door unlocked, so anyone could come in if they wanted to, but he was sitting right there. And if he wasn’t mad at Magnus, who the hell _was_ he mad at?

“What happened to your feet?” asked Magnus, his urgency showing through his minimal compassion.

“What do you mean?” Mortimus blinked and looked down to his feet, his eyes going wide when he realized there was blood staining the carpet where they lay. He froze for several seconds, before shifting the bottoms of his feet out of view and shaking his head. “Nothing, they’re fine. It looks a lot worse than it is.”

“There are literal pools of blood around your feet. What in the _fuck_ happened? Mortimus, seriously. I don’t care if you don’t want to tell me, I need to go deck whoever did this. For me. I’m not even trying to defend you, I’m fucking pissed.”

“Okay, but it’s not a big deal. I probably just stepped on something. I was walking around barefoot outside. It’s really hot out there. Maybe I just burned my feet, you know? It wouldn’t be the first time. Remember when I thought that I could do the walking on hot coals challenge, but I got the wrong coals and I—”

“Mortimus, stop. You’re distracting from the situation again.” There were a lot of people who fell into Mortimus’s stupid mind games, but Magnus was not one of them. He would never be one of them. “Tell me what happened. Did someone hurt you or did you do something to yourself? I’m giving you a pass. If it was stupid, just tell me.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” Mortimus whispered, “but I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“They told me not to.”

“Who told you not to?”

He didn’t answer, only shaking his head and resting his chin upon his knees. Magnus had no idea what he was talking about, but no attempt to get him to continue would get him a response, so he gave up. Instead of trying to fight, he just forced Mortimus to stand up by dropping an arm under his shoulder and pulling him over to the restroom.

It didn’t matter whether he was going to admit to what happened or not. Magnus refused to let him bleed out.

//

Rallon didn’t want to believe that Millennia was right, but against all odds—okay, right dead in the center of all odds, aligning with them and perfectly gliding down the stream alongside each and every one—it turned out she was right. They were not twenty minutes into Rallon’s game before all hell broke loose.

The first person to get pissed off was Theta. He lost his last life launching into battle for the third time in ten minutes and was pissed that he died so early. Koschei got angry next, because he wanted his teammate back, which then got Drax angry because he wanted it to be two on one.

Within minutes, Rallon was completely overwhelmed with what was happening, and wanted to throw in the towel right there and then. Nobody was listening to his ideas or going along with his game and all they seemed to want to do was fight. He groaned and stomped back over to the stairs, dropping his head into his hands as his friends continued to shout at each other several feet away.

“Please don’t say I told you so.” He already knew why Millennia was sitting down beside him, and though she was generally gentle in nature, she was not above getting a bit of sassy revenge. “I know what you’re thinking but let’s just skip it today, yeah?”

“All right, whatever makes you comfortable.” Millennia sighed and leaned her head onto his shoulder, dropping her hands between her knees. “I know this was important to you, because you don’t get to do a whole lot of fun stuff, but you know it’s not a big deal, right? You can find something else to do. That’s okay. I’ll do it with you.”

“I know, but I wanted to be the not boring guy for a day and now they’re just making my plot into something different because they thought it was boring again.”

“No, they’re changing it because they want to fight each other. There’s nothing wrong with your story itself, they’re having a lot of fun with it. At least, I think they are. None of them have gone asking to change it yet. They just want to be able to hit each other which quite honestly, I don’t approve of.”

“I do.” Millennia hadn’t even realized that Vansell was still hanging around until he spoke from behind them, and she nearly leapt out of her seat. Rallon did the same. “What’s the fun if we don’t let them kick each other’s asses a little bit?”

“Yeah, exactly!” Out of nowhere, Drax leapt in front of them, a grin on his face as he crossed his arms. “We don’t have to use our hands and feet if you don’t want us to. I’ve actually created weapons for myself and Pax to use if you’re all right with that. Might do a good bit of bruising but won’t get anyone killed. Probably. Can’t make any promises.”

Remembering Drax’s last attempt at creating his own weapon all too well, Rallon was quick to shake his head. He’d never needed to know that it was _him_ who gave Mortimus the flamethrower all those years ago—okay, so he didn’t _give_ it to him so much as _sell_ it to him—nor did he need to be getting involved with anything like that again.

“We’re not going to have any weapons, but thanks for trying to bring in some new elements,” said Rallon, as if he somehow believed that he could actually stop Drax from turning the game into absolute chaos. “I’m actually thinking that the best idea might be to try playing a peaceful game. You know, where we all just work together and have some fun.”

The laugh that came out of Drax’s mouth was unreadable, and Rallon found himself utterly baffled as to whether he was being laughed at or laughed with. Then he realized that he was not laughing, and that meant that only one option was even possibly. He started to say something, hoping he could somehow at least try to get Drax onto his side, but it was too late. He’d already walked away.

“I’m starting to think I should have listened to you,” he mumbled.

Millennia sighed and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m not going to say I told you so, but… yeah. You really should have.”

//

Several feet away from where Rallon was having his crisis, Koschei and Theta were formulating the plan which they would use to demolish their friends. They respected Drax and Jelpax, but they had no intention of letting them win the game. Not if they could help it. And considering Koschei was basically the greatest at coming up with plans, they had everything set out to go.

“Your plan sucks ass.”

Koschei gasped when Theta shoved the notebook back into his chest, reaching up to grab it before it dropped onto the ground. He’d spent hours on that plan, and the fact that his best friend—and maybe unofficially more than that—didn’t think it was as great as he did.

“What the hell do you mean, my plan sucks ass?” he snapped, dropping the book and his arm down by his side. “I spent the whole night working on this! I only got two hours of sleep and you’re going to make that pointless.”

“Yeah, maybe it’s ‘cos of how long you spent on it that it sucks ass,” Theta shot back. He rolled his eyes, glancing over his shoulder before crossing his arms against his chest. “Has anyone ever told you that every plan you’ve come up with is ridiculously convoluted? Honestly, I’m not trying to be a bitch—”

“You’re always trying to be a bitch.”

“—but sometimes, reading your plans makes me want to turn around and go slam my head into that tree. I mean, come on, Kos. This is absolutely pathetic. One, there’s no way this’ll ever fit with whatever plot we end up doing, and two, it’s just _stupid_. I’ve already forgotten what most if it was. Or blocked it out of my brain since it was so damn painful to read.”

“Right, well, at least my plan doesn’t involve murdering anyone.” Koschei glared at Theta when he rolled his eyes, glancing off to the side as if couldn’t care less about what Koschei said. “Look, I’m not saying you were actually planning to murder Vansell, some of the things you were suggesting were just rather—”

“I was _not_ planning to murder Vansell, so thank you for not insinuating that.” Theta sighed deeply, turning to look over to where Vansell was standing near Rallon and Millennia. “Actually, I was planning to have him wiped from existence, but it turns out that’s not as easy as it looks. There’s only one way to do it that doesn’t fuck up the time streams and we’ll never know anyone who gets erased like _that_.”

“How do you know you don’t already know them?” asked Jelpax suddenly. Drax was hanging around his shoulder, one brow raised as he nodded along with his friend. “For all you know, they’ve been erased, and you’ve forgotten. Or they’ve just yet to be erased.”

“Wow, that’s morbid.” Despite what he said, Drax’s expression didn’t change, still amused as he grinned at Theta and Koschei. “So, you ready for us to kick your asses then? Knowing Koschei, there’s no way you have any sort of a decent plan.”

“We absolutely do!” Theta snapped, forcing himself to maintain eye contact. He was great at lying, and he would always be great at lying, he just had to make sure he didn’t slip up at all. “You just wait. We’re going to run you two right into the ground.”

Both Drax and Jelpax snorted, but neither got the chance to speak before Rallon came over; clapping his note cards and preparing to speak. For better or for worse, it was time to begin.

//

The only good part about the situation was that Magnus was not squeamish.

When he finally got Mortimus to stick his feet into the tub, he expected to find that his soles were either raw or split. He had a habit of walking around barefoot and if he’d slid on the carpet or something, that would explain the blood and the story embarrassing enough for him not to want to tell it. But that wasn’t what he found.

No, upon looking at the bottom of Mortimus’s feet, what Magnus found was not a burn or an otherwise harmless injury, but cuts. Scratches. Deep marks and a few splinters still stuck in the ball of his foot. Mortimus grimaced when Magnus turned on the water, trying to pull away and snapping his eyes shut when the water turned red.

“You want to tell me what happened now?” asked Magnus, doing his best to ignore the tears that sprung at the corner of Mortimus’s eyes. He sighed when his roommate shook his head, biting down on his lip and gripping his hand around one edge of the bathtub. “Mortimus, seriously, I’m not going to judge you. I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“Why?” Mortimus choked out, clearly in pain. Thankfully, the warm water did seem to be helping, even if it wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world. “I know you don’t give a shit about me. None of you give a shit about me. You all just think I’m that freak that hangs around. You never wanted me here.”

Magnus’s face fell and he turned to his roommate with one of the most compassionate expressions his eyes had ever managed. “That’s not true and you know it. If we didn’t want you here, you wouldn’t be here.”

For a moment, it looked like Mortimus was going to say something else, but he ended up just shaking his head and turning away. He sniffed when he glanced down to the pink water, squeezing his eyes shut tighter and ignoring Magnus’s attempts to get him to talk. Apparently, he wasn’t great at being nice. Not that it was any sort of surprise.

“Were you outside or something?” asked Magnus suddenly. “Just wondering about all the splinters.”

“I, uh…” Mortimus shook his head, pushing a hand through his dark, slightly greasy hair. It was astounding how long he let it get, considering he was always going off at Magnus about his. “I was in the woods. I think. A lot of the afternoon is just a big blur.”

“What do you remember?”

It was questionable whether Mortimus would answer, but he had to give it a shot. If something happened that made him forget most of the afternoon, there was a damn good chance someone else was involved and Magnus wouldn’t hesitate to deck them if they were. Except, he couldn’t get Mortimus to talk. He couldn’t get Mortimus to talk and that made it exceedingly difficult to figure out who he was supposed to deck.

“I remember giving my presentation,” said Mortimus hesitantly, “and I remember that I absolutely botched it. I fucked up the whole thing and then everyone was staring at me because I couldn’t talk. Everything that came out of my mouth was just like… I don’t know. Word soup? It was weird as shit. I walked out early, and I didn’t go to my other classes.”

“Why didn’t you go to your other classes?”

“Because I couldn’t talk. I just told you. I tried to say shit and it all just got like… I don’t know. I couldn’t think and I couldn’t talk so I decided to skip out and I went for a walk. That’s pretty much all I remember until I opened my eyes and you were there snapping me out of it.”

“Do you remember what you said to me?” Magnus started slowly. It was a weird question he knew, but the more Mortimus said, the less everything made sense, and he needed _something_ else to go off. “Before you realized it was me, I mean.”

“No. Why? Did I say something weird?” He made a strange face, his eyes darting back and forth as if he were trying to remember what happened. “Was it like when I talk in my sleep? Sorry if I made a pass at you again, I think I might have been stoned. Maybe I grabbed the edibles instead of my pills this morning.”

“Pills? Mort, you’re supposed to be a psych major. What the hell are you—?”

“Can we go to the LARPing thing? I don’t want to miss it.”

“Fuck no, you’re not walking around like that.” In fact, Magnus was just about to suggest they go over to the nurse’s office when he spoke. There was still too much blood in the water, and he needed something to help him walk. “Let’s just—”

“Nope. I’m going LARPing.” Mortimus didn’t wait for his roommate to respond, already rising to his feet and sending only once glance back over his shoulder, wincing as he put pressure on the bottom of his feet. “You don’t have to come, but I arranged this whole thing, and I’m not going to miss it because my brain shit out on me.”

Magnus hurried to stand up, shifting an arm under Mortimus’s shoulder and forcing him to take the support. He wasn’t a big fan of the bloke in general, but he wasn’t about to let him bleed out either.

//

“This isn’t fair.”

Originally, Rallon had a whole plan laid out regarding the health system. He was intending to use plans and lives and make sure that his friends were careful with their decisions. He did not expect them to all turn on each other and commit so many murders that they had to declare themselves all immortal. Rallon didn’t even try to argue. It wasn’t worth it anymore.

“Yeah, you have way better weapons than us,” Koschei agreed, glancing over at Theta. “I don’t know how you managed it in a day, Drax’s engineering skills coupled with his hyper focused ADHD most likely, but—”

“Excuse me? I am not ADHD,” snapped Drax, whipping around to glare at him.

“Drax, darling,” Jelpax started, making a face as he crossed his arms and turned to look at his friend, “you’ve been on amphetamines the entire time I’ve known you.”

“Well, you didn’t have to tell them that!”

“How the hell was that going to make any sort of difference as to what we’re doing here? Clearly, Koschei already knows considering he made that comment and I’m fairly certain Theta doesn’t give a shit, so let’s just get back into the game, yeah? What was the hand signal to end the time out?”

“I don’t know, I think it looked something like this?” The finger that Theta held up and pointed at Jelpax was most definitely not the signal they’d agreed on to end a time out, and he only rolled his eyes in response. Theta smirked, turning away from him. “Okay, game on, bitches. We’re going to destroy you.”

“Hold on!”

Rallon called out before they could get back to their game, halting any chance they had of getting on with things. Theta groaned the loudest, though Koschei was the second most pissed, Drax looked ready to throw punches, and Jelpax only sighed because he was glad he didn’t have to do anything yet. He was quite sick of the shenanigans, to be honest. He was just there to make Drax happy.

They only agreed to the pause when they saw Magnus and Mortimus coming down the stairs and realized that their leader had finally returned. The only issue being that he was walking on the balls of his bare feet and relying heavily on Magnus for support. Ushas—who had been sitting beside Millennia for the last few minutes, claiming she was only there to mock—opened her mouth in concern, but Magnus shook his head quickly, shutting down any questions.

“Sorry I’m late,” said Mortimus. His tone was off, but not quite upset despite how awful a state he seemed to be in. He smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Something came up and I totally lost track of time. It’s not a big deal, though. Looks like you lot all got it sorted without me. Like you always do. Nobody needs little Mortimus, eh?”

Despite his words, the look on Mortimus’s face only brightened as he sat down, stretching his raw, red feet out on the steps in front of him. Magnus took a seat beside him, his own expression rooted in concern, but he didn’t say a word. All he did was usher the others away, shaking his head whenever they tried to ask for an explanation as to what happened.

“Okay, catch me up. What’s going on here? Did you get the plot figured out, Rallon? Yeah? How much did they trash it?”

Of course, that was not a simple question, and when Rallon tried to answer it, the conversation quickly devolved into an argument involving everyone who cared. Which was only half of the people present, but it was still enough for a decent fight and considering half of that half were holding weapons, it was not a great combination.

“Sorry, can you put that down?” said Rallon nervously, taking a step back and throwing his hands into the air in defense when Drax waved his weapon in that direction. “I’m not saying you can’t use it for the game, but it _is_ rather dangerous, and I would really prefer it if you didn’t go waving it— okay, ignore me. Thanks.”

“I won’t ignore you.” Mortimus smiled reassuringly, but Rallon just shrugged and turned away. He wouldn’t be much help. “Fine, whatever. Get back to playing, yeah? We don’t have much time before dinner, and I want to see what you’ve done with my concept. How does LARPing work, exactly?”

“How does it work?” Jelpax’s jaw dropped as he whipped his head over to look at Mortimus, his tangled curls flopping around his glasses. “What the hell do you mean? This was your idea, you jackass. How do you not know how it works? You tried to send us into this utterly blind? What about the shit you told us?”

“I made it up. Well, some of it was from a book, but… you know, in my defense, I didn’t know you were going to be a part of this. You’re always so reserved and self-conscious, I didn’t think you’d be caught dead doing something like this. Who are you trying to impress?”

“Don’t fucking do that, Mort.” It was Koschei who jabbed a finger in his direction, his eyes narrowed. “We’re here to have fun, you’re not allowed to ruin it with your creepy comments.”

“Creepy, huh?” He nodded slowly, biting down on his bottom lip. “Tell me how you _really_ feel about me.”

Shockingly, Magnus stood up and stepped between them before anyone could say another word. For a moment, Koschei thought that Magnus was going to give _his_ opinion on Mortimus, but instead, he glared at the others. The look in his eyes was intense, protective, and terrifying in a way that most of them hadn’t before been on the receiving end of.

“All of you dumbasses listen up,” he snapped, glancing over to Mortimus. “I know you’re all into this stupid LARPing thing but it’s not worth fucking fighting over. You leave Mortimus alone or we’re not doing this at all. Understand?”

“Why the hell are you defending him?” asked Ushas, raising an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes when Magnus glared at her, giving him a look. “Listen, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I just don’t understand why captain of the ‘Mortimus is Creepy Club’ would want to defend those kinds of comments.”

“I might be Captain of the ‘Mortimus is Creepy Club’, but I also know him better than any of you jackasses, and I know which lines to cross, and I’m not going to treat you any different than I would other people if they were being assholes. Come on, Mort, let’s just get out of here.”

“No.” He shifted in his seat, swatting Magnus’s hands away frantically when he tried to help him up. “Get away from me! I don’t know why you think I need to be protected but I don’t. I’m fine. I know my friends are assholes and you’re the biggest one of them all, so I don’t know why you’re being nice just because I fucked up my feet a little.”

“Mortimus—”

“Just leave me alone.”

He didn’t give them a chance to speak again, stumbling back up the stairs into the Academy without another word. The moment he disappeared, Drax turned back to the others, who were standing in an utterly shocked silence.

“So… time in?”

//

Mortimus didn’t show up to the weekly meeting.

Everyone was there, waiting for him, but he never arrived. They held off starting the meeting for a good fifteen minutes, hoping he would eventually show his face, and yet he didn’t. Magnus hadn’t seen him that morning either, stating he was already gone when he got up, and he wasn’t answering his phone, so no one knew where he was.

“So, anyone want to start?” asked Ushas, twenty minutes into the meeting without a real word. They made a bit of small talk, but no one felt right without everyone there. “There has to be something to talk about, right? That whole LARPing thing was a big disaster. What was happening with all that?”

“Well, I came up with a whole idea,” Rallon started, sighing as he leaned forward onto his hands, “and everyone messed it up. So that happened. I don’t even remember what the plot was anymore. The whole thing kind of fell apart after Mortimus left.”

“I mean, it didn’t fall apart _because_ he left,” said Koschei, glancing over his shoulder. “It fell apart because Drax went overboard with his weapons and decided to try and kill Theta.”

“You did not just say that.” Drax whipped around quickly, glaring at Koschei. In response, Koschei only shrugged, crossing his arms as if he’d done nothing wrong or felt he was innocent of the crimes. “Please, it was Theta who damn near gave me a concussion. I know I bruised his shin, but that was a hell of an overreaction, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t think it was an overreaction.” Of course, it was Theta who shot back, his expression challenging, and one brow raised smugly. “In fact, I thought it was hilarious when Jelpax had to drag you off the ground. If you didn’t want that to happen, maybe you shouldn’t have been such an ass.”

“I was not being an ass.”

“You were kind of being an ass,” said Jelpax, his tone hesitant. “Look, it’s not like it’s new. Everyone knows you have issues with losing. That’s why you’re always pulling those pranks that you think can’t backfire on you, because you want to be a winner. I personally don’t understand the obsession, but—”

“His mum always told him he wasn’t good enough.” Everyone turned quickly when Mortimus spoke from the doorway, the expression on his face flat as he leaned against the dark wood. Drax opened his mouth to respond, but he didn’t get the chance before Mortimus went on. “Come on, it’s obvious. You never talk about her, you get weird as shit when people bring it up, and you have absolutely no self-confidence. You love your dad, so the problem’s with your mum. It’s not rocket science.”

“It’s not any of your business either.” Suddenly, Drax’s voice shook, and he bit down on his lip when he turned to look at his hands. “My relationship with my mum is— it’s fine. Just leave it alone, yeah? It’s not fucking relevant.”

“Okay.”

That was classic Mortimus. He said something deeply distressing to one of his friends and then just shrugged and sat down like nothing happened. Jelpax wanted to shout at him for it, but they were in front of everyone else and he didn’t feel right making a move that bold with so many people around.

“Anyway, I’m sure you’ve spent the first twenty minutes of the meeting talking about how much you all hate my creepiness,” said Mortimus, his tone utterly unreadable, “so let’s move on, yeah? How did the whole LARPing game go? Sorry I couldn’t be a part of it, things happened.”

He shot a look in Magnus’s direction, but his roommate avoided his gaze. He wasn’t going to apologize for making him see the nurse when he was literally bleeding out through the soles of his feet. Not that Mortimus seemed to give a shit about that—he’d been prepared to do nothing until Magnus dragged him out to the nurse’s office half past midnight.

“Nobody was talking about you except to say we were worried, sweetie,” Millennia reassured him, though it didn’t seem to do much. “Rallon was actually just talking about how the game went a little south after everyone started fighting yesterday. Lot of injuries from what I saw. I had to jump in and stop them at one point.”

“Yeah, you kicked me in the shin,” Koschei grumbled, his own gaze drifting between Drax and Mortimus. “Anyway, there has to be something more interesting we can talk about. Rallon’s plot was nice but we were all jackasses and decided it would be more fun to beat each other up so the whole thing pretty much sucked ass. It’s canceled indefinitely.”

“Permanently,” Ushas corrected. “We said permanently.”

Koschei made a mocking gesture with his hands, doing his best to release some of the tension in the room. Even Vansell looked to be on edge with the way Mortimus and Drax were glaring at each other, while Rallon was so visibly uncomfortable, his fingers drummed endlessly against the edge of his desk.

“All right, I’m in the mood for some stupid arguments,” said Magnus suddenly, breaking the awkward silence that fell after Ushas’s words. “Anybody have any shit to dredge up? Preferably not related to anything that happened in the last few days?”

“Well, you know what, I have been pretty bitter at Mortimus the last few weeks,” Rallon started. At first, Magnus looked ready to clock him, Mortimus’s own gaze dropping, but they relaxed when their friend went on. “See, I asked you to run a load of sheets, and when you brought them back, they were all pink.”

“How was I supposed to know that would happen?” Mortimus snapped, his tone more humorous than anything else. It was nice to see him smiling again. “I just threw in all the blankets and shit; I didn’t think they would bleed all over each other!”

“Maybe you should have thought about it then. I’ve been using pink sheets for over a month!”

It was a stupid argument, one of the most insignificant they’d ever had. But by the time it ended, all the tension had left the room, and everyone was smiling again. They might have been terrible at communicating their deep feelings, but when it came to teasing each other, the Deca were better at nothing else.


	6. Flubbing Flubbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theta hides another creature, much to Koschei's distaste. Drax interrupts Rallon and Millennia's date. Vansell is creepy.

“Theta, _please_ make your cat shut up. I’m trying to sleep.”

It wasn’t until the words had already left his mouth and Theta mumbled some semblance of an apology when Koschei realized that the cat had been gone for several years. He sat up quickly, whipping his head around to look over at his best friend, but there was nothing there. No cat, no animal, not a peep.

“Okay, I know what I just said,” Koschei started hesitantly, “and I’m probably going to regret this, but what the hell was that?”

“What the hell was what?” asked Theta, his tone too innocent for how terrible and flimsy his lie was.

“Whatever that sound was. I told you to make the cat shut up and you listened, but the cat has been gone for fucking years now. What are you hiding over there?”

“I’m not hiding anything. Why would I be hiding anything?”

“Because you’re using that tone you only use when you’re hiding something.” Koschei sighed as he swung his legs over the bed, trudging over to Theta’s side. Theta only blinked when he stopped at the side of the bed, his eyes trailing down to Koschei’s bare chest. Koschei flipped him the finger. “Tell me. Now.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” said Theta, throwing his hands up in defense. “If there was something to tell you, then I would’ve told you ages ago. I know how much you love getting in on my schemes. The only thing I would ever want to hide from you is— okay, it’s a flubble. I’m hiding a flubble.”

Koschei’s jaw dropped as he hurried around to the other side of the bed, gasping when he saw the little creature. Sure enough, it was sat beside Theta’s bed with its six stupid arms and stupid tiny nose. Theta only shrugged when Koschei turned to him, as if he would somehow be forgiven for breaking such a stupid rule.

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t be smuggling pets anymore.”

“No, you said that we should stop smuggling pets and I told you that was a good idea to make you happy.” Theta poked his fingers together, biting down on his lip awkwardly. “I never said I was going to listen to you. I was very vague in my response. Anyway, it’s not a big deal. She’s just hanging out under my bed. She won’t get in the way, I swear.”

“Really?” Koschei blinked, giving him a look as he crossed his arms. It took a lot to ignore how nice Theta looked with his stupid sleepwear and messy bed head. “You’re absolutely sure we’re not going to get caught? Because I have no interest in doing the gardening for another six months.”

“It’s fine, honestly. She barely makes a sound, and she’s very good at staying hidden when anyone comes around. I’ve kept her in here for three weeks already and this is the first time you’ve said a thing. Amazing, yeah?”

“ _Three weeks_?! Theta, I swear to Rassilon—”

Theta dove under the blankets before he could get on with his shouting. If he was going to get yelled at, at least he wouldn’t have to look at Koschei’s face while it happened.

//

“Wait, he’s smuggled a _flubble_?” Jelpax glanced over his shoulder to make sure none of their other friends were listening, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull. “Are you absolutely sure you didn’t hear him wrong?”

“No, I didn’t, and I saw it with my own two damn eyes.” Directly outside of the dining hall was probably not the best place to be having their conversation, but there was nothing Koschei could do about it. They were already there, and he wasn’t about to put off the emergency. “What the hell am I supposed to do about this?”

“Well, the first question I would ask is, why the hell did you come to me?”

“You were the only one sitting at the dining table when I walked in. Figured, you’re pretty smart, maybe you know something about the flubbles. Please don’t tell me you know nothing; I’m really getting desperate right now.”

“Okay, I hear you, but listen.” Jelpax hesitated, scanning the hall for any eavesdroppers before he went on. “Those things are fucking loud. If his flubble comes into heat, it’s going to scream its bloody head off. Believe me, it won’t be a secret once everyone in the entire Prydonian dorms has been woken by it.”

“Wait, so if I don’t get rid of this thing now, Runcible is going to find it?” Koschei made a face, shaking his head quickly. “God, the only person I hate more than Runcible is fucking Dourgonn.”

“What about Torvic?”

“Nah. I hate Torvic in the way that everyone hates Torvic, but I have some personal beef with those other two jackasses. Torvic is someone I would hate even if I didn’t know him myself, you know?”

“I— I’m going to go finish my breakfast.”

Koschei sighed when Jelpax turned and headed back into the dining hall, trailing behind him. He wasn’t too keen to rejoin the group—Theta had walked by a few minutes earlier and Koschei hadn’t yet thought of an excuse for why he was talking to Jelpax of all people—but it didn’t matter. He had no choice.

He sat down at the table with the others, waving lamely and doing his best to pretend that nothing was going on. There were no secrets in his room, and no secrets stuck in the brains of himself and his roommate. Hopefully Jelpax was wrong and the flubble wouldn’t start screaming any time soon. That wouldn’t be good for any of them.

“…and I know you said it’s nothing but if there’s something going on, just tell me.” It was Magnus who was speaking, though it was unclear what he was referring to. “I know you get weird sometimes but what the hell? Are you on the drugs again?”

“Sorry, what?” Mortimus blinked, shaking his head slightly as he dropped his fork down onto his plate. Something was off about his expression, but it was hard to tell exactly what it was. “Oh, I, uh— I’m just working on a project, you know? Thoughts wandering.”

“Right, yeah, I totally believe that. That’s why you’ve been spacing for a good forty-eight hours now, Mort.”

“Mm. It’s nothing. Like I said, I’m just a little all over the place right now. I— shit, I have to get to class.” He’d barely glanced down to his watch before leaping out of his seat, quickly heading out of the dining hall.

The moment he was gone, Koschei turned to look at Theta, raising a single eyebrow. Theta only shrugged. Clearly, he still felt no remorse for the awful stunt he’d dragged Koschei into.

//

Though they spent a lot of time together, it wasn’t often that Millennia and Rallon got to have a proper date night. They were both hopeless romantics, though Rallon was usually the one who did the planning because he was just too sweet and too keen to please his girlfriend. Millennia didn’t mind. She loved his planning, and she kind of wished she let him take control that afternoon.

The only reason they met in Millennia’s room was because she was the one who planned the date that time. Rallon was busy with law exams and Millennia didn’t have hers for another week, so she decided to surprise him. Except it wasn’t so easy as it should have been.

“Hey.” Rallon smiled when he walked in, and Millennia couldn’t help but return the gesture. “You look beautiful. Sorry I’m late, I got caught up in a study session with some of the other law students. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”

“No, it’s fine.” Millennia rose from her seat on the floor and walked over to her boyfriend, taking his hands into hers and guiding him over to the blanket she’d set on the floor. Their only food was a basket of muffins, but that was perfect for them. “It’s only been a few minutes. And I would wait for the whole world to see your face.”

The blush on Rallon’s cheeks was vibrant. He brushed a hand through his hair the moment they pulled apart, dipping into one of his most notable nervous habits. Millennia didn’t mention it, instead reaching for a muffin. She barely lifted it to her mouth, her gaze locked with Rallon’s, when the door suddenly slammed open again.

Rallon whipped around first, almost falling onto the floor beneath him. Within seconds, Millennia stared up at the door, shocked to find Drax standing there with a load of papers in his arms. She opened her mouth to say something, to ask what the hell he thought he was doing interrupting their date night, but she didn’t get the chance.

“Hey, I need you to help me with this,” he said, not waiting for an answer. Drax dropped all his things onto the floor beside the muffins, either not noticing or not caring about the romantic decor. “I’ve been trying to figure this out for like a week now, but it’s just not coming together. Do you have any ideas? Not yet obviously, but if you take a look at it, I’d bet you could— here.”

Drax unrolled a page of blueprints, inserting himself between Rallon and Millennia as if he weren’t interrupting a thing. Millennia signaled to her boyfriend to give her a few minutes, leaning over the page in front of her. No, she didn’t want to interrupt their date night, but she loved it when Drax came to her for assistance with his projects and turning him away didn’t feel right.

“Okay, let’s start with this…”

//

“Wait, wait, wait, you’re telling me he’s smuggled a _flubble_?”

Koschei rolled his eyes, nodding along as he glanced over his shoulder. They were standing in the dormitory corridor rather than near the dining hall, but it still felt a lot like déjà vu. He sighed when he turned back to Ushas, taking a deep breath instead of responding right away. He was not in the mood to be mocked.

“Yes, he smuggled a flubble,” said Koschei, “and I’m tired of people acting like it’s a big thing. He’s smuggled tons of animals before. But listen, you’re a biology major, right?”

“No, I’m a neurochemistry major.” Ushas made a face, crossing her arms against her chest. “But I _have_ taken several biology courses, so— wait. You’re not going to ask me to help you with the flubble, are you? Because one: that’s not what we learn about in biology, and two—”

“Ushas, please. Jelpax told me that Theta’s flubble is going to come into heat and start screaming and alert the entire Academy to its existence. You have to tell me if that’s true or not. Should I get rid of it right away or do I have time to tell Theta to get rid of it himself? And if I do have time, how long do I have?”

“I would not risk anything because mating season is very soon for most creatures, but it’s not my problem so I don’t care whether you get rid of it or not. But yes, I do think it would start its mating call very, very soon. Be careful about that.”

“What does it sound like?” asked Koschei, peering down the hall again to check that no one was listening. “Like, if I wanted to know what it sounded like so I could catch it early, what would I want to—”

He was cut off by a horrible, screeching sound coming from the room behind his back. Koschei’s eyes went wide as he whipped around, shoving the door open within seconds. Immediately, his eyes landed upon Theta keeping a safe distance from his flubble; his hazel eyes wide and staring as the creature continued to scream at the top of its lungs.

Koschei ran over to Theta’s side while Ushas stayed in the doorway, laughing as if it were somehow humorous that their entire lives were about to be ruined thanks to a stupid flubble. Theta didn’t appear to be bothered by this, however, too busy trying to figure out how to approach the situation.

“I told you this was a terrible idea,” said Koschei, crossing his arms sternly.

Theta only shook his head, his arms moving around frantically. “No, no , it’s fine. I’ll figure it out, I swear. I know what I’m doing. I kept Ginger in here for _years_ before Borusa found her, I’m sure I can figure something out for… er… Mrs. Flubble.”

“‘Mrs. Flubble’?” Ushas made a face, leaning against the doorway and glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one would see what was happening. “You’re seriously naming that thing ‘Mrs. Flubble’.”

“Well sorry if it’s a high-pressure situation and I can’t think of anything better right now!”

“Okay, whatever, can we _please_ just focus on getting that thing out of here?” asked Koschei, his own tone highly reflective of how stressful a situation they were in. “If you don’t find a way to shut it up in the next dew seconds, we’re going to end up getting detention for the rest of our damn lives.”

Rather than responding verbally, Theta simply nodded and turned to look at Ushas. As did Koschei. She groaned, shaking her head as she turned to leave the room. There was _no_ way she’d risk years of detention over their shared stupidity.

//

“What the hell are you doing?”

Vansell whipped around the moment Magnus spoke, slamming the locker door shut behind him. It was definitively not either of their lockers, which were located on opposite ends of the corridor, but Theta’s—though it was unclear why exactly Vansell was rummaging through his things.

“I was just looking for something,” he said calmly, as if what he’d been doing wasn’t out of the ordinary at all. “You know how Theta and I get into quarrels and he takes my shit.”

“Yeah?” The look in Magnus’s eyes was far from convinced, but Vansell’s poker face couldn’t be beat. “Well, why don’t you just ask him to give it back? I know you get into a lot of fights but I’m sure he’ll understand if you need it back for whatever reason. He might be a jackass but he’s not that big of a jackass.”

“No, that’s fine. I don’t want to make things worse. Hey, don’t tell him I was here, yeah? I think it would be easier if we just kept him out of this for a while. There’s no reason to get him involved.”

“Isn’t he already involved? You know, since you’re rummaging through his locker and all.” When Vansell tried to turn away, Magnus reached out, gripping onto the back of his shirt, and preventing him from leaving. “Get your ass back here, you little sleaze. What the hell do you think you’re doing? I know you’re not getting back at him.”

“Yeah, I am. That’s it. Why would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know, because you always lie to everyone?”

“I do not.” Vansell ripped away, shaking his arm off and reaching behind to rub his back. “I don’t lie all the time and I don’t have any reason to explain myself to you, so just get the hell away from me. I’m not talking about this with you.”

He turned and stormed down the hall, this time not giving Magnus the chance to stop him before he bolted out of view. Magnus only shook his head as he watched Vansell vanish. He wasn’t too keen to find out what was going on, but he didn’t like the idea that one of them could be a traitor either. Something had to be done, and he had to be the one to do it.

//

Admittedly, Rallon was having a lot of fun at first.

Sure, he had basically nothing to add to the conversation and each time he did, either Drax or Millennia called him out for being wrong, but it was fun. He got to see Millennia in her natural environment, helping Drax with his engineering issues, but then it started to get old. Then an hour passed, and he was still there, and suddenly, Rallon was flopped on his back throwing his pencil at the ceiling.

“No, no, no, there’s a reason that I did that.” Drax pulled the blueprints away from Millennia before she could scribble over his notes, shaking his head frantically. “It connects to the bottom piece there, you see? Yeah. We just have to figure out what about the center left isn’t working because it’s off-balance.”

“Doesn’t it match the center right?” asked Millennia, pulling her dark blue hair back behind her ear.

“It doesn’t, because I was trying to compensate for the…”

Rallon sighed and flipped over, flopping his face into the basket of muffins. He honestly had no idea what they were going on about, he just wanted to get back to his date with his girlfriend. Being stuck in the middle of all that science was giving him a headache, especially since it was the one afternoon he had off in the middle of his exams.

He sat up to look at Millennia and Drax, opening his mouth as he wanted to ask how long they would be, but then Millennia asked him to grab something from her desk and suddenly he was bowing to her again. It wasn’t that Rallon didn’t want to do what she wanted; it was just that he thought the date would be a whole lot different than it was.

“Thank you, sweetie,” said Millennia, when Rallon handed her the purple pouch. He had no idea what was inside, and barely cared to figure it out. “Anyway, I think you’re on a good track here, we just have to figure out what to do with— actually, do you have the demo you said you were working on? I think it would help if I took a look at that first.”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely.” Drax scrambled to his feet, running over to the door, and stopping with one hand on the knob. “It won’t take a few minutes for me to grab it, I just have to detach it from its stand and everything first. Don’t do anything without me, I want to make sure we’re totally on the same page.”

“All right, got it.”

Drax turned and sped out of the room, yanking it shut behind him. The moment he was gone, Rallon sat down beside Millennia, giving her a look which he hoped conveyed what he wanted to say. Unfortunately, Millennia didn’t seem to understand that he was trying to ask her to _stop_ what she was doing with Drax, or at least put it off for a bit, as she said nothing of the sort.

“Sorry this is taking so long, Rallon,” said Millennia, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “I promise we’ll get back to our date soon, I just want to make sure that this doesn’t go totally haywire. You know how Drax does things sometimes. He has no regard for his personal safety.”

“Yeah, most of our friends don’t.”

Rallon sighed as he flopped back onto the cushions behind him, not bothering to look up when Drax eventually walked back into the room. Clearly, he was not going to be leaving any time soon, and Rallon just had to live with that. Even if he did miss a nice date with the woman he loved.

//

“We’re fucked.”

At that point, they’d been standing in Theta and Koschei’s room for a decent chunk of time, though none of them had stopped to look at the clock to know exactly how long that was. Ushas nearly left but came back after Koschei threatened to claim she was a part of the scandal, while Theta did everything he could to make the flubble shut up.

“Absolutely, horribly, irredeemably fucked,” Koschei went on, shoving his hands through his dark hair. He whipped around to look at Ushas, who only shrugged, her earplugs still stuck fast on both sides. Apparently, he just bitched enough for her to get the gist of it without full hearing. “What are we going to do? As soon as dinner finishes, everyone is going to come in and hear that thing.”

“Right, so we have how much time to figure this out, then?” asked Theta, swallowing hard as he stared down at the creature in front of him. He glanced over to his watch, shaking his head slowly. “Two hours, give or take. But anyone could come back at any time, so come on. We have to figure out what to do. Does anyone know how to end a flubble’s heat?”

“Give her a cold shower?”

“No!” Ushas slapped Koschei across the head, ignoring him when he rubbed the back of his skull uncomfortably. She trudged over to where Theta was sat on the edge of his bed, hands in his lap and eyes focused on the creature. “Has anyone taken that animal care class?”

“I haven’t,” said Koschei, shaking his head. “Theta was thinking about it, but he decided to go for a different one, right? Some other kind of alien studies or something?”

“Yeah. I think Mortimus took it, though. We could try talking to him. Maybe he knows what to do.”

“Oh, god no.” Immediately, Ushas shook her head, waving her hands around frantically. “We are not doing this. He’s still pissed at everyone for what happened with that whole LARPing thing. We can’t drag him into this now, it’ll just fuck everything up.”

“It’s our only chance, Ushas.”

Koschei didn’t wait for her approval before he stomped out of the dorm and into the hall, immediately walking to a nearby door and pounding on it urgently. Admittedly, he didn’t think Mortimus would be inside, so he was surprised when his friend pulled it open. He had headphones on as he chewed a piece of gum, leaning back against the doorway and raising a brow in Koschei’s direction thoughtfully.

“Well, well, well, look who’s here to apologize,” said Mortimus bitterly. “Or are you looking for Magnus? He’s not here, you know. He had late classes today, so you’re just going to have to—”

“I’m not looking for Magnus, I’m looking for you,” Koschei told him, his tone urgent and almost begging for help. “You took that caring for animals class or whatever, right? We need your help. Is there any chance you know anything about flubbles?”

“Flubbles? I might know a thing or two about flubbles, but… it’s going to come at a price.”

The only reason Koschei agreed was the perfectly timed screech from the room behind him.

//

“Hey, what are you looking at?”

Normally, Jelpax wouldn’t have started a conversation with Vansell without prior reasoning, but that day he didn’t care so much. No one else was at the dining table for whatever reason, so it was either talk to Vansell or talk to no one, and he felt like getting in his obligatory twenty minutes of socializing that day.

“Nothing,” said Vansell, slamming the notebook in front of him shut quickly. He shoved it under his arm, blocking Jelpax from reading whatever was written on the front of it. “I was just checking some of my notes for language arts.”

“Van, you’re in my language arts class.” Jelpax made a face as he slid into the seat beside his friend, barely glancing over to his food. He was more interested in whatever Vansell was hiding at the moment. “You use a green notebook to take your notes for that course. What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not talking about anything; I’m wondering why the hell you think it’s all right to interrogate me. I got a new notebook, what’s the big deal? I’m allowed to do that, aren’t I?”

“Well, yeah, I suppose so. I just don’t get why you would be reviewing notes in a new book now since you were still writing in the green one this morning. Are you sure you didn’t misspeak? I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding, and if you clear it up now, then I won’t think you’re hiding anything anymore, so we can just—”

“For the last time, I’m not fucking hiding anything.” Suddenly, Vansell yanked his backpack off the floor and shoved his notebook into it, throwing it over his shoulder before he turned to leave. “Don’t accuse me of shit when you don’t know what you’re talking about, Jel. You’re not doing anything but alienating people.”

Jelpax didn’t respond, only rolling his eyes as he headed out of the dining hall. He was very clearly hiding something but given how mundane most of the Deca’s secrets were, Jelpax had a feeling it wasn’t anything that important. Nothing that he should bother worrying about, anyway.

However, that wasn’t exactly easily done, as Magnus showed up just a few moments later. He gave Jelpax a serious look as he sat down, one brow raised in confusion. Jelpax only shrugged, not entirely sure what Magnus was referring to and not caring to give him the limited information he had on the situation with Vansell.

“So, he creeping you out too?” asked Magnus, leaning forward onto the table. When Jelpax didn’t respond, he made the move to continue, his tone flat and mildly annoyed. “I caught Van snooping around in Theta’s locker earlier. I don’t know what the hell he was up to, but it couldn’t have been anything good.”

“That’s odd,” Jelpax mused, running a hand through his curly hair. “Just now he was in here reading from some notebook. He said it was for language arts notes, but I’ve seen his language arts notebook and that wasn’t it. He got really pissed when I tried to ask him about it too. Do you think he’s hiding something?”

“Think? I _know_ he’s hiding something. We just have to figure out what it was.”

Jelpax was not fond of the ‘we’, but he didn’t feel like arguing with it either.

//

The biggest problem with Drax sticking around for as long as he did was that Rallon’s self-confidence was like a slow drawbridge. He’d gone up and up as he soared through his exams and met up with his girlfriend for their date, and suddenly, one push of a button caused him to come falling right back down again.

“Hey, Rallon, you got any music or something we can listen to?” asked Drax, despite knowing full well that they were in Millennia and Ushas’s room. “This is getting real depressing sitting in silence. We need some good EDM or something to kick it up a notch.”

“All right, let me see what I can do,” Rallon grumbled.

He didn’t have many ideas, but he knew that Millennia had a speaker on her desk. Most of the music he thought of was depressing, singing songs of heartbreak and abandonment, and he forced himself not choose one of them. Instead, he turned on Millennia’s ‘good vibes’ playlist, hoping it would bring up something happy. It did not.

Well, okay, the music was happy. Rallon was just so utterly bored out of his brain that he didn’t feel like listening to it. He flopped back onto Millennia’s bed, grabbing a small plush from the pillows and throwing it up in the air. At least counting how many times he could do it without dropping would give him a way to distract himself.

“I think you’re taking the wrong approach on this,” said Millennia, referring to something Rallon hadn’t heard the start of. “See, you want to make it into a cube, but if you turn it into a sphere, you would lose a lot of the balance issues you’re having with the inside tech. You see what I mean? Or you could go for a shape with _more_ sides, but that’s really up to you.”

“Yeah, well, I think you’re a little out of your depth there.” Drax spun the paper away from her, staring down at it with his brow furrowed. “There’s nothing wrong with my design, I just have to figure out how to rework it. Although, if I go with the way you’re saying, I suppose that would be a bit easier. But you’re not a _mechanical_ engineering major, you’re—”

“Smarter than them?” It was Rallon who commented, not looking away from the stuffed toy he continued to throw up in the air. “I’d say so. No shade to you, Drax, though I’m honestly not sure if that’s your major or not. Just let her do her thing, all right? You might specialize in different majors but she’s damn good at her work.”

“Thank you, Rallon.” Millennia turned to smile at him, though she made a face when she realized that he was sat in utter boredom. They’d been neglecting him for too long. “Hey, come over here. You’re really smart too. I’m sure you’ve got something to add to this.”

“Something to add to an engineering project? No, I don’t think so.” Regardless, he sat up, dropping the toy, and sliding over to the foot of the bed. He wasn’t about to pass up a chance to spend time with his girlfriend. “I might be smart but I’m majoring in law, Millennia. All I’m good for is telling you how not to get arrested and getting you out of jail if you do.”

“Well, that’s helpful too,” said Drax. “We all know I’ll end up in jail a load of times. Doubt it’ll even have to wait until I graduate, to be honest. Surprised no one’s sent me there for a week just to teach me a lesson yet.”

“Don’t give them any ideas.” Millennia’s tone was sharp, but mostly joking. “You know Borusa wouldn’t hesitate to do it if you gave him the suggestion.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth shut. And you keep yours shut too, Rallon. I know how you damn lawyers talk.”

The joke probably would’ve been a lot easier to take if Rallon actually understood what the hell it meant.

//

“Okay, I think I’ve changed my mind.”

Koschei ran after Mortimus the moment he tried to leave the room, reaching out to grab his forearm before he could walk away. They hadn’t been in the room for two minutes, and already, Mortimus felt like he was out of his depth. Yes, he’d _learned_ about a lot of the creatures on Gallifrey, but that didn’t mean he had any idea what he was supposed to do with them.

“No, you can’t go!” cried Koschei, still clinging to his arm. “You can’t leave us, Mortimus, please. You’re the only one who can get us out of this mess. Please don’t go. _Please_.”

“But it’s _so loud_.”

“Which is exactly why we need your help,” said Theta, his tone almost pleading. The look in his eyes was ready to kill, though it was unclear whether the rage was directed at Mortimus or the screaming flubble. “Please, we have like an hour at most before everyone starts coming back from dinner and they find out I’ve been harboring this thing.”

“‘Harboring’? It’s not a fucking fugitive, Theta.” Koschei sighed, finally pulling away from Mortimus to cross his arms against his chest. “Listen, we just need to know how we can make it shut up. And don’t say we have to get it sex because we don’t have another flubble and that’s not fucking happening.”

“No, I know. There’s no fucking happening. Got it.” He nodded, taking a deep breath as he turned back to look at Theta and Ushas, who were both near the closet trying to keep the flubble quiet. “Well, if you’re not going to get it sex, then all you can really do is get it the hell out of here. Have you thought about throwing it out in the woods?”

“We are not throwing her out!” Theta snapped, whipping around quickly. “She’s not a piece of rubbish. She’s an animal and she deserves to be treated with respect.”

“Oh, so you’ll treat animals with respect, but you can’t do the same for me?” Mortimus glared at him, clenching his fingers into tight fists. “Really nice to see your true colors coming out there, Thete. Absolutely love it. You want me to tell you how I really feel about you too?”

“Mortimus, please, do not drag that shit into this,” said Ushas, her gaze darting between each of the boys. “We have a very big problem here right now and fighting isn’t going to fix it. That was a whole other situation, it doesn’t matter now, and dragging up our bullshit in the past isn’t helping anyone. So please, just shut up.”

“Wow, okay. Thanks for the lecture, Mom. I’ll be sure to send some chocolates to your next meeting at angry bitches anonymous.”

“For the love of fucking Rassilon, shut up!” Theta shouted. “And no, Mort, that does not mean I love fucking Rassilon. Shut your fucking tongue. We need to find a way to stop this screaming without hurting any innocent creatures. That includes us, of course.”

“All of us?” Ushas snorted, shaking her head slowly. “Theta, the only person to blame here is you. Well, and Koschei for covering for you as long as he did, but—”

“I covered for him for _one night_ ,” said Koschei, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. “One night! How the hell is that a long time? I basically found out in the middle of the night, woke up in the morning, and immediately told Jelpax.”

“You told _Jelpax_?”

“Shut up, Theta!”

“Everyone stop telling everyone else to shut up!” Mortimus screamed even louder than the flubble, stomping one foot against the ground angrily. “Look, if you want to get rid of that thing, you’re going to have to get past your own bullshit first. No more screaming at each other because all you’re doing is adding to the sound.”

“I mean, he’s not wrong.” Ushas shrugged, rolling her eyes at the glares the others sent her way. “Let’s just keep going, all right? What do you think about releasing her gently, Theta? Not _throwing_ her out into the wild but taking her outside and letting her go wherever she wants to. Is that okay?”

Theta hesitated but nodded when the flubble screeched again. “Okay, fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

“All right, but… how?”

Nobody had an answer to Mortimus’s question.

//

Jelpax wasn’t generally one for surprise confrontations, but he had to admit his curiosity sometimes got the better of him. That was the only reason he ended up waiting outside Vansell’s maths class that afternoon. Not because he _wanted_ to become a creepy stalker, but because he wanted to know if his friend already was.

“All right,” said Jelpax, glancing down at his watch. “He should be coming out at any minute now, but honestly, I’m not sure how great of an idea this is. You know how hostile he can get sometimes. Do we really want to risk setting him off because he was a _little_ weird earlier today?”

“Today? Try forever.” Magnus rolled his eyes, stepping away from where he’d leaned against the wall. “Look, we have to figure out what’s going on with him. Ever since he disappeared on that trip to the Medusa Cascade, I’ve been convinced something is up, and now we basically have proof. I’m not abandoning that.”

That was information that Jelpax did not have before. In fact, it wasn’t until right then that he even _remembered_ Vansell hadn’t gone with them on the trip to the Medusa Cascade. He blinked, pushing a hand through his hair as he tried to decide what to say, but took too long and lost the chance.

Of course, given their luck, Vansell was the last person to come out of the classroom and they were forced to watch two dozen other students wander out first. Jelpax was about asleep by the time he finally walked out the door, Magnus immediately on his tail and Jelpax keeping his distance so as not to overwhelm him.

“Okay, listen.” Magnus didn’t skip a beat, his tone harsh and bitter with each syllable. “We know you’re up to something. We don’t know what it is or why the hell you’re hiding it, but we know. We all know. And there’s no fucking point in hiding it, so you might as well come out right now.”

“I don’t have to come out,” said Vansell. He turned to walk down the hall, ignoring his friends when they followed him. “I have nothing to hide. I’m simply living my life without all your bullshit and chaos. Being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean I have something to keep from you. Get a fucking life.”

“Said the man who was snooping around in his friend’s locker. I know you weren’t looking for something of yours, Van. What the hell did you take from him?”

“It was the notebook, wasn’t it?” Immediately, both Vansell and Magnus turned to look at Jelpax, and he regretted having spoken. “Sorry, I did not mean to piss you both off which I seem to have done. I just wanted to put in my thoughts. You took that notebook from Theta’s locker, didn’t you? The one you wouldn’t show to me.”

“No. I took nothing from Theta’s locker.” Again, Vansell tried to wander off, but Magnus grabbed his bicep and stopped him from walking away. “All right, fine. You want to know what I was doing? I _was_ snooping around in Theta’s locker. Hundred percent. But I wasn’t trying to steal anything, I just wanted to know if he had a copy of the kissing tape.”

“The kissing tape? What the hell is the kissing tape?”

“You know, that film Drax made of him and Koschei making out for a joke or whatever. Rallon doesn’t believe it really happened and I want to prove that it did. That’s it. There’s no fucking sinister plot or anything, I’m just trying to win a bet. Normal Deca shit. Can you get the hell away from me now?”

Both Jelpax and Magnus wanted to argue, but they couldn’t. They had no more evidence to go off, nothing solid they could accuse him of—unless they wanted to piss him off further with the notebook thing—which left them with nowhere to go. Jelpax sighed as he turned to look at Magnus.

“We done with this then?” he asked.

Magnus shook his head. “No. We’re just beginning. Or something a little less tacky than that.”

//

“Hey, sweetie, wake up.”

Rallon shook his head, burrowing deeper into the pillows. He could hear Millennia speaking somewhere nearby, but he wasn’t really sure what she was saying. Rather than opening his eyes to find out, he just kept them closed, letting out a deep exhale as he adjusted his place on the floor.

“Come on, Rallon,” said Millennia, gently nudging his shoulder. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do our date anymore, but Drax has gone and there are still plenty of muffins left. Please just talk to me for a little bit? It doesn’t have to be as long as we planned.”

He started to register her words about halfway through, at which point he realized exactly what happened. Drax and Millennia asked him to hang out with them, and he got so bored with what they were doing that he fell asleep right there on the carpet. Suddenly, he was no longer asleep, instead reeling from the guilt in his stomach.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Millennia.” He pushed himself back up, leaning against the bed frame behind him. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, it just happened. I really love that you’re so passionate about that stuff but to be honest, I didn’t understand half the words you were saying, and you have such a nice voice that I just…”

“It’s okay, I understand.” She reached forward and brushed a hand through his hair, smoothing out his messy bed head. Rallon smiled when she pressed a kiss to his forehead, sitting back on her knees. “You work really hard, honey. You deserve a nap. But you also deserved a good date night and I know Drax and I kind of got carried away with the whole project thing.”

“No, no, no, don’t worry about it. Like I said, I am so happy that you care so much about this stuff, it’s just not my thing. And I can listen to _you_ talk about it when you’ll stop to explain things I don’t understand but you and Drax were going back and forth like a computer. I didn’t know what was going on, it was foreign language to my ears.”

“Maybe you should get a universal translator.”

Rallon only laughed, reaching out for Millennia’s hand. He gave it a squeeze, silently telling her he was glad they didn’t have to get into an argument over what happened. Sure, there were a few mistakes made, but none of them were worth fighting over. Certainly not worth risking what they had.

“Okay, how about this.” Rallon slid forward, giving Millennia a serious look. “I go down to the dining hall and get us a couple of milkshakes. You guard those muffins and make sure that Mortimus doesn’t come steal them—yeah, I’m fairly sure that’s him who’s been screaming—and then we can sit down and talk for as long as we want.”

“That sounds perfect,” said Millennia. She smiled, biting down on the edge of her lip. “Just be careful out there, okay? It sounds like they’re causing some real chaos over in Theta and Koschei’s room.”

“Don’t worry.” He left a quick kiss on her lips, grinning as he stood up. “I’ll walk right on by.”

//

“Rallon, thank god you’re here!”

Given that he had the worst luck in the entire universe, it shouldn’t have been a surprise when his friends immediately called for his help, but he was anyway. He thought he would at least be able to get the milkshakes before they stopped him, and yet, he was barely outside his door when they’d already shouted his name.

“No, I am not here,” said Rallon quickly, already turning back to retreat into Millennia’s room. “I am not here, you saw nothing, forget I ever walked out. Please, for the love of god, keep me out of this.”

“No, it’s too late!” Mortimus latched onto him before he had a chance to get away, though he dramatically screamed for Millennia. She stepped out into the hall; her eyes wide with alarm when she saw her boyfriend being all but kidnapped. “Stay back or the lawyer gets it!”

“I’m not even a lawyer yet! I’ve barely touched the surface of my courses!”

“You let go of Rallon right this second or I swear to Rassilon, I will kick your ass,” said Millennia. She shoved her sleeves up, narrowing her eyes as she prepared to fight. “Come on, you want to fight? I’ll give you a fight.”

“No, Millennia, don’t!” Sure, Rallon didn’t want to be involved, but he didn’t want his girlfriend to get in trouble for breaking one of their friend’s noses either. “Please, just put your fists down. You don’t know how powerful you— okay, you know exactly how powerful you are, and I want you to be careful, okay? You have to be careful.”

“I do not. You let him go right now, or— what was that?”

‘That’ was none other than the sound of Theta’s flubble screeching in the room behind them. They hadn’t yet brought it outside—Mortimus was simply checking to see whether anyone was around—and apparently, the creature was in no mood to shut up. Rallon made a face, trying to glance over his shoulder but unable to properly move thanks to Mortimus’s grip.

“Was that a flubble?” he asked, furrowing his brow. “That was a flubble, wasn’t it? I thought _you_ were the one screaming but it wasn’t, was it? It was a flubble. What are you doing with a _flubble_?”

“It’s not a flubble!” Ironically, when Theta stepped out the door to say the words, all he did was give the creature more space to scream and prove him wrong. “There is nothing inside here, we’re just watching videos. Please keep moving. Mortimus, why the hell are you holding onto Rallon like that?”

“I thought he might be able to help,” answered Mortimus, shrugging innocently. He let Rallon go after Theta commented on it, sighing as he glanced down the hall. “Look, we have like, minutes left. You know there are already people who’ve heard that thing. Not _everyone_ is in the dining hall.”

“Shit, you’re right. We better get her out of here.”

“Get who out of here?” Rallon crossed his arms. “I thought you said you didn’t have a flubble.”

“He did say that,” said Mortimus, giving him a look. “Doesn’t mean it was true.”

“For the love of god, can we just figure out how we’re going to get this thing out of here?” Ushas stepped out from behind Theta, glaring at all her friends around the hall. Clearly, she did not share the same patience or love for procrastination as the rest of them did. “We’re all going to get detention if we can’t get this over with soon.”

“Get detention for what?”

The sniveling voice came from the corridor behind them, evil and annoying and creeping along. They all groaned when Runcible strode towards them, aside from Theta who ducked right back into his room. Ushas stomped right up to Runcible, making a face when she glanced up to his hair, but shaking it off before she spoke.

“That is absolutely none of your business,” she declared. “We are within open hall hours, we are not bothering anyone, and you have no authority over us in this situation so just get right the hell out of here, yeah? None of us want to talk to you.”

“Yeah, right. As long as you’re in my hall, I have authority over all of you.” Runcible glared around them, his gaze shifting between each of his peers. He said nothing for a long moment, simply ‘humming’ and ‘hawing’ as he decided what to do. “Okay. I’ll let you off the hook this time. But if I hear _one_ suspicious sound, I’m going right to Professor Borusa!”

Not one of them bothered to respond when he stomped off down the corridor, sparing several more suspicious glances in their direction. He didn’t easily let go of grudges and was likely waiting just down the hall to bust them on their schemes, but they didn’t have time to worry about that. They were too busy with everything else going on to so much as stop to think about it.

“Okay, everyone get into your positions. Millennia, Rallon, help Mortimus watch the corridors.”

Obviously, Rallon did not want to do that in the least and opened his mouth to argue, but he didn’t get the chance before everyone else was already gone. Of course, despite him begging not to get involved in whatever was going on, he somehow ended up being dragged into it anyways. Just like always.

The moment Theta and Koschei walked the flubble out of their dorm, Rallon had to cover his ears to keep his drums from bursting. The flubble’s screeching was ridiculously loud, echoing around the halls like someone was being murdered. Mortimus was the only one not even trying to cover his ears, simply staring at the flubble in silence.

“You really should’ve seen this coming,” said Mortimus. “I mean, honestly, who doesn’t know that flubbles—”

“Not now, Mortimus!” Koschei snapped. “We have to get this thing taken care of before it’s too late.”

Except what they didn’t know as that it was already too late. The moment Theta and Koschei rounded the corner, Rallon cried out. Standing on the other end of the corridor was none other than Professor Borusa—Runcible standing and smirking at his side.

//

“…and utterly irresponsible!”

Koschei fell asleep long before the Headmaster started shouting at him, and by the time the topic moved from Theta’s mistakes to Koschei’s flimsy excuses, his eyes were barely half open. He’d been chewed out by authority figures enough times to know the drill, and even without having been awake for the lectures, he was well aware of what was said.

“Yes, sir, I apologize, sir,” he droned, not so much as pretending to stifle his yawn. “I should have come to you the moment I heard found out what Theta was doing, sir.”

“Would you stop calling me ‘sir’?” snapped the Headmaster. “Once is plenty enough, thank you. Now if you would let me get on with the punishments because you are both going to be working this off for a long time to come.”

“A long time? Please, sir, I barely knew about it for a whole day. God knows how long Theta had that thing under my nose. I’m just as pissed as you are. If anything, I think you should work him six times as hard as me. How dare he smuggle that thing into my room without even asking if I wanted to be part of the scheme?”

“Real great argument there, Kos.” Theta crossed his arms, shooting daggers at his friend. “That’s totally going to get you out of this. Great thinking. I should do the same thing to you. Accessory to the smuggling should get at least half as much time as me, regardless of how long he was part of it for.”

“Fuck you, Theta. I should not be punished for this!” He slammed his hands down on the desk in front of him, only pulling away when he grimaced and realized how bad that looked in front of the Headmaster. “Sorry. It’s just that my only involvement in the situation was trying to get that thing _out_ of my room and I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

“What’s wrong with it is that you covered for him at all,” said the Headmaster, his tone stern. “The moment you found out he was keeping that thing in his room; you should have come straight to me or one of your professors. Not telling us was a big mistake.”

“But it was the middle of the night. You wanted me to break curfew and leave my room in the middle of the night? That sounds like a terrible idea. Listen, I was planning to betray Theta all along. I wanted to bring the flubble to you guys, I just didn’t know how to do it, so I made him think I was on his side.”

“You did not!” cried Theta, jabbing a finger in his direction. “You specifically said that you wanted to help keep me out of trouble. Do not throw me under the bus like that you asshole. If I’m going down, you bet your ass I’m taking you with me.”

“Well, if _I’m_ going down, then I’m taking the others. If you’re punishing _me_ for helping Thete, then you should punish all the others that Runcible caught in the hall.”

Theta’s jaw dropped. “They’re going to fucking kill you, Koschei.”

“Then they can go ahead and do just that. I’m not scared of them. Not one bit.”

//

Considering how long he’d known them for, Koschei really should have been scared.

The moment he walked into the Deca’s weekly meeting a few days later, every single one of them glared at him. At that point, it had already been going on for days and so he wasn’t remarkably fazed, but it was also the first time he’d been in the same room as _all_ of them—he did have the common sense not to eat his meals in the dining hall—and honestly, he was not comfortable in the least.

“Oh, look who it is.” Mortimus dramatically threw his legs onto the desk in front of him, slamming them onto the wood. “Our favorite person in the whole wide world. Scoring us free detention and we don’t even have to ask. What a _fucking_ gift. I am so, so glad I agreed to help you. It was just the best idea that I have ever—”

“Mortimus, shut up.” Though his tone was not overly harsh, it was easy to tell that Magnus was not amused in the least. “You’re not helping anybody right now. We’re all pissed at Koschei, let’s just move the fuck on.”

Right, because Koschei hadn’t just thrown the people helping him under the bus, he’d thrown _everyone_ under the bus. According to him, every damn member of the Deca was somehow involved, as well as Epsilon and Dourgonn too. It was a little harder to convince the Headmaster of those two, but Koschei insisted. He was too drunk with power at that point.

“As much as I hate to say it,” Ushas began, glaring at Magnus for reasons only they understood, “Magnus is right. There is no point in dwelling on what’s already been done. Let’s just look ahead to the future and as soon as Koschei leaves today, we can all start plotting our revenge. Sound like a good plan?”

Koschei was, obviously, the only person who took issue with this suggestion, and so they quickly moved on with the meeting. Apparently, nobody cared whether he was okay. Not even Theta, after everything they’d been through together. Suddenly, he was glad he hadn’t called the bloke his boyfriend yet. He could hold that away from him until they made peace over the flubble incident.

“All right, next order of business!” she went on, glancing down to a notebook in her hands. “Following recent events, I want to strongly suggest that each and every one of us takes that ‘caring for exotic creatures’ course. Who knows what kind of animals Theta will want to smuggle in next and when he does, we should be prepared.”

“I am not going to smuggle in any other animals,” Theta grumbled, glaring down at his feet. “I’ve only done that like, half a dozen times. I am not stupid enough to try it again. Not after all these punishments.”

“Please, they haven’t found the one that’ll stop you yet.” Somehow, Drax was the only one who wasn’t utterly pissed at Theta, likely because he was so used to being in detention all the time that the new punishments barely made a dent in his schedule. “I think you’re going to keep smuggling them until you find a creature so dangerous that it kills you.”

“What? I might be stupid, but I am not that fucking stupid. I would not smuggle anything dangerous, just—”

“Oh, yeah?” Vansell raised a brow, turning to look at him from the other side of the room. “What about that time you smuggled in one of the deadliest spiders on the planet? That ring any bells?”

“Holy shit, it does.” Mortimus’s eyes went wide and he whipped around to face Magnus. “Remember? When there was that spider in the loo and you didn’t believe me, but I was like, ‘I swear to god, I saw it in there’. You know? You know the one.”

“Yes, I do, and that was all a bunch of bullshit.” Magnus shook his head, crossing his arms as he let out a sigh. “Please don’t rehash this again.”

“Yeah, I need Nosebung to rehash.” A strange look twisted its way onto Theta’s face, his brow furrowing as he turned to Vansell. “I never told anyone about that spider, and I’m fairly certain no one ever saw it either. So, how exactly is it that you came to know about it?”

Vansell froze dead in his tracks, his gaze not shifting from where it lay on the wall ahead of him. He swallowed hard, inhaling deeply before he turned to look at Theta, his tone deadly serious when he spoke. “I came across it one day when I went in your room to borrow some pencils. Figured you would try and get me involved if I said anything, so I didn’t. Based on this week, that was a good call.”

“Bullshit. How the hell did you find out about that?”

“Who cares?” Mortimus threw his hands in the air dramatically, looking around the room in the hopes that he could find someone else to be on his side. “Was that or was that not the spider that I saw in our loo? When did the spider smuggling take place? Just a time frame, I should be able to figure it out from—”

“Please, for the love of god, just stop.” Again, it was Magnus who cut off his babbling, the look on his face far from amused. “Van, this wouldn’t have anything to do with you snooping around in Theta’s locker the other day, would it?”

He blinked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jelpax crossed his arms, his own brow furrowing. “You told us both that you were snooping in his locker to see if he had a copy of the kissing tape. If that were the truth, then why are you trying to claim it never happened now?”

“Sorry, are you _interrogating_ me?”

“Not sure. Kind of seems like I should be, but I’ll stop if you just tell us what the hell the truth was.”

“I told you the truth,” Vansell snapped. He grabbed his backpack off the floor, shaking his head as he rose to his feet and stormed over to the door. “If you want to act like I’m not trustworthy then you can go ahead and do just fucking that. But I’m not going to sit here and be a part of it. Assholes.”

Not one person tried to stop Vansell when he stormed out of the room, each and every one of them only watching him in shock. They hadn’t exactly anticipated that to occur—if anyone was going to get pissed and storm out that day, their bets were all on Koschei—but it happened and all they could do was watch.

“So, uh, that was fun.” It was Drax who spoke up, craning his head to see around the room. No one respond, and he nodded slowly, taking that as a hint that they didn’t care for his sarcasm. “All right, well, anybody else want to share that they have a secret grudge against one of us? Or start another interrogation? That was pretty fun.”

“Please, Drax, just cool it.” Rallon didn’t want to get into an argument, but he was tired of their weekly meetings devolving into arguments. They were meant to be friends and the fact everyone was so hostile with each other was just awful. “Can we talk about something nice for once? Please?”

“Yeah.” Thankfully, Millennia was always there to back him up. “We’ve had some rather sweet moments the last week. Anyone here want to catch up on our relationship fluff?”

Usually, they would have all said no to the relationship stuff. But the Deca were all hardcore shippers of the two and were perfectly fine listening to them gush about each other for five minutes. It wasn’t remarkably productive, but it helped everyone cheer up enough to steer the conversation in a more positive direction once they started back up. At least, most of them.

Magnus didn’t know what Vansell was hiding from them, but it was pretty damn obvious it was something. He knew it was unlikely he’d be able to get to the bottom of it on his own, and he didn’t care. If there was a traitor in their group, he was determined to expose them—even if it meant possibly having to replace him with Magnus number two again.


	7. Notes, Bets, and Hard Tests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble arises in the Hot Five. Drax pushes Magnus's buttons. Mortimus recruits Rallon and Ushas for a project.

Jelpax’s ears reacted to the horrible sound before anything else, his entire body lurching in response. He didn’t have the faintest idea what the terrible banging and screeching tones were, but he hated them more than any other sound he’d heard and the fact that anyone was making it made him want to hurl.

Though his body was telling him to get out of there while he still could, Jelpax made the decision to peer into the room the music was coming from. He frowned when he slid the door ajar, his brow furrowing in disgust and confusion. Standing at the front of the room were Koschei, Theta, and a bunch of people he didn’t recognize, playing some horrendous music.

“Are you coming in or are you spying on us?” Theta’s tone was sharp, his eyes narrowing as he glared at Jelpax. “You know we’re not here for your entertainment, yeah? Get in or get out!”

“Uh, Thete?” It was only because there was a microphone in front of him that Jelpax could hear Koschei from such a distance away. “We literally are here for his entertainment. That’s the entire point of this band. To entertain people.”

“Yeah, us. We are people. Jelpax is not people, he’s just spying on us for the hell of it. Get the hell out, jackass!”

“Sorry, I just wanted to know what that unbearable sound was,” Jelpax shouted back.

Theta made a face. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said, ‘I just wanted to know what that unbearable sound was’.”

“What?!”

“I just wanted to know what that unbearable sound was!”

“ _What?!_ ”

“Theta Sigma, I swear on Rassilon’s head, I am going to—”

He groaned and clenched his hands into tight fists. Honestly, he didn’t know how he was going to end that sentence, and he didn’t care too much to find out. Instead, he simply turned and stomped out of the room; plugging his ears and picking up his pace the moment the music picked up again.

//

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. I hadn’t heard that we were having an emergency meeting.”

Not one person responded, the seven people sitting around Borusa’s room only staring in Drax’s direction. He made a face, crossing his arms as he turned to look around the room. It hadn’t quite clicked yet what they were all looking at, and he assumed they had a problem with him interrupting whatever Jelpax was saying. That wasn’t the case.

“What the hell did you do to your ears?” asked Magnus, his jaw dropping. Drax frowned, reaching up to tap his earlobes. “The earrings, you absolute dumbass. When the hell did you get those?”

The diamond studs in Drax’s ears were not subtle, but he only shrugged in response. Clearly, they weren’t as significant to him as they were to Magnus, who looked about ready to burst with laughter. Drax glared at him, the look on his face not the least bit ready to deal with Magnus’s stupid comments.

“I got them pierced,” Drax answered, his tone flat. His gaze never one shifted from Magnus’s face, his stance firm and ready to strike. “You have a problem with that? I’d be happy to go tell Dourgonn if you don’t think men should wear earrings.”

“Uh, Drax?” He rolled his eyes, dragging back his hair to display the same silver loop on his helix that he’d had on it for years. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with earrings on guys, I just think the ones you chose are rather shiny. In fact, I think I might be going rather blind.”

“Fuck you too, you dickhead. You want me to come over there and stab one of these in your nose?”

“No, I’m expecting you’ll do that to yourself later.”

Drax only scoffed before he flopped down into one of the front row seats, giving Jelpax an expectant look. He honestly wasn’t sure why there was an emergency meeting called and he didn’t feel like a full recap. He gestured for Jelpax to go on, not requesting to be caught up on whatever they were discussing before he came in.

“All right, as I was saying, we need to find a way to get rid of this stupid band,” said Jelpax, leaning back against Borusa’s desk. He crossed his arms, looking all around the room for support. No one so much as moved. “Are you fucking kidding me? Come on, guys, please. I walked past them for like, a minute today, and I thought my ears were literally bleeding.”

“They’re not that bad,” Mortimus argued, kicking his leg onto the desk in front of him. “Yeah, it’s a little weird that Theta plays that thing that isn’t even a real instrument, but I think they’re just quirky, you know?”

“They suck. They’re really, honestly, seriously atrocious and I genuinely do not know how you can stand listening to them for more than ten seconds. It makes me want to hurl. The very _thought_ of them continuing to make music is honestly—”

“Okay, yes, we get it.” Magnus groaned, rolling his eyes yet again. “Listen, let’s just back off of them, all right? We need to start thinking of nicknames for Drax. There’s got to be something great we can use to make fun of him for this, yeah?”

“Actually, you know what?” Suddenly, Vansell sat up in his seat, leaning his elbows on his desk thoughtfully. “I think you should try and go a week without saying anything bad about him. Nothing. No gay comments, no stupid comments, just let him be. No judgment. One week. Bet you five hundred you can’t do it.”

“Oh, yeah? I’ll take that bet.”

“Can I get in on these odds?” Everyone turned to look when Drax raised his hand, only shrugging in response to their stares. “What? They’re really damn good odds.”

Nobody could argue that.

//

“Hey, guys!”

Mortimus almost slipped in his rush to get out the door after Rallon and Ushas, barely catching himself before he skidded right into the wall. He threw an arm around both of them, forcing the two to change direction and walk the same way. They shot a look at each other, neither particularly keen to have to deal with whatever Mortimus was planning that day.

“Listen, I’m working on this project for my psychology course,” Mortimus started, his tone far too cheery for how intrusive his request would likely be, “and I would _love_ you two to be my test subjects. See, Rallon has all that anxiety, you know, and you’re really bold, Ushas. So, if I could get you to answer a series of questions, I would _really_ appreciate it.”

“I don’t know.” Ushas grimaced, sliding out of Mortimus’s grasp. Rallon watched her enviously, unable to convince himself to do the same. “I really don’t think that’s my kind of thing, you know? And quite honestly, I just don’t have time. I have all sorts of homework I have to do, and then I have my personal projects, and I really would love to help you out, but I just can’t—”

“It’s no big deal. This counts as extra credit, so. If you’re worried about losing points or whatever, we do have a way around that. You want me to get a note from my professor to confirm? I can do that. She said she could pass out whatever I needed to convince my test subjects. But I am going to need a doctor’s note about your anxiety, Rallon.”

“Wow, you just went there.” It wasn’t hard to tell Rallon had issues with anxiety, but he’d never flat-out told Mortimus that they were diagnosed before. Still, he wasn’t very surprised. “Okay, I can give you something for your class, just don’t tell them all it was me, yeah? I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, no, I figured. I just need my professor to know.” Mortimus grinned, finally releasing his grip around Rallon to grab his phone from his pocket. “Okay, I am going to take care of this and all the prep work and shit. You two meet me in my room in like an hour, all right? I’ll have the surveys, and everything set out and we can get this thing over with.”

It was the genuinely grateful smile which stopped Ushas from groaning before he was even out of sight. The moment he disappeared around the corner, she let out a sigh and turned to look at Rallon, who seemed almost stunned. She furrowed her brow, crossing her arms as she spoke.

“You good?” she asked.

Rallon took a moment to nod. “Yeah, totally. I just never really talked to anyone about this before except Millennia, so it’s a little new, I guess. It’s fine, though. I don’t mind helping him as long as it’s for an actual assignment. You know how he gets sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Ushas made a face. “Yeah, I really do.”

//

“Guys, it was just Jelpax. He’s mocking us. You _know_ he’s mocking us. It doesn’t matter! What we’re doing here is creating art, and if he doesn’t like it, he can go and fuck right off to somewhere else.”

Theta seemed to be the only one in the band who was not immediately bothered by what was happening. Just because _one_ person made a comment about their music being bad, suddenly, the entire Gallifrey Academy Hot Five was freaking out. Even Koschei looked bothered, like he thought Jelpax’s stupid opinion should honestly affect their work.

“Look, if people are going to be hating on us, I don’t want to be a part of this.” Mukra had been chewing on his nails for so long at that point, Theta wasn’t sure how he had anything left to nibble on. “I wanted to do it for fun and happiness and if it’s not happy, it’s not for me.”

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.” Koschei’s face dropped and he shook his head, blinking rapidly as he tried to rid his mind of the stupidity. “Okay, look, how about we just start trying some new things? I’m sure, if we think about it, we’ll be able to come up with something that’ll make our music better. A change of genre? Hipper lyrics?”

“The fact that you said ‘hipper’ honestly makes me want to die.” Lapuld groaned and threw his hands over his face, flopping back onto the wooden floor beneath him. Clearly, Patrexes had no problems rolling around in the disgusting dust. “I think we should just give up. This is stupid. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“I think we should switch to pop,” suggested Pendrea. “See, we’ve been doing all this alternative, and I think a healthy change of perspective could—”

“Shut the fuck up, you dirty plant toucher,” Theta sneered, pouting dramatically. He shook his head slowly, glaring in her direction. “Who the hell even let you into this band? Every time I see you lying down in the grass, I feel like I’m going to hurl.”

“What are you talking about, Thete?” Koschei made a face, turning to look at him with one brow raised. “You lie down in the grass all the time. I’ve seen you do it. Hell, I’ve done it with you!”

“Yeah, everyone knows you’ve done it with me, Kos, I think it’s pretty obvious at this point. But me lying in the grass and her lying in the grass aren’t the same thing. I just sit there. I crush the plants and torture and ruin them, stealing their disgusting little lives. She gently lays on them and then strokes them with her fingers. Honestly, it’s absolutely appalling.”

“He does have a point there.” When the others turned to look at him, Lapuld only shrugged. “What? Touching plants is weird. Don’t tell me any of you lot are filthy plant touchers. If you are, I think I might just have to quit right now.”

“Can we shut up about the plants?” Koschei threw his hands into the air, groaning as he looked around the others. “This is getting ridiculously out of hand. All I asked was how do you think we can fix this? Not what do you lot all hate about each other!”

“What? We’re not talking about _everything_ we hate,” said Theta, “just plants. Everyone hates plants and plant touchers except for the dirty scum themselves. You don’t want plants and their lovers infecting our band, do you? I vote we kick Pendrea out.”

“No! If we do that, we won’t have any women left.”

“So, we find a new woman. Preferably someone who is not a dirty plant toucher. Full offense, Pendrea.”

“That’s it!” Pendrea rose to her feet suddenly, brushing her hands off and shaking her head bitterly. “If you can’t treat me with any sort of respect, then I’m not going to sit around and listen to it anymore. You want me to keep singing for you? Stop treating me like I’m trash! Good day to you all. I hold no serious grudges.”

“Damn, even while you’re leaving, you sound pathetic,” spat Theta, glaring at her as she turned storm out of the room. “Bye! We won’t miss you! God. Fucking plant touchers, am I right?”

Koschei only shook his head. Not only were spirits down, they lost one of their band members. The day couldn’t have possibly gotten any worse.

//

“Hey, Ushas, do you have any spare—?”

Magnus cut himself off the moment he stepped into the room, his eyes widening when he saw Drax and Millennia sitting on her bed. Ushas was nowhere to be seen, instantly shutting down his reason for entering, but that didn’t stop him from walking in. He made a face as he closed the door behind him, crossing his arms before walking over to his friends.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked, his tone more curious that anything else.

Both Drax and Millennia were bent over a box, both their hands in it but neither moving. They stared at Magnus in silence, glancing over to each other as if they weren’t quite sure how to answer the straightforward question. Magnus refused to say anything else, waiting for one of them to speak first.

“We’re just looking at Millennia’s earrings,” said Drax, his tone filled with confusion. He clearly didn’t understand why Magnus was asking, likely because it was absolutely none of his business. “In case you hadn’t noticed, Ushas isn’t here, so you can go ahead and get lost now.”

“Wait, tell me you’re not going to wear those.” Magnus’s expression only turned stranger as he got a better look at what was in the box. Glittery flutterwings, shiny stars, things which had no place in a guy’s wardrobe. Maybe not even anyone’s. “Seriously. It’s bad enough that Millennia’s always blinding us, you don’t have to do it too.”

“Blinding you? I rarely switch out my studs!” Millennia glared at him, sticking out her tongue. “I have all of these for special occasions, but it’s not safe to be wearing any of the fancier ones when you’re engineering. Right, Drax? You understand it’s not safe to wear them while you’re working.”

“Yes! For the last time, I was joking.” He crossed his arms, shaking his head slowly. “Do you not trust me at all, Millennia? I know I get myself into a lot of shit, but you don’t have to act like I’m such a disaster all the time.”

“I’m not acting like I know it, I’m just stating the facts.”

Magnus only shrugged when Drax looked to him for support, refusing to get on either side of the argument. They were both stupid, in his humble opinion, and he had no interest in acting like they weren’t. He opened his mouth to make another comment about the both of them, only for Drax to give him a look.

“No insulting me for a week, remember?” He grinned evilly, reaching for a pair of particularly pink and glittery earrings. “What do you think of these ones, Mil? And you too, Magnus. I don’t want you to miss out on all the fun.”

His face turned pink trying to hold in the insults, and he ended up stomping right out of the room.

//

Ushas was not particularly thrilled to be walking into Mortimus’s room that afternoon, and she realized quickly that Rallon wasn’t either. He groaned when she walked up, mumbling something about having to actually go into the room, and sighed as he slid the door open.

When they walked in, Mortimus was already sat on the floor, a row of paper and writing utensils in front of him. He waved when they walked in, a stupidly large grin on his face. Clearly, he was the only one excited to be doing the project, but Ushas didn’t point that out. He was observant enough to realize that himself.

“So, what exactly do you need us to help you with?” asked Rallon, hesitating before he took his seat on the floor beside his friend. He glanced down to the papers around him, trying to read whatever they said. “Is this like, just a quick survey, or do you have to watch us for a week, or what?”

“Didn’t I tell you this already?” Mortimus blinked but shrugged and tossed his pencil behind his ear. “Whatever, I don’t mind explaining again. I am doing a survey trying to test some specific differences between those who experience social anxiety and those who do not. You are the one who does. Ushas does not. Do you understand?”

“Uh, yeah. But doesn’t everyone experience at least some anxiety?”

“Not Ushas. I think she’s immune.”

“Yeah, I pretty much have no shame,” said Ushas, shrugging casually. “Mort here has accused me of being a psychopath on multiple occasions. Isn’t that right, you big dick?”

“I do have a big dick,” Mortimus responded, his tone flat, “and I have done that too. I’ve also called you a sociopath. I go back and forth depending on the day. It’s rather unclear, given your wide range of traits but I really don’t think you’re a psycho. You have too many genuine emotions for that. Anyway, we have to get started.”

Rallon made a face when Mortimus slid the papers in front of them, an oddly gleeful expression on his face. He was still far too excited for whatever they were doing, and for some reason, it made both Ushas and Rallon awful suspicious of what the surveys were actually for. Not that they said anything. They could get their revenge later.

“Okay, so, here are the rules.” This time, Mortimus passed out writing utensils, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced down to the binder to his left. “You have to fill out all the questions here, and you can’t copy off each other nor see each other’s answers. Seeing each other could influence you to change your decision because you feel like you’ve chosen the wrong one, Rallon.”

“What? Hey!” He whipped around to look at Ushas, who simply shrugged in response. She understood why he was the one to get called out. “I know what I’m doing, Mort, thanks. I’m not going to copy off Ushas, that would just be ridiculous. Now would you just let me get started with this? Thank you.”

He reached down for his pencil before Mortimus could respond, turning his back to Ushas before he started to fill out the little bubbles. It wasn’t easy to decide on some of his responses, especially since he had to rate his own abilities in social situations, but it was far easier than his law homework.

At least, the first one was.

//

Koschei had already paced across the room about fourteen times when Theta first spoke, his tone not amused in the least and his attitude making Koschei want to clock him in the nose. He only resisted because Theta was too cute to be reasonable, and he couldn’t stop himself from bowing down to what he wanted.

“Stop fucking pacing,” said Theta bitterly, kicking his feet up on the chair beside him. He was spread out on three of them at that point, not that he seemed to care. “You’re driving me insane. Listen, we’re in the middle of a crisis here, and we need to figure out how to fix it.”

“Yeah, a crisis that’s whose fault?” Koschei crossed his arms, glaring at his friend. “You’re the one who called Pendrea a dirty plant toucher and got her to leave the band, so you can’t go blaming any of us for the fact that we’ve got no singer.”

“Do we really need a singer?” Lapuld winced when everyone turned to look at him, biting down on the edge of his lip. He didn’t like being the center of attention despite joining a band, and was clearly uncomfortable to be stuck in the position he was in. “I mean, I love music without singing. There’s all kinds of great stuff that we could—”

“No, we need a singer.” Theta didn’t skip a beat, glaring at Lapuld before he could say another word about what he wanted to happen. “Look, I know you’re trying to be all creative and smart and shit but you’re not. You’re just stupid. We need to have creative lyrics and there’s no point in having all our fun lyrics if you’re just going to be a fucking dumbass and not sing them!”

“Okay, no need to get hostile.” It was Mukra who spoke up, a grimace on his face as he held his hands up in front of him. He was not one for conflict, and the entire situation happening around him was terrible. Theta didn’t care. “Let’s all just relax and take a chill pill, okay? We got this. We just need to take some deep breaths, and we can—”

“No, we cannot! We have to figure this out _now_ , you absolute moron. You think we’re just going to move on like nothing happened? Because we’re not. We need a new singer, preferably someone who does _not_ touch plants because honestly, having her at the meetings was disgusting. If you could block someone in real life, I would have.”

“All right, I agree that we shouldn’t have a plant toucher in the group,” said Koschei, “but that doesn’t mean we have to be so rude to each other. It’s not the end of the world, you know? We’ll just put out some signs, find a new singer, and everything will be back to the way it’s supposed to be.”

“Except Pendrea won’t be here,” Mukra grumbled. “She was incredible, and you don’t appreciate her just because she was a plant toucher. Can you really not overlook one tiny detail to have her talent in our team?”

“No, I cannot overlook one tiny detail,” Theta sneered, “because it’s not one tiny detail! It’s one gigantic fat flaw and it’s disgusting, and I hate it! The fact that you don’t hate it is honestly appalling to me. I can’t even believe it. Plant touchers are the most unholy people to ever grace the surface of Gallifrey and you are—”

“Yeah, fuck off already, will you?” Finally, Koschei got over his stupid crush on Theta and let himself retaliate. “You’re being ridiculous, Theta. If you want us to get anything done, you have to stop shouting, or—”

“Don’t make me take anything away from you, Kos.”

That one sentence was enough to shut him up.

//

There weren’t a lot of things that made Vansell laugh, but as it turned out, Magnus’s face turning red was one of them.

When it turned red with anger, no one blinked, aside from those who didn’t know him. But when it turned red because he was trying and failing to hold something in, Vansell wanted to burst out cackling. His bet was probably the greatest one that anyone had ever made, and it was killing his usually quiet and stoic vibe.

“Honestly, whatever you have to say to me, you should just say it.” Drax leaned forward on the dining table, his gaze fixed on Magnus. He pushed back his hair, better revealing the bright pink stones stuck in his earlobes. “I can tell you’re just dying to get it out, so I really think you should. There’s no shame in making a few terrible comments every now and then. Except you’ll lose, yeah?”

“What’s the big deal?” Even as he spoke, Jelpax didn’t look away from his book, one hand twirling a fork around his dish. “It’s not like he actually bet anything on it, so even if he loses, it’s not going to matter. He’s not out anything.”

“Or is he?” Vansell placed a hand on his chin thoughtfully, slowly stroking his fingers back and forth. “You see, I think what he really put on the line here is his fragile masculinity. If he gives up, he’s going to have to admit he’s not a big man, he’s just one stupid dick.”

“I am a dick, I’m just not stupid.” Magnus rolled his eyes, letting out a breath. He was clearly still biting back comments and had to look away from Drax to keep them from slipping out. “Now let me eat my dinner in peace. I’m not going to say anything.”

“All right, no big deal.” It was immediately clear from Drax’s tone that he had some ulterior motive up his sleeve, as much as he seemed to be acting casual. “So, Millennia, I was wondering if I could borrow some other things from you? You know, like, high heels, skirts, things like that. Really anything that could look good on me. The shinier the better.”

“You do love your glitter,” said Jelpax, glancing over from his book. “God, those earrings are almost blinding me.”

“Shut the fuck up, you told me you loved them before. Anyway, what do you think, Mil? Should I try branching out more? I think I would look really good in a fancy dress. What about you?”

“I don’t think you’d fit in my things like that.” Millennia made a face, looking back and forth between the others. “I guess we could try, but it’s rather fitted and you’re—”

“Look, if you’re trying to make me crack by talking about shit like that,” Magnus started, his tone flat, “it’s not going to work. I’ve seen Mortimus in everything. Dresses, skirts, high heels, fucking fishnet stockings—it doesn’t bother me. Literally the only thing I don’t like about your earrings is how shiny they are. I’d say the same thing to Millennia. Ugh. Maybe I should.”

“What is it your business how shiny other people’s jewelry is?” asked Drax, glaring at him. “We can wear whatever the hell we want. Besides, it’s not like your loopy isn’t shiny. You just can’t tell because it’s smaller.”

“And it’s dull. It’s not shiny or reflective like yours. I mean, god, I can see them in the reflection of Jelpax’s glasses.”

Jelpax rolled his eyes. “You can see most things in the reflection of my glasses. They aren’t special.”

“Aren’t they though?”

No one answered. Magnus was preaching to a lost cause, and none of them felt the need to fight back.

//

“Look, I’m not trying to play dumb, I just genuinely don’t understand this.”

At first, the surveys were simple. Rallon overthought all his answers, checked the box at the bottom that said he overthought all his answers, and then he handed them over to Mortimus. But as they went on, the questions got increasingly strange and specific. Suddenly, he couldn’t picture himself in the hypotheticals at all, and it was making it almost impossible to respond to them.

“Okay, I hear you,” said Mortimus, nodding. He glanced over Rallon’s shoulder to the survey he was working on, making a face when he saw the question his pencil was hovering over. “Never mind, I don’t hear you. That’s a totally normal hypothetical. How would you react if you caught someone touching plants in your general direction? It’s straightforward as hell.”

“It’s not just that, though.” The fact that Mortimus was ignoring everything else in the question was almost baffling. Rallon shook his head slowly, letting out a sigh. “Look at this. It’s how would you react if you caught them ‘touching one blade of grass by accident with a single toe’. I don’t know how I would react to that! It’s so specific!”

“Is it though? Come on, tell me you’ve never seen someone accidentally touch one blade of grass with a single toe. It happens all the time. I probably did it six times last week, it’s totally normal. What about the next one?”

“You mean, ‘What would you do if you saw someone using a science beaker as a chocolate mold to make their treats to take to the annual dance where they’ll spike the drinks and start a food fight with the chocolates?’ That all seems like a seriously slippery slope to me. How would I ever know that someone using a science beaker with chocolate was doing it for all that?”

“How wouldn’t you? You can see it on their faces. Right, Ushas?” Mortimus glanced over to his friend, looking to her for backup, but she only shook her head. She clearly did not understand what she was looking at either. Rallon was just glad he wasn’t alone. “Okay, look, just answer the best way you can. If you feel like you have to drop some of the shit off the end, go ahead and do that, just—”

He didn’t get to finish before Ushas already started crossing out half the words on the page. She scribbled out lines over and over until he wanted to rip the sheet right out of her hands, appalled that she would go so far as to mess up his work. Mortimus glared at her, then at Rallon, who was also making little notes on the page in front of him.

“All right, I didn’t mean you could actually change the questions,” he snapped, reaching out to snatch their papers back. “At this point, you’ve changed so much, you’re not even answering the same questions anymore. How is it supposed to be accurate if you’re both messing with everything in different ways?”

“Well, can we mess with it in the same way?” asked Ushas. “Then it would be fair.”

“No, because that would require having to see each other’s work, and that’s against— you’re already doing it. Great. Well, that’s a lost cause. We’ll just void this one then.”

Both Rallon and Ushas ignored him as he shook his head. At least it was only one survey they messed up. So far, at least.

//

“You’re insane.”

After enough arguing, Theta agreed to hear out whatever plans everyone had to share, but Koschei’s was just stupid. Stupider than most of their plans, he had to add, because it was just ridiculous how terrible of a concept it was. Not just terrible, but downright impossible. Stupid. Completely out of the realm of their capabilities.

“No, I’m telling you, this is a great idea!” Koschei threw his hands into the air dramatically, turning around to look at the others. Neither reacted aside from making confused faces. They obviously were not on his side, but that wasn’t enough to make him give up. “All we have to do is get a projector and some footage of Pendrea, and we can convince people she never left.”

“What if she comes to one of our concerts?” asked Theta, crossing his arms against his chest. “Then we’d be totally fucked. Everyone would see that there’s two of her and I’m fairly certain no one would believe it if you said she had a twin or an evil clone.”

“Yeah, but remember when we found out Mortimus had a twin and we were like, ‘no, that’s shit’, but it turned out to be true? It could be like that. He went decades without mentioning her, you never know what might happen. We could get people to believe anything. Like that one time that we—”

“Please stop.” Lapuld rubbed his temples irritably, exhaling sharply as he shook his head. “This is not happening. This is the worst idea anyone has ever had in the history of the universe. We need to just hold auditions or call up Pendrea and beg for her to come back. There’s no other way to solve this.”

“Beg her to come back? I think the fuck not.” It was Theta who narrowed his eyes, whipping around to look at his band mate. “You listen to me right now; you sack of shit. There are a lot of reasons we don’t need to get Pendrea back into the band but the biggest one and the only one I actually know about is the fact that she is a plant toucher. We don’t let plant touchers into our band. I’ve been looking for a reason to get rid of her for ages now and you’re not about to take that away from me.”

“But she had a such a lovely voice!” cried Mukra. “Plant toucher or not, she was the best person we could’ve had in our band and we lost her to your stupidity and bullying and whatever other words I should use to describe how awful you are. If there’s anyone who shouldn’t be in the band, it’s you. You don’t even play a real instrument?”

“Oh, yeah? Then what’s this?”

Theta whipped around to storm back over to the stage of the auditorium, grabbing his perigosto stick off it. He immediately began to play, tapping his feet along to the rhythm and glaring at Mukra every step of the way. Admittedly, the sounds coming out of the perigosto stick were not as much like music as a true instrument, but he loved them all the same. They were his.

“Okay, great, you know how to play with a children’s toy!” Mukra rolled his eyes when Theta dropped his perigosto stick back onto the stage, smirking smugly as if he’d made some sort of grand point. “Just stop being such a dick now and invite Pendrea to come back. If we all just apologize, I know that she’ll be willing to—”

“You fancy her, don’t you?” Koschei raised a brow, the edge of his lip curling upward. “That’s why you want her back and why you don’t care that she’s a filthy plant toucher. Because you fancy her.”

“I do _not_ fancy her! I would not fancy a plant toucher, regardless of whether I think she’s nice.”

“So, you admit you think she’s nice, then?”

Theta groaned as he flopped back onto the floor. They were doomed. Actually, properly doomed.

//

The longer the day went on, the harder it got not to say anything to Drax. He was deliberately making it hard on Magnus, by saying stupid things, doing stupid things, and wearing stupid things. Magnus tried to simply avoid him but of course, Drax was smarter than that and was sending him messages every six seconds.

“This idiot is going to be the death of me,” Magnus groaned, throwing his phone back down onto his desk. He thought he was being plenty dramatic enough, but when no one responded to his comment, he tried again. “Do none of you lot care about my suffering?”

“No, why should I?” When he spoke, Mortimus did not so much as look away from the others, too busy peering over at whatever papers were in front of them. “It’s not like you ever care when _I’m_ being dramatic. What a waste of time and effort. At this point, I just go flop in front of someone else.”

“Yeah, it’s been me a lot recently.” Rallon made a face, glancing away from the paper near his feet. “It’s getting really annoying, actually. Do you mind taking over for a while, Magnus?”

“Yes, actually, I do mind.” Magnus rolled his eyes, leaning back in his desk chair. “I’ve had him for literal decades, you can take him for a few weeks. I’ll have him back by the holidays, just deal with it for now, yeah? I’m tied up with my own stuff. Can you believe that Vansell doesn’t think I can go a week without mocking Drax?”

“Well, based on the way you’re fidgeting right now, I’m inclined to say he’s right.” The moment Magnus whipped around to glare at him, Mortimus shrugged, not the least bit phased by the reaction. “Look, I’m not saying _you_ have to believe he’s right; I’m just saying that the fact is, he’s right. There is no way you can do this.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I think you’re going to regret saying that because I guarantee I will make it. You just wait. You think that Drax is going to crack me but there is no way. I’m unbreakable. I know exactly how far he’s willing to go and there are limits he won’t cross. I am going to win this; I just have to— _holy mother of Rassilon_.”

It was Drax who cut him off, striding into the room at just the right moment. His clothes were the same casual hoodie and jeans he always wore after school, but on his ears were the brightest, shiniest pink earrings Magnus had ever seen. On his face he wore immaculate makeup, which was shiny, purple, and most definitely applied by an expert and not his own shaking hands.

“What do you think?” he asked, raising one hand to gesture to his new style. “I had Millennia give me a makeover. Most of it was her idea, I just sat there and let her do the work. Think I might go for a mani-pedi next, thoughts? Not really sure if I would be able to pull it off but I think it’s worth a shot, yeah?”

“Oh, my _god_.” Mortimus shot to his feet suddenly, his eyes wide as he walked over to Drax. He placed a hand on either side of his friend’s shoulders, his jaw dropping as he inspected each inch of his face. “You look fucking gorgeous. Do you think Millennia would do my makeup too? I had no idea she was so good at it; she always wears such subtle stuff. Is she across the hall right now? Could I…?”

“I’m guessing she’s not across the hall,” said Drax flatly, “considering that’s _my_ room, but you could check if you’re really desperate. Might be better to go a couple doors down to hers, though.”

“Shut up. And you two, keep working, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The moment Mortimus disappeared from the room, Ushas groaned and threw her pencil down onto the stack of surveys she was working her way through. Drax blinked his shining eyelashes, crossing his arms and shifting his stance in a way which made Magnus bite his tongue to keep from making a remark.

“That exciting, huh?”

“You have no idea,” Ushas grumbled.

//

“Please tell me you haven’t called me here to get revenge for what I said.”

When he received the message from Theta, Jelpax was not the least bit interested in actually showing up to the auditorium, but he made himself go. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do, and he _was_ kind of curious as to what Theta and Koschei wanted from him. The only problem being that he’d insulted their band earlier and in fact, held a secret Deca meeting in an attempt to shut them down.

“No, of course not!” Theta’s tone was sickly sweet, not the least bit genuine. He reached out for Jelpax’s hand, almost dragging him towards the stage. Jelpax ripped away from him. “Actually, we’ve recently had a dirty plant toucher drop out of the band, and we thought it might be nice if you replaced her.”

“Okay for one thing, I have no music abilities, so I know this is a trick,” Jelpax started, crossing his arms against his chest. “And for another, you would never invite _me_ to be in the band of all people, _especially_ after I insulted you, so I know this is a trick. I’m going to be leaving now. Good luck finding someone to replace the plant toucher.”

He turned to leave the room, stopping only when Koschei placed a hand on his shoulder. It was then when he realized that the other members of the Hot Five _were_ in there, aside from the one girl that seemed to be missing. She must’ve been the plant toucher they were referring to, assuming it wasn’t a lie.

“Wait, Jelpax.” Oddly enough, Koschei’s tone sounded serious, as if he genuinely wanted his friend to come back despite everything that happened. Jelpax sighed and turned around to look at him, one brow raised. “Listen, I know it sounds crazy, but you’d put a great image in the band. And you _do_ have quite a nice voice?”

“Yeah, right.” Jelpax rolled his eyes and turned to leave again, ignoring Koschei and Theta as they ran over to his side, begging him to turn back around. He let out a huff and spun to look at them. “Listen, I’m not interested in anything that takes place on a stage. I’ve left all the crowds behind and I’m not getting back up there. I’m also not a singer, so fuck off, yeah?”

“All right, all right, fine.” Finally, Theta cracked, shaking his head, and flapping his arms around frantically as he blocked Jelpax from leaving the room. “You don’t have to be in the band, but can you please help us figure out what to do? You’re always so cool and collected and we’ve been bitching at each other for the last several hours now, so clearly, we have no clue how to deal with conflict.”

Jelpax hesitated. On the one hand, he liked the idea that helping to mediate the situation would get Theta and Koschei to forgive and forget about what he said—meaning he wouldn’t be their next target—but on the other hand, he didn’t want to help. He really didn’t let getting involved in Theta and Koschei’s chaos, and the idea of walking right into it sounded ridiculous. But he crumbled.

“Fine, what do you need me to do?”

Theta grinned. “Well…”

//

In no reality did Ushas ever intend to have a sleepover with Mortimus, Rallon, and Magnus, but that was somehow what happened.

There were so many surveys Mortimus needed them to fill out, and Magnus just happened to be there; mumbling to himself about this and that and denying that anything he said was directed toward Drax. When Ushas opened her eyes, she was lying on Mortimus’s floor, close beside Rallon and turned towards Mortimus. She shifted away quickly, shuddering at the idea of her and Rallon.

 _No thank you_ , she thought. _Already made that mistake with one dumbass in this room_.

She glanced down to the papers in front of her as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her deep brown eyes. There were still several surveys she’d yet to do, but Ushas felt like she did enough and yawned as she began to rise to her feet. Mortimus flopped down from the bed before she could, giving her a look as he crossed his arms.

“And just where the hell do you think you’re going?” he asked, raising a brow at her. “I’m fairly certain there are a lot of papers here that you haven’t gone through yet. How am I supposed to get a complete and accurate study if my test subjects bail before we’ve finished? You’re not going anywhere. Grab your pencil, I’ll get breakfast.”

Mortimus rolled out of bed, wincing when he landed on his feet. He shook it off quickly, smiling to Ushas and sliding out the door. The moment the door closed behind him, Rallon let out a groan and flopped over to look at Ushas with sleepy eyes. He pushed a hand through his dark hair, blinking twice before he spoke.

“Please tell me you have a way to get us out of this,” he grumbled, throwing his hands over his eyes.

“There is no way out of it.” The fact that Magnus was shirtless annoyed Ushas more than it should have. She rolled her eyes, nearly getting up to throw a comb at him herself. He seemed to notice where her gaze was and pushed a hand through his unkempt hair. “Listen, I know Mort better than any of you and if there’s one thing I can say about the dumbass, it’s that he doesn’t quit. You walk away from him, he’ll fucking track you down.”

“Yeah, isn’t that how he got into the Deca in the first place?”

“Hey, you’re the ones who wanted to keep him in there. I voted to just let him go, but all eight of you were like, “aw, but we’re friends with Mortimus!’ Well, look how that turned out, yeah? You wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d just listened to me all those years ago. And don’t deny it. That choice did indirectly lead you to wherever the hell we are now.”

“Sorry, can we all just stop arguing? It’s not that big a deal.” Of course, Rallon was reaching for his pencil already, as if he didn’t have the least bit of interest in trying to fight the ridiculous amount of work Mortimus was making them do. “We agreed to help Mortimus on this, and I think it’s only fair that we see it through, you know?”

“No, it’s not.” Ushas reached out to grab his pencil, giving him a look when he tried to take it back. “We’ve already done fifty of these combined. We aren’t doing any more of them. They’re stupid and overly specific and honestly, I don’t think they’re really good for anything.”

“Kind of like Mortimus,” added Magnus.

“Why is it that you’re always stupid protective when other people talk shit about Mortimus and then you turn around and say things like this behind his back all the time?”

“I don’t say it just behind his back. I say it to his face too.” He shifted on his bed, scooting forward to be closer to his friends. He peered down at the papers they were refusing to fill out, shaking his head rather than making a proper comment. “Look, Mortimus is a complicated bloke and that’s it. Yes, I’m protective of him, but I also have no problem calling him on his shit.”

“Calling who on what shit?” Of course, it was right at that moment when Mortimus chose to walk back into the room, furrowing his brow as he looked back and forth between his friends. “What did I miss? Can I talk shit about people too? Who are we talking shit about this time? I personally would like to go off on Vansell, but I understand that some of you like him, so—”

“Why did you look at me when you said that?” Rallon made a face, looking to the others for support he didn’t get. “Seriously, why? Why are you looking at me? Just because I’m his roommate doesn’t mean I actually like him.”

“But you do like him, right? Otherwise you would’ve asked for a different— never mind, you’re not assertive enough to ever do anything like that, regardless of who your roommate could be. Anyway, we have to get back to work now. Here’s some muffins I grabbed for you.”

It was probably just because he’d been spoiled on Millennia’s, but Rallon didn’t think the muffins were any good.

//

“No makeup today?”

Though Rallon and Ushas were stuck hanging around with Mortimus, Magnus had no reason to stay and ran out of there the moment he got the chance. Several other members of the Deca were already at the dining table when he arrived, Drax being one of them, and he was surprised to find that the gag seemed to be over despite the bet living on.

“Can we just drop it, please?” There it was. The tone that Drax only used when something was bothering him, or when he’d had a sudden shift in emotion. Magnus sighed as he sat down on the other side of the table. “I know I was pushing your buttons yesterday, but it’s fine. You can make fun of me again.”

“Wait, wait, what the fuck—?” Magnus was cut off when Jelpax held up a hand, pointing to Drax and shaking his head furiously. He rolled his eyes. “Drax, you need me to beat someone up for you? What happened?”

“No, it’s not anyone that you can— never mind. It’s not important, it’s just my— my cousins saw me in the hallway when I was wearing all that makeup for the prank and they took a picture and sent it to my— no, it’s not— I have to go to class.”

“Drax, wait!” Jelpax rose to his feet quickly, latching onto Drax’s forearm before he could run off. Rather than responding verbally, Drax just turned around to look at him, his green eyes glassy and sad. “Listen, darling, I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but if you need to—”

“No. I really, really don’t. I’ll talk to you later, all right? I’m just— I’m processing shit.” There was something in his tone that even Jelpax barely recognized, something that made _him_ want to go out and clock whoever upset his friend. “Sorry in advance if I’m acting like a dick today. There’s just some fucked-up shit behind the scenes here. Sorry. I’ll see you later.”

“Are you going to explain anything?”

“Yeah, don’t count on it.”

With that, Drax turned and strode out of the dining hall, leaving Jelpax to shake his head as he watched his best friend leave. He stood there for several seconds before turning around to rejoin his other friends, letting out a huff when he did so. Though he wanted more than anything to get more answers out Drax, he knew it was pointless to even try.

“All right, so, does that mean the bet’s off then?” asked Magnus, glancing around the table.

“Absolutely not.” The fact that he even asked made Jelpax want to redirect his anger. He shook his head slowly. “If anything, you should start taking it more seriously now because this is no time to be mocking him for anything. You hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, Koschei just sent me a message. Says he’s looking for you?”

“Tell him I’m ignoring him for a reason. Not my fucking problem.”

Okay, so it was a little bit his problem, but not more so than Drax. He could deal with Theta and Koschei later.

//

“This is the worst idea you have ever had.”

“Shut the fuck up, it’s going to work.” Theta did not have time for Koschei’s bullshit. Considering he was already pissed about the fact that Jelpax wasn’t even going to show his face, he really didn’t want to be dealing with anyone else. “You’re an absolute idiot. All of you are, actually. Now just be quiet so we can get Pendrea back in here.”

“I thought you didn’t want to get Pendrea back?” Lapuld crossed his arms, raising a brow as he turned to look at his band mate. He scoffed when all Theta did in response was roll his eyes. “Oh, come on. You’re the one who spent hours bitching about the fact that she’s a dirty plant toucher. You really want to pretend that never happened?”

“No, I want to pretend her touching plants never happened.” He was not quiet about his shudder, shaking his head quickly. “Now everyone get into your places, we only have one chance to make this work and it’s not going to go over with anyone if we’re not convincing enough.”

Theta nearly retched when he reached out for the potted plant, despite knowing that it was made of plastic. He couldn’t believe they were doing that, pretending to be in solidarity with the disgusting plant touchers, but they didn’t have much else of a choice. Pendrea was the only other person in the entire Academy who actually wanted to be a part of the band, and they needed her.

Of course, she arrived late to their meeting, despite them begging her to show up. Momentarily, they feared that she wouldn’t show up at all, but she ended up arriving just in time to make it and they all grinned when she did, holding out the plants in their hands. Pendrea clapped her hands gleefully, her bright eyes widening as if she actually believed their ploy.

“Wow, you really did this for me?” she asked, staring around the room at them all. “You’re amazing. All of you. I can’t believe you care about me so much that you would be willing to just abandon all your morals about plants and just— these are plastic.”

Theta thought through a lot of his plan. He practiced his face in the mirror, he gave the other people lines, he did everything he could do make sure that their ploy was convincing enough for Pendrea to buy it. But the one thing he didn’t account for was the fact that, as a plant toucher, she would inevitably try to touch the plants. That left him with only one thing to do.

“Get the fuck out of here, you dirty plant toucher!” He threw the plastic plant in his hands at her head, his eyes going wide when the very real dirt poured out all over her head. “Run!”

He grabbed Koschei’s hand and dragged him out of the room without warning. Not that Koschei cared much, however—the sneaky escape kiss in the hallway made up for the surprise.

//

“So, all of that, and you didn’t even break up the band?”

Jelpax rolled his eyes, shaking his head slowly. He was sick of discussing the situation. Not once did he ask to be a part of it—okay, he kind of asked for it when he went begging for help to end them—and yet he was stuck in the middle of it anyway. He hoped that the gesture was enough to convince his friends, but it still didn’t win them over.

“Okay, look.” He adjusted himself in his seat, glancing over his shoulder. Drax still wasn’t there. “The only reason I even went in there was because I was genuinely afraid that my eardrums might burst, but they didn’t. They’re fine, I’m okay, and that’s what really matters, yeah? Except it’s not, because the Gallifreyan Academy Hot Five is infected with plant touchers.”

“Uh, don’t mean to alarm you,” said Magnus, raising a brow, “but a good percentage of the Gallifreyan Academy is plant touchers. That’s kind of the entire point of the Cerulean Academy.”

“I know, but it’s absolutely disgusting,” Theta cut in. He wasn’t even sitting in his chair, just propped up on the desk in front of it. The fact that it could take his weight was shocking. “Can you believe that they even give those dirty plant touchers an education? They have no place in our system.”

“Please,” started Millennia, “let’s not get on this again. I don’t want a repeat of us trying to get professors kicked out just because they’re not Prydonians. It’s classist and prejudiced and honestly, the fact that any of you ever allowed it was just—”

“Listen, I don’t hate all the other chapters, I just hate plant touchers. And I hate Scendeles too but that’s another thing. I think they might be plant touchers in disguise. We might want to get the CIA checking that out.”

“That’s not what the CIA does.” Vansell rolled his eyes, not looking up from his phone as he continued to type away at whatever was on his screen. When no one responded, he scoffed and shook his head, gesturing dramatically. “What? No one else here has ever done research on the CIA? Whatever. Just move on.”

It took a moment, but Ushas nodded for everyone else to continue. “So, anyway, I’m sure there’s other interesting stuff happening here. Magnus? Speaking of Vansell, how is your bet with him and Drax going?”

“Pretty well.” Magnus cracked his knuckles, wincing when he caught sight of the bruises. Normally, he’d have gotten them taken care of by that point, but he didn’t feel like getting into detention. “I haven’t lost yet, _and_ I got to beat up two whole people, so not bad. Don’t get to do that often enough.”

“Hey, where is Drax?” Rallon spun around in his seat, squinting as if he’d only just noticed that one of their friends was missing. “Did he get into detention again?”

“Uh, no.” Jelpax shook his head quickly, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. “He was on the phone with his mum when I left. Said he would try to be here later, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. He would’ve messaged me by now.”

Of course, an awkward silence fell after that, and Jelpax found his thoughts wandering off. He didn’t know _what_ Drax and his mum were talking about, but whatever it was didn’t sound pleasant. In fact, Drax was practically shouting by the time he shooed Jelpax out the door, insisting he would be fine and catch up with them later. Jelpax’s concern never faltered.

“Okay, whatever.” Mortimus waved a hand around dismissively, dragging a hand back through his hair. “I told you all about that shit show a couple weeks ago, didn’t I? It’s not hard to figure out. Anyway, I’m sure you’re all wondering how my project went, and I have to admit that the reviews were mixed. See, the simpler ones were really good, but _some people_ changed a lot of the questions on the more specific questionnaires, and my professor didn’t like that.”

“Well, I’m sorry that I found it impossible to understand those slippery slope questions,” snapped Ushas. She crossed her arms against her chest, narrowing her eyes in his direction. “You can’t possibly interpret what someone is going to do in an hour based on what they’re doing right now.”

“One hour from now, you’re going to be sitting in class thinking about how pissed you are about me and take it out by correcting either your professor or another student on an incorrect answer to a lecture question. He’s going to give you detention for speaking out of turn, you’re going to fight with the Headmaster, and then you’re going to be late for dinner and I’m going to get to say, ‘I told you so’.”

“Have I ever mentioned that I actually hate you?”

“I’m fairly certain everyone I’ve ever met has at some point said that to me, yes.” He only shrugged, looking around the room before nodding to himself. “Yeah, everyone in here definitely has. Took me a moment to think of a situation for Millennia and Rallon, but I’ve definitely heard it from you all. Even heard it from myself. That was too much information. Did Pendrea rejoin the band?”

“Uh, yeah?” Koschei hesitated before responding to the question, not quite comfortable commenting on it after Mortimus dropped such a bombshell. “It took a lot of convincing and one of the other guys had to admit he had a crush on her—actually both of them did, there might be a whole thing going on there now—but we’re good.”

“Dammit,” mumbled Jelpax. “I was hoping that would be the end of you.”

“Nothing can destroy us,” said Theta smugly. “We’re absolutely unbreakable.”

Jelpax sighed. That was true, and honestly, he didn’t care. He was more worried about the person who was not unbreakable—the one he hadn’t stopped thinking about since he’d seen him close to tears on the phone that morning. Jelpax didn’t share a word of his thoughts. He just nodded along.

They didn’t have to know he deep his concern ran.


	8. Storytime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their weekly meeting, the Deca shares a few stories from years long since passed.

Though they almost always had something to discuss at their weekly meetings, even the Deca ran out of stories and thoughts eventually.

It wasn’t often that they found themselves completely out of anecdotes, but when they did, no one quite knew what to do. If they had no conversation starters, they had nowhere to go, and they ended up just sitting around in Borusa’s classroom, waiting for someone to say something. Ushas refused to let that happen again.

“Okay, old stories!” Everyone turned to look at her, not one of them trying to help her break the silence. “We’ve told recent stories a thousand times, and everyone’s all caught up on what’s happened the last week. Therefore, all we can do now is go backwards. Anyone have any interesting stories to share?”

“Well, it’s your idea,” said Magnus. He was giving her a weird look, as if he weren’t quite confident that her idea was a good one. “So, I think that means you’re meant to start. You got anything interesting to share that I haven’t heard before?”

“About you? No. Fuck off. But if you want a rather interesting story, I could tell you lot about how confused I was when I first met Drax and Jelpax.”

It was Drax who sat up first, furrowing his brow as he turned to look up at her. “Wait, what? Why? What did we do to you? What?”

“Actually, it wasn’t what you _did_ do, it was about what you _didn’t_ …”

//

So, the story doesn’t really start right after I met them, it starts a few weeks later. See, from the first time I saw them interact, I was absolutely convinced that either Drax was heavily infatuated with Jelpax, or they were actually a couple. Yes, Drax, I know. Shut up, I’m in the middle of a story here.

It wasn’t until quite a bit after we met when I finally realized that I was mistaken, after I came across them snuggled up on a couch—Drax was sleeping, I believe, while Jelpax was doing homework—and asked the question. Now, when I say Jelpax looked at me like he thought I was insane, I mean he was actually about ready to call the nurse and make sure I didn’t have a concussion.

“Together?” Jelpax gaped, his eyes going wide as he whipped around to look between Drax and myself. “What the hell do you mean, ‘how long have we been together’? We have _never_ been together, and we probably never _will_ be together. Even the idea of—”

“Okay, all right, I get it.” My tone was defensive, but more confused than anything else. I genuinely hadn’t meant anything by the question, I just wanted to get to know them better. Stop giving me that look, Jelpax. “Sorry, it’s just that you’re always on top of each other, so it kind of seemed like you were—”

“Well, we’re not. We’re just good friends. Best friends. Nothing else. So just leave it alone, all right?”

Of course, I rolled my eyes then, since they were clearly closer than best friends, but I didn’t say anything else because—

//

“You were full of shit and you knew it,” grumbled Jelpax, staring down at his feet.

Just like she had all those years ago, Ushas rolled her eyes, giving her friend a look. “You can keep saying that all you want but look at yourselves. That’s not normal best friend behavior.”

“What? I’ve got my feet in his face.” Drax kicked his feet against Jelpax’s ears, smirking when he made a face. “How is that remotely romantic? Yeah, we’re physically close right now, but it’s not like it’s anything intimate. I’m just being a dick.”

“Speaking of dicks,” said Jelpax, ignoring the look Mortimus gave him, “I have another story that might interest you all. If we’re going that far back in time, I might as well let you all know that I hated Magnus’s guts for the first few years I knew him.”

“Please, who didn’t?” Magnus laughed, looking around the room expectantly. “No one? That’s what I thought. Well, you can go ahead and tell that story if you want, Jel, but I’m sure it’s nothing we haven’t heard a thousand times before.”

“Or is it? ‘Cos I’ve told a lot of stories, and I don’t think this is one of them.”

“Wait, you’re not thinking about—?”

“Oh, yes I am.” Jelpax smirked, glancing around the room with a glint in his eye. “You thought no one was ever going to find out, didn’t you? Well, I think we can fix that. You see…”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Too late.”

//

You see, it all started when I caught Magnus coming out of an unfamiliar room. Normally, I wouldn’t have said anything, but the fact that I didn’t recognize whose room he was coming out of made me curious, and so I walked over to find out what was happening. Magnus gasped the moment I walked over, as if he were shocked to see me there.

“Hey, Jel.” I remember he pushed a hand through his hair nervously, his gaze shifting all around the corridor. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“What am I doing down the hall from my room in the middle of the day?” Magnus rolled his eyes when I crossed my arms against my chest, glancing back over to the door he’d come out of. “Whose room is that? You working on studying for that science project? I got partnered with Ushas, so I have no doubts that I’m going to—”

“For the love of all that is holy, please shut the fuck up.” He rubbed his temples dramatically, as if I hadn’t been perfectly nice to him. Do _not_ give me that look, I know what I’m saying. “I was not working on my science project but honestly, it’s none of your business what I _was_ doing so just drop it, yeah?”

So, I did. At least, I told him that I did. Truthfully, I didn’t drop a damn thing. No, I just walked away and kept my head down while I continued to follow him around, looking for whatever answers I could get. It wasn’t easy, since I didn’t know where to begin or what he was hiding from me—and I also didn’t care much to actively hunt—but after a week, I managed to get my answers.

The next time I approached Magnus about the situation, it was because I caught him coming out of the Headmaster’s office. He had a strange, almost bittersweet look on his face, and he was clutching a sheet of paper in his hands. I walked up to him immediately, coming up on his back to take him by surprise so he wouldn’t kick me away.

“Hey.” The moment I peered over his shoulder, Magnus folded the paper in half, preventing me from finding out what he’d written on it. I sighed. “Look, Magnus, we both know I’m going to find out what you’re hiding from me sooner or later so you might as well just show me now so we can get it over with.”

“All right, fine, you really want to know?” He inhaled sharply, shaking his head before he unfolded the note and handed it back for me to read. “I requested to switch rooms. When you saw me the other day, I was asking someone else if I could switch with them because Mortimus is intolerable and I can’t be in there with him anymore.”

Obviously, I was shocked. I knew that Magnus was a dick—who doesn’t?—but that was a line I never thought he’d cross. I shook my head in disbelief, staring down at the paper for the evidence I needed to be sure that he was telling the truth. To my dismay, he was being honest, and the lines on the paper expressed exactly that.

“I can’t believe you would do this to Mortimus, you slimy son of a—”

//

“All right, all right, that’s enough.”

Magnus waved his hands around, cutting off Jelpax before he could finish his story. Of course, everyone was already staring at him at that point, so he really didn’t need to get their attention, but he was dramatic enough to want the gesture regardless. He glared around at the others; his eyes narrowed as he shook his head.

“That is all a bunch of bullshit,” he declared, leaning back in his uncomfortable seat. “If I had gotten Mortimus switched with someone else, then I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t still be roommates with him right now.”

“You did try to get me replaced before though,” said Mortimus, pushing a hand through his greasy hair. “Like, I wasn’t going to say anything about it while Jelpax was telling his story, but we all know what happened when you and I met. Also, three or four times after that. I’m not sure how many have actually made it back to the Deca, but you know—”

“I do know, and I want you to shut the hell up about it.”

“Okay, can we just calm down?” Rallon’s voice was quiet despite his assertive tone, and his gaze shifted away, unable to face the conflict he’d inserted himself into. “I’m not trying to be rude or anything, sorry, I just don’t think we need to fight during every meeting. It’s getting a little old.”

“Yeah? Well, you know what else is getting old?” Magnus was fully aware of how rude he sounded in his tone, but he didn’t care enough to stop it. He narrowed his eyes, glaring right over at Rallon. “You’re boring as fucking anything. Every goddamn meeting it’s the same time. What did you do? Nothing. Fucking nothing.”

“Not everyone has to do exciting things all the time,” Millennia snapped. Her hair whipped around her shoulders when she turned to look at him, sliding against the collar of her robes. “Just because Rallon doesn’t get into as much trouble as you do doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him.”

“Oh, yeah? You really sure about that?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, then. I think I’ve got a story that might change your perspective a little bit…”

//

Before anything else, I’ll admit that, in Rallon’s defense, we hadn’t known each other for very long. But the thing is, I remembered all of you. Drax and his stupid mood swings, Theta and his stupid squeaky voice, Ushas and her bitchy attitude—but not Rallon. I am not even shitting you when I say that on multiple occasions, I forgot who the hell he was.

“Hey.”

He came up to me in the hallway that day, his dumbass bland face totally expressionless as he waved. At first, I was simply baffled. Who is this guy who’s greeting me? Have I ever met him before? I was fairly certain I hadn’t, but he seemed as if he knew me, so I just sort of nodded along. Wasn’t really in the mood for a fight that day.

“So, what did you think of those initiation tests?” asked Rallon, though I honestly didn’t remember that was his name. “I fumbled a bit at the beginning, but I suppose I still did well enough overall, since I managed to get in. Did they tell you how high you ranked? I never heard my placement.”

“Any chance you’ve got me mixed up with someone else?” I asked suddenly. Rallon gave me an odd lock, which didn’t register at the time. I’m not even really sorry. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Are you part of some club or something…?”

“Magnus, it’s me.” He pointed to himself, but the comment meant absolutely nothing to me. I still didn’t have the faintest idea who he was or where he’d come from. The whole situation was increasingly odd. “I’m Rallon. One of the members of the Deca? We’ve met like, a dozen times. Easily. Probably more than that.”

That _started_ to ring a bell, but I still took a moment to look over every aspect of his face. For some reason, he simply wasn’t clicking with me. Bland brown eyes, bland dark hair, bland olive skin—everything about him was boring and generic and even the way he carried himself made me want to turn and shove him out the window.

“All right, if you say so.” Back then I had almost no manners—shut the fuck up, Mortimus—so I basically just shrugged him off. Bloke could be insane for all I knew, and based on my roommate—I _said_ , shut the fuck up, Mortimus. “In all honesty, I’m not really sure who the hell you are, but if you say you’re part of the Deca, I suppose I’ll believe you.”

“I _am_ part of the Deca!” Rallon insisted. His tone was becoming more urgent, and at that point, I started to think the whole thing was a little funny. Not that I’m entirely a dick, but you know, I’m basically just a dick. “We’ve met a ton of times before, Magnus. Sure, we’re not really close or anything, but—”

“Wait, are you the one always staring at Millennia?” I asked suddenly. Rallon’s face turned bright red, and I knew I’d hit the jackpot. There was exactly one memorable thing about him, and it wasn’t even really anything to do with him. “Oh, all right, I know who you are now.”

“Sorry, hold on, you only remember me for— I do _not_ stare at Millennia! Maybe I look in her direction sometimes, but I absolutely do not stare. Why would I stare at her? That’s just creepy. If I were to stare at anyone, it wouldn’t be—”

“Uh, mate? It’s pretty obvious you fancy her so just shut up, yeah? I don’t have time to listen to you making excuses. Anyway, I’ve got your thing now, so I’ll remember you in the future. Thanks for reminding me.”

“No, Magnus, wait! That’s not my thing! Magnus—”

//

“—such a _jerk_.” Rallon was already lying on his desk at that point, shaking his head beneath the arms that covered them. “I know you’re pissed about Jelpax exposing you, but did you have to come after _me_?”

“Yes, I did, because you pissed me off too and I had your story all ready.” Magnus crossed his arms smugly, giving Rallon a look which his friend did not turn to receive. “In fact, I’ve been waiting to tell that one for _years_. It was only a matter of time before I got the chance. This just felt like the right moment.”

“Well, it was not the right moment,” said Millennia, her tone harsh and filled with anger. “There _was_ no ‘right moment’. Telling anyone about that is honestly a jerk move and it really just makes _you_ look stupid. How could you meet Rallon so many times and not even remember who he was? It’s mean. It’s just plain mean, and—”

“Look, the point isn’t that I was too daft to remember him, it’s that he was too fucking boring to leave any sort of a lasting mark. I personally find that highly amusing, but I can see where you might not think so. Of course, you’re extremely biased since he’s your boyfriend, so your opinion doesn’t really mean much, but still.”

“Okay, please don’t fight over me.” Rallon threw his hands in the air, finally lifting his head from the table. His tone was exasperated, and he looked around the room with an almost urgent expression. “How about we just tell some other story now? Something more lighthearted, perhaps?”

“Why tell something lighthearted?” asked Mortimus, seemingly past whatever they’d said about him before, had it ever bothered him in the first place. “Personally, I’m enjoying the chaos. We get into a lot of arguments but usually, I don’t know where they’re stemming from. Now, I know exactly what you’re all fighting about. Keep it going.”

“All right, you want to hear something funny that’ll maybe upset someone? Because I think this was most distressing to me but if anyone wants to know about a story that’s _really_ off the rails, I’ll tell you all about the first time Mortimus ever read me.”

“What do you mean, I read you? You’re not a fucking book. Oh, wait you mean— oh, right. You know what? You actually should tell that story, Rallon. That’s a good one. I can’t believe we haven’t brought it up before.”

“I will,” said Rallon, ignoring the last comment, “but no interrupting me, okay? I remember how it happened and if you try and interrupt me with anything that’s not true or even with an addendum now that’s it’s later on—”

“Seriously, it’s fine.” Mortimus rolled his eyes, leaning forward onto his desk. “Just tell the story already! It’s been ages since I’ve heard this one.”

“Okay. Well, it all started because I was ignorant, and I didn’t know what I was getting myself into…”

//

So, when Mortimus asked me if I could talk to him alone for a minute, I said yes. I know, Magnus, but I’d only known him for a few months at that point and I didn’t understand what everyone meant when they mentioned his creepy habits. I blindly followed him out into the hall so we could have our conversation.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” asked Mortimus, once we were outside. I must’ve made a rather confused face because I remember I didn’t say anything before he went on again to elaborate. “Come on, Rallon, I know that something is bothering you. You have a big test coming up, yeah? For one of your most important classes?”

This wasn’t such an odd comment, but it was a little oddly specific given I hadn’t actually mentioned any of that to him before. Still, I wasn’t alarmed yet, and I only nodded along. I hadn’t nearly begun to approach the creepiest parts of the situation yet, and the reality was only just beginning to sink in.

“Uh, yeah.” I nodded, still not realizing what I was walking into. Oh, if only I could warn my past self. “It’s for one of my law classes. Not until the end of the week, but it’s been taking a lot out of me studying for it.”

“Yeah, you haven’t been sleeping enough. Mostly naps between your work, yeah? And you lose a lot of sleep thinking about someone too. Someone you’re interested in, but I won’t assume gender or person even though it’s very damn obvious. Also, I was thinking about your social anxiety, and I wanted to give you some—”

It was the pamphlets that threw me over the edge. I was far too creeped out at that point, my hearts nearly beating out of my chest as he held out the papers towards me. I hadn’t told him one single thing that he said to me, and the fact that he somehow knew it all regardless was honestly terrifying.

“Sorry, what are you talking about?” I asked suddenly. I felt a little weird asking the question when I knew everything he was saying, I just didn’t know how _he_ knew it. I shook my head, deciding to elaborate on that bit. “I mean, not what are you talking about, but how do you know what you’re talking about? I haven’t said any of that. You could be totally wrong.”

“If I were totally wrong,” started Mortimus, a thousand percent confident in his words, “then you wouldn’t have just asked me that. Therefore, most of what I said or at least some of what I said must be accurate. Not that I needed your approval. I’ve read enough people to know what I’m talking about and I’m sure I’ll only get better.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a tad creepy? I mean, not that I’m saying it like a bad thing, it’s just a little weird that you would come right out and say all of that when I haven’t even told _you_ any of it yet. Just like, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe people don’t want you to tell them everything about themselves?”

“Well, no, I suppose not. I don’t see why I would. Everyone wants to know everything about themselves, obviously. Especially when I know people better than I know themselves, I see no reason to keep the information hidden. I think people have the right to know, you feel me?”

“No, I do not.” Okay, so I felt him a little bit, but I wasn’t ready to tell him that yet. What do you mean, ‘when will I?’ I literally just told you, Mort. Please stop interrupting. “You see, some people don’t want to know about all their flaws. They just want to—”

//

“Okay, all right, I’m sorry.” Mortimus let out a deep sigh, his arms flailing about as he shook his head frantically. “I know that you just asked me not to interrupt again but even all these years later, I just can’t understand what you’re saying. Why wouldn’t someone want to know all about themselves? It just doesn’t make sense. I mean—”

“Shut up.” Obviously, Magnus was the one to speak up, unable to take another rant from his roommate. “Please, for the love of god, just shut up. Nobody wants to listen to you babble on about things that none of us agree with. Listen, if you want to bitch at someone else then please, do so, but not us. Not us.”

“But you’re the only people I can do that with. No one else will be around me for more than— I’m walking right into a burn right now and I can feel it so I’m going to go ahead and just shut the hell up before anyone can say anything. I would really appreciate it if you held your tongue on anything you may or may not have already thought of. Thank you.”

“All right, now you’ve gone too far.” Ushas shook her head slowly, sitting up from her seat at Borusa’s desk. “It’s one thing to ask politely for them to stop, it’s another to expect something from them that you know you can’t have. Nobody in here is capable of holding their tongue.”

“Sure, we are. I’ll do it right now.” As if he were completely serious, Drax stuck his tongue out and pinched it on the end; only shrugging when everyone looked to him oddly. He rolled his eyes when he let go, looking around to all his friends. “Wow, you lot really don’t have a sense of humor, do you?”

“We do,” Magnus corrected him, “it just doesn’t align with whatever the hell that was.”

“Fine. Then, I’ll just have to tell something that you _do_ think is funny. I think it’s about time I got another story, yeah? Been a while since I took over the narrative. Koschei, do you happen to remember what happened the first time we got into a scheme together?”

Koschei’s eyes went wide. “Oh, god.”

“Thought so. Well, it all began when…”

//

Well, let’s go back a little before that. By the time I started at this shithole, I was already a well-versed chaos maker. Every damn professor hated me in primary school, but all the kids loved me because I was an absolute bringer of hell. Koschei was not. He was a sweetheart and a whipped daddy’s boy and I had to get him into shape.

So, one day, I came up with an absolutely brilliant plan. Even more brilliant than that time I tied the lunch lady to a tree and almost managed to get away with it. You see, I thought it would be a great idea to sprinkle glitter all over the Headmaster’s office. I was already spending so much time in there, might as well make it look a little bit nicer.

When I approached Koschei in the hall, he was doing absolutely nothing of interest. Simply standing there at his locker, grabbing something that I can’t be bothered to remember. Honestly, I don’t even know whether that’s where I approached him, I’m just making up shit for the story. Anyway, somehow, I found him, and we started talking.

“Hey, Koschei!” I dropped my hand onto the wall, giving him a look which was overly enthusiastic in all the best ways. He didn’t return the expression in the least. “Wow, you’re being a buzzkill. Torvic kick your ass again?”

Yes, okay, I know it’s not kind to joke about bullies, but I was stupid and young, and it just slipped out. I don’t make those comments anymore. What? No. Magnus, you’re exempt from this. You’re a bully but you’re our bully so I’m allowed to say whatever the hell I want about you. Now fuck off and be quiet so I can tell my story.

“No, Torvic did not kick my ass again,” snapped Koschei. He was definitely in a mood, regardless of what he said, and I wanted to cheer him up. Also, I needed a fall guy, and Jelpax never wants to be a part of my schemes. “What do you want, Drax? I’m supposed to be meeting up with—”

“Cancel it. I have bigger plans.” I held up my backpack, not revealing what was inside nor even beginning to explain. He didn’t need to know what we were going to do yet, just that it would be fun. _Very_ fun. “I have something in mind to do for the day and I need your help for it. You in?”

“That depends on what it is.”

“Believe me, it doesn’t matter. Come on.”

I latched onto Koschei’s wrist before he had the chance to decline, dragging him down the hall behind me. It wouldn’t take more than a few minutes max, so whether he wanted to be involved wasn’t really an issue for me. I didn’t mind kidnapping him for a few measly little moments so I could get my due reven— I mean, so I could make the Headmaster’s office look nicer, and— aw, fuck it. You know what I meant. I wanted my damn revenge.

We made it over to the Headmaster’s office in record time since we were just around the corner, and within moments, I was spreading glitter all around. Koschei wasn’t too fond of my idea—shooting it all around with hand fans to make sure we got every bit of surface covered—but he went along with it anyway. It actually went pretty well too. We finished in only a few minutes and thought we were home free. But we weren’t.

You see, the thing I hadn’t considered when I suggested we spread glitter everywhere was that in standing in the office, we became a part of everywhere. What I’m saying is that, basically, we were stupid and by the time we walked out, we were absolutely covered in glitter and too blind to notice.

Now, in my defense, I probably forgot my contacts that day, so I couldn’t see it all, but Koschei has no defense. He was just a dumbass who didn’t think we needed to hide when the Headmaster walked down the corridor past us, therefore seeing that we were covered in glitter.

Noting happened right then, since he hadn’t seen the inside of his office yet, but the moment he walked in there, he screamed our names so loud they echoed around the entire hall. Of course, I immediately took off running, but Koschei just sort of froze there for a moment before coming after me. You know what? Retelling this story, I’m not sure he’s really all there, you know what I mean?

Anyway, we tried to run since we were being chased down by the Headmaster and I think at least six professors, but it didn’t work. Our shoes were covered in glitter and we were too daft to discard them, so we both ended up slipping on the glittery soles of our shoes and skidded right into the wall. We were like penguins sliding on our stomachs, just zooming down the hall, and—

//

“Bullshit.” Koschei shook his head slowly, his eyes narrowed as he turned to look at Drax. “It’s all a bunch of bullshit. There was no wild chase or sliding on our glittery shoes. We ran straight into Professor Grollan’s gut. Both of us.”

“Okay, well, excuse me for not wanting to comment on the size of Professor Grollan’s gut.” Drax rolled his eyes, crossing his arms when he leaned back in his seat. He kicked his feet back up onto Jelpax’s chair, and his friend barely reacted. He was used to it at that point. “Anyway, the whole thing was chaotic regardless and I’ve always thought it was funny since it was such a mundane fail.”

“Right.” Vansell nodded, furrowing his brow and urning to point at Drax and Koschei. “Both of you normally go out in a flaming ball of fire, not an innocent glitter bomb. This is a total change.”

“Yeah, exactly! It’s a whole lot more chill, you know? Plus, my shoes were shiny for a year after that. Actually, I think they’re still shiny. I outgrew them at some point. You know, when I got so super tall.”

“There is exactly one ‘super tall’ person in here and it’s not you.”

“Sorry, can we not do that today?” asked Rallon, sliding his hands across his desk. He knew what his friends were going to say about his request, but he was desperate to keep the conversation off himself. “Let’s just pretend Magnus is the tallest for a day, yeah?”

“Whatever you say.” Theta shrugged, yawning as he glanced around the room. “Doesn’t change the fact that you’re the only one in the room who could touch the ceiling, though. And before you say I’m lying, go stand on Borusa’s desk. You’ll bonk your head.”

“I would not bonk my head if I— nope, not going to go there. Don’t dare me to do it or I’ll walk. I swear to god, I will walk.”

“Newsflash,” started Mortimus, rolling his eyes, “nobody gives a fuck. Can I tell a story now? Because I was just thinking and there’s this really great one from a while back when I pissed off Millennia and she kicked my ass.”

“Which time?” Magnus questioned.

“I don’t know exactly. Probably the fourth or fifth? Anyway, I don’t believe any of you were there—though Magnus might have heard of it—but it went a little something like this…”

//

As everyone knows, I’m not exactly the greatest when it comes to relationships. Not many of my partners last more than an hour, much less an entire date. So, I wanted to try and turn this around. How could I possibly find a way to keep a woman—at least, I think it was a woman that time—with me for more than twenty minutes, I wondered? Well, I could just ask Millennia!

I found her in her bedroom, sitting at her desk working on some project for stellar engineering or whatever the fuck she’s majoring in. Anyway, I smiled and walked over, and she greeted me cheerfully. We’ve always gotten along well, so there was no reason to think anything might be going south. But it did, because it always does, because I just can’t have nice things.

“Hey, Mortimus,” said Millennia, her tone kind as ever though she was definitely annoyed by my interrupting her. “Did you need something, or are you just looking for… something else?”

“Yeah, I really need some help.” Though Millennia very obviously didn’t want me around, I flopped down onto her bed, desperate for the assistance. I really liked that—now I’m thinking it was an enby—and I didn’t want to lose them because of my own stupidity. “So, I asked someone out and I really don’t want to mess it up again.”

“Okay, so, why do you think you’re going to do that? Is there something that brought it on?”

“Duh, the fact that I always mess it up. I mean, honestly. I’m a real disaster of a Gallifreyan, you know? It’s like, I want to be a good person but no matter what I do, I end up driving everyone away somehow. It’s just—”

“I get it, Mortimus.” Again, she was clearly exasperated and not the least bit in the mood to be dealing with my issues, but I had too much going on and I couldn’t walk away, even if she wanted me to. “Can you just tell me what you’re problem is? I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”

“Sorry, yeah, I know. Basically, I just need to learn more about… whatever their name is. Oh, and how to be nice and not creepy because usually when people slap me at the end of the date, they follow it up with, ‘god, you’re such a creep’, and I want to avoid that. Do you think it’s possible?”

Millennia gave me the weirdest look and I should have known from right that moment that the answer was “no”. However, I am rather stupid sometimes and so it didn’t really click with me until she turned around with the oddest look on her face. I sat up on her bed, shrugging casually as I waited for her to respond. She didn’t for far too long.

“I think that you could try,” she told me, her tone only a little patronizing. “But there’s very little chance that you would succeed. See, you’re really a piece of shit dumbass failure and the fact that you think any date involving you could ever be a success is honestly laughable.”

Obviously, I was very hurt by her words and immediately began to cry. That was when she jumped me. Her rings and claws dug into my skin, piercing the surface until it bled and—”

//

“Literally not one word of that is true,” said Millennia, cutting off his thought. She looked around the room in disbelief, but Rallon seemed to be the only one interested in defending her. “I mean, the first part is, but I didn’t just suddenly get angry at you and I never would have called you those things.”

“Really?” Mortimus made a face, dragging his fingers through the side of his dark hair. “Huh, maybe I’m mixing you up with someone else then. Was that you who said I was a piece of shit dumbass failure and the stuff about me being laughable? Because I know someone said that. Who was that?”

The entire room was silent. No one was keeping quiet to protect themselves, they were all keeping quiet because they were equally unaware as to who Mortimus was referring to. Each of them kept their mouths shut as Mortimus’s expression twisted in confusion, eventually falling when he apparently remembered who had said those words.

“Oh, I uh…” He pushed another hand through his greasy hair, lowering his thumb to chew on it anxiously. “I remember who said that. You’re right, Mil, it wasn’t you. It wasn’t any of you. Actually, the whole thing surrounding that was really stupid so we should probably just move on. Sorry for bringing that up.”

Despite Mortimus insisting that they should move on, no one else made any move to do so. He was visibly upset by whatever he was remembering and moving on without addressing that felt almost wrong. That said, Mortimus was the one in the room who knew how to deal with it, and so none of them knew what to say. Theta took the initiative.

“Hey, if you want some really fun stories, you know, ones that’ll _actually_ make you laugh,” he started, stretching his arms out in front of him, “I could bring up some shit from primary school. You know, before we all knew each other, and we were all just absolute dumbasses on our own.”

“You’re going to tell them about the hide-and-seek championships, aren’t you?” Ushas’s voice was flat, and she grit her teeth when Theta smirked in response. “Theta, no. We agreed that we were never going to talk about those.”

“No, you told me you wanted me to never talk about those and I said, ‘only if the opportunity never arises’. Well, people are stressed, you all suck at funny stories, and I have something great. Believe me, this one won’t take a sad turn. Unless you’re rooting for Ushas, of course, because we all know that…”

//

Ushas never wins.

Even to this day, whenever she _thinks_ she’s won, she’s always proven wrong. Good grades? Sure. Teacher’s pet? Only when we’re not around. But she has never won a game and she never will win a game. Not so long as I can help it, at least. But it all started back before we knew each other. Back in the days of primary school.

We were both pro hide-and-seek players, each of us at the peak of our game. Ushas had a tiny bit more experience than me being a few months older, but it wasn’t enough to make any real difference. In fact, I was the leading player in our entire division, and as she learned, I crushed her every damn time.

“You’re not going to get me this year, Theta Sigma,” she sneered, right before our biggest game of the season. I only laughed in her face. I would be the last one standing, just like I was _always_ the last one standing. “You might have bested me all those years before, but I will not lose again. _Especially_ not to you.”

“Please.” I leaned in close to her ear, my eyes narrowed as I glanced all around me dramatically. “You’ve already lost.”

Ushas glared at me when I shrugged and turned away, heading over to the starting area. I pushed back the sleeves of my dark shirt, grinning back to her one last time. I was going to destroy her, and she knew it. There were a lot of great hiders and a lot of great seekers but none more skilled than me. I’d already scoped out the area and I knew the perfect place to hide. A place I’d never be found.

The moment the bell rang out, I hauled ass across the field, running over to the hiding spot I’d found. Ushas had her eyes closed since she was one of the seekers for the round, and she didn’t see as I silently ran by. Yes, I’m damn good at running quietly. You can’t win if you aren’t, the seekers will just follow the sound of your footsteps! Dumbass.

I crouched down into the crawl space, glancing around as I shuffled back as far as I could. Nowhere was off limits, so the vents were completely fair game—you hear that, Ushas? _Fair game_ —and I knew no one would think to look there. I took one final deep breath before slowing it to where you couldn’t hear, silently breathing through my nose as the seekers’ bell rang out around me.

As per usual, countless peers sobbed when they got caught, but I never moved an inch. I stayed in my hole, watching as seekers ran past and teammates were eliminated. It wasn’t my job to protect them, it was my job to carry the team through to the end of the timer and I would do that if it was the last thing I did.

“Where are you, Theta Sigma?!” It wasn’t technically against the rules for seekers to speak, though a good hider would never give them an answer. I smirked, but kept my mouth shut. “You can keep trying but I _am_ going to find you. For once, I am going to find you and I am going to—”

Though they were allowed to _speak_ , seekers were not allowed to _threaten_ anyone, and I assume that’s why she shut up. There was no reason for her to jeopardize her career just to catch me, and since I was completely hidden away in a place where she had no chance of ever finding me, I was safe.

I smiled in my hiding spot, snuggling in to take a nap. Ushas was such a terrible seeker and I was such a great hider, there was no way she could ever find me. Not unless she suddenly—

//

“Okay, I understand that you want to make yourself look like some kind of a hero,” said Ushas, rolling her eyes, “but there’s no reason to slander me in the process.”

“What?” Theta gaped. He turned to look at Koschei, who immediately looked away. He wasn’t going to get into the middle of their argument if he could help it. “I am _not_ slandering your name; I’m just stating the facts how they were. I beat you every damn time, so you clearly weren’t half as good a seeker as I was a hider.”

“Or maybe, your stupid little hiding spots weren’t as legal as you thought.” She clenched her hands into tight fists, her deep brown eyes narrowing as she glared at him from across the room. “It was quite questionable, I remember. Look up the rules now and I’m sure they’ve fixed that little loophole.”

“I don’t care what they’ve done now because they didn’t do it back then. I won fair and square and there’s no two ways about it.”

Ushas didn’t respond that time, only deepening her angry look as she gripped her fingers even tighter. They started to turn white as Theta narrowed his own eyes and their intense stares took over the room. No one moved an inch, waiting for the inevitable argument which was about to break out and continue. Koschei was the one to try and stop it.

“Please, don’t get into another fight,” he said, rubbing his temples exasperatedly. “We all know how you two can get and I think I speak for all of us when I say we don’t want to hear it. Let’s just move on to something else, please? Preferably something which won’t end in an argument or a sad moment of silence.”

“All right, fine, do you have something to share?” Though it wasn’t Koschei who pissed her off, Ushas glared at him too, making sure that everyone who spoke got a bit of her attitude. “Think you can come up with something that we won’t all fight about? Because every other ‘funny story’ has somehow pissed someone off at this point.”

“No, I have one that I’m sure is just humorous,” Koschei insisted, though suddenly, he wasn’t so sure. “It was a little odd while it was happening, but it’s not as bad as any of these other ones. It’s actually about me and Jelpax, and everyone knows that Jelpax is one of the most relaxed out of all of us.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.” Jelpax waved his hands around frantically, shaking his head faster than any of them had ever seen it move. “Do not drag me into this. I already told my story and I have absolutely no interest in being involved in another one. Just tell it about someone else. I’m sure you have plenty about Theta and Drax, yeah?”

“Actually, nope. I think I’m going to go with this one. You see, I didn’t always understand your sense of humor…”

//

We all know that Jelpax is ridiculously sarcastic, remarkably witty, and possesses an overly dry sense of humor. But I didn’t always know that. Actually, embarrassingly enough—see, you can make fun of me instead of anyone else—it took me several years to catch on to the way he communicates.

It was on a particularly gloomy evening when I finally figured it out. I hadn’t really meant to engage in any conversation, I just happened upon Jelpax in the hallway that day. I passed by him and decided to wave since we were meant to be friends or whatever. It didn’t quite go the way I planned. That is, rather than being interesting, I quickly defaulted to mundane small talk.

“So, shitty weather, huh?” I said casually, rocking back and forth on my feet awkwardly. “I heard it’s supposed to rain the rest of the week.”

“Wow, that’s just fucking brilliant, isn’t it?” Jelpax nodded, barely looking away from his locker. “I’ve got a field trip in biology, maybe we’ll get to trek through it. Doesn’t get any more exciting than that.”

The comment confused me. Why would anyone _want_ to walk through the pouring rain? I shook my head, baffled as to what he was getting at. It seemed a little rude to disagree, but I just couldn’t in good conscience say that I would be comfortable walking around in the pouring rain. I made a face.

“No, that’s not brilliant at all,” I told him, blinking repeatedly. “I actually think that sounds really, really awful. Why would you ever _want_ to trek through the rain? You’re going to get all soaking wet and shit. That sounds fucking terrible. I hope your field trip gets postponed.”

The look on my face might have been puzzled, but the one on Jelpax’s looked like I asked him to murder someone. He shook his head slowly, his brow furrowing as he opened and closed his mouth several times. Sure, I was confused, but Jelpax had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to respond to my idiocy with and finally said the bluntest thing he could manage.

“Have you ever heard of a little concept known as sarcasm?” he asked, and then it hit me. I was the world’s—no, the _universe’s_ —biggest idiot. “It means that when I say things, I don’t actually mean them. It’s a joke, sort of. Like, ‘wow, this weather is fucking great’, even though it fucking sucks. You know that? You understand what that is?”

I could only blink. There was no way that I was actually that stupid. All this time, I thought that Jelpax was some really weird kind of guy, and he wasn’t. He just had a different sense of humor that I didn’t understand. I opened my mouth to explain, hoping the story would be kind of funny, but—

//

“But then you realized this is the dullest and most depressingly stupid story in the entire history of the universe?” Vansell groaned and dropped his head into his hands, letting out a deep sigh. All the stories so far had been bad, but Koschei’s was just on another level. “Can we please stop with the stories already? I’m getting really sick of this.”

Thankfully, Vansell was not the only one who was tired of all the ridiculous stories going around the room and everyone else seemed to nod along. They were all sick of the fighting and the boring discussions, and it was about time they got back to talking about the present rather than the past. At least, that’s what most of them thought.

“No, absolutely not.” Ushas shook her head quickly, barely glancing around the room to see whether her friends agreed before she continued with her decision. “There are only two of us left who haven’t shared any stories left and I want to hear them from you before anything else. You and Millennia have to tell them. I don’t care what it is, but it has to be something. We’re not leaving until you do.”

“What, are you going to trap us in here?” asked Drax, raising an eyebrow. “I’m fairly certain Borusa would be pretty pissed if he came back for his class in an hour and found that we were all still locked up inside. Haven’t we already pained him enough?”

“For one thing, you can never pain Borusa enough.” Magnus turned to look at Drax, ignoring everyone else in the room as he shoved a lock of hair behind his ear. “For another, the only reason Ushas said that was because she knows that Millennia will tell a story for fun and Vansell will crack under our peer pressure. We’ll be out of here in twenty minutes tops.”

“Will we, though?” He gave Magnus a look, and it was questionable whether he wanted an answer or not.

“Okay, fine, whatever. Let’s just get this over with.” Vansell groaned and leaned back in his seat, shaking his head as he closed his eyes. He took a moment to breathe before he went on, saying the words they didn’t expect. “I have a story. You know that nickname Theta has for me? Well, there _is_ a story behind it…”

//

Unfortunately, I don’t remember the exact day or situation, just that it occurred in the dining hall. No one else was in the room, as I was the first to arrive and Theta was the second, coming out of morning detention. He only waved when he sat down, not the least bit interested in speaking to me, nor I to him.

“Hello, Theta Sigma,” I grumbled, simply to be polite. I did not intend to continue the conversation, only to acknowledge his presence so we could get on with it.

“Hey, Nosebung!” he said cheerfully, as if he hadn’t just glared at me upon walking in. “What’s up?”

Instantly, I was off put by what he said. Not only due to the sickly-sweet tone he used, but the fact that he’d changed so much in just a few seconds. Also, he called me by a rather strange name of which I wasn’t aware of the origin. I furrowed my brow, turning to look at him and in the process tearing my eyes from my disgusting meal.

“What the hell did you just call me?” My tone was not light in the least, but the way Theta’s expression shifted was not light either. For a split second, a look crossed his eyes which appeared almost ready to kill. I shuddered but did my best to keep it under control. “Theta Sigma, are you going to answer my question or not?”

“Hm, I’m thinking… not.” Theta crossed his arms, giving me another look which I thought might actually be hinting towards murder. I swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t already hear me, so obviously, answering would just be redundant. Therefore, I will do no such thing but thanks for the suggestion.”

“You are such a little shit.”

“And you’re just amazing at stating the obvious. It’s actually rather ironic, considering—”

//

“—you’re lying to every one of them right now,” Theta snapped. “That’s not how it happened at all!”

A collective groan moved throughout the room when he said that. They’d already heard so many bullshit stories that morning, this one was simply the icing on top. No one wanted to deal with it anymore, least of all Ushas. She glared at all of them, shaking her head slowly as she turned to glare at both Theta and Vansell.

“For once,” she said, her tone dry and bitter, “can someone please just tell an honest story? You keep saying you don’t want to fight and then you tell stories that get us into these stupid fucking arguments! Just shut up, tell the truth, and we can all have a proper meeting. Are you going to be honest, Millennia?”

Millennia blinked. Clearly, she hadn’t been intending to follow through with Ushas’s declaration that she had to tell the story, and the question was jarring. She gave Ushas a look, hesitating before she slowly nodded. Even if she didn’t want to tell a story, that was no reason for her to piss off Ushas any further.

“I haven’t actually got any stories to tell right now,” Millennia admitted, biting down on the edge of her lip. “It’s not that I don’t _want_ to tell them, of course, it’s just that— well, it’s just that I’m not sure if they’ll be good for anything, you know? I’m fairly certain I’ve told you all my best stories already and there’s really no point in rehashing them all.”

“Are you kidding me?” Drax spun around in his seat suddenly, almost whacking Jelpax over the head when he moved his feet. “All these years and you haven’t got _one_ story we haven’t heard yet? Search your brain a little harder, Millennia. There has to be _something_ in there.”

“Believe me, I’m thinking about it, but I haven’t got any nice stories that I’ve not already shared with you all. You know how I like to try and lighten up the meetings. Can’t do that if I don’t share the good stuff with you.”

“All right, then share some of the bad stuff.” Mortimus only shrugged when his friends turned to look at him, not even the least bit bothered by what he said. “What? It’s a great idea, I’m telling you. We’ve all bitched at each other already, it’s not like we can make it any worse, right? Just tell us a bad story. Come on. You have to have one of those.”

“Well, I suppose I have a _weird_ story…” She glanced over to Vansell, hesitating before she went on. “Okay. This actually happened right after we returned from our field trip to the Medusa Cascade…”

//

You all know that Vansell didn’t actually come on the trip with us and if you’re anything like me, you were probably wondering why. It was a little weird, after all, considering he’d walked out to the ship but never came on board. So, I actually ran into him the night we got back, and I think I’m the only one who did. Aside from Rallon, of course.

Anyway, I was in the dormitory that evening, returning from the dining hall and fully prepared to head straight to sleep. It was the end of a long day, so I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but Vansell was there and I didn’t want to be rude to him either. I waved and he sort of ducked oddly, pulling a hood over his head like he didn’t want to see me.

“Hey, Vansell,” I said, doing my best to stay cheerful though I could barely smile through my yawn. “I haven’t seen you in days. What have you been doing all this time? I can’t remember seeing you on the trip at all.”

“Oh, yeah, something came up.” He waved a hand around dismissively, though the look in his eyes seemed rather serious. “I just got a phone call right before we left, and I had to deal with some things because of it. No big deal.”

“Is everything okay? It must’ve been something really important for you to have to abandon the entire field trip.”

Vansell blinked, hesitating as he wet his lips. “I actually can’t really talk about it, it’s kind of a long story.”

“What, are you a super spy or something?” I asked jokingly. He got a strange look on his face then but shook his head quickly. I suppose he doesn’t share my same sense of humor. “All right, well, I have to get to bed, then. It was a long ride home. Hope everything is okay with you, whatever is going on.”

“Yeah, thanks, Mil.”

He said nothing else before we both turned to our own rooms, and it was then that I felt the weird sensation that there was something he wasn’t telling me. I started to wonder…

//

“…could he really be a super spy?” A moment of silence swept over the room, everyone turning to look at Vansell before Millennia suddenly laughed and shook her head. “No, I’m just joking. Obviously Vansell isn’t a super spy, he’s just a little shady sometimes and that’s okay. We still love him.”

“Hey, speak for yourself,” Theta snapped. He turned his head to glare at Vansell, sticking his tongue out and flipping him the middle finger. “She might like you, but I still think you’re a piece of shit bastard and nothing anyone could ever say would change my mind about that. Piece of shit.”

“Okay, we get it, you don’t like Vansell.” Ushas rolled her eyes, leaning back against Borusa’s desk. “I really don’t care. Anyway, we’ve all told our stories now and we’re just about out of time, so we might as well get on with it, yeah? Although, you did have a point there, Millennia. That’s rather odd. You want to tell us what came up, Vansell?”

“Nope. I signed an NDA.” His tone was only vaguely humorous, and it was impossible to tell whether he was truly joking and if he was, whether he was actually confident in that joke. “Thanks for the interest though, it was nice dredging up those old memories. Definitely didn’t make me think about anything I didn’t want to be remembering.”

“Not like anyone would care if it did,” said Theta, his tone no less bitter than it was before. “I mean honestly, look at yourself. You’re such a stupid little—”

“Please, for once, just stop it.” Jelpax rubbed his temples dramatically, shaking his head as he squeezed his eyes shut. Of all people in the room, he was easily one of the few who hated the nonsense the most. “We’ve all had enough of the bitching today, I think, so let’s just stop. No more bitching this week.”

“This _week_? Okay, now you’ve gone too far.” Despite being his best friend, it was Drax who shook his head, narrowing his eyes at Jelpax. “You’re a fucking idiot if you think you can get us all to stop bitching for that long. I mean, _please_. It is my god-given right to bitch, Pax. You know that. You know how much I love the bitching.”

“I do, and that’s one of the only things I don’t like about you.”

“Aw, there are things you don’t like about me? And here I thought I was the universe’s gift to all people.”

“You’re the universe’s curse on us all, that’s what you are,” said Magnus, giving him the side-eye. “Now, everyone just get out, yeah? I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s had more than enough Deca history for the day.”

“Oh, my god, that’s _genius_.” Mortimus’s eyes went wide as he whipped around to look at his roommate, an excited grin creeping up his lips. “We should have a Deca studies class. Ushas, you had to help in a class once, right? Or was that someone else? Either way, next time the Headmaster tries to give us detention in that manner, I say we throw this in his face. What do you think?”

“I think that’s the worst idea that any of us have ever had. Ever.” Koschei blinked several times, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re not honestly suggesting that’s a good idea, are you? Because that’s just fucking ridiculous. Telling people about our personal histories? How is that in any way useful?”

“You know what? He might be on to something?” Oddly enough, it was Ushas who spoke, tapping her finger against the bridge of her jaw. “If we marketed it correctly, we could run a class on what _not_ to do during your time at the Academy.”

“Or, how to do all those things and not get caught,” Drax added, only shrugging when she glared at him. “What? I just think we’d get a lot more willing participants that way. Surely there’s a lot of people who want to know how we do it time after time, yeah? I mean, if it were me desperate for a way to stay out of trouble, I certainly would.”

“Are you not already desperate to stay out of trouble?” asked Jelpax.

“No, I rather like the constant detentions. I feel like it gives me more chances to fuck with our professors.”

Though most of the room immediately started cracking jokes about Drax’s phrasing, Magnus didn’t join in. He was too busy looking across the room to Vansell. Not everyone knew what he did, but if they’d seen just how secretive he could be sometimes, how hostile he got, they wouldn’t be so quick to forget.


	9. There Are Only Three Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theta breaks his arm during a stupid stunt. Millennia offers to dye Mortimus's hair. Ushas tries scheming with Magnus.

“Oh, this is going to be so brilliant.”

Theta skated up to the bicycle, rubbing his hands together excitedly. At his side, Koschei shook his head, not nearly as enthused. Sure, if it worked out, it was going to be one of the stupidest, most mundane but amazing things they’d ever done. But if it didn’t, Theta would probably end up dead.

“Yeah, I know,” Koschei agreed, letting out a chuckle, “but did we really have to do this on the roof?”

“Obviously.” He rolled his eyes, as if it were the dumbest question his friend could have asked. “It’s not going to be any fun if we’re just doing it on the floor. Now, come on. I have to get onto the bike, and I can’t do that if you don’t— okay, thanks.”

Koschei reached around Theta’s waist, rolling his eyes when Theta sneaked a kiss as he was lifted onto the bike. It wasn’t that he couldn’t get up on his own, it was just a little tricky since he was wearing his roller blades. He couldn’t balance properly until he was sitting in his seat, kicking his feet into position on each of the pedals. Koschei didn’t move his hands from Theta’s waist.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right if I let go?” asked Koschei hesitantly. Theta was already wobbling a lot and letting him stand on his own just didn’t seem like a great idea. “You know, if you get hurt, we’re not going to be able to do anything about it.”

“Then I suppose I’ll just have to not get hurt. Now, let go of me! I want to see if I can get up this ramp. Here we go!”

In all honesty, there was no part of Koschei that believed their plan would ever work. But there was no part of him that thought it would fail as badly as it did either.

//

“It’s not _actually_ broken, is it?”

“No, it’s definitely broken.” Ushas’s tone was flat despite the bad news she was delivering. The moment she pulled away, she turned back to the sheet of paper in front of her, reaching back out for her pencil. “Now, I hope you’re either a lefty or ambidextrous, because you only have a few more minutes to fill out your census.”

Theta hated the census. They’d been filling them out every year since they’d first arrived at the Academy, and there still didn’t seem to be a point to it. It was just a way to waste a class period filling it out, and then a way to waste an afternoon explaining it once all the papers were collected and examined. He sighed.

“Can you fill out mine for me, Kos?” he asked, using his good hand to slide the sheet of paper over to his friend. “Y’know, since we’re not really allowed to go to the nurse or anything.”

“It’s not that we’re not allowed to go,” said Koschei, already taking the paper from him, “it’s that if we went, they would question what happened, so it’s really better that we just don’t. If we tell them what we did, they’re never going to believe us, so there’s really no reason to—”

“What did you do?” asked Mortimus suddenly. For a split second, Theta was terrified as to how he was meant to respond, but he didn’t have to figure it out before Mortimus suddenly switched course. “Wait, Millennia, what the hell are you doing? You’re not brunette. Why are you writing that you’re a brunette?”

“Uh, because I am a brunette?” Millennia made a face, shaking her head as she checked off another box. “I put down that I dye my hair too, so it’s not like I’m omitting anything.”

“Wait, _what_? You dye your hair? You’re not a natural bluenette? No. No, there’s no way. You’re lying. You have to be lying. How can you not be a bluenette?”

“Maybe because that’s not a thing? Nobody has naturally blue hair, Mortimus. I’ve had this conversation with you before, a bluenette isn’t a real thing. Look, how about I dye your hair for you tonight, and you can see how this all works? Maybe then you’ll stop thinking I’m naturally blue.”

“Ooh, okay. I’ve always wondered how I’d look with something else.” He frowned. “But wait, do you think my hair is too dark for that? I don’t know if any color would catch.”

“It’s fine, it’s not that much darker than mine.”

“Hey!” Before Mortimus could say anything else, Theta cried out, nudging Koschei with his good arm. “What the hell are you writing that for?”

“What do you mean?” Koschei made a face, rereading what he’d written before turning back to look at Theta. “All I did was write down your hair color.”

“Yeah, and you wrote ‘brown’. What the hell did you write ‘brown’ for?”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘what the hell did I write brown for’? Your hair is fucking brown.”

“No, it isn’t.” Theta glared at him, moving to cross his arms but stopping when he winced. “My hair is dark blond, you jackass.”

“Dark blond? What the fuck is dark blond?” He shook his head slowly, giving Theta a strange look as he glanced up and down his head. “Mate, I’m looking at your hair right now and it’s fucking brown.”

“It is not!” Rather than trying to explain verbally, Theta whipped out his phone and searched ‘dark blond hair’, shoving the image results in Koschei’s face. “See? Dark blond. That’s my hair. That’s what it looks like.”

“That’s just brown! Every one of those people has brown hair!”

“They do not!”

“Yes, they do! That’s brown! Your hair is fucking brown!”

Suddenly, Theta threw his arm out and yanked the pencil from Koschei’s hand. “I can’t believe I ever trusted you to do this for me.”

“Theta—” Koschei sighed when his friend glared at him, rolling his eyes bitterly. “Good luck writing with your left.”

“Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll manage.”

He did not.

//

Rallon was writing urgently. Furiously. His fingers gliding across the page faster than Ushas could register, her eyes beginning to hurt and the world spinning around her as she turned away. From a distance, she couldn’t tell what Rallon was working on, but whatever it was must’ve been vastly important for him to move so quickly.

“Yes! Just in time.” He threw his pen down suddenly, letting out a deep sigh of relief when Professor Nange walked into the room. Beside him, Millennia gave her boyfriend a reassuring smile, while Ushas’s jaw only dropped in shock.

There was no way that she’d heard him correctly, right? Rallon was ridiculous sometimes, and he definitely had more homework than most of them, but the idea that he would finish his homework _minutes_ before it was due was just ridiculous. Nobody would do that, not even one of Ushas’s stupid friends. That was a level of idiotic she couldn’t imagine anyone reaching.

“Hey.” Unable to wait and knowing they still had a good ninety seconds before class started, Ushas leaned forward, tapping Rallon on the shoulder aggressively. “Did you just say you finished your homework _just now_? I finished this a goddamn week ago. I heard you wrong, right? You’re not that stupid.”

“No, I totally forgot about the assignment.” Rallon’s tone was so casual, so relaxed, that Ushas mind almost exploded right then and there. He was usually tense and on edge and yet he didn’t seem the least bit bothered by his own stupidity. “I worked on it all the way through my last class and then I came here and finished. I hope it’s okay.”

“How the hell could it be okay? You haven’t even gotten the chance to edit. Aren’t you afraid that you’ll have spelling or grammar mistakes? What if you used the wrong terminology? You need to proofread, Rallon. You’re better off asking for an extension at this point.”

“Okay, now you’re trying to give me a panic attack. Can you just not? I already wrote this, I don’t want to lose points for tardiness, and I don’t want to talk to Professor Nange unless I really have to. So, therefore, it’s best that I just turn this in as is. But thanks for the suggestion.”

Ushas groaned and leaned back in her seat, shaking her head when Rallon held up his assignment to be collected. The fact that he could be so careless, so blind, so ignorant as to what would happen if he turned his assignment, was baffling. But it wasn’t her problem, so she chose not to say anything else about it.

It was his grave, and he’d chosen it. She had no interest in digging him out.

//

There weren’t a lot of things that could send Magnus running for the hills, but this was most certainly one of them.

He’d missed whatever conversation provided context for what was happening, so when Mortimus and Millennia walked into the room carrying a bag of hair dye, he dipped. Magnus threw his headphones on as quickly as he could, terrified that his friends might try and drag him into whatever was happening. Thankfully, they left him alone, only waving before they stepped into the restroom.

“All right, have you decided what you want to go for yet?” asked Millennia, unloading the supplies onto the counter. Mortimus shook his head, and she let out a soft sigh. “I told you to think about it on the way here, Mortimus. If you weren’t doing that, then what the hell were you thinking about?”

“I don’t know.” Mortimus shrugged casually, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. “I suppose I was thinking about all the hot dates I’m going to get once I get my hair done, you know? Everyone’s going to be staring at me. You know it, I know it, this is going to be fantastic.”

“Okay, but you can’t do that if you don’t figure out what you’re going to do with your hair first. Do you want to dye all of it? Or just some of it? And did you decide which color you want to do yet? Because you picked out a _lot_ of them, and I don’t think it’s really an option to pick every one. That would take forever.”

“Yeah, but I really don’t know anything about dyeing hair, so maybe you should just take the lead on this, yeah? I’ll just sit down, and you can do whatever you want to me. As long as you make me look good, you know? I don’t want to end up looking like an idiot or anything, especially since—”

“All right, all right, I get it.” Millennia knew that if she let him go on any longer, she’d end up listening to a lengthy ramble. “I’ll figure out something that’ll look good on you, but you have to trust me, okay? It’s going to feel weird because it’s your first time doing this but if you don’t believe that I’m going to do a good job then it’s not going to turn out well. Make sense?”

“Not at all, but I’ll believe you. Just do whatever you want with my hair and when you’re done, I’ll see what I think. If it sucks, I’ll just shave it all off. I had short hair for years, remember? I rocked it. This is getting rather long anyway.”

“Well, do you want me to cut it before we dye it?”

Mortimus’s jaw dropped. He hadn’t even considered the idea of cutting his hair, despite suggesting he shave it all off, and the thought stopped him in his tracks. He hesitated before nodding slowly, his gaze glancing over to the scissors sitting on the table. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it, but he was slightly afraid given how long it’d been since his last haircut.

“You know what?” he started, finally turning back to meet Millennia’s eyes. “Yeah, let’s go for it. I suppose I could keep growing it out, but I don’t want to go becoming Magnus now, do I?”

It was only because Magnus had his headphones on that he didn’t immediately roll his eyes.

//

“And you’re absolutely sure I can’t just go to the nurse?”

“No, you cannot just go to the nurse.” Koschei glared at Theta for the umpteenth time that day, slowly shaking his head as he did his best to get his point across. “I know it’s tempting because she could fix it in a minute, but believe me, it’s better to just take the bandages and roll with it.”

“You just don’t want to get in trouble,” said Theta. He moved to cross his arms but let out a sharp exhale and shifted them away from himself. “You stupid asshole, always making everything about you. Well, maybe I just want to go get my arm fixed anyway. Yeah? What are you going to do about that? Ow!”

Koschei didn’t necessarily feel _good_ about whacking Theta in his broken arm, but it wasn’t like he even hit him that hard. Besides, he needed to get his point across and if threatening his friend was the only way to do it, then that was how it was going to be. Koschei refused to get thrown into detention for months because Theta made a stupid decision.

“Hey, look on the bright side,” Vansell started, poking at his plate with his fork, “you and Drax match now. Might not be comfortable but hey, avoiding the nurse’s office solidarity, right?”

The clatter from Drax dropping his utensil rang around the table as his head shot up to look at his friends. His chest was visibly rising and falling as he tugged at the sleeves of his robes, biting down on his lip awkwardly. He reached up to push a hand through his hair, but stopped when his sleeve started to slide down, shaking his head before pressing both arms against his chest.

“Oh, you’re right!” Theta sounded oddly enthused, turning to look at Drax with his eyes open wide. “You’ve had those on for ages now. What have you been getting up to that you don’t want the nurse knowing about?”

He expected a smirk or a goofy remark but Drax gave him neither. Instead, he opened and shut his mouth several times, blinking repeatedly as he shook his head. He pulled away when Jelpax reached out to his shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut and biting down harder on his lip.

“Drax, you don’t have to—”

“It’s fine, Pax, just leave it alone.” Again, he turned away from his friend, ignoring whatever reassuring signals Jelpax was trying to send his way. “This was bound to come up eventually, I just wasn’t prepared for it to come up today.”

“What are you talking about?” Theta made a face. He really hadn’t meant anything by his comment, and he didn’t think that Vansell did either, much as he hated him. They knew Drax was a serious troublemaker and if anyone were avoiding the nurse to avoid detention, it would be him. “Did you pull some big stunt that you haven’t told us about?”

“It’s something I haven’t told you about but it’s certainly not any big stunt or anything I’m _going_ to tell you about.”

“Oh, come on. Just tell us what happened to your arms!”

“Wow, you’re really doing that?” Mortimus was walking by on his way out of the dining hall. Apparently, he’d only come in to get food to go, and didn’t seem as if he’d intended to stop. “Look, you lot, I get wanting to know everything about each other, but don’t you think you’re crossing some lines right now?”

“What do you mean?” asked Koschei.

“Please don’t answer that, Mortimus.” Drax grabbed his bag off the floor beside him, already standing up to leave. Behind him, Jelpax quickly packed up his things, following his roommate out of the dining hall. They stopped a few feet from the table, Drax giving his friends a look. “And _please_ , none of you mention this again. I don’t mean to be a dick, but I really, really can’t deal with it.”

He didn’t say another word nor wait for a response before turning back around, ignoring everyone he left behind as he stormed out of the dining hall. No one spoke for several seconds after the doors shut, each of them looking to each other in confusion. Mortimus shook his head slowly, glaring around the table to his friends.

“Honestly, that was just out of line,” he said, his tone bitter. “We all know why the bandages are there. You don’t have to make him say it.”

“What do you mean ‘we all know why’?” Theta narrowed his eyes, not quite sensing the severity of the situation. “If we fucking knew why, we wouldn’t be trying to get him to tell us.”

“Think about it, you fucking moron. It’s not like it’s goddamn rocket science.”

Despite how bitter he was, Mortimus didn’t stick around for a conversation. Instead, he clutched his snacks in his hands and turned to leave in the same direction that Drax and Jelpax had. Not one of those left behind said another word until he was long gone, and at that point, they were out of places to take the conversation.

“So…” Koschei looked around to Theta and Vansell, an odd look on his face. “That was fun.”

Neither of them agreed.

//

“Wait, you actually got a perfect score? How? How in the hell did you manage that?”

It wasn’t that Ushas doubted Rallon’s abilities, she just— okay, so she doubted his abilities a little bit, but that wasn’t the problem right then. No, what she was looking at was the fact that Rallon completed and turned in his homework with seconds to spare, and yet somehow managed to actually get a passing grade. Not just a passing grade, but a _perfect_ grade.

“I don’t know. I suppose I’m great at BSing.” Rallon shrugged casually, barely glancing down at his paper before shoving it back into his folder. Ushas had insisted on seeing it before she would believe it was true, and she was still doubtful even after. “Anyway, it’s not like it really matters. I’m just glad I didn’t fail. That was a seriously close one.”

“Yeah, it was.” She gave him a look, which he either didn’t understand or simply didn’t care about. “Rallon, you can’t possibly be that careless again. The fact that you did it once was a major failure in the first place and if you do it again, you’re going to—”

“Who said I was going to do it again? I think we’re having separate conversations here, no offense.”

Ushas did not take offense, but she also didn’t take his comment to be anything she wanted to respond to. She rolled her eyes, continuing her stride down the corridor. Clearly, he didn’t understand what she was trying to explain to him. Doing that once led down to a cycle of doing it again and again, until suddenly he’d be failing his classes and have no way to recover. Not that he seemed to care.

“I just think you need to be more careful in the future,” said Ushas, doing her best to keep her voice calm. She honestly didn’t even care about Rallon’s grades that much, but she cared about Millennia and she wanted to make sure her best friend’s boyfriend was the best he could be. “Just because you got away with this once doesn’t mean you’ll ever get away with it again, all right?”

“Right, I know that.” Rallon nodded quickly, though his tone sounded slightly apprehensive. “I was already ridiculously stressed trying to get away with it today. Believe me, I have no intentions of ever doing this again. But if I did, it’s nice to know that it won’t immediately be the end of me.”

“But it could, that’s what I’m saying.” She had no regard for the fear that came and went from Rallon’s face, nor the way he bit down on his lip whenever she suggested something bad might happen. “If you don’t step up your act, you could find this happening again and the next time, it might not be so easy to get out of it. You understand? This was luck. Pure, unadulterated luck and you can’t use this as a reference point for anything.”

“Okay, yep, I got you. I absolutely got you on that, so I don’t think we need to talk about this anymore, but I appreciate it. Thanks for the advice, Mum. I mean Ushas. I didn’t say that. Sorry. I have to go.”

The weirdest part was Ushas didn’t think for a moment that the situation was embarrassing for Rallon. No, she was too focused on the fact that he thought she was acting enough like a mum to slip up like that. She froze where she stood in the corridor, slowly shaking her head. She really had to change something about herself before it was too late.

//

“You really think it’s a good idea to bleach my hair?”

“How else are we supposed to get any color into it?” Millennia understood that Mortimus was a little bit afraid of bleaching his hair for the first time, but there was nothing she could do about it. His hair was too dark to truly take any color. “We could try it without it, but I don’t think it would work very well.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Despite what he said, Mortimus bit down on his thumbnail, hesitating before he went on. “I just wanted to know so that I would have all my options open, you know? Just in case I decided I wanted to do something different because you never know what might happen, yeah? You never know. Never, ever know.”

“Mortimus, are you sure you want to go through with this? I know you were already questioning the haircut and even though we only took about an inch off, you seem rather upset and I don’t want to go further than you’re comfortable with. Maybe we should just call it a night with the haircut and try the dye another time.”

“Seriously, Millennia, it’s not a big deal. I want to try getting out of my comfort zone more and if that means changing up my hair, so be it. Clearly, I’ve been doing something wrong when it comes to getting dates and I think this might be the push I need to get myself into someone’s arms. Hopefully. I actually have no faith in that at all.”

“Honestly, honey, I think you should just take a break from all that.” In this case, Millennia felt a little bad telling the truth, but she didn’t want to lie to him either. “When you find the right person, you won’t have to seek them out. Like, Rallon just showed up in my life one day and I knew he was the one.”

“Wait, didn’t you hate Rallon when you first met? Or was I reading your body language all wrong?”

“I didn’t hate him, I just didn’t know any of you well yet, and I wasn’t really comfortable in the room with a whole bunch of strangers. It wasn’t anything personal, that’s for sure. If nothing else, I’ve thought he was cute since the first day we met.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Me too.” Mortimus only shrugged when Millennia made a face; messing with his hair as if he weren’t quite comfortable with his new length yet. “It’s nothing personal either. I thought most of you were cute when I met you. I think everyone except Magnus because he’s definitively hot, not cute, and Vansell because he’s just an uggo.”

The laugh that erupted from Millennia’s mouth made her feel more than a little guilty. “You did _not_ just call Vansell an uggo.”

“I absolutely just called Vansell an uggo. Have you seen the guy on that nose?”

“Oh, my god, _stop_.” Even when she spoke, she kept chuckling; shaking her head as she tried to get herself to stop. “That’s not funny, Mortimus! You’re being so rude to Vansell right now.”

“I know, and that’s exactly why it _is_ humorous,” said Mortimus. All the hesitation seemed gone from his face when he smiled, letting out a soft breath and biting down on the edge of his lip. “All right, I think we should just go for it. I don’t know what you’re going to do to me but make it chaotic.”

“Really? You want to go all the way tonight? If you’d rather sleep on it, we can—”

“No, I want to do this. If I’m going to do it at all, I’m going to do it right. No chickening out. Come on, then. Show me what you’ve got.”

Millennia hesitated before grabbing her supplies. She didn’t know where to begin, and she didn’t know what he liked. All she had was dye, a brush, and ambition. She took a deep breath. Like it or not, the fate of Mortimus’s hair was in her hands, and she refused to let him down.

//

Though Jelpax tried to catch Drax immediately after he ran out of the dining hall, he ended up not being able to sit down with him until they made it back to their room. Drax shoved Jelpax away when he tried to talk sooner, turning off in some other direction and disappearing before Jelpax could see where he went. Eventually, he just went back to their room, and that was where he found him.

Drax was lying in his bed, his stuffed striped pig-bear in his hands and tears streaming down his cheeks. His breathing was quiet, his deep green, bloodshot eyes wide open and staring straight at the wall ahead of him. He shifted when Jelpax sat down beside him, only sniffing in response to the hand which gently gripped onto his shoulder.

“Hey.” Jelpax kept his voice quiet, not wanting to make anything worse. He knew how Drax got with raised voices and while he didn’t quite understand it, he respected it in every way. He gave Drax’s shoulder a light squeeze, doing his best to help without overstepping his boundaries. “Are you okay, Drax?”

“Do I look okay?” His tone wasn’t hostile; more sad than anything else. He shifted back into the blankets, sniffing again, and lifting his fingers to brush away his bangs. Not once did he release his grip on the toy. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be a dick, I just didn’t expect that to come up today. I just— you know what? I really— I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Jelpax moved his arm from Drax’s shoulder, moving back to lay down on the blankets beside him. He rested his head onto the pillows, letting out a gentle sigh as he turned to look up at the ceiling. “You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable, just… I’m here if you want to. You know that, right? I’m always here.”

“Yeah, I know. It gets really fucking annoying sometimes.” Though his tone was bitter, Jelpax was sure that Drax didn’t mean anything hurtful by that. He was upset and in a mood and he had a habit of saying things like that. Jelpax knew better than to take that personally. “Sorry, I just didn’t really— I never wanted to— sorry. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You already said that, and I already said that’s okay. Just relax, yeah? It’s over. You don’t have to talk about it or even remember that it happened if you don’t want to. It’s fine. Just take some deep breaths and we’ll get over this.”

“No.”

Drax sighed and flopped onto his back, turning his head to look at Jelpax. It was far from the first time they’d shared a bed in that way, but it still felt just as special as it ever had before. Best friends, together, sharing their stories and their deepest, darkest secrets. Jelpax almost didn’t want to break the silence, but he wanted to know what else Drax had to say.

“I don’t understand what happened,” he said, feeling it was better to go straight to the truth. “And it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, I’m not trying to pressure you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with, but… I’m really worried about you, Drax.”

“Don’t be. I’m not worth the stress.”

If anything, that only made him worry more.

//

“I mean, yeah, you give off pretty big mum vibes.”

Ushas dragged her hands down her face, turning to look at Magnus with her brow raised. The only reason she’d let him into her room was because she knew that Mortimus and Millennia were up to ridiculous things, and she had enough of a conscience to take him out of there. At least, after a lot of begging on his part.

“This is exactly why I rejected you,” said Ushas, groaning as she leaned back against her bed. Beside her, Magnus only shrugged, crossing his arms, and giving her a look that said he didn’t believe her. “What? I’m not saying that’s the _exact_ reason I rejected you, it was just comments like that.”

“No, it wasn’t. You know why you rejected me.” Magnus nudged her shoulder, reaching a hand up to tug his hair behind his ear. Ushas hated how much she liked his earring. “And anyway, there’s no use dwelling on the past. At this point, we might as well just move on. I suppose I shot my shot, and it didn’t go in. It happens.”

“Right, but are you really over it? Because if you were really over me then I don’t think you would still be talking about all of this, but you are. Anything you want to tell me? Worst I can do is reject you again.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, shaking his head slowly. He had no interest in rehashing what happened, nor did he have any interest in telling her the truth and getting himself shot down again. Besides, Mortimus had already warned him away from Ushas so harshly and so many times at that point that he was almost convinced he should stop. He was also convinced that Mortimus secretly hated him, but he didn’t think it was as important to discuss that part.

“Listen, I just think maybe you were a little quick to act,” Magnus admitted, despite knowing exactly why Ushas did what she did. “You don’t have to take me back right now or ever, but I think you should keep your options open. Maybe we’re not perfect together but I’m a hell of a lot better than any other bloke you’ll find around this place.”

“Who said I need a bloke? Or anyone?” She gave him a look, which he responded to only by rolling his eyes. “You might be focused on having a partner but I’m perfectly content being on my own. Not like I’m going to find anyone good enough for me anyway. I’m not going to choose you just because you’re the best of the worst.”

“Oh, but you admit that I’m the best of the worst?”

“I didn’t say that, all I said was that _you_ said that, and _you_ believe it to be true. I don’t necessarily agree and even if I did, that wouldn’t matter because even if you _were_ best of the worst, I still wouldn’t want to be with you. I’m happy alone, but thanks for the offer.”

“That was the most sarcastic ‘thank you’ I’ve ever heard in my life.” Magnus turned to look her right in the eye, staying silent for several long seconds before he finally spoke again. “I’m starting to think maybe I should have elaborated on the mum thing.”

“Please, _please_ do not.” Ushas dragged her hands down her face, reaching over to punch him in the arm. “I don’t need to know anything else about it. Just let me know if there’s a way to make it go away.”

“Well, that’s unlikely, but I suppose you could try…”

//

With each passing moment, Mortimus became increasingly concerned with how he would end up looking. Since he’d allowed Millennia to take command, he agreed to turn away from the mirror, and had absolutely no idea what she was doing to him. He knew she wasn’t cutting his hair anymore, but the colors were going wild. At least, it felt like it.

“Do you think you’re almost done?” asked Mortimus. He’d already asked the question about a thousand times, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He had to know. “I want to wash my hair so I can see what it looks like. Did you do one color? Two? Three? Did you bleach it? You bleached it, right? That’s why you made me wash it again.”

“I thought you wanted it to be a surprise.” Millennia let out a sigh, dropping an unidentifiable tool onto the counter behind her. “It’s not going to be a surprise if you keep asking about it. I mean, I can tell you, but then it’s not going to be a surprise anymore, so you have to make up your mind.”

Mortimus took a long moment to weigh his options. On the one hand, he really wanted to stick it through and let the whole thing be a surprise. But on the other hand, he was impatient as fuck. He hesitated, looking down to his feet and kicking them against the edge of the tub. It was getting _really_ uncomfortable to sit there for so long.

“Okay, just tell me one thing.” When Millennia didn’t immediately respond, he took that as a sign that he needed to give her more direction. “Like, what style did you go for? Did you dye all of it? Bleach all of it? Are we talking dark colors, pastel colors, neon colors, bold colors? Just give me a little hint. Please?”

“You’d think you would know how much I bleached,” said Millennia, glancing over his shoulder. “It feels a lot different from the dye. Anyway, I’m not going crazy with all of it, I’m just giving you a little bit of a different look. I chose three colors and I think you’re going to like them. I hope. I have no idea.”

Since he had no idea either, all Mortimus could do was nod. He shifted his gaze around the room, his eyes locking on the bathtub near his feet. There was still blood dried to a few of the edges from a previous incident a couple days before, and he hoped that Millennia didn’t notice. Magnus hadn’t said anything about it, so it didn’t seem to be too awful, but he couldn’t know for sure.

If there was one thing he liked about getting his hair done, even with the anxiety of not knowing what he would look like once it was over, it was the peace of the situation. Millennia’s fingers were gentle in his hair, the bathroom fan was calming white noise around them, and even the dye didn’t smell all that awful. He smiled to himself.

“How often do you have to do your hair?” he asked, resisting the urge to turn around. He didn’t want to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror and spoil the surprise. “Not like cutting it or whatever but redying it. I hadn’t even realized you weren’t a natural— right I know, it’s not a real thing. But you must do a lot of upkeep, yeah?”

“Yeah, I have to do it every few weeks. It’s not bad though, I really enjoy doing it, so it’s fun.”

“Okay. So, if I like mine, do you think you could keep it looking nice too?”

Millennia smiled. “Of course, I could.”

//

“Honestly, Koschei, it wasn’t even one of our worst ideas.”

At that point, Theta was more begging that anything else. Koschei had been at his side ever since he threatened to go to the nurse’s office, and he hadn’t been able to escape since. Even with their makeshift cast, his arm hurt like anything, and all he wanted was for it to stop. Unfortunately, Koschei wouldn’t let him see the nurse because he didn’t want to explain what happened.

It was embarrassing. He was willing to acknowledge that what they did was stupid and embarrassing and probably one of the worst ideas they’d ever had but it wasn’t outright _evil_. It wouldn’t get them into nearly as much detention as most things did, it would just be a little difficult to explain and it would sound absolutely ridiculous while they did it.

“Come on, please?” Theta tried to pull away from Koschei, but his friend latched back on to his good arm before he got the chance. “I’m not saying you have to come with me or even be involved. I can say it was my idea and I carried it out on my own. They would believe that, right? You think they would believe that.”

“No, actually, I do not think they would believe that.” Koschei gave him a look which he hoped expressed everything he was trying and failing to say. Clearly, something he’d told Theta over the last several hours gave him the wrong idea about what he meant. “Just relax, yeah? Your arm will only take a few weeks to heal and then it’ll be good as new.”

“So, what? You’re just supposed to keep writing all my assignments for me until then?”

“Well, yeah, I suppose so.” He glanced down to the papers in front of him and the pencil he still gripped in one hand. “Unless you wanted to learn how to write with your other hand. I think being ambidextrous could be useful in the future. You wouldn’t have to get used to it if something changed during regeneration, for example.”

“Do dominant hands change during regeneration?” asked Theta, his gaze turning to his fingers. “I mean, it makes sense, but…”

“I don’t know. I never really paid attention in that class. I suppose I probably should have, though. That’s the most important information we’re ever going to learn. Wait! If we got just a tiny bit of regeneration energy and used it to heal your arm—”

“We can’t, Koschei. We don’t know how to regenerate yet and there’s absolutely no way that any of our professors or even the fucking lunch lady would ever do it for me. You can string together a hell of a sob story but not one good enough to get away with something like that.”

“Are you sure? I think it’s worth a shot. We’re really damn good liars, you know. And the lunch lady would probably be a great place to get started. Where is she right now? Do you think she’s still in the dining hall?”

The fact that Koschei had to physically reach out and grab Theta’s good arm to stop him from leaving the dormitories past curfew was absolutely ridiculous. He had no business walking out of there and definitely no business ratting Koschei out to the authorities of the school. Not that the _lunch lady_ had any sort of authority, but she did have the ability to speak with those who did.

“Do _not_ ask anyone to use regeneration energy on your arm,” Koschei snapped, narrowing his eyes. “Doing that is just asking someone to die years sooner for no damn good reason. You can tough it out for a couple of weeks. Just stop being such a goddamn pussy.”

“Did you just call me a pussy?” Theta shot daggers into his roommate’s eyes, not the least bit bothered by the way Koschei flinched. He jabbed his good pointer finger into Koschei’s chest, a sharp huff of air escaping his lips. “Call me a pussy one more time and I swear to god, I’m going to shove you right out that window.”

“Whatever you say… _pussy_.”

Admittedly, Theta could be rather frightening at times, but there was still no universe in which Koschei would’ve predicted that Theta was capable of following through with his threat.

//

There was something special about Jelpax’s tea.

It wasn’t that it necessarily tasted different from anyone else’s, or that it was somehow better or worse, it was just so distinctly _his_. Drax loved it each time; the taste and comfort and the wonderful conversation that accompanied it. Somehow, it never failed to make him feel better regardless of how bad the situation was, and that day, it was pretty much the worst it could’ve gotten.

Drax did a lot of stupid things, but this one was the worst. This one was by _far_ the worst and the fact that anyone pointed it out, that they asked for an explanation on where the bandages came from, was awful. He just kept thinking about it and thinking about it and wondering just how long he could hold off until someone else tried to ask about it again.

“Feeling any better?” asked Jelpax, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside him. Drax only nodded in response, still gripping onto his mug with both hands. The steam swirled in front of his face, warming his nose, and bringing a gentle comfort to the air. “I’m really not trying to make you talk about it, I just wanted to know if you’re all right.”

“No, I know.” He nodded again, more furiously this time. “It only makes sense that you’d want to do that, and it means a lot, I just— I kind of just want to pretend that it didn’t happen.”

“Okay, but, Drax… look, I don’t know if this is what I think it is or if I’m really far off and it was just some sort of experiment or project gone wrong, but if there’s ever anything you need to talk about—”

“It’s fine, Pax, seriously. You’re so far off from what’s happening right now. So just relax, yeah? I don’t need to talk about anything now or ever. It’s fine. I might be a little fucked up but it’s not like it’s anything new. It’s just stuff I don’t talk about and I don’t want to talk about, so leave it alone. Please.”

Jelpax opened his mouth to respond but ended up snapping it shut again. He wanted to ask more questions regardless, to push on and get the answers that he was _dying_ to have, but he didn’t know how to do it. He didn’t know how to approach Drax in a way that would get him to open up about something that he’d never even said to Jelpax before.

“Can you just tell me one thing?” He asked the question quietly, doing his best not to set Drax off again. “For once, can you please tell me honestly if— are you okay?”

A long, painful silence filled the air after he spoke. Drax stared down at the mug of tea in his hands, blinking slowly and watching as the steam swirled above it. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking, even after years of knowing him so well, and yet, Jelpax wasn’t surprised in the least when he lied out his teeth all over again.

“Yeah,” he answered, his tone utterly flat. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

//

Though he was content with the situation while it was happening, Mortimus started to panic by the time Millennia was drying his hair. She’d made him close his eyes while she washed it too, so he had no idea as to what it looked like. All he knew was that it was a different color of some sort, and apparently bleached in at least one spot based on what Millennia told him.

Mortimus took a deep breath, resisting the urge to glance into the mirror behind him. He’d held out for that long; he wasn’t going to go and ruin it for himself moments before the big reveal. Probably. There was really every chance that he would crack and end up doing it, but he was trying his best not to do that.

“Can I look yet?” he asked excitedly, almost bouncing up and down as Millennia patted the top of his head. “Come on, please? Is it done? I want to know what you did. You said three colors, right? Which ones? Can you give me a hint? Please? Just one?”

“No, you just have to be patient. I’m going to be done soon, I promise.” She wasn’t quite as excited as Mortimus, too afraid that he wouldn’t like what she’d come up with. At first, it was fun flying solo, but the more time passed, the more afraid she became that she’d ruined his hair. “Just please tell me you’re going to be honest when I show you, okay? Because if you don’t like it, I can try and dye it back.”

“I’m sure it’s great, Mil. You’ve got an impeccable sense of style. I mean, honestly. If I had to have someone else pick out my wardrobe for me, I think I would pick you. Maybe I should pick you anyway. How do you feel about laying out my outfits for me in the mornings?”

Millennia couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “I really don’t think that’s a great idea, Mortimus, but thank you for considering me. It means a lot that you like my style so much. Maybe that means you won’t hate this as much as I’m afraid of.”

“I know I’m not going to hate anything,” said Mortimus. It took a full ten seconds for what she said to click in his head. “Wait, wait, wait, can I look at it now? Are you done? Can I finally see what you did? Or are you going to make me wait longer? Millennia, _please_ tell me you’re finished. I want to see it so bad.”

“If you’re ready to look at it, then—”

He didn’t even let her finish her sentence before he whipped around, his dark eyes widening when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Mortimus’s hair wasn’t pastel or neon or anything overly bright, but the bottom was dyed and gradient in a way colored the same as the pansexual pride flag. It wasn’t perfect, definitely a home job and nothing professional, but it was amazing. Perfect. Mortimus stared at it for far too long, poking at the bottom before he finally spoke.

“Oh, my god,” he mumbled, turning to look up at Millennia, who was chewing nervously on her lip. “I’m _gorgeous_!”

The smile on Millennia’s face was too large to hide. She beamed at him, watching as Mortimus rose to his feet and ran over to the mirror to get a better look at his new hair. Rather than saying anything else about it right away, Mortimus chose to express his gratitude by grinning at himself in the mirror, flipping his hair over his shoulders several times and stopping to inspect the little bits of dye on his ears and his jaw. Normally, Millennia would’ve felt bad about those, but Mortimus doodled on himself so often that she knew he wouldn’t mind the extra dots of color.

“Well, I’m glad that you like it,” said Millennia. “I was worried I went a little bold with the color but after that rinse, I think it’s a lot more subtle than I was expecting. And if you change your mind, I can always get some darker dye and try to—”

She didn’t get the chance to finish her thought before Mortimus suddenly turned around and threw his arms around her. She laughed and eased into his grip, smiling giving him an awkward pat on the back. Millennia knew that Mortimus could be a little overly affectionate sometimes and she never minded it. He was one of her best friends and as long as he was happy, she was too.

//

“I’m really starting to regret agreeing to this.”

Really, Ushas was regretting talking to Magnus after everything that happened, but she didn’t have to be too specific about it. He was an asshole through and through and it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. She let out a sigh, crossing her arms and looking to where he was grabbing the last of his “supplies”.

“It’s going to be great, I promise,” said Magnus, turning around to give her a pair of sunglasses. Ushas took them awkwardly, tapping them in her palm rather than putting them on her face. “You said you want to get rid of the mum vibes and I’m going to get rid of them for you. This is something that a mum would never, ever do. Therefore, it’ll be perfect.”

“How can you know that no mum would ever do it, though?” asked Ushas, giving him a challenging stare. “Anyone could be a mum and being a mum doesn’t negate what they’ve already done and who they are outside of that. Therefore, a mum could do anything and whatever you’re thinking of—”

“Yes, but there are things that give off mum vibes and things that do not give off mum vibes. I am going to do something with you that does not give off mum vibes in the least. That’s why we’ve started with an outfit that is in no world associated with mums, regardless of whether or not any given mum would actually wear it.”

In that regard, Ushas did have to agree. She believed that a mum could wear what she was wearing, but looking at it, a mum was definitely not the first thing you would think of. Not with the leather jacket, dark pants, knee-high boots, and apparently, shady sunglasses. Ushas still didn’t know _what_ they were going to do with those outfits, however, and that was the concerning part.

“All right, but you should know that I still don’t trust you.” If nothing else, she wanted to be honest with Magnus about how she felt in regard to the situation. “If we get out there and I discover that you’ve dragged me into some momentously stupid scheme, I will not hesitate to walk right the fuck out of there, do you understand me?”

“Yes, yes, I understand you. Now let’s get out of here, yeah?”

Magnus nodded for her to put her sunglasses on despite the hour, opening the door so she could walk out first. Ushas rolled her eyes as she did so, waiting in the hall to let Magnus lead the way. She didn’t have the faintest idea where they were meant to be going or what he had in mind, and all she could do that point was hope that it wasn’t too bad.

They walked all the way out of the dormitory and into the courtyard, at which point, Ushas _knew_ that something fishy was going on. She followed Magnus all the way over the fence to the Scendeles Academy, her hearts racing when they crossed over into the smelly, forbidden territory. They weren’t allowed to cross without permission, and yet they did it anyway.

“Here, take this.” The bag of leaves that Magnus placed into Ushas’s palm was extremely suspicious and remarkably unnerving, but she didn’t say a word about it. “You’re going to need it once we get inside. Keep your sunglasses on, I don’t want anyone to recognize that we’re Prydonians.”

“And how exactly might they realize without sunglasses versus with?” questioned Ushas, raising a brow.

“Because your eyes give away how horribly pretentious you are.” His voice was flat but the slight smirk on his lips gave away the fact that he was absolutely joking and absolutely enjoying it. “Now, come on. See if we can find any stray Scendeles wandering around the place. We need to get a whole bunch of them for this to work.”

“Wait, are you trying to make me sell Mortimus’s weed?” Her eyes went wide, and she was already halfway to handing the bag back when he pushed it towards her again. “Magnus, I am not going to sell drugs. You might be okay with doing something that’s so wildly against Academy protocol, but I’m not.”

“It’s kale, you dumbass.” Magnus gave her a look, gesturing to his own bag for proof. “We’re not _actually_ selling drugs; we’re just going to make the Scendeles think that they’re buying them. It’s nothing over the top but a little bit of ridiculous fun and it’ll get a few rumors going.”

Ushas smirked. “All right then, lead the way.”

//

“Salad? You sold the Scendeles _salad_?” Drax shook his head in disbelief, mindlessly snapping at the rubber band around his wrist. “God, I can’t believe I never thought of that before. You must be rich now. How much money did you make? I’ll do whatever prank you want if you’ll give me a cut.”

“Absolutely not,” snapped Ushas. “We had to go through all that horrible chaos so it’s our money. Well, mostly my money because Magnus didn’t tell me what I was getting into beforehand and then he got me into all the trouble afterward so clearly, I deserve a far bigger cut.”

“You gave me two percent of it,” Magnus grumbled, his arms still crossed against his chest bitterly. “That’s fucking nothing.”

“It’s exactly how much you deserved. And don’t pull that shit about needing more of a thanks again because you don’t need any fucking thanks. That was the worst idea anyone has ever hand minus the fact that I made a whole lot of money. I thought for sure we were going to get caught and expelled.”

“Expelled? I already told you, Ushas, we wouldn’t have gotten into any serious trouble. Yeah, we were _pretending_ to sell drugs, but we weren’t _actually_ selling drugs and that completely changes the punishment. It’s just ridiculous to think that anything really bad could’ve come out of _pretending_ to sell drugs, you know?”

“Yeah, I think he has a point there.” Theta pointed a finger in Magnus’s direction, glancing over at Ushas and making a face when she glared at him. “What? It’s not like the Headmaster could expel you for illegally selling _salad_. That would just be fucking stupid. They could never justify it.”

“Are you sure about that?” Of course, it was Drax who was willing to comment on the extent of the Headmaster’s authority, having seen more of it than anyone else. “I think you’re underestimating just how little he’s willing to punish one for. I mean, I’ve done a lot of really mundane shit, and he treats it like it’s the end of the world every time. Like, you know I’ve done worse, so why are you acting like this is so bad? It’s just stupid.”

“We are not seriously discussing this right now.” Vansell rubbed his temples, slowly shaking his head as he turned his closed eyes down to the desk in front of him. “I know you lot are big fans of trouble, but do we really have to do this every time? Do we have to glorify it like it’s something good when it’s _not_?”

“You did _not_ just say that trouble is a bad thing.” Koschei clapped a hand over his mouth, looking around the room for support. He got a couple looks from Drax and Theta, but nobody else really supported him. “We literally thrive on chaos. Can you imagine us not having any? We wouldn’t even be friends anymore.”

“He does have a point there.” The fact that it was Rallon who made the comment changed the entire perspective on the situation. Everyone stared at him for a long several seconds before reacting. “What? He does. If we didn’t have all this trouble and chaos to be discussing every week, would we even bother coming here? We’d phase out of each other’s lives in days.”

“Would we though?” Ushas raised a brow, her tone clearly suggesting that _she_ would be the one who continued to drag them back there regardless of whether they wanted to or not. “We’re a remarkably close bunch. I really don’t think that a lack of chaos would utterly tear us apart.”

“I really think it would though.” Oddly enough, Millennia made a face, not taking back her comment but hesitating before she elaborated on it. “We’re really ‘remarkably close’ _because_ of the chaos. We never would have bonded without everything we’ve been through together, you know?”

The look on Ushas’s face was far less than amused. Clearly, she was fully aware that she’d been proven wrong and she was not good at taking that information. She glared at Millennia, opening and closing her mouth several times but never quite coming up with a comeback. She let out a huff, shaking her head slowly and glancing around the room before she changed direction.

“So, Mortimus, your hair looks strange,” she said, as if the comment weren’t rude in the least.

“Yup.” Thankfully, Mortimus was not one to be put off by such comments, and only shrugged cheerfully. “Millennia did it for me. Doesn’t it look fabulous? Personally, I think I’ve never looked better. One of the greatest changes I’ve ever pulled off.”

“I’m just glad you finally got your hair cut,” Magnus remarked. Mortimus immediately turned to shoot back at him but didn’t get the chance before his roommate went on. “I know, I know, my hair is longer, but it was getting fucking annoying watching you play with yours all the time. You’re clearly not comfortable with it going past your ears.”

He blinked. “It’s still going past my ears.”

“Not as much as it was before.”

“Okay, all right, whatever.” Ushas had no interest in getting involved in their stupidity and rolled her eyes as she let out a sigh. “Let’s just move on. Theta, Koschei, are you ever going to tell us how Theta ended up breaking his arm or is that going to be an eternal mystery for the rest of us?”

“We can’t say,” said Koschei his tone suave and chill. “It was sort of… secret business. One of the riskiest stunts we’ve ever pulled. You wouldn’t believe how terrified we were, and you know the shit we do on an everyday basis. It was just ridiculous. Absolutely mind blowing. I mean, holy hell, the things we—”

“I tried to ride a bike while I was wearing roller blades,” Theta confessed, giving Koschei a look. He was still cradling his arm in one hand, biting down on his lip with a pained expression in his eyes. “We were on the roof and I fell, and I broke my arm. It was probably one of the dumbest things we’ve ever done, not the greatest. Can I go to the nurse now that they know?”

“What? No! This doesn’t change anything, Theta. You’re still not going to tell any adults about this. If we have to explain to anyone how this happened, we’re going to go down in history as—”

“Dumber than we’re already going down in history as? Koschei, there’s no way around this. We’re idiots. That’s the facts. Everybody knows that and to pretend they don’t is to be living in a state of denial, which I think is really bad. Right, Mortimus? That’s bad, right? Denial isn’t a good thing.”

“No, denial is extremely unhealthy,” said Mortimus. He was admiring his hair again in a hand mirror, barely turning around to look at the others as he spoke. “I would go more into the specifics of this, but I don’t think anyone really cares to listen to a whole babble of it. At least, that’s the kind of thing you usually interrupt me during, so—”

“Yeah, we got it.” Theta let out a sigh. “Well, if you’re not going to let me go to the nurse, then I suppose I’ll just have to knock you out and go by myself.”

“What?”

Koschei didn’t have to ask another question. Before he even could, Theta threw a water bottle at his head and bolted out of the room, leaving the rest of the Deca to watch as they launched into a whole new round of chaos.


	10. Kick Like a Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theta discovers a new game. Drax commits a little arson. Mortimus becomes a survivalist.

“I’ve just had the greatest idea ever.”

That was not a line you ever wanted to hear from any member of the Deca, but one which was _especially_ dangerous coming out of Mortimus’s mouth. The grin on his face was enormous and smug, as if he were truly confident that whatever plan he’d come up with was one of the best ones they’d ever had.

“Please tell me you’re not going to get anyone killed,” said Jelpax, already letting out a sigh. “And yes, that does include yourself. Contrary to popular belief, we do not actually want you dead.”

“Speak for yourself, Jel.” When the rest of the dining table turned to look at him, Magnus only rolled his eyes, turning his gaze away from his phone beside his plate. “What? I’m _joking_. Obviously, I don’t want to see Mortimus dead. He might not be the world’s greatest roommate but he’s probably still better than whoever else they’d bring in.”

“Now that’s just not true.” Oddly enough, it was Mortimus himself who argued the point. “I’m like, the world’s _worst_ roommate. I mean, honestly, have you seen my side of the room? It’s awful. It looks like a rubbish dump. Or just a bin. It’s just a big pile of rubbish. Who would ever want to be roommates with me?”

“Are you _trying_ to make me want to get rid of you?”

“Yes, in fact, I am. Because I can’t have a safety net to fall back on once I embark on this quest. You see, I’ve had the brilliant idea of surviving out in the wilderness. Alone. We’re always talking about how much Gallifrey and the government fucking sucks, so clearly, it would be better for me to just live out in the woods. Don’t you agree?”

“No. Absolutely not.” Ushas shook her head slowly, snapping her book shut and dropping it down onto the table. “In fact, I think the exact opposite of that. I think that is one of the stupidest ideas you have ever had and if you try to do that, you’re most definitely going to die and we’re all going to be punished for your death.”

“Please, they would never blame you for my death,” said Mortimus, chuckling as if it were some kind of joke. “Everyone knows that we’re all destined to die young anyway. I mean honestly, look at us. We do stupid shit like this every day. Anyway, can I borrow your camera, Drax? I want to film my adventures.”

“Okay, but you’ll only have so much time before the battery runs out.” Clearly, Drax didn’t think Mortimus was going to last long anyway, or else he wouldn’t have offered his camera in the first place. “It’ll probably be all right, though. I’ll give it to you after temporal theory.”

“Speaking of, did you study for our exam today?” asked Ushas.

He shook his head and grinned. “Nope.”

//

“Hey guys, check this out.”

Normally, Theta didn’t admit to all the research he did on other planets and cultures, but it was different when he came across something he lied. That day, what he found was none other than a new sort of game in an Earthling magazine, which he’d found in the back of the library. Magnus made a face when he put it down, but Rallon seemed interested.

“Is that a game?” he asked, leaning over Theta’s shoulder to get a better view. No one else in the student lounge looked over, despite how loud their group was being. “All we need is a ball and we can play. Anyone have one? We could try it.”

“Yes, come on!”

It was Millennia who gestured for them all to follow her, and somehow, they did. Even Magnus trailed behind the other three, apparently wanting to know what exactly would happen with the game. Not that anyone was surprised, of course—he always denied that he wanted any part in their schemes and then went and got himself involved anyway.

They walked all the way into the main building of the Academy, Millennia leading the others over to her locker. She dug through it to the back, where she pulled out a shining red and gold ball. Theta beamed and reached out to grab the ball from her, immediately kicking it across the hall.

“This is going to be great,” he said, chasing the ball down the corridor and ignoring the fact that it struck another student square in the head. “Apparently, all you do is kick the ball around and try to get it into a ‘goal’. I don’t have any goals, but I figure we can just use a couple of Scendeles or something.”

“You really think you’re going to get a couple of Scendeles to just stand there all day?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms in disbelief. “I think you’d be better off using the stairs at the very least, and I would really recommend you just go make a real—”

“Yeah, we don’t have time for that.” Theta was already turning toward an exit to the courtyard, bouncing the ball in his hands excitedly. There was no way that the game was going to end well or that they were miraculously going to be any good at it, but it didn’t matter. “This is going to be so much fun. Seriously. Have you ever gotten to just stand around and kick something for several hours? Because I think that’s what we’re about to do.”

“Several hours?” Rallon’s eyes went wide. “Theta, I think this looks like a lot of fun, but I really don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep it up for that long. Honestly, I’m studying to become a _lawyer_. My skills in the physical department aren’t exactly something to be beholden.”

“Well, you’re just going to have to change that, then. Come on!”

Rallon wanted to argue, but Millennia had already latched onto his wrist and was dragging him out into the courtyard behind Theta. Apparently, he was not just going to be test running a quick game, he was going to be participating in an all-out sports tournament.

He really wasn’t excited in the least.

//

“Do you ever just get this feeling like you really, _really_ need to burn something?”

Not one person related to the feeling that Drax was referring to and it was for that reason that no one immediately responded. Instead, they each only looked over to him, giving them odd looks in their own way as he glanced across the table. They were sitting in study hall at the moment, meant to be working on their book reports, but that wasn’t what Drax was interested in at all.

“And it’s like, I could just burn my homework or something,” he went on, when he failed to get a response from anyone else, “but I don’t really feel like it, you know? I want to burn something _grand_. Like, a whole building or something. But not a whole building because I’m fairly sure that would get me blacklisted for the rest of my life. If I’m not blacklisted already.”

“You’ve most definitely been blacklisted,” said Jelpax, not looking up from his homework. “I don’t know where you’ve been blacklisted, but you’ve been blacklisted somewhere. Possibly everywhere. Unless you dramatically clean up your act by the time we graduate, I really don’t see you getting out of this.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you have any ideas of something I could burn, though? Because I have all these lighters and nothing to do with them. It’s like, why don’t we just get some more libraries to go around, you know? Those books burned so fucking well, I’d love to take down another one. How many books do you think the Scendeles have?”

“Do _not_ do that, you asshole. We finally got our library back up to speed, you can’t possibly burn down someone else’s. And do you really want to risk getting caught and having to go over and rebuild their library too? Ours was one thing but you don’t want to have to go into the Scendeles’ library all the time.”

“Fine, all right, I’ll think of something else.” Drax leaned back on the bench, ignoring the fact that he was meant to be writing his assignment. Clearly, he wasn’t interested in doing that nearly as much as taking a nap or failing his course. “Ushas, do you happen to have anything that I might be able to burn? Something big if you have it.”

“No, I do not have anything that you could burn,” said Ushas. She glared at him, looking up from her book for only the briefest moment before resuming her work. “If you want to burn something then why don’t you just get a sheet of paper or something? Nobody is going to let you burn down any buildings so trying to do that is just fucking ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but I _really_ want to burn something big. Come on, Ushas, you know that you want to do this. You know there’s something there that you need to burn, right? Something you hate or something you just desperately want to see go up in flames. Everyone has that one thing. What’s yours?”

Ushas didn’t respond immediately. The problem was, she _did_ have something she would’ve liked to see burned, but she didn’t necessarily want Drax to be the one to do it. Especially since he had a habit of getting things so way out of hand that it ended up getting them _all_ into trouble. Still, she couldn’t help sharing the one thing she would’ve killed to let go down in flames.

“Well, I suppose there is _one_ thing…”

//

“Well, this has been a wonderful several decades,” Mortimus began, tugging at the strap of his backpack, “but I can’t say I’m going to miss the Academy.”

“You’re literally walking into the Academy woods,” Vansell deadpanned. He didn’t know _how_ he happened to be the one who was sitting outside when Mortimus decided to walk into the woods to ruin his life, but he was. “Even if you never come back to class, you’re still going to be on Academy property.”

“Hey, have you ever thought about not ruining people’s dreams? If I want to live my life out in the woods, away from the Academy, then I’m allowed to do that. There’s no reason to be ruining everything for me. Now get lost. I’m leaving. Goodbye Vansell, goodbye Koschei, goodbye everyone else who didn’t give enough shits to see me off.”

“It’s probably not that,” said Koschei awkwardly, “it’s just that they expect you to come back within a few days, so they didn’t think that it was really important to.”

“Fuck off. This is real. I am leaving. Forever!”

With that, Mortimus turned and strode off into the woods, still clinging to his backpack as he pushed his way through the trees. He’d only brought significant supplies with him, things he couldn’t survive without, and he was determined to keep going with nothing but the things on his back.

Once he was deeper into the woods, Mortimus dropped his backpack onto a fallen log and unzipped the top, pulling out his survival guide. It wasn’t the most comprehensive in the world, but it was what he found in the library on short notice (since he’d come up with the idea that morning and he didn’t want to worry about making anything higher quality).

Immediately, what Mortimus learned was that he was in a terrible place. There was no shelter, no water, and no animals to eat. There were a lot of berries, but he couldn’t figure out whether or not they were poisonous and told himself he would only try them if he determined that they were definitely safe, or he was definitely starving.

The further he trekked into the trees, the more the light from the Academy grounds faded until he was relying solely on the fading sunlight. He needed to find somewhere to sleep before it was too late. Suddenly, Mortimus wondered whether it would’ve been smarter to leave in the early morning so he would have time to make a better shelter. Not that there was much he could do about it at that point.

“Come on, Mortimus,” he mumbled to himself, flicking away a bunch of leaves. “You can do this. Just keep your head up. You’ve been in these woods before. You know what you’re doing. Just take a deep breath. You’re the greatest survivalist on Gallifrey. You—”

He tripped on a rock before he could finish his last thought.

//

“All right, basically, we just have to get the ball into the net.”

“That’s not a net.”

Magnus let out a sigh. He still hadn’t agreed to play football with everyone else, and yet he was still standing there, criticizing their each and every move. It made Theta want to slap him, though he resisted the urge. He didn’t need to be getting into trouble right before they could actually start playing the game.

“Shut up, Magnus,” he snapped, settling for a small comment since he couldn’t physically go after him. Sure, their makeshift net wasn’t much to be seen, but it was functional and that’s all that mattered. “Don’t like, don’t play the game. This isn’t your problem, you absolute jackass.”

“Wow, calling me a jackass.” Magnus whistled, nodding slowly, and glancing over at Millennia and Rallon before he went on. “What a clever move. Real original. No one has ever thought of that genius insult before. Well, I think I’ll be going, then. Have fun with your—”

“Wait, you have to stay!” Theta hated having to beg Magnus to stay despite him being a jerk, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Not if he wanted to be able to play with actual teams. It wasn’t fair to gang up on Rallon. “Please, I asked the whole group chat and nobody else wanted to play. If you leave, we’re not going to be able to have even teams.”

“I… fine. You know what? Fine. I don’t have the energy to argue with you right now so let’s just get this over with, yeah? Come on, then. Get the ball on the grass. I’m not going to waste my entire day on this bullshit.”

“Aren’t you, though?” It was Millennia who hopped off the steps behind him, twirling the ball in her hands and grinning in a way that Magnus failed to acknowledge or return. “Come on, Magnus. You know you love spending time with us. Just because you’re so bitter doesn’t mean you don’t like us. Let’s go!”

Obviously, Rallon and Millennia wanted to be on a team together, which left Theta and Magnus as the other team. Theta was slightly angry about this thanks to the way that Magnus had been ragging on the game before, but he did his best to keep his mouth shut. Yelling at Magnus at that point would only make things worse, and he didn’t want to lose the game.

“How many goals do we need to win?” asked Magnus, glancing over to Theta.

“Don’t know, I didn’t really read the rulebook,” Theta admitted, not the least bit bothered by that.

“Then how are we supposed to—?!”

“At least three,” Rallon cut in. When everyone turned to him in surprise, all he could do was shrug. “What? I’m studying to be a lawyer, obviously I’m going to read the entire rulebook. You have to know all the rules of the game or else you can’t exploit it to the best of its ability.”

“Whoa.” Theta’s eyes went wide, his gaze shifting to the others before he finished his thought. “You’re cooler than I thought, Rallon.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I suppose I just assumed you wanted to use your lawyer powers for good, but clearly, you have better things in mind. I wouldn’t want to see you turning into someone doing things only out of the good in your heart.”

“But that is what I do.” Rallon turned to look at Millennia, who gave him a reassuring nod, reaching out to squeeze his arm. “I like doing things out of the kindness of my heart. That’s what good people do. They don’t ask for anything in return, they just—”

“So, you’re going to be a free lawyer?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms against his chest. “You’re not going to make any money; you’re just going to defend people out of the kindness in your heart. That sounds like a great business idea. Truly magnificent. Honestly, I’m shocked that no one else thought of it first.”

“Magnus, I’m not going to _work_ for free, I just like to help people for free. I’m not an idiot but it’s not a bad thing to volunteer either, you know.”

“It is definitely a bad thing to volunteer,” Theta argued, narrowing his eyes. “Us Prydonians are all wealthy as shit so if you’re going to volunteer then you’re volunteering to help plant touchers or fucking Scendeles. That’s not okay.”

“He’s right,” agreed Magnus, “you really shouldn’t be fucking Scendeles.”

Theta never slapped his forehead harder.

//

“I thought you said you wouldn’t let me burn anything big.”

Drax was more than a little surprised when Ushas actually agreed to find him something to burn, and he was even more surprised when she led him right over to Professor Borusa’s office. He knew that they’d gotten into a few quarrels recently, but Ushas said no burning any buildings, and burning down an entire office seemed pretty risky.

“We’re not going to burn anything big,” said Ushas. She stopped dead in her tracks, one hand on the doorknob as she turned back around to look at him, one brow raised in concern. “Wait, you don’t think I was planning to burn down Borusa’s _office_ , right? Because I just wanted to pull out a file. _One_ file.”

“Oh, come on, that’s just boring.” Drax threw a hand over his eyes dramatically, turning to look at Jelpax for backup. He got nothing but a raised brow in response. “Pax, come on. Please help me out with this. I can’t just go about my days without settling this urge to burn. It’s been too long. Way too long.”

“The only problem I’m seeing here is that you may be a pyromaniac,” Jelpax told him, his tone flat. When Drax opened his mouth to respond, Jelpax held up a hand, quickly adding on to his comment. “I don’t mean it literally, Drax, don’t correct me. I just don’t think it’s healthy for you to be so obsessed with chaos and setting things alight.”

“But it’s so much fun! It’s not like I’m addicted to it, I just have this craving. You know, like when it’s been a really long time since you’ve had one of your favorite foods and you’re just aching to sink your teeth into it. Except it’s bright and hot and it burns up everything in its path, causing a stream of destruction and—”

“Yes, darling, I get it. Please stop. I don’t need to imagine Borusa’s office getting burned up right now. The last thing I need the month of midterms is to get myself into a ridiculous amount of trouble.”

“And yet you came with us anyway. You might want to stop and reassess your priorities, _babe_.” He said the last word in a mocking tone, the same way that always made Jelpax’s hearts flutter as he rolled his eyes. “Listen, you don’t have to come in here with us but one way or another, something is getting burned. I want to see the fucking sparks fly.”

He didn’t say another word before nodding for Ushas to push the door open and stepping in even before she got the chance. Ushas sighed when he shoved into the room, clicking his lighter aimlessly in one hand. Jelpax didn’t want to go in, but he also did _not_ feel safe letting Drax around so many papers and valuables unattended, so he did it anyway.

While Drax began to walk all around the room, inspecting random items and likely wondering just how well they would each burn, Ushas headed straight for the filing cabinets. She immediately started digging through the alphabetized papers, searching for the ones she wanted to burn.

“Can I just do his desk instead?” asked Drax suddenly. He knocked his fist against the surface of the furniture, scratching the side of his head with the bum of his lighter as if that weren’t dangerous in the least. “I think that would be a lot more fun and definitely grander.”

“No, absolutely not. It’s probably not even flammable.” Ushas whipped around, tossing a folder into Drax’s hands. “Burn that. Don’t open it, don’t look at it, just burn it.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Drax nodded and quickly set the papers alight, his eyes going wide when the fire nicked his finger. He gasped and dropped the paper, waving his hand in front of him. Immediately, both Jelpax and Ushas launched forward, trying desperately to put out the fire, but it was too late.

Turns out, the desk was pretty flammable after all.

//

It was a little past sundown on his first day in the woods when Mortimus started to regret everything.

Surprisingly enough, he really wasn’t cut out for the survival life. He had no idea what he was doing and without people around to read and manipulate, he didn’t have the faintest idea how to manage. Normally, when he had no idea what was going on, Mortimus would just ask someone around him and pick at their weak points until they gave him the answers. But he didn’t have that backup anymore.

Mortimus shoved through another patch of branches, trying his best to figure out where he was. He’d been in the woods plenty of times before, but he couldn’t remember his way around. Not that he necessarily _needed_ to know where he was aside from needing access to water and shelter, but if something were to come up and he found himself _forced_ to return to civilization, then it would be nice to at least know which direction civilization was in.

“All right, Mortimus, time to settle down.” He rubbed his hands together, reaching for a large stick on the floor. He doubted he would be able to do anything with it, but it was worth a shot, right? “Everyone starts somewhere, just have to build a home, make some friends, and find something to eat. Preferably not my friends.”

He only added the last part because making friends out there basically meant he would be making friends with animals and eating his friends didn’t seem very nice. Not that he was entirely opposed to it, depending on what happened, but only if he was absolutely starving. Or wanted to declare himself the top of the pack, which was important too.

Rather than searching for food first, Mortimus decided to focus on his shelter. He grabbed a few logs from the ground, dragging them together. It couldn’t be that hard to make a cabin, right? Especially if he only made it small. All he had to do was stack a few logs on top of each other and then put some more on that for the roof. Easy!

Except, the one thing he didn’t think of was the fact that wood was not sticky and there was also no available glue. When he stuck one log on top of another, it simply rested there for a few seconds and then slowly rolled back to the ground. Mortimus frowned and pushed it back up again, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. A different angle, perhaps?

It would be best we come check on him again later. He won’t figure this out any time soon.

//

“Pass it… pass it… pass it… _ow!_ ”

Rallon let out a cry of pain, throwing his hands up to his forehead as he tripped onto the ground. The hit to his head was most definitely a foul, everything aside. Yeah, it might have been kicked and not thrown, which he could already hear Theta arguing as a point in his favor, but that didn’t suddenly make it okay to whack someone upside the head.

“Oh, ouch.” Millennia was rubbing Rallon’s shoulder gently, though he couldn’t yet open his eyes to look at her. The whole world was spinning as he rubbed at his head, trying his best to get it to stop hurting. It really was the worst place to hit him, just above his eye, and it throbbed more with every passing moment. “Did you really have to hit me there, Theta?”

“Sorry.” Theta didn’t sound remarkably apologetic as he shrugged, but the word was at least an effort. Rallon chose to accept it rather than pushing any further. “Can we get back to the game now? It’s already getting dark outside and I don’t want to have to cut this short because you can’t handle a little bump on the head.”

And just like that, he was no longer forgiven. “No, give me a minute. I am in _pain_ , Theta. You damn near gave me a black eye! Honestly, we should just disqualify you at this point because you’ve committed so many fouls I can hardly even count them all.”

“Fouls? I haven’t committed any fouls. If anyone here has been committing fouls, it’s you. The way you’re always kicking the ball to your girlfriend? That’s clear bias.”

“For one thing, that’s not against the rules. And for another, she’s literally my teammate? What do you _want_ me to do?”

“I want you to stop being a damn ball hog,” Theta snapped, though Rallon could hardly be considered a ball _holder_ let alone a hog. If anything, it was Millennia who was stealing the ball away from everyone else, but Rallon would never say that. He knew better than to get on his girlfriend’s bad side. “I know you need to ball to win the game but is it really so hard to share with the other team? I mean, god. Is there any point in playing if it’s not an even match?”

“It is an even match,” said Millennia, crossing her arms bitterly. “You’re just annoyed because you’re not any good at it.”

“I’m not any good at it? Excuse you! I’m willing to bet _you’re_ lying about being a newbie. I think you’ve been playing for ages and you hid it from us all to get the leg up, so to speak. There’s no way that anyone could somehow be that great at a game the first time they’ve ever played.”

“Guys, sorry, but can you keep it down?” Rallon rubbed his temples, letting out a soft groan. “Guy who might have a concussion over here and would really appreciate it if you would not shout right in his ears.”

“Yeah, Rallon is right, guys.” Shockingly, it was Magnus who offered him a hand, helping him sit up from where he’d fallen onto the ground. Rallon took it awkwardly, still rubbing his head as he sat up beside Millennia. “Theta, you do suck. And Millennia is very much great. But there’s no reason to shout about it.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk!” cried Theta, whipping around to glare at him. “You shout at everyone all the time! How can you possibly come up to us and say not to yell when all you ever do is yell? It’s hypocritical as fuck.”

“Right, get the hell out of here. We’re calling this off until we know whether Rallon has a fucking concussion or not and if he doesn’t, we can play more tomorrow. That good with everyone or would you rather we risk his life over a stupid game?”

Theta was the only one who grumbled in disagreement.

//

“Oh, god, put it out! Put it out!”

Ushas’s shouting was enough to alert everyone for miles and yet, no one arrived to stop them. Drax looked to Jelpax with eyes wide with fear, looking all around the room for something to put out the fire with. Yeah, he was _joking_ about setting it on fire but actually setting it on fire could set the room on fire which could set the _Academy_ on fire and that was a terrible idea.

“Shit, we’re all going to get expelled.” Jelpax dragged his hands down his face, slowly shaking his head as he too searched for something to extinguish the flames. They were growing bigger by the second, moving from one corner of the desk all around the surface of it. “Fucking— those were our midterms! You just burned up our midterms!”

“Great, maybe we won’t have to do them now.” No, Drax was not so dumb he thought that might be a real possibility, he was just panicking and didn’t know how to respond with anything other than sarcasm. “Okay, okay, someone go find the fire extinguisher. They put one in every corridor after the library, right? Go get it!”

As he was closest to the door, Jelpax nodded and quickly ran out. He couldn’t quite remember where the fire extinguisher was located in that hall—how was he supposed to remember the extinguisher in _every_ hall, right—but there was only so much ground to cover, so he moved as fast as his legs would take him.

Within minutes, he was able to locate the nearest fire extinguisher and grabbed it off the wall, turning to run back into Borusa’s office with it. He threw it over to Drax, who turned it over to start shooting, and froze. It wasn’t working. Drax made a face, turning it around to mess with the handle, and promptly shot himself in the face with the concoction.

“Ow, shit!” Drax dropped the fire extinguisher right into the growing flames, throwing his hands up onto his face as he tried to brush the solution away. “Fuck, I did not mean to do that! Ow! Fucking shit, that hurt!”

“Drax, you moron, you burned up the fire extinguisher!” Ushas reached over to whack him on the head, turning to the fire with wide eyes. “Okay, we need to think of something else. We’re never going to be able to find another one before it’s too late. Are there any heat resistant blankets in his cupboard? Or something like that?”

The chances were low, _very_ low, but Drax and Jelpax hurried to look through his things anyway. Jelpax didn’t find anything but more papers and flammables, but Drax managed to locate a blanket and quickly threw it onto the flames; ignoring Ushas’s cries in his hurry to put out the fire. It immediately went up in flames with the desk, spreading the fire even faster.

“You know,” said Drax dryly, “I’m starting to think it might be better if we just ran.”

“No, you are not running.” Jelpax crossed his arms, giving Drax a stern look. “You did this, and you deserve every bit of the detention you get for it. So do we. Maybe not as much of it but once Borusa sees who was in here, he’ll know which one of us was really at fault.”

“Holy shit, you’re going to throw me under the bus? You, Jelpax, my greatest and oldest friend in the entire world, the light of my whole life, and the reason I continue to live, are going to throw me under the bus. I can’t believe it. All these years, I trusted you. I trusted you and you’re doing this to me. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you would just betray me like that.”

“I can’t believe you would suck up to me so much like that. We’re all doing stupid things right now and we need to just shut the hell up and face whatever happens. We’re going to get detention for decades and we’re going to deserve it a thousand percent, so—”

“So, haul ass! We don’t have to stay in here and face the punishment!” Drax looked to Ushas for support, but she was torn and failed to respond. “Come on, someone _please_ tell me I’m not going insane and we should do this. We can’t just sit down and let him throw us into prison for this.”

“Now you’re just being dramatic.” Ushas rolled her eyes, quickly turning her gaze back to the fire. Her hearts raced faster each time she looked at it, trying her best to remain calm despite the situation. “We’re not going to go to prison, just detention. It’s not half as bad, despite what you might believe about it. Just relax, yeah? Not like you haven’t been in there for this before.”

“Yeah, but that time was my fault, and this was a genuine accident. You know I didn’t mean to set it on fire, I just dropped the documents. It was an honest to god accident. You saw it!”

“I saw you do what _looked_ like an accident. I can’t possibly be sure that you didn’t fake it. Especially since you just said you wanted to burn his desk down. How do I know that you didn’t fake it so that you could get to burn something big exactly like you said? The whole situation sounds extremely suspicious in my humble opinion.”

“Guys, I’m not going to take any sides right now,” said Jelpax, though he’d already made it clear in which direction he was leaning, “but this really isn’t the best time to argue. Like it or not, Borusa’s office is literally burning down in front of us right now and we’re all going to get in trouble for it if we don’t do something soon.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right.” Drax shoved a hand through his hair, biting down on his lip as he stared at the growing fire in front of him. It was almost the same height as him at that point, and it was reaching a point where he could barely look at it anymore due to how much it was burning his eyes at such close range. “Okay, let’s just go back to my plan.”

“Which was?”

“Haul ass!”

Drax didn’t stop for opinions before he turned and bolted out the door, not sending one look in their direction before he disappeared down the hall.

//

“Don’t give up, Mortimus. Don’t do it. You’re not a wimp. You are not a wimp and you can do this. You just have to take a deep breath and keep going. You’ll figure this out.”

Mortimus spent around an hour trying to build his cabin before he realized it was never going to work without more supplies. Then, he tried looking for supplies, but realized he had no idea what he was looking for and ended up just grabbing a bunch of random shit that wasn’t good for anything. It was hopeless. Seriously hopeless. The biggest lost cause in the world.

And yet he still refused to quit.

Though he’d been called many things, Mortimus was never a quitter. He only stopped when he truly couldn’t go on anymore, and he’d far from hit that limit yet. Sure, it was dark, and he was hungry and there was no shelter because he didn’t know how to build anything, but he was still alive, wasn’t he? Mortimus told himself he wouldn’t leave until he was on the brink of death and he was going to hold himself to that.

He crawled under a tree, choosing to use the biggest one he could find as his shelter since he wasn’t able to build a cabin or bring a tent. It wasn’t the greatest place to hide out, but it was the best he could do on short notice. It was far too dark outside for Mortimus to even try building another shelter or finding anything to eat, so he chose to just relax.

It was hard to fall asleep with all the creatures screaming around him and the cold air blowing across his skin, but it was relaxing in a way too. He loved the way the outdoors felt freer than the Academy, especially when the wind died down and he could hear the nearby stream. It was calming and nice and Mortimus felt like he might be able to stay out there for years.

Except for the fact that he was starving and freezing and dying for a change of clothes, that is. He was already sick of being stuck out there with the smelly animals and the annoying birds and the screaming crickets and he just wanted to get up and go back inside already. But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t give up, especially not before he stayed for even one night.

Mortimus took a deep breath, shoving his backpack behind his bed and snuggling in closer to the tree. He knew that his friends didn’t believe him, and he wanted to prove them wrong. Even if he died doing it.

//

“So, you definitely don’t have a concussion?”

“Nope.” Rallon shook his head, though he almost wanted to lie to avoid having to get off the steps. “Just a bruise. The nurse had me ice it for a bit but it’s no big deal. Not even enough to need a real remedy. Suppose that means you want to do a rematch?”

“Rematch?” Theta snorted and rolled his eyes, glancing over to Magnus for support. He got none. Just because they were teammates didn’t mean they had to agree on everything. “Please, it’s barely a rematch. We’re just picking up where we left off because we didn’t even get to finish this first time. That was just sad. Very sad. You were so fucking bad at the game.”

“Yeah, I was pretty bad, but I wasn’t worse than you. And besides, we were way ahead since Millennia is so damn good. I think you’re just jealous because you’re not as great at football as she is.”

“Please, I still think that she’s been lying to us about not playing before. Nobody knows how to kick that well without prior experience. And I’m not talking about her martial arts training, I’m talking about these specific kicks. It’s not easy to do, you know? The way you do it is just like— you definitely know what’s going on. You do.”

Millennia rolled her eyes and turned away to grab the ball from where she’d left it near the stairs. She was clearly not interested in bothering with the arguments, she just wanted to get on with the game. In her mind, it was nothing more than something to do with her friends and the argument was stupid and pointless.

They got into the game within minutes after that, Magnus and Theta running over to one side of the courtyard while Rallon and Millennia ran to the other. They left the ball in the middle so they would each have a fair chance to get it, and then called out the “traditional” football chant that Theta absolutely invented on the spot, just like he’d invented most of them (he didn’t want Rallon to have _all_ the glory in that regard).

Just as she had every other time before, Millennia got to the ball first. Physically, Magnus definitely had the most strength, but Millennia was speedy and skilled, and it took her no time at all to overpower the boys. She dove between them, kicking the ball far enough into the distance that even when they came at her, they couldn’t get to it. Theta grumbled something about cheating, but she couldn’t be bothered to respond with more than a smirk.

Though he tried his best to help her win, Rallon wasn’t half the player that his girlfriend was and found himself only holding the ball while she ran past to take it from him again. Not that he was complaining. The one time that he really tried to get into the game he nearly got a concussion, and he didn’t have any intention of doing that again. At least, not if there was any way he could avoid it.

“Millennia, you absolute fucking ball hog!” Theta cried, his voice carrying all across the courtyard. He didn’t spare a second to care for the people who passed them by, shooting strange looks in his direction. “Would it kill you to let someone else play the game? How are you even having fun when you’re not letting anyone else get near the ball?!”

“Maybe because I’m winning!” shouted Millennia, laughing through each of her heavy breaths. She kicked the ball into the goal again, throwing her hands in the air in celebration. Everyone stopped to breathe for a few long seconds before she finally spoke again. “You know, I feel like I remember there being two goals in the rules. I don’t think we’re playing this right.”

“Why would you need two of them?” Magnus made a face, striding over to where she stood near the makeshift net they made. “It’s not like you’re trying to get it into two places. You want to get it into the goal. It wouldn’t make any sense to have a second one. That would just make things confusing.”

“Yeah, he’s right,” Theta agreed, though he was slightly hesitant given how rude Magnus had been about the game in the past. “It would just be stupid to have a second goal. You wouldn’t know where you’re going. You’re just kicking in either direction and hoping it goes in somewhere.”

“Hold on.” Of course, Rallon was the one to run back over to get the rulebook—also known as Theta’s old Earth magazine—and search for the answer. It only took a few seconds for him to find it, and when he did, he was almost reluctant to say. At least it was on his girlfriend’s side? “Yeah, we’re supposed to have two nets. One for each team.”

“That’s wrong. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s not wrong, it’s right here in the book!”

That was only the beginning of a much longer argument to come.

//

Not once did Drax stop to check whether Jelpax and Ushas has followed him. Instead, he simply hauled ass down the corridor, doing his best to get away from Borusa’s office before they were caught. Yes, it was very satisfying to burn something after having the urge for so long, but he wasn’t particularly keen to get himself into years of detention.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” cried Ushas, chasing after him. She was panting by the time she reared to a stop near him, slowly shaking her head. She took another moment to catch her breath before trying to speak, not wanting to sound like a fool. “Drax, you’ve just burned down Borusa’s entire office?”

“The entire office?” Drax’s eyes went wide, their overwhelming emotion being glee. He had to admit, it was probably pretty cool to look at. He was almost disappointed that he’d run away. “Wow, that must be bright. Think I might head back that way on my way to the dormitory.”

“If you walk past there, someone is going to see you. Right now, there’s no solid evidence you did it unless I say something since your fingerprints were burned off of everything. But I’m sure you’re a prime suspect considering your past behavior so if you want to avoid getting caught—”

“Okay, all right, I get it. Just shut up, yeah? I’m not going to get myself into trouble. But is the entire Academy going to burn down?”

“Unless someone comes along in time to stop it, yes.” Jelpax finally turned the corner around which Ushas had appeared, shaking his head at Drax in the same way that she had. “It’s going to continue to spread all around the Academy until the entire building has burned down, at which point it’ll spread across the grass to the dormitories and eventually, the rest of the buildings too.”

“And this is all because I dropped the flaming folder onto Borusa’s desk?” He bit down on his lip, narrowing his eyes as the others nodded at him. Drax wasn’t surprised in the least. “Okay, just making sure. So, do we know if anyone was coming along? Surely someone has seen the fire by now.”

“You could always go check,” said Ushas, crossing her arms. I’m not going anywhere near that room while it’s still up in flames but if you want to go and see, I won’t stop you. It’s not my ass on the line.”

“It’s actually all of our asses on the line because I won’t hesitate to sell you both out, but I’ll go check. Just in case. I don’t particularly want my entire room and all my belongings to go up in flames, no matter how fun I think it would be to watch the science lab explode.”

Drax sighed and gave them both a look before turning to walk back down the corridor. He made his way to Borusa’s classroom slowly and cautiously, doing his best not to be seen by anyone who might have heard of the fire. Or just heard it, because it was loud as shit and he could hear the crackling of the flames the closer he got back to the classroom.

He took a deep breath before poking his head around the last corner, squinting when he saw the flames. They were big. Very big. So big that they probably went higher than his head and he flipped right back to the other side of the wall when he saw them. It took a minute for him to get the courage to peek his head back around, and when he did, it was the exact wrong time.

Professor Borusa was standing there in a rage and happened to glance over at the same time Drax poked his head out. His eyes narrowed as he stomped over toward Drax, who immediately turned and ran in the other direction. He knew that he was faster than Borusa but that didn’t stop his hearts from racing the whole way back to Jelpax and Ushas. The moment he saw them come into view, he let out a cry, warning them of what was happening.

“He’s mad!” Drax told them, not stopping his stride for a moment. “He’s really, really mad!”

Neither Jelpax nor Ushas hesitated before turning to run after him.

//

He felt like death.

After a full day in the woods, Mortimus still hadn’t found any food—aside from the berries, which he was still too afraid to taste—and he was no closer to building his shelter. He needed out. He promised himself he would only leave if something happened and he was on the brink of death, but he was fairly certain that’s where he was. The only problem being that it was getting dark again, and he doubted he would be able to find his way home.

“Thanks for the sign, Mx. Universe,” said Mortimus, raising his non-existent glass. He let out a sigh, hoping it would relax him more. It didn’t. “I was starting to think I was going to give up but you’re clearly telling me to keep going so I am going to do exactly that.”

It was loud outside with all the creatures and the wind and that was the only reason Mortimus didn’t hear the footsteps sooner. He closed his eyes, easing into the leaves and the dirt beneath him. That was his home now. He lived with the trees and the crickets and whatever else was out there because that was his home. No one around to judge him or make fun of him, just critters chirping and singing.

Though Mortimus heard a few footsteps after that, he assumed they were just a critter passing by, and didn’t pay much attention until he heard the chatter. Voices. Actual, real, _Gallifreyan_ voices. He sat up quickly, looking around. There was a little light around to the side, but he couldn’t tell where exactly it was coming from.

“Mortimus?” That voice he did recognize. It was no critter, but one of his friends. Koschei. “Mortimus, are you out here? Mortimus!”

He pulled himself to his feet, trying to get over his dizziness. He was starving, really seriously starving. Mortimus blinked several times as he looked in the direction of the light, waving lamely when Koschei and Vansell appeared through the trees. Vansell walked slowly, but Koschei all but ran when he finally shined the light on Mortimus and the tree he was leaning against.

“Mortimus, you’re alive!” Koschei clapped his friend on the shoulder, a huge grin on his face. Mortimus was almost surprised by his enthusiasm. He never thought of them as being very close. “We were worried something happened to you out here. You’ve been gone for a whole day.”

“Yeah, well, I told you I wasn’t coming back,” said Mortimus. He wanted to be offended, but the only thing he could do was sound touched and relieved. He hadn’t even considered the idea of someone coming after him. “I’m sorry, you two, but this is my home now. I live in the trees.”

“No, you don’t.” Vansell crossed his arms, his brow knit in concern. “Mortimus, no offense, but you won’t last one more damn day out here. You already look exhausted. Did you bring nothing to eat?”

“Of course not, I wanted to find my own food out here but it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. I found some berries, but I couldn’t remember if they were poisonous or not, so I didn’t want to eat those. Anyway, thanks for looking out for me, but I’m going to stay here.”

“No, no, no, Mortimus, you have to come back.” Koschei was almost clinging to his arm, trying to drag him back towards the Academy. “Someone’s burned down Borusa’s office and we don’t know who. I’m almost certain it was someone in the Deca, but we don’t— wait, was it you? Did you do it? Is that why you decided to leave?”

“ _What_? No! I didn’t do anything!” Though he was defending himself, that was hardly what Mortimus was thinking about. His eyes went wide, and he shook his head in disbelief. “But someone seriously burned down Borusa’s office? Well, shit, what are we standing around here for? We have to get over there!”

Mortimus grabbed on to Vansell and Koschei’s wrists, dragging them back through the woods until one of them pointed out that they were going in the wrong direction. Yeah, it wasn’t what Mortimus was planning on, but he couldn’t just sit back and _not_ see Borusa’s office burned the ground, could he?

//

“See? I told you this wouldn’t make any sense with two goals. How are we supposed to remember whose is whose?”

“Well, I think it would be easier if the lights were actually on,” said Millennia, pushing a hand through her tied-up hair. Honestly, she thought that Theta was just being dramatic, but she didn’t want to confront him on it and make things worse. “And it’s really not that hard. This one is ours, and this one is yours. How do you not know that? It’s so simple to remember.”

“Yeah, maybe for you, the Football Queen.” Theta casually flipped her off, rolling his eyes as if she were the one in the wrong there despite there being only two nets and two directions to run in. He came to a stop in the middle of the courtyard, holding his hands up to signal a time out. “For us peasant newbies, we get all kinds of twisted around. I can never remember which direction I’m going in.”

“There are only two directions, you idiot!” Despite the fact that he’d claimed before that having two goals would be confusing, Magnus was not stupid and quickly caught on to the reasoning behind the concept. “You run towards their goal or you run back to our goal. It’s not that hard. Haven’t you run from our professors enough to—?”

Magnus didn’t get the chance to finish his thought before Drax, Jelpax, and Ushas shoved past them, running out of the building at tops speeds. Rallon let out a cry when he was knocked to the ground yet again, wincing and slowly sitting up. He still didn’t have a concussion, he was fairly sure, but that didn’t stop his head and his arms from aching. He was definitely bruised again at the very least.

“What the hell did you lot do?!” screamed Theta, not running after them but shouting loud enough to get their attention from where they ran over to the dormitories. “If you’re going to go getting into a load of trouble, the least you could do is ask if any of us want to be invo—”

Theta cut himself off when Borusa dove down the stairs past them, moving at a speed far slower than the students he was chasing but far faster than anyone had seen him run in years. He glared at Theta, Magnus, Millennia, and Rallon as he walked by, giving them a look as if to say he would return should they try anything. Theta swallowed hard instantly putting his guard up and watching in stunned silence as Borusa followed after the others.

“Should we go?” he asked, glancing in the direction they’d run. He waited for the others to look at each other and nod before turning to head over to the dormitories. “I was thinking the same thing.”

It wasn’t that they had anything to do with the situation aside from being friends with those who were being chased, but Theta was more than a little curious to see what they did. Clearly, Magnus was too, though Millennia and Rallon lagged behind a little bit. Theta shoved open the door to the dormitories, stopping inside just in time to see Borusa grab onto Drax’s collar and stop him from running up the stairs.

“You _burned down_ my _office_?!”

Theta slowly turned and backed out the door.

//

“…and then, after all of that, we go _lost_ ,” Mortimus moaned, sliding his arms onto the desk, and flopping his head down on top of them. “Can you believe it? They dragged me away from my new life and my new friends and I didn’t even get to see Borusa ripping on Drax. That must’ve been hilarious. I can’t believe I wasn’t there.”

Drax rolled his eyes. He was in detention for the next three years and the only thing that Mortimus could think about was the fact that he wasn’t there to witness the beating. Ushas wasn’t amused either, having got half the time Drax did for good behavior and not finding the situation to be humorous in the least.

“Believe me, it wasn’t worth it.” Rallon shuddered, slowly shaking his head. His eyes had been wide for days at that point, staring straight ahead. “We tried to see what was going on and Theta was so freaked out by all the yelling that he just turned around and ran the fuck out of there. We followed him. It wasn’t safe. It was not safe.”

“Honestly, I just can’t believe that you thought you would get away with it.” Though he was there when it happened, Jelpax managed to get off with the minimum punishment after explaining to Borusa exactly what happened and how he tried and failed to put out the fire. “The moment you started that fire, we were all doomed. No way around it. Like, I get that you wanted to burn something, but did you have to go so far?”

“For the last fucking time,” Drax started, gritting his teeth, “it was an accident! I didn’t mean to actually burn it down, things just got out of hand. Just leave me alone, yeah? It wasn’t like I really _wanted_ to burn down his whole office.”

“But you did mention that at one point, did you not?” Obviously, Ushas was the one to recount that bit of information, a smug expression on her face. “And you _also_ begged me to let you burn down his desk, so clearly, this seems like you orchestrated the whole ‘accident’ to get an excuse to burn something big.”

“No. No, no, no. I didn’t. I did not do that! Everyone stop looking at me, she’s absolutely full of shit. There’s no way that she’s right, she’s just trying to make me look bad. Leave me alone. Someone talk about something else.”

“All right, I’ll go.” Theta kicked his feet onto his desk, shifting into his uncomfortable chair and letting out a sigh. “We tried to play a new game we found in an old alien magazine and we found out that Millennia was lying, and she’s known about the game all along. She cheated us and she lied to us and she used Rallon and his lawyer skills to trick us so that we wouldn’t figure it out.”

“That is not true!” Millennia threw her hands into the air dramatically, whipping around in her chair to glare at Theta. “I had never played football before, I just happened to be good at it. That’s a thing. People are naturally good at things.

“Not this. I mean, god! The amount of skill and finesse that it takes to win the game is honestly—”

“You literally just kick a ball around and try to get it into the goal. It’s not that hard. Maybe it’s not easy for everyone but being good at it doesn’t make me a cheater or a liar, it just means I have a natural talent. It’s not the end of the world. And I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell everyone lies about me.”

“I am not telling anyone lies about you,” said Theta, narrowing his eyes. “If I wanted to tell lies about you, I would just come right out and say that you’re covering up your gray hairs. See? Nobody in the room believes me. We all know you dye it blue for the aesthetic. But I could tell people that you were doing it for whatever reason you wanted.”

“That’s the best lie you can come up with?” Mortimus let out a laugh, wiping at a tear near the corner of his eye. “You’re just being pathetic now. I know you can think of better lies than that. What if you told them that it was her who jumped off the roof because she thought she would be able to fly with paper wings?”

“Wasn’t that you?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, slowly turning to look at his roommate, who only shrugged in response. “Never mind, I really don’t give a shit. Just don’t ever pull another stunt like today again, yeah? You might think you’re some crazy strong man, but you won’t last out there, Mort.”

“No, I know. But for the record, I really think I could’ve pulled it off if I just had a little more time. I was really learning more about the outdoor world and I was just starting to make friends with some of the creatures when Koschei and Vansell came and scared them all off. I was really making progress, you know.”

“What an interesting way to say, ‘thanks for saving my ass’,” grumbled Koschei. He crossed his arms against his chest, refusing to so much as look at Mortimus. They rescued him from certain death and yet somehow, all he could do was bitch. “If you _do_ go out and try that again, don’t expect us to come find you again.”

“Yeah, that was not worth the effort.” Vansell shook his head, glaring down at the desk in front of him. “I mean, honestly, did you have to cry half the way home?”

“I wasn’t crying, I was singing!”

“You can keep saying that, but no one is ever going to believe you.”

He kept saying it anyway.


	11. The Chromosomal Origins of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theta gets a rubbish grade on his assignment. Jelpax discovers a hidden talent. Mortimus and Vansell work together.

“Well, this is… quite honestly appalling.”

Theta’s jaw dropped. He twisted a finger in his ear, leaning forward as he narrowed his eyes. There was no way that he heard that right. There was no way that after hours, days, _weeks_ of work on his treatise, Borusa thought it was absolute rubbish, and yet he did. Borusa stared at his pupil expectantly, as if he thought that Theta would just sit down and take it.

“You mean my handwriting, sir?” asked Theta, in a desperate grab for reassurance. When Borusa did nothing but give him a look, Theta groaned, slowly shaking his head. “Please, sir, I spent ages on this. I did all of the research and I really tried my best to do well on this assignment. I don’t understand why you would think it’s so appalling.”

“You’ve missed the point completely, Theta Sigma.” Borusa held out the folder for Theta to take back from him, and he did so reluctantly. “If you want to give it another shot, I’m willing to let you try again for a better grade. But this simply won’t cut it. You are supposed to be one of the smartest students in your year, and—”

“Sir, in all due respect, I don’t think that’s quite the level the Deca is being held to right now.” He only shrugged at the look on his tutor’s face, unable to take back the comment without feeling like a liar. “What? I’m just saying, three of my friends are currently serving detention because they burned down _your_ office. That’s not exactly who you want representing your Academy.”

“Are you trying to get me to take away your second chance? Because if you don’t want to give it another go, I will gladly let you keep this grade. This forty percent. You really want a forty percent on one of your biggest assignments this decade?”

“No, please, sir. I will redo it and I will figure out what I missed and fix it, and everything will be great and fine, and I will get a good grade. Please don’t fail me. This is one of my most important classes. Thank you for considering me for a second chance, sir, I really, really appreciate it.”

Theta turned and ran out of the room without another word, not wanting to say the wrong thing and find himself in detention too.

//

“This is just a disaster waiting to happen.” Jelpax shook his head slowly, continuing to stir the whisk in his hand. He held the open book in front of him, looking to each word in confusion. “Honestly, nobody should ever let me near a kitchen. This is a recipe for disaster, no pun intended.”

“Come on, you’re doing a great job!” Millennia smiled encouragingly, nudging his shoulder to let him know she was proud of him for trying his best. “Someday, you’re going to have to cook something, so it only makes sense that you figure out how to do it now, yeah?”

“I suppose so, but I really don’t think I’m ever going to need to know how to make pancakes. If I have to make anything, won’t it be something healthy or something like that? It’s not like I’m always going to just have shit food.”

“Yeah, but you have to make pancakes for me.” Drax leaned forward onto the table, resting his chin on his hands as he turned to grin at Jelpax, who only gave him a look in response. “Come on, you know you’re not ever going to leave me. I don’t care if you get married or move across the planet, I’m still going to be showing up at your house every damn day. Can’t stop me.”

Jelpax’s cheeks went redder than he would’ve preferred, but he managed to shake it off and move on to the next step in the recipe. He took a deep breath, dragging his fingers through his hair despite Millennia having told him not to touch it while he was baking. It wasn’t like anyone was even going to eat that stuff in the first place.

Though he was trying his best to be hygienic in all the other aspects, Jelpax couldn’t stop Drax when he reached over and stuck his little finger right into the bowl. He tasted the batter, nodding approvingly as he looked over to Jelpax. It was nothing special, simply pancake batter that hadn’t even been finished yet, but Drax didn’t seem to realize nor care about that.

“This is delicious,” said Drax, his eyes wide. “I can’t believe _you_ made this. I thought that whatever you made would be disgusting but this is… wow. I can’t imagine what it’s going to taste like once it’s actually been cooked.”

“Er, thanks?” Jelpax shrugged, pushing Drax away when he stepped forward to have another taste. He glanced down at the book again, wanting to be precise with how much batter he poured onto the griddle. “I just followed the recipe. Actually, I think I fucked up in a few places because I didn’t quite measure it perfectly, and—”

“Whatever, it’s delicious. Keep going, I want to see how this turns out.”

Jelpax made a face but did as he was told. He poured the pancake batter onto the griddle, waited for as long as the book said to, and flipped it over. The steam fogged up his glasses, but he didn’t turn away, not wanting to risk messing them up and getting a failing grade. Sure, he might not have been a fan of that class in the least, but that didn’t mean he wanted to fail.

After finishing the first pancakes, Jelpax flipped one over to each of his friends before pouring the next. Neither Drax nor Millennia said anything at first, simply tasting and savoring the delicious treats, while Jelpax continued with his work, utterly oblivious to their awe. After a few long seconds and the consumption of both pancakes, Millennia suddenly spoke up, her eyes wide with awe.

“I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted,” she said, already reaching for another bite.

“Yeah, me too.” Drax didn’t stop staring at Jelpax for a moment, far more impressed than words could possibly say. “This is amazing. So, seriously amazing. I think I might die just thinking about another taste, wow. It’s so good. Have you tasted it, Pax?”

“No, not—”

Jelpax didn’t get to finish his sentence before Drax shoved half a pancake into his mouth, a stupidly big grin on his face.

//

Vansell blinked. Over the years, he’d been partnered with a lot of ridiculous and useless people for his assignments before, but he’d quite possibly found himself with the worst. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Mortimus or that he didn’t think he was smart, but logic was _not_ his strong suit. In any way shape or form.

“Wow, look at this,” said Mortimus, clapping Vansell on the back. Though Vansell tried to escape out the door before he could get caught and have to deal with the situation, Mortimus was already there and he had no choice but to go along with it. “Can you believe that we’re going to be partners? I’ve been waiting for this for ages. I don’t think we’ve been partners since like… a long time ago.”

“Real specific there, Mort.” Vansell slid away from Mortimus’s arm, not enjoying the physical touch. He really just wanted to do the project on his own, but his professor never let him skip out on a group project before. “Can you just relax for once? It’s not like this is anything special, we’re just doing a stupid project.”

“Yeah, but I’m like, really awful at logic, and you’re really good at it, so this is great. For me, at least. I think you got a little fucked over. You definitely know that, though. Just check out the look on your face. Wait, no, there are no mirrors around. You know what I mean.”

Vansell only nodded, turning to walk out of the classroom. He did know what Mortimus meant. _Exactly_ what he meant. It was ridiculous to try and pretend that he had no idea what was going on when clearly, Mortimus planning to take advantage of his smarts. Whereas Mortimus was not remarkably logical, Vansell was _easily_ the most logical member of the Deca. Combining that with Mortimus’s ability to manipulate, it wasn’t hard to see what direction things were moving in.

“Listen, Mortimus, I’m not going to pull all your weight.” It wasn’t necessarily that he didn’t _trust_ Mortimus, just that he wanted that said before anything else happened. It felt important to establish some ground rules before anything else. “If we’re going to be together for this, then you need to do the best that you can. I know this is not your strong point, but you have to try, all right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” Mortimus nodded, rolling his eyes. “I know that I’m an idiot sometimes, but I know how to pull my own weight. Just calm down. Everything is going to be great. You know that we’ll make great partners. Meet up in my room after dinner? Awesome. Sounds like a plan.”

The only problem was that Vansell hadn’t actually agreed to the plan, and he had a feeling that reflected how the rest of the project would go.

//

“I mean, really, I’ve been reading and rereading this for an entire day now, and I just can’t figure out where I’ve gone wrong.” Theta shook his head slowly, flipping the page again. It didn’t matter how many times he looked at his assignment, it just didn’t make sense that he got such a horribly rubbish grade. “Honestly, I can see that he wouldn’t like it, but to say I missed the point _entirely_?”

Koschei wanted to slam his head against the wall or possibly just jump right out the window. He’d been listening to Theta rant for the entire day and regardless of how cute he was when he was in a bad mood. He just kept saying the same things over and over again and it was _agonizing_ to listen to. All Koschei wanted to do was tell him to shut the fuck up, but he felt like doing that was probably an awfully bad idea if he his friend to kick him to the curb—metaphorically _or_ physically.

“Yes, Theta, you’ve missed the point entirely,” Koschei grumbled, flipping the page in his own textbook. “Or you didn’t and Borusa is just bitching at you. Honestly, I can’t keep up with which side you’re on anymore. Is there any chance of you picking one and sticking to it?”

“I am sticking to one,” said Theta bitterly. The glare he shot at Koschei made him turn away immediately, unable to hold the contact. It was too terrifying, too harsh, looking like he might want to murder someone. “I’m sticking to the fact that whichever way it goes, Borusa is an absolute asshole and I deserve a better tutor.”

He threw his papers right across the room, flopping back on his bed exasperatedly. Theta shook his head slowly, crossing his arms against his chest as he narrowed his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. It was the worst. He spent so many hours working hard on his project and yet Borusa still didn’t think it was good enough. He never, ever thought it was good enough.

“This is ridiculous. Why don’t you just ask him what happened?” Again, Koschei froze the moment Theta turned to look at him, shielding his face to avoid the glares. “I’m just saying, if you went right up to Borusa and asked what happened and why he thought you missed the point, you would have a much easier time fixing this.”

The look on Theta’s face was one of utter bewilderment, and Koschei was too thick to realize why. He stared at Theta in an odd silence, trying to figure out what exactly he was thinking about. Perhaps that Koschei was a genius and the solution had been staring them in the face all along? Or how he would give Koschei the greatest thank you ever?

It was neither.

“Did you just tell me to go straight to him?” Theta’s tone was unreadable, the look on his face increasingly confusing as he slowly sat up in his seat. “You, the master of absolutely, _ridiculously_ convoluted plans, just told me to go straight to him and ask. One step. No way. I don’t trust it. You have some other motive here, or you would’ve suggested something with eight times the steps.”

“No, I just thought sensibly for once,” said Koschei, rolling his eyes. “Is it really so hard to believe that I could think of a simple plan once?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

He couldn’t find a way to argue with that.

//

“I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe that you actually made this.”

After a certain point, Drax lost track of how many pancakes he’d eaten. Jelpax also lost track of how many he’d made, and eventually just told Drax he wasn’t going to do it anymore. Drax threw a pancake at his face and demanded he keep going, so he did. He made at least four batches and Drax gave them to everyone who was willing to have a taste and threw them at those who were not.

“You’ve said that a thousand times already,” Jelpax grumbled. He washed the mixing bowl yet again, hoping that this time would finally be the last. There were only so many people in the Academy, and surely, Drax had to run out of people to share with and attack eventually. “I get it, you like them, but it’s nothing special. I am literally just copying the recipe.”

“No, you did something different.” He shook his head quickly, refusing to believe that there was _nothing_ special about Jelpax’s baking. “Mine and Millennia’s and everyone else’s was just bland but yours is _incredible_. What the hell do you do to it that makes it so much different from all the others?”

Jelpax opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to form an answer. He couldn’t figure it out. As far as he was concerned, all he did was follow the recipe. Did he measure a few things slightly inaccurately? Sure, but he was a historian above all else, and it was basically in his job description to twist the facts to change his narrative. That didn’t make the recipe any better.

“Honestly, I have no idea. None.” Jelpax shrugged, wishing he had a better answer for his friend, but not wanting to lie or say something incorrect while attempting to be truthful. “I just followed the recipe. At least, I _think_ I just followed the recipe. I must’ve done something different for it to show up this way. Do you know what tastes different from other people’s?”

“No, just that this is like, infinitely better,” said Drax, popping another bite of pancake into his mouth. At that point, he’d eaten so many that he couldn’t even keep track of them anymore, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. They were delicious. So delicious. He never wanted to stop eating them. “Maybe we should find some of our classmates and see if we can compare. Do you have any of yours left, Mil?”

“Probably, but I didn’t bring them out of the classroom, and I wouldn’t recommend eating anything that’s been sitting on the counter for that long.” Millennia leaned back against the wall of the dormitory kitchen, glancing over at the doorway. No one ever came in there, so she didn’t know why she was surprised they’d yet to be interrupted. “We should probably just start from the beginning.”

“What do you mean? Follow the recipe again?” He made a face, glancing over to Jelpax and crossing his arms against his chest. They’d already been baking for ages and each time Jelpax made something just as delicious as the last. It didn’t make sense that doing it again would suddenly change something. “In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve already tried that a dozen times.”

“No, I’m saying that _you_ follow the recipe, _I_ follow the recipe, and then we see how those compare to Jelpax’s.”

“Aw, no fair. We all know that mine is going to be the worst!”

“Yes,” Millennia agreed, already reaching out for clean mixing bowls, “yes it is.”

//

“Do you mind?”

Magnus barely glanced at Vansell when he spoke, simply taking his seat in the plush chair as he dropped his bag onto the floor behind him. He wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with his friends’ shit, especially when they were in a community area. Vansell could kick him out of a lot of places, but the Academy library was not one of them.

“Uh, yes, I do mind you acting like I’m not allowed in this public space,” Magnus answered, knowing full well that was not what Vansell was referring to. “Would _you_ mind shutting the hell up so that I can get my work done? Contrary to what the look on your face seems to think, I’m not actually here just to ruin your life.”

“I think you are,” said Vansell, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table between them. “Why else would you sit beside us? You never sit beside us. In fact, you generally run the other way so that you can socialize as minimally as possible.”

“Oh, just shut up, Van.” Mortimus slapped him over the head, shoving Vansell’s legs off the table to make more space for his own. It was clearly an act of revenge or petty annoyance more than anything else. “I think you’ve forgotten how this works. Magnus gets first say. Always. He’s in charge. That’s what you get when you’re the hottest in the group.”

“Excuse me?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, his own tone becoming increasingly irritated. He really hadn’t sat there to socialize of be annoyed, he just wanted to give his friends the benefit of the doubt for once. “I don’t have authority because I’m the ‘hottest’ in the group, I have authority because I’m the _strongest_.”

“I mean, yeah, you’re rather strong, but that’s not why you have authority. People don’t listen to those who are smart or powerful, they listen to those who look good. You know, the hottest, the prettiest… doesn’t really matter if you know what you’re talking about as long as you look nice, you know?”

“No, you know what I really, really hate about that?” Beside him, Vansell let out a groan and leaned back on the library couch, slowly shaking his head. “I hate that you have a point. You honestly have a point there and I really, really hate it because that’s just stupid. Why would anyone care what someone looks like?”

“Because no one wants to stand there and look at a smart ugly person while they talk.” Mortimus only shrugged when his friends turned to look at him with odd expressions on their faces, unable to take back his words. “What? I’m just saying. Do you really want to look at Dourgonn giving a speech for an hour and a half? Or would you rather look at Magnus?”

“Would I rather look at myself?” Magnus made a face. Sometimes, Mortimus really didn’t think of the things coming out of his mouth. “Listen, I don’t know who I would want to look at during a speech but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be staring at myself.”

There were a lot of things Magnus thought he might have heard in response to that comment, but a spontaneous pep talk from his roommate was most certainly not one of them.

//

“No, I’m not going to stop rewriting this. It’s the only way. I have to do it. Well… maybe I don’t. Maybe you do have a point there. If I don’t rewrite it, I’ll be taking a stand and proving that I believe in what I wrote at first and that it’s just the quality I wanted. But then again, I really do need to get a better grade on this, and rewriting is the only way to achieve that. _But_ …”

Koschei’s eyes went wide as he dragged his hands through his hair, tugging on the ends as if he were about to pull it out. He hadn’t even said anything. He hadn’t said one goddamn word and in fact, didn’t have the faintest idea what Theta was referring to when he looked over to Koschei and mentioned something about him “having a point there”. He made no points. He said nothing. It didn’t make any sense.

“I just don’t know which is the better option,” Theta went on, as if Koschei were actually listening to him and not just scanning the room for the best way to either escape or kill himself depending on what he found. “Like, I just think that I did a great job before but if he’s right and I missed the mark, then there’s no point in trying to argue it, you know? I’m just going to fail again because it’s Borusa and he’s a dick and he doesn’t want me to pass. But if I _did_ try to argue it—”

“Stop. Please.” Koschei whipped around in his desk chair suddenly, his fingers turning white as he continued to grip onto the edges of his dark black hair. “For the love of Rassilon, please, just stop. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to shut the hell up already because I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what you’re referring to, even. What the hell do you think I said? I didn’t say anything to you! I haven’t said anything to anyone in over an hour!”

“Oh. Are you sure?” Slowly, Theta looked up from his homework. Somehow, he didn’t seem mad, just baffled. “I could’ve sworn you said something before. How long was I rambling for? Maybe it was over an hour ago when I said it. There’s no way that I’m just sitting here talking to myself, am I? That would be— oh, my god. I’m just sitting here talking to myself. I’ve just had an entire fucking conversation with myself. Oh, shit. What the fuck? How did I—?”

Theta leapt out of bed suddenly, his arms waving dramatically as he began to pace around the room. Apparently, he was so deep into his babbling that by the time Koschei called him out on it, he was no longer aware of the fact that he was doing it. It almost seemed impossible and for a moment, Koschei nearly asked him to stop faking, but then he stopped. Theta really did seem to be genuinely panicked and rather than asking _him_ for an explanation, Koschei made note to talk to Mortimus later. He would know what happened.

“Anyway, if you weren’t talking to me before than I think we should have a talk now,” said Theta, shaking himself off. He flapped his arms around dramatically, letting out a breath as he released the last of the panic inside him. “Okay, see, I really need your opinion on this. Do you or do you not think that I should rewrite this assignment?”

“How badly do you need to get a good grade on it?”

Rather than using his words, Theta simply held out his report card.

//

“Drax, the point was to make it exactly like the recipe.”

He rolled his eyes, slamming his whisk down onto the table. Drax was fully aware of the point of the task and he did the best he could, but there was a reason that he was failing home economics. He simply was not cut out to do any of the tasks in the class—beyond general repairs, which he dominated the class in each time—and cooking was far from exempt from that rule.

“I did the best I could, okay?” he snapped, glancing over to Jelpax, who offered absolutely no support. “I’m not good at cooking. It’s not a big deal. When am I ever going to have to make pancakes for anyone anyway?”

“You never know when you might need to,” said Millennia, flipping the last of hers off the griddle. “I never made them before I found out they were my mum’s favorite, and I’ve been making them for her birthday every year since. Maybe you’ll want to do something like that too.”

Drax blinked. “Millennia, believe me, I will never want to do anything nice for my mum. And if I ever make her pancakes, it will be only because I found the opportunity to lace the batter with rat poison.”

For a split second, Millennia thought he was joking, but then Jelpax gave her a look so deadly serious that she snapped her mouth shut. That was a place that Drax _never_ went and he knew that, and he also knew that the best course of action was to move right the fuck on and pretend that he hadn’t said anything. Trying to interact with that comment at _all_ would only result in saying the wrong thing and somehow pissing him off or worse, upsetting him.

“Okay, well, you’re the bad one then,” she said, giving Jelpax one more look before wiping her hands off on her apron. Hers was a plain deep blue, while Drax’s was bright purple and Jelpax’s the Academy red. “I’m sure it’s still far better than the ones some of our classmates had but it’ll work. You didn’t follow the recipe well, I followed it exactly, and Jelpax did… whatever he did. Yeah? All right, taste test time.”

They all grabbed one of each pancake, tasting them and clearing their palates in between. There was definitively a big difference between them all—Drax’s was barely tolerable, Millennia’s was exactly right, and Jelpax’s was somehow the greatest bite the world had ever seen—but it was hard to tell what _exactly_ made them different. Millennia tasted hers and Jelpax’s several times over, ultimately giving up on any comparison with Drax’s, but she just couldn’t identify what flavor was making it so much better than everyone else’s.

“Any ideas?” asked Drax, leaning forward onto the table. The look on his face said that he was fresh out, but he went on speaking when neither of his friends answered regardless. “They all just taste like pancakes to me. Except mine are really disgusting, Millennia’s are good, and Jelpax’s are possibly plagiarized from God himself.”

Both Jelpax and Millennia only blinked at him. Neither could think of a comment to top that.

//

When he walked into the library that afternoon, Rallon was not intending to speak with anyone. All he wanted to do was grab a few books, sit down, and do his studying. He didn’t expect to run into three of his least favorite friends—okay, that wasn’t fair because he did like them, they were all just a lot to handle—and yet, that was exactly what happened.

Rallon ducked his head down the moment he noticed his friends, trying to sneak over to the law section without them noticing him. He really didn’t want to get dragged into whatever chaotic conversation they were inevitably having, but somehow, it happened anyway. Mortimus noticed him as he was walking by and made some comment, to which Rallon was too kind to ignore him and turned around to respond.

“Trying to hide from us, eh?” Mortimus raised a brow, his eyes flickering to his other friends. Rallon quickly shook his head in response, not verbally providing any other answer. “We don’t bite, you know. Come over here. Have a seat.”

Though what Rallon really wanted to do was the exact opposite of that (turn around and run out of there as quickly as he could to avoid any and all upcoming shenanigans), he somehow found it impossible to resist and instead sat down on the couch right beside Mortimus, slowly lowering his backpack to the floor. He hadn’t even gotten his books yet. It was ridiculous. What was he supposed to be doing if not getting his books?

“Okay, we’re having a little disagreement here,” said Mortimus, gesturing to his work and then to Vansell, “and I want a second opinion. In your lawyer brain, which I assume to be very smart, would you or would you not say that my logic here is completely accurate?”

Again, not one single bone in Rallon’s body wanted to take that paper from his hands, but he couldn’t stop himself. He read over each and every line within it, trying his best to help out despite knowing that he had no business there and that he didn’t need to force himself to do something he didn’t care about. His friends meant a lot to him, and he wanted to be supportive of them and their endeavors however he could.

Except what he ended up finding was that Mortimus was absolutely incorrect and whatever Vansell said about his logic being stupid and false was absolutely in the right. It was ridiculous to expect anything else, honestly, but Rallon tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, Mortimus could be exceptionally clever, this simply wasn’t one of those times. And yet, he seemed so excited, so sure of himself, and Rallon felt his heart break a little when he realized that it was him who had to reveal that he was wrong.

“This is actually some of the worst logic I’ve ever seen,” he said, immediately regretting his choice of words. “Shit, I mean, that’s— that wasn’t what I meant. I just think that you kind of jumped to a lot of conclusions and performed several logical fallacies here which is really, really important to pay attention to, since—”

“What’s a logical fallacy?” asked Mortimus, furrowing his brow. When all three of his friends turned to stare at him, expressions of disbelief on their face, he let out a sigh. “Do you honestly believe I’m that stupid? I gave you my fake work, Rallon. Let me go fetch my real one.”

Rallon had never felt more relieved.

//

“Come on, Theta, you absolute idiot. You can do this. You just have to take some deep breaths. You got this. Borusa has never scared you before, why should he be scary to you now? Just go in there and ask him what you did wrong. Just go in there and ask and then you’ll know exactly what to do to fix your grade.”

“Are you seriously talking to yourself again?” Koschei made a face, crossing his arms as he raised one brow. Theta didn’t know why he had to come along if he was going to be so negative. “Just relax and go talk to him, yeah? It’s going to be fine.”

He gave Theta’s shoulders a reassuring squeeze, slowly shaking his head when he did his little nervous dance. Theta glanced back to Koschei only one more time before knocking onto the door of Borusa’s office, wincing at the odd metallic sound which rang around him. Honestly, it seemed like there must’ve been a better place for him to keep his stuff than an old janitor’s closet.

“Excuse me, sir?” he began, sliding the door open when he got no response. “Professor Borusa, are you in there? I need to talk to you about my assignment. You see, I’m not really sure which part of this I missed the point on, and if you could just let me know, I think it would make it a lot easier for me to— professor? Are you dead in there, sir?”

Theta disappeared into the closet, leaving Koschei alone in the hall. He nearly tried to follow, but then realized that it was the tiniest room so there was really no point in trying to squeeze in there with them. Instead, he leaned back against the wall, bouncing back and forth on it as he waited for Theta to return. It took a moment, but when he finally did, it was not reassuring.

“Yeah, Kos, I think he’s dead in there,” Theta declared, poking his head back out of the room. When Koschei frowned and opened his mouth to ask for more detail, Theta went on. “You know what Mortimus’s room looks like at the end of the year before he comes back and does all his spring cleaning? Yeah, that’s this closet. I think Professor Borusa may have suffocated.”

Despite how relaxed Theta’s tone was, Koschei’s eyes went wide and he leapt to his feet, quickly running into the room. He was almost expecting to find Borusa just slumped over dead inside, but obviously, that wasn’t actually it. Instead, he walked into what appeared to be the worst case of hoarding he’d ever seen, though he knew it was truly just because all of Borusa’s surviving possessions were being stored in the world’s tiniest janitor’s closet.

“You think he’s in here?” asked Koschei, his tone filled with doubt as he turned to look at his friend. When Theta nodded quickly, Koschei only made a face, turning back to take another look into the room. “I don’t know, it’s pretty small. I doubt he’s actually been doing his work in here at all. It just doesn’t seem practical.”

“But the Academy map says that this is his new office. Why would it say it’s his office if he’s not actually working in here?”

To prove his point, Theta pulled out his phone, holding up the screen with the automatically updating Academy map on it. Koschei rolled his eyes, pointing to the title of the closet.

“It fucking says that’s storage. That’s not where he’s working, it’s just where he’s storing his shit.”

“Oh.” Theta frowned. “My bad, I suppose.”

“Your bad indeed.”

Theta only groaned before turning to search for Borusa again. He had to be _somewhere_ , right?

//

“Come on, you don’t have _any_ idea what the difference is?”

Jelpax shook his head for the umpteenth time. He was not a chef nor a baker nor remotely interested in culinary arts, and yet they expected him to be able to identify tiny, subtle differences. He barely remembered the name of the different ingredients, how was he supposed to identify the different amount of drops? It made no sense!

“No, I have no idea,” said Jelpax. He dropped his fork down onto the table, slowly shaking his head. “Honestly, it all just tastes the same to me. The differences are so minor that I don’t know why you’re all being so dramatic about this. I can tell that Drax’s is half burned to hell and gone but otherwise, they all just taste the same. How am I meant to remember all this?”

“I don’t know, maybe pay attention in class?” Drax’s tone was bitter and sharp, his eyes narrowing as he watched Jelpax shove his plate away from him. “Come on, Pax. If you don’t pay attention in class, I haven’t got anyone to copy off of! You’re not just sacrificing your own grade or your reputation as a pancake maker, you’re sacrificing us both!”

“Well, then consider yourself sacrificed. I appreciate that you guys love my pancakes so much, but I really don’t want to do this anymore. If they’re good, they’re good. Does it really matter what I did to make them taste that great? Or can we just appreciate this as a one-time thing and move on with our lives?”

“We absolutely cannot do that, and it absolutely matters that we figure out what you did.” Millennia sounded exceptionally serious, already gesturing for her friend to sit back down. She wanted to know how to make those delicious pancakes and she wasn’t going to stop until she figured it out. “Okay, one more time. Make one more batch and I am going to watch you side-by-side with the recipe and see where you deviate. If we still can’t figure it out, we’ll give up, deal.”

Jelpax hesitated before extending his hand. “Deal.”

In all honesty, he doubted that making yet another batch of pancakes would make any sort of a difference, but it didn’t really matter. If he could prove that there was nothing to see there or at least convince Millennia that it was true, then he could finally get back to his life and not have to sit around baking a thousand more pancakes. Which he was getting increasingly bored of by the moment. It wasn’t that he hated it, but it was dreadfully repetitive and excruciatingly dull the umpteenth time around.

They went through the motions again, repeating and remaking the entire recipe. At that point, they’d almost run out of several ingredients, but were hanging on by just enough they could scrape out to get it into the bowl. Jelpax felt stupidly awkward as he made the batter that time, mostly because he was being observed so closely. Drax was staring at him despite not having a copy of the recipe, and Millennia was comparing each and every thing that he did.

That is, until she suddenly shouted for him to stop and lowered the paper onto the counter, looking back and forth between them for a long several seconds.

“I know what you did,” she announced, a curl at the edge of her lips.

//

The only problem with Mortimus revealing that he was joking about his logic was that his _actual_ logic was barely any better. Rallon grimaced when he saw it, doing his best to feign a happy smile for his friend to reassure him that his work was good, though he knew he’d have to break the news that it was awful.

There wasn’t just one fallacy in there, there were _dozens_. Okay, that may have been a small exaggeration but there were too many logical fallacies and all Rallon could do was mentally shake his head. He couldn’t even _physically_ shake his head because then Mortimus would see and he’d feel bad and that wasn’t something that Rallon wanted on his conscience. He swallowed hard. Not an easy place to be in.

“So, what do you think?” asked Mortimus, almost bouncing up and down in his seat. Clearly, he thought that this one was good, and Rallon didn’t know how to tell him that it was not. “Come on, I’ve been working on it for hours. Tell me how brilliant it is. I know there are no fallacies in there, I checked. I used the book and I made sure I did it all right.”

“Are you sure you used the right book?” It was the simplest way that Rallon could think to start the bad news, and yet, it didn’t quite seem to work the way he wanted it to. He swallowed hard when Mortimus’s face began to fall. “Listen, Mortimus, I really don’t want to be harsh about this, but you asked for my help and if you really want me to do it, then I’m going to have to—”

“Ha! Fooled you again!” He hopped to his feet suddenly, glancing around the library with a slightly baffled look on his face. “You thought that one was my real assignment, but I’ve got another one hidden in my locker. Why don’t you wait right here while I go grab it, so you can have a minute to mull over your prejudices against me.”

Mortimus glanced around to the west of them one last time and hurried out of the library, his body language giving away the fact that he was not nearly as confident as he claimed. The others looked to each other after he left, Vansell rolling his eyes and Magnus only shrugging when Rallon raised his brows in question.

“Do you think he really has something else written?” asked Vansell, before Rallon could find a polite way to ask the question himself. “Or do you think he’s scrambling to put something else together because he knows he fucked up and he doesn’t want to look like an idiot?”

“I don’t know for sure but something in me is really leaning towards the second one,” Magnus answered, stroking his chin thoughtfully. He double checked to be sure that Mortimus was gone before he continued, letting out a sigh as he leaned back in his seat. “Honestly, I’m fairly certain he does that with all of his assignments. He asks me to proofread and then turns in something entirely different. Not that I blame him. I wouldn’t want to turn in shit either.”

“Don’t call his work that,” said Rallon. He didn’t know why he was defending Mortimus, but he didn’t feel right saying things like that behind his back. “Just because he’s not quite as clever as you are doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk to him all the time.”

“I’m not a jerk to him because I’m smarter than him, I’m a jerk to him because he’s a weirdo. It doesn’t matter. Everyone knows he’s strange as hell, even him. Don’t think about it too much. He certainly doesn’t.”

Vansell snorted at the remark, but Rallon only looked to his knees. He knew he could be a bore sometimes, but not wanting to insult his friends didn’t feel like a bad thing.

//

“Professor Borusa? Sir? Are you in there?”

After the last situation, Theta hoped that he wouldn’t walk into the room to find Borusa buried in rubbish. Thankfully, his classroom was empty aside from the professor himself sitting at his desk and the furniture scattered around exactly where it was meant to be. Theta smiled as he walked in, doing his best to look like he was happy to see his professor, though the only real positive emotion stemmed from relief that he hadn’t been crushed alive.

“Theta Sigma.” Borusa’s voice was flat, his sigh exasperated when he dropped his pen down onto the table. He clearly had no interest in speaking to one of his least favorite students, but it wasn’t exactly easy for him to just walk away. “What can I help you with? And if you’re intending to prank me, please just go. Have I not already suffered enough?”

“I’m not here to do anything bad to you, Professor,” Theta assured him, his eyes wide and shining. “I just wanted to ask if you could maybe explain to me exactly how I missed the point on my assignment. You know, the one about the chromosomal origins of love? I worked very, very hard on that and I really need to get a good grade so if you could just explain how I—”

“That wasn’t the assignment.” It meant nothing, and yet, he didn’t go on. Theta nodded for him to continue, moving his hand around in the little circle. He needed specifics or he wasn’t going to be able to fix anything. “All right, the problem is that you went so ridiculously far over the word count that I couldn’t be bothered to read it all.”

“Wait, wait, wait, you didn’t read it?!” His jaw dropped. There was no maximum word count, only a minimum! How was his assignment going _over_ anything? “You said that my assignment was rubbish without even reading it? How could you do that to me? I worked so hard on that and you just went, and you didn’t even—!”

“Theta Sigma, please. You don’t need to get angry about this. You’re the one who wrote a ridiculously long paper and expected me to have time to read it. Do you have any idea how many students I work with? I had absolutely no time to read every word of that, unless I sacrificed time set aside for someone else.”

“Yeah, but that’s still not fair. You gave me a rubbish grade without any good reason aside from your own laziness. If you don’t have time to read it during the day, then just don’t sleep. It’s not that hard! Can you please take another look at my assignment? I have a copy right here and I know that if you just give it a full read through, you’ll see that—”

“ _No_.” Borusa whipped around in his seat, shaking his head disapprovingly. He was not easy to budge and yet, Theta seemed to think he could do it anyway. He almost wanted to burn down Borusa’s classroom too. At least he could keep Drax company in detention. “I do not have time to read your book, Theta. Cut it down to five to seven pages and I will give it another look. But not like this.”

“In all due respect sir, is it absolutely necessary for you to be that dramatic?” Theta narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest. He was sick of it. He was sick of all of it, he just didn’t know how to make it stop. “It’s not the end of the world, it’s one damn assignment. If you can’t be bothered to read my whole assignment, then I think that’s your problem.”

“Really? Because it’s _your_ grade on the line?”

Theta blinked. “I’ll have it shortened by next class.”

He didn’t give Borusa the time to respond before scurrying out of the room. He didn’t deserve the satisfaction.

//

“No way. Absolutely not. That’s just not possible. There’s no way that Jelpax fucked it up _that_ many times. And there’s no way that fucking something up like that would make something so much more delicious.”

Millennia’s conclusion didn’t make any sense. Drax _wanted_ it to make sense, but it didn’t. There was no possible way that the reason Jelpax’s pancakes were so good was because he was using extra sugar instead of salt. How could anyone be thick enough to grab the alien sugar shaker instead of salt every damn time? Especially since it had such a gourmet label on it.

“I’m not kidding!” Millennia was getting annoyed with them at that point, having heard far too much disagreement for what she knew was fact. She saw it with her own two eyes. “He’s using a dash of that gourmet sugar instead of a dash of salt. That’s why it tastes better than everyone else’s because it has that special ingredient.”

“I am not stupid enough to make that mistake,” said Jelpax, shaking his head again. He ran through the steps over and over again, trying to figure out how he could make such a stupid mistake each and every time. It was impossible, right? Nobody could do that. Nobody could fuck up that badly. “Okay, no. This definitely didn’t happen. You’re just imagining things. They taste the same to me.”

“Well, they don’t taste the same to us, so there’s definitely _something_ different. And I saw you grab the shaker. You didn’t get the salt; you got the gourmet sugar.”

“Why are we using shakers anyway?” asked Drax suddenly, pushing a hand through his hair. “Shouldn’t we be worried about the fact that you can’t get an exact measurement with that? We’re supposed to be learning how to make food _accurately_ , and that’s not going to work if we’re— sorry. Right. That’s beside the point.”

“Anyway, if you don’t believe me, why don’t you just try making another batch with the salt and see how they compare?” Millennia gave him a look, and Jelpax only rolled his eyes. “What? Too afraid you’re going to be proven wrong? Oh, well. I thought you were better than that, but I don’t blame you if—”

Though Drax was hoping beyond anything they’d finally put the debate to rest, Jelpax quickly agreed to do it again. He was too stubborn and bitter, and the moment Millennia said he was afraid, he grabbed his whisk and started over again. Drax groaned and flopped down onto one of the stools beside the counter. Someone had to stick around and keep them in line, even if Drax was probably the worst person in the world to do that.

Jelpax made a whole new batter from scratch, ensuring that he took the shaker with salt in it before dumping it into the bowl. He used some leftover batter from his last batch to make a fresh pancake for comparison, and smirked as he flipped them onto the plate. Drax hoped that he didn’t have too much pride running on that bet, because he was definitely going to lose.

When both of the tester pancakes were ready to eat, he slid the plate between them all. Millennia took a bite of each, Drax took a bite of each, and they silently compared the flavors. It didn’t take a verbal answer to know what Jelpax was thinking. He had several small bites of each, then flopped his head down right onto the table in front of him.

Drax gently patted his head. He needed the reassurance.

//

When Mortimus returned with what he claimed was his actual final draft of his work, Rallon never expected it to actually be good. Given everything else that happened, he thought it would be just as awful as the first two, but perhaps marginally more refined. But it wasn’t. No, it was oddly clever. The words were bigger than on the last drafts, the logic was clear and explained, and honestly, Rallon struggled to find fault with it.

“Wow,” he breathed, finally admitting to what he was reading. “Mortimus, in all honesty, I didn’t think this was possible, but you pulled it off. This is really good. So, you honestly were just pranking us before? Because we were all going back and forth on that. We know you like to do jokes like that a lot, and we know you’re not as stupid as—”

He cut himself off, not wanting to finish the thought that came to mind, but somehow, Mortimus still seemed to want the answer. He shifted in his seat, crossing his arms smugly. Rallon blinked, looking away and trying his best to keep his friend from asking for more information, but it was already too late.

“As stupid as what?” he asked innocently, batting his eyelashes as if he truly were not clever enough to infer Rallon’s meaning by himself. “Come on, Rallon. Just tell us what you were thinking. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything overly harmful by it, right?”

“Well, uh… I, er…” Rallon rubbed the side of his head awkwardly, trying to find a way to get out of that without making himself sound like a gigantic jerk. “Like some people think. You know? Not like me, obviously, but like… I don’t know. Runcible?”

“Great comeback. Really stellar. Eleven out of ten.” It wasn’t even the words or his tone which annoyed Rallon the most, it was the way that Magnus slowly clapped and raised his eyebrows like Rallon couldn’t realize how stupid he sounded on his own. “Here, I thought you were going to say, ‘as stupid as I thought’, but no. You meant _Runcible_. That makes sense more sense.”

“Please, Magnus, it’s not nice to make fun of our friend like that.” Vansell reached out a hand to give Rallon’s shoulder a squeeze, then slid his arm up and flicked him in the jaw. “Kidding. Just because he’s not that bright doesn’t give him the right to rag on Mortimus like that. Let me see that work.”

“No!” Mortimus snatched the homework away from him, his gaze darting over to Rallon. He swallowed hard as he turned to look back at Vansell, gripping the paper tightly in his hands. “I mean, no. Sorry. I don’t think you need to see this. We’ll go over it all once we actually start working on the assignment later.”

That was enough to make Vansell suspicious. He reached out for the paper regardless, trying to grab it out of Mortimus’s hands. When he pulled away, Vansell tried again, almost climbing on top of him in his rush to get it. Mortimus scrambled off the couch, holding the paper away from him and refusing to hand it over.

“Mortimus, give it to me!” Vansell cried, ignoring the dirty looks from the Academy librarian as he chased Mortimus off the couch. “Why are you trying so damn hard to hide this? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, I just— fuck.” He dropped his hands down to his side when Vansell finally snatched the paper away from him, his jaw dropping as his eyes went wide. “Okay, I know what you’re thinking, and I’m sorry. I made a bad decision and I’m aware of that and you’re totally allowed to get pissed at me for it. Just don’t say anything. You don’t have to tell them that—”

“That you just stole my work and pretended that it was your own?” He crossed his arms, turning to look at Magnus and Rallon despite Mortimus’s continued pleading. “Honestly, you couldn’t even print out someone else’s work and use that? You had to take _mine_?”

“And _you_ had to go and tell everyone what I did?!”

Magnus nodded for Rallon to get up and follow him out of the library. Rallon didn’t necessarily want to go elsewhere with Magnus, but after a short bit of thought, realized he would rather be anywhere but there.

//

“You did not do that.”

“No, seriously, he did.” The more Koschei said, the further Theta buried his head in his arms. He did not want to talk about what happened with Borusa and yet, his best friend didn’t seem to get the memo and went on regardless. “Borusa said he would only read it if it was shortened, so Theta went and made it twice as long just to spite him.”

“And you really thought that he would give you a better grade for that?” Ushas scoffed, rolling her eyes as she leaned back against Borusa’s desk. They only had half as much time for their meeting since he needed to work in there for longer, but it was fine. They only had so much to talk about. “It did not once cross your mind that it might only make things worse?”

“No!” Theta shook his head, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. He’d already explained what happened a thousand times, he had no interest in rehashing it again. Especially knowing how they’d reacted to him the last time. “I thought he would applaud my initiative and give it another shot, not literally throw it back in my face. I’m covered in paper cuts now!”

“For the last time, those are not paper cuts. Those are scratches from that cat you found in the garden the other day.” Koschei rolled his eyes, leaning back in his seat as he gave his friend a look. “And anyway, I told you that this was going to happen. If you tried to fix it, you would only end up making it worse. You should have just shaved it down like Professor Borusa said in the first place.”

“And listen to him? Break every known rule that I’ve ever made for myself? Upend my morals and confuse myself for life? Absolutely not. There are a lot of things I’m willing to bend but my stance and treatment of Borusa is not one of them. The day I bow down to him is the day I end my life.”

“Intentionally or as collateral damage?”

“I personally would put my money on collateral damage,” said Drax between yawns, “but I suppose it depends on when he’s bent his treatment of Borusa. If he died doing it, it was collateral. If he died afterward, it was intentional.”

“Well, great. Now we know exactly what to think about it when we find Theta dead. Thanks for that insight, mate.” Magnus rolled his eyes, looking around to the others. He, for one, was immensely bored of the topic of conversation, and wanted to move on to something else. The only problem being that he didn’t have anything to change the topic to. “Someone talk about something more interesting please, this is boring as fuck. We have this same sort of conversation every week.”

“All right, well, we can talk about how Jelpax is the greatest chef on Gallifrey.” When they all looked to him doubtfully, Drax glared around the room. He would take any opportunity to brag about his best friend, he didn’t see why it was any sort of surprise. “What? I’m serious. You should try the pancakes he makes. It’s fucking amazing. He—”

“I am not even good at cooking,” said Jelpax, his tone exasperated as he rubbed his temples. “I fucked up the recipe. Literally the only reason it was good was because I fucked up the recipe. Anybody can make that change and if they do, they’ll probably be doing it intentionally and not out of sheer stupidity like I did.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it was stupidity. I think that you were just a culinary genius and in the back of your mind, you knew that you were making a good change. You knew exactly what you were doing, even if it wasn’t entirely conscious. Tell me I’m wrong. Come on. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong,” Millennia told him, despite not being the one Drax was speaking to. She only shrugged when he glared at her, the only look on her face somewhat apologetic. “Look, it’s not that I don’t think you have the potential to be a great chef if you wanted to, I just don’t think you magically knew that changing the recipe like that would make it better.”

“I know, I agree.” Jelpax turned to look over at Drax, who was giving him a look. “I don’t know why you’re so fixated on the idea of me being a great chef, Drax. We have Millennia to make things for us. We don’t need me making anything too. The Deca is perfectly well fed. Aside from what they force us to eat in the dining hall but that’s hell for everyone.”

“Yeah. You know what? We should lead another boycott against that food,” said Drax. He looked around for support but didn’t get so much as one smile. He groaned, shaking his head as he leaned back in his seat. “Come on, the food is awful. If we just led a revolution to get Jelpax’s pancakes put onto the breakfast menu, then we could—”

“Please, for the love of all things pure, stop.” Vansell rubbed his temples exasperatedly, shaking his head when Drax turned to glare at him. “What? We don’t need to be going through all of that again, Drax. And I’m fairly certain Jelpax has no interest in getting his pancakes on any menu.”

“No,” said Jelpax, “I am not. I am really, really not. I do not care about it. At all. You can give them the recipe or the tiny fucking mistake of a change if you want, but I have no interest in being a part of this. Please, please keep me out of it. And don’t tie the lunch lady to a tree again. That was seriously overkill.”

“Sort of like Vansell exposing me to our processor,” Mortimus grumbled, sliding down further in his seat. “I know it was okay to fuck with our friends because they all saw but did you _have_ to tell our professor what happened? There was really no reason to expose me to him and the whole entire class. I mean, _god_. All you had to do was—”

“Let you take credit for my work?” Vansell gave him a look, his brows raised as he shook his head. “I can’t believe you would say that. You wanted me to just let you get off without actually doing anything?”

“No, I just thought you would be more okay with saying that it was a team effort.”

“But it wasn’t a team effort!”

It was a good thing they only had a few more minutes in Borusa’s classroom, because the argument went nowhere amazingly fast.


	12. Kicking Ass and Taking Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millennia discovers Drax and Jelpax's secret. Rallon partners with Theta again. Magnus seeks revenge.

“Thanks for coming out with me,” said Mortimus, grinning as he grasped onto the girl’s hand. She was one of the most beautiful that he’d been out on a date with, and somehow, he hadn’t messed it up yet. “In all honesty, I didn’t think you were actually going to say yes. I’m not sure if you know, but I have a bit of a poor reputation as a boyfriend.”

“Oh, believe me. I am well aware.” There was something odd in Cloronia’s tone, but Mortimus couldn’t identify what it was. Or rather, he didn’t want to see what it was. He didn’t want to believe that what he was hearing was real. “Everyone told me not to go out with you, but I thought you were cute, so I decided to give it a chance anyway.”

“That’s the only reason? Not because of my smarts or my sense of humor or my goofy quirks or—”

“Sorry, are you advertising yourself? I just told you. You’re cute, that’s why I wanted to go out with you. That’s it. There’s nothing special about it and if you think there is, you’re kidding yourself. I knew nothing else about you until tonight. But I do think you’re really nice now, of course.”

“Then why are you talking to me like that?” Mortimus made a face, stopping his stride halfway across the courtyard. Their date had been nice up until that point, but suddenly, she sounded almost anxious and aggressive. He didn’t like her body language either, recognizing how uncomfortable it was. “Why do you keep glancing over at the dormitory? Is there someone over there?”

“No! No, nobody there.” Cloronia latched onto Mortimus’s arm, suddenly dragging him in another direction. “Actually, I think we should scrap the idea of going back to my room and just head over to the main building instead.”

“But it’s almost curfew. Why would we go back to the main building if we’re just going to have to leave again? And what would even be the point of going in there when nothing is open? I don’t even think that the student lounge is available at this hour. Where are you taking me?”

“Anywhere but the dormitory. Please.” She tried again to pull him away, but he yanked back, refusing to budge. “Mortimus, I’m telling you, it’s for the best. You don’t want to go in there.”

“Okay. Well, I guess I better get this over with then, yeah?”

He didn’t bother to look back to see the regret in her eyes, nor stop to listen to her shouted apology. It didn’t matter what happened in the last couple of hours. Cloronia only went out with Mortimus for a joke and when the tar gushed down on his head, not one ounce of him was surprised.

//

“Psst. Hey. Rallon. Psst!”

Rallon tensed when the first paper ball hit the back of his neck and he didn’t release after that. He knew why Theta wanted to get his attention and he had absolutely no interest in giving it to him. It wasn’t that Rallon wanted to be mean, he just really did not enjoy their last time working together in biology and he did not want to do it again.

“Stop, Theta, I’m trying to pay attention!” Choosing the seat in front of Theta was one of the worst decisions of Rallon’s life. If he’d just sat elsewhere, he wouldn’t be in that situation now or before. “If you want to talk about something, we can talk about it after class. Just leave me alone for twenty more minutes.”

It worked. That got Theta off his back but not for a second longer. He groaned when he stood up from his chair and found Theta already standing behind him, a big grin on his face and a pen in one hand. Yep. That was exactly what he was expecting. The moment that Professor Azmael said they would have to get themselves partners after class, he figured Theta would want to partner up with him.

“Hey, Rallon, you want to be partners for the assignment?” asked Theta excitedly, almost bouncing up and down on his feet. His eyes were wide and joyful, his fingers twisting around the pen. “I was just thinking, we haven’t been partners for anything in like, _decades_. We should really do something again. What do you think? I’m going to go sign us up.”

“Theta, wait.” The moment the words left his mouth, Rallon felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He didn’t want to tell Theta that he didn’t want to be partners, but it was true. He had to find a way to twist it. “Look, it’s not that I don’t want to be partners with you, but the last time we partnered up, we cheated. We cheated and I’m afraid that we would end up doing that again and I just wouldn’t feel right about it.”

“No, that’s ridiculous. We got the best grade in the class! In fact, I think we got the only passing grade for that assignment. Just relax, okay? It’s no big deal. You and I make a great team. Just say you’ll do it. It doesn’t have to happen ever again if you don’t like it this time but just once, let me be your partner. Please.”

“Do you realize that you sound like—? No, never mind. Fine, I’ll do it, but we are not cheating this time. I don’t care if the assignment seems fishy or we don’t know what we’re doing, we are going to make sure that this is right. We’re doing this the way that our professor intended it to be done, regardless of what happens.”

“Really?” Theta made a face. “But last time, our professor intended for us to panic and then fail. If that’s what he wants us to do but I have a way to get a good grade regardless, then do you still want to—?”

“I said what I said, Theta. Just leave it alone.”

Rallon didn’t give Theta a chance to argue further. He walked away, still shaking his head as he disappeared out the door.

//

“Hey, have any of you guys seen— what the hell is that?”

Millennia stopped dead in the doorway, her eyes still wide when Drax slammed his closet door shut, quickly draping his arms across it. His own eyes widened when he saw her, his chest rising and falling as if he were hiding something dangerous. More than anything else, Millennia wanted to turn around and walk right out, but she couldn’t stop herself from wondering about what he was hiding.

“Why did you just slam the door shut?” asked Millennia, when Drax failed to answer her first question. “I only came in here to ask if I left my textbook in here from when we were studying the other day. You didn’t have to hide that from me. Unless it’s something you really, really don’t want me to see. It’s not dangerous, is it? Please tell me you’re not burning down another office.”

“No, I’m not burning anything else down! Just leave me alone, okay? It’s nothing bad, it’s just… very embarrassing. You can’t tell anyone, okay?. Nobody can know about this. Don’t tell anyone that I did anything with my closet or they’re going to go looking in there and they can’t do that.”

“Okay, and why is that? What exactly are you hiding in there that’s so horribly embarrassing you can’t tell me? Come on, Drax. You can either tell me now or I can walk right over there and pull you away from the door. Drax. I’m not joking. Tell me.”

“They’re shoes, all right?!” Drax threw his hands into the air dramatically, letting out a sigh as he shoved his fingers down through his hair. He took a deep breath, beginning to pace back and forth as he did so. “Look, I happen to have a lot of shoes. So does Jelpax. But we are not particularly interested in anyone _knowing_ that we have that many shoes. So, can you just—?”

“How many?” When Millennia didn’t get an answer, she rolled her eyes. “You’ve already admitted you have them, why don’t you just tell me how many?”

“Because it’s embarrassing, okay? Nobody should ever have that many shoes, let alone a guy, and I am not going to tell you how many I have. It’s not important. You don’t need to know. Nobody ever, _ever_ needs to know. But for the record, I believe Jelpax has a dozen pairs. You can hold that against him, if you want, but I’m never going to tell you how many I have.”

He squealed the moment Millennia stomped over to him, reaching out to drag the closet door open again. Drax reached out to get her away but failed to pull her back from his things. Before he knew what was happening, Millennia was knee-deep in his closet; her eyes wide as she ripped the shoes from the shelves.

“How do you have so many of them?” she gaped, shoving back his rack of clothing to get to the rest of his shelf. “I can’t believe it, you have even more than I do! Of course, I only have like, four pairs, so that’s not hard to do, but…”

“Just don’t tell anyone, okay?” Drax’s tone was frantic, as if he somehow believed that he had a shred of masculinity left to protect. “And don’t tell anyone about Jelpax either. I know I said you could hold that against him, but I’ll kick your ass if you actually do.”

“ _You_ will kick _my_ ass? Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m not going to tell anyone, Drax, but just so you know, I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. You’re allowed to have a lot of shoes.”

“Yeah, well, not everyone thinks so.”

He threw her textbook at her and shoved her out of the room before she could find another excuse to stay.

//

Though he would never admit to it, Magnus’s first response to seeing one of his friends in distress was an overwhelming sense of protectiveness. He wanted to find whoever hurt his friends and destroy them for doing it. Okay, maybe not _destroy_ them, but he wanted at least a good punch to the nose.

Which was, of course, why he was instantly angry when he saw Mortimus flopped down on his bed.

There were only a few reasons why Mortimus would lay the way he was. He was upset about something, for sure. It wasn’t even necessarily a person he was upset with, but Magnus couldn’t stop himself from wondering whether it was. He hesitated before walking over to his roommate, not wanting to admit that he was concerned but desperately wondering who he needed to clock.

“Hey.” He nudged Mortimus with his toe, taking a step back when his friend looked up with a bitter expression. Magnus held his hands up in defense. “Damn, sorry. I just wanted to know if you were all right. I didn’t see you come in last night.”

“Yeah, I kind of got caught up in something. Literally.” Mortimus shoved his head back into the pillows, ignoring the fact that he likely couldn’t breathe. “Nghng thghn I whgth hingherhugphed hdang I hahg to hashager—”

“Mort. Mortimus. _Mortimus, you fucking idiot._ I can’t understand a word that you’re saying! Fucking turn your head back over to me or stop trying to talk. I can’t understand you with that pillow muffling every damn word you say.”

“Sorry.” He turned his head back over to Magnus, an odd look on his face. Mortimus blinked for a moment, hesitating before he went on. “Remember how I had that date last night?”

“No, but you go on a lot of dates, so I don’t expect to remember them all.”

“Right, well, turns out, that whole thing was just a scheme to get me covered in tar. And then they shoved me in my locker, which hurt and also ruined all of my shit. On the bright side, they had to drag me all the way over there, so they got a lot of tar on their clothing too. Not that I feel any better about it, but whatever. My hair is only a little sticky now.”

But Magnus’s temper was no longer just a little on edge. Suddenly, he felt his hearts start to pound, his fingers clenching as he looked to Mortimus in disbelief. People had done a lot of terrible things to him before, but that had to be one of the worst. It was one thing to make a comment about his oddities, it was another to commit the crime of physical assault.

“Who did that?” he asked. When Mortimus failed to answer, Magnus tried again, taking a deep breath to keep himself from sounding too angry. “Mortimus, who did that? Who hurt you? Tell me _now_.”

“It was Cloronia,” Mortimus mumbled, shifting deeper into the blankets but not muffling his face. “She tricked me and I think she felt bad about it afterward because she tried to stop me from walking into their trap—no, I don’t know who they were, they put a fucking sack on my head—but I’d already figured it out. Please don’t beat her up for me. Magnus. Magnus!”

He was halfway out the door before Mortimus could say another word.

//

Rallon was often anxious, but no level of anxiety had ever reached what he was feeling right then. Right before he walked into the inevitable disaster which was going to the science lab with Theta after hours. He knew that it was a terrible idea to ever agree to do another experiment with him again, but he didn’t know how to avoid it.

Okay, scratch that, Rallon _did_ know how to avoid it, he just didn’t know how to avoid it without sounding like a total jerk. He thought Theta was reckless and chaotic and he had no idea as to what might happen as they got to work on their assignment. Especially since there were dangerous chemicals involved this time. For all Rallon knew, he was about to get poisoned like Magnus had when he was stuck in there with Epsilon all those years ago.

“Hello!” Just his luck, Theta was already sitting at one of the lab desks when Rallon walked in, safety goggles on his forehead and a grin on his face. “I was just getting everything ready for our experiment. Would you like to see my progress? I think I’ve gathered everything on the required list, but I might have missed a thing or two. I’m not sure I recognize all of these names.”

“Let me see.” Rallon hesitated in the doorway for only one second longer before walking over to sit down beside Theta. He took the list from his hands, looking over everything he’d already done to be sure he hadn’t made any serious mistakes. Surprisingly, it all seemed okay. “This actually looks fairly good, Theta. You’re doing really well so far.”

“Thanks! I stole Ushas’s notes from when she took this class last year. This is helping way more than you would’ve thought. Seriously, Ushas is pretty smart. Don’t tell her I said that, though. She’ll hold it against me forever.”

Rallon’s heart dropped into his stomach. They weren’t going to cheat. Theta promised him that they would do the assignment the way they were meant to and yet, he’d gone and cheated anyway. It was stupid. Ridiculous. What was the point in agreeing to something you knew you weren’t going to do? Rallon glared at his friend, forcing back the scowl that tugged on his lips.

“Theta, you promised that we weren’t going to cheat,” he snapped, unable to keep his tone level. “You need to give those back right now. We’re not doing this with any outside help. You agreed that we would do this the way that it was meant to be done and that’s how it’s going to be.”

“But this makes it so much easier. It’s not even really cheating, just getting an outside perspective!” When Rallon didn’t budge, Theta’s shoulders sagged, and he shifted in his seat as he tried again to convince him. “Please? It’s not like it even has the answers on it, it’s just a bit of Ushas’s— _no!_ ”

Rallon tore the paper right in half, his gaze never leaving Theta’s face.

//

“You told her about the shoes?!”

Drax nodded again, not shifting his hands from where they lay covering his face. He couldn’t face Jelpax after what he’d done. Not after he revealed their deepest, darkest secret. At least he knew that Millennia wouldn’t expose them. She was far too nice to go around telling everyone that little truth unless he gave her a damn good reason to.

“I thought we promised we were never going to tell anyone else about the shoes!” Jelpax went on, groaning as he shoved his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe this. You know that the moment you piss her off again, she’s going to go and tell everyone. She might have already done that. Do you know if she has anything against you right now? Because if she does—”

“She’s not going to. Just leave it alone, all right? Don’t talk about it at all and maybe she’ll just forget.”

“Forget? You think that Millennia is just going to forget that she has all this shit on us? Yeah, no. Fairly certain there’s no possible reality in which that could ever happen. You’ve fucked us. We’re doomed. We’re basically going to have to be her slaves from now on because otherwise, that information is liable to get out to anyone who she cares to tell as revenge.”

Jelpax flopped onto his bed dramatically, his face landing straight down into his pillows. He dragged one over his head, further burying himself beneath the fluffy comfort. It was too much. For years, they’d kept that secret. For years, nobody knew about their secret hobby, but now they did. Now, Millennia knew everything, and it was only a matter of time until everyone else did too.

“Please, Pax, would you just stop being so dramatic?” It was ironic, hearing that come out of the resident drama queen’s mouth, but Drax didn’t seem to notice nor care about that. He swung his legs over the edge of his bed, turning the other way to look where Jelpax was burying his face. “Look, I’m sorry, all right? She jumped me and yanked the doors open. There was nothing I could do about it and if there were, then I swear, I wouldn’t have let her—”

“You wouldn’t have let her know about our most embarrassing secret?” finished Jelpax, slowly shaking his head. “Fucking ridiculous. That was supposed to stay between us forever.”

“No, you know what’s fucking ridiculous? That you think that’s our most embarrassing secret. It’s like you don’t even remember what happened when we dragged Vansell on that date. Or worse, that time in primary school, when we—”

Jelpax was on his knees in front of Drax in a second, one hand clapped over his mouth. “Do _not_ say it. You don’t know who’s listening.”

“What are you talking about?” Drax looked around, his brow furrowed. “You do know we’re in our own room, right? There’s nobody else here. Who the hell do you think is listening to us? Oh, god. Please tell me you haven’t turned into one of those conspiracy nuts. I don’t know what I would do with myself if I found out that all this time, my best friend has been—”

“Drax, stop. You do not know who’s listening to us right now. This whole room could be bugged!”

He’d never slapped his forehead harder.

//

The thing is, Magnus had a bit of a reputation. Everyone knew him as that guy you don’t fuck with, and because almost everyone was scared of him for one reason or another, it wasn’t easy to just approach a person and act like nothing was going on. The moment he tried to walk up to anyone he wasn’t affiliated with, they became suspicious of his motives. For good reason, of course, but still. It was very annoying.

“Hey.” He dropped his hand onto the locker, stopping Cloronia from walking away. She flinched when he looked to her, her brown gaze shifting away. “So, you think it’s funny to mess with innocent blokes, yeah? And don’t fucking lie to me, I know it was you and there’s no point in saying it wasn’t.”

“No.” Cloronia shook her head quickly, clinging to the books in her arms. “I didn’t think it was funny. I mean, I went along with it at first, but then Mortimus was very charming and sweet and I started to think that maybe, everyone was wrong about him. He’s not that creepy, he’s just got a lot of quirks. I tried to get him away from the pranksters, but it was too late. He figured it out.”

“And he walked right into it? Yeah, sounds like Mortimus. Okay, look. I won’t beat you up, but _only_ if you tell me who else was involved in this shit. Otherwise, I’m going to have to kick your ass. Not sorry, but that’s just the way this works. You hurt Mortimus, I hurt you. Stop looking at me like that. You give me the names, I let you off without a pinch. _Now_.”

“Well, it was—” She cut herself off, glancing over her shoulder as if she were worried that someone was eavesdropping on their conversation. “There’s this group of boys who sits behind him in general psychology. Now, I don’t know for sure who all was involved, but I know it was arranged by the guy who sits behind him to the right. He hates Mortimus because he thinks he’s a know it all.”

“He is a know it all,” said Magnus, finally releasing his aggressive stance towards the lockers, “but he’s my know it all and I don’t like people fucking messing with him. So, I’m going to go find these fuckers and kick their asses and if you get in contact with any of them, you come and find me, all right? And if you get in the way of this—”

“I won’t. I swear. Just… please don’t hurt me.”

Magnus made no promises but nodded as he turned away. He couldn’t be confident that she wasn’t lying to him again and in the event that she was, he would not hesitate to come back and truly kick her ass.

//

“I told you this was going to happen.”

Rallon knew that everything was going to go really bad, really fast, but he didn’t realize that they were going to fail the assignment so badly. Neither of them were that great at the subject to begin with and losing Ushas’s notes did not help. Suddenly, they were flying solo, and it was all thanks to Rallon’s stupid decision to tear the cheat sheet in half.

“Yeah, shut up,” said Rallon. His tone wasn’t overly rude, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying the words. He was done. He was so done with Theta’s attitude, and he was just done with the whole assignment in general. It was stupid. Agreeing to partner up with Theta was a terrible idea. “Let’s just start again, yeah? One failed attempt doesn’t mean we can’t do it.”

“Or does it?” Theta brushed the last of the ashes off his goggles, an oddly amused look on his face. He clearly didn’t recognize the severity of the situation. He snapped his goggles back over his eyes, already reaching for a new set of beakers. “All right, what was step one again?”

“Get out the beakers.”

“Why would I tell them to get out? I just pulled them out of the— oh. _Oh_. Oh, yeah, I see what you’re getting at. What’s step two, then? You know what? Maybe you should just let me have the directions so I can test what’s going on here. It’ll be a lot easier if you just put them down where we can both see them.”

“Okay, maybe not.” Rallon slid the paper away from Theta when he reached out for it, refusing to share the directions. It didn’t matter how hard he tried or how badly he wanted to do it on his own, Rallon simply didn’t trust him not to cause another explosion. “How about I take care of all of it? You just sit there, and I’ll let you have some credit on this.”

“What? No!” Immediately, Theta whipped around to look at his friend, a scowl on his face. “Absolutely not. You said we have to do this by the books, which means I’m going to participate in this fully. _Fully_. I will not take credit for something that I did not do.”

“Don’t you do that like, all the time? I mean, that’s pretty much your thing. Either stealing credit for someone else or pinning the blame on them. This seems right up your alley, honestly.”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t seem right up yours. You said that you wanted to do this exactly the way our professor intended and if I don’t get to help, then you’re bending the rules he put in place. This is your problem too, you know. You have to change the way you’re thinking about this, or else we’re both going to be fucked.”

“We are not.” Rallon shook his head quickly, his fingers gripping around the instructions in his hands. He wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to let Theta win and inevitably ruin their project. “Don’t make me take this away from you, Theta Sigma.”

“You’ve already taken it away from me. What more could you possibly do?” He reached out for the paper again, narrowing his eyes when Rallon refused to hand it over. “Just let me have it. I’m not going to ruin the experiment, you dick. Give it to me!”

Rallon really shouldn’t have tried to stop him. If he hadn’t, they never would’ve torn the instruction sheet in half.

//

“So, you _promise_ that you’re not actually a conspiracy theorist, right?”

Jelpax rolled his eyes for the thousandth time the day. He couldn’t believe that Drax actually believed all the shit he said before. Yeah, he knew a lot about conspiracies, being the history buff he was, but that didn’t believe he thought they were all true. He just thought it was fun to make a joke out of it. Apparently, veering outside his typical realm of sarcasm wasn’t a great idea.

“Yes, Drax,” he agreed, sighing as he leaned back against his desk, “I am absolutely sure that I’m not a conspiracy theorist. Cross my hearts. And I also promise I’m not ever going to try out a new kind of joking ever again. I can tell that those jokes didn’t go over as well as I thought they would.”

“Well, can you blame me?” Drax crossed his arms bitterly, his eyes narrowed at his friend. “You like, threw your hand over your mouth to silence me, and you just expected me to know you were joking? That seems like a bit much, doesn’t it? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. We have more pressing concerns at hand.”

“Like the fact that you exposed our— _one of_ our biggest secrets to Millennia? Someone absolutely liable to throw it back in our faces if you fuck her over, which you inevitably will because that’s all you ever do?”

“Wow, sounds like you have a whole lot of confidence in me. Asshole. I really don’t think that Millennia is going to throw it back in our faces. She’s way too nice to ever do that, even if I pissed her off. In that case, she would probably just come over and kick my ass, you know? That’s way easier than going around telling everyone that we have a stupid amount of shoes.”

“Yeah, except she doesn’t have to tell everyone,” said Jelpax, giving Drax a look. For how many shenanigans he’d gotten himself into over the years, he was truly ignorant to much of the Academy’s culture. “She tells everyone in the Deca, particularly Mortimus, and then they go and tell people. Then those people tell people, and those people tell people, and suddenly, everyone knows about it.”

“Oh, my god. We’re fucked, aren’t we?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, yes.”

Drax’s eyes went wide as he leapt up from the bed, immediately rushing over to the door. He didn’t wait long enough to give Jelpax the chance to ask where he was going, forcing him to follow if he wanted any answers. Of course, Drax ran straight over to Millennia’s room, pounding on the door when he found that it was not unlocked.

“Millennia!” he shouted, refusing to let up even when Jelpax pointed out his volume. “Millennia, open up! I need to talk to you right now!”

“Millennia isn’t here, you absolute moron,” snapped Ushas, sliding the door open suddenly. She glared at both him and Jelpax, taking a deep breath before she went on. “Look, Runcible is going to be starting his patrol any minute now and if you keep standing out here screaming, you’re going to break his volume rules.”

“Do I look like I give a shit? When have I ever stopped to pay attention to Runcible before? _Have_ I ever stopped to pay attention to him before? Well, him, I suppose, but I haven’t _ever_ stopped for his rules. Or anyone’s rules. Sorry, have you got me mixed up with someone else? Because that just doesn’t sound like me at all to care.”

“Okay, fine, then just get the hell out of here because I have no interest in talking to you. Millennia is probably hanging around that room they’re doing the paper out of. I can’t remember which one. Never been bothered to go down there, but I suppose, if you truly have to find her—”

“Yeah, thanks. Fuck off.”

Drax flipped her a finger before turning to walk down the hall, determined to make sure Millennia never shared his secret with anyone.

//

“Hey, asshole!”

By that point, Magnus had shouted at and threatened so many people that you’d think the charm would’ve worn off, but it never did. Every time someone whipped around to look at him, their eyes widened with fear and their hands shaking in sheer terror, Magnus smirked. He was really the scariest person in the Academy, and though many people might have been ashamed, he truly prided himself on that fact.

“You think it’s funny to make a joke out of younger students, eh?” Mortimus was only one of the youngest in their year by around a month, but Magnus knew every way to guilt trip a dick. “Get them all excited, rope in some unsuspecting girl to be a part of your little ploy. Well, I think you might have forgotten to check who your victim was roommates with.”

“Wait, you’re Mortimus’s roommate?” The bloke’s jaw dropped as he swallowed hard, his fingers clenching into tight, anxious fists. “Oh, god. I thought he was roommates with that Epsilon dude. I had no idea it was you. Listen, mate, I’m sorry. I never would have agreed to this plan if I knew that—”

“For one thing, I’m not your fucking mate.” Magnus stepped closer to the shaking student; his eyes narrowed. “For another, the fact that I’m his roommate shouldn’t have any impact on whether you’re hurting an innocent person. I know Mortimus can be a little odd sometimes but he’s fucking nice as shit and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt like that.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me. I swear to god, I won’t ever touch him or anyone else ever again. Just don’t hurt me. Please. I never meant for this to go so far, I just wanted to have a little fun with my friends.”

“And who exactly are your friends? You can stay silent if you want but that’s only going to make your punishment that much worse. I’m not fucking around. You tell me the names of every person who was involved in this little bullshit ‘prank’ of yours or I promise, the rest of your life at this academy is going to be absolute _hell_.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I have all their names on my phone. Here.” He scrambled to pull out a piece of paper and a pen, quickly writing down the names of everyone who was involved in the scheme. Magnus smiled before shoving him into the locker he was writing against, just for good measure. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me.”

“Fine, I’ll leave it at that,” Magnus agreed, “but _only_ because you were so willing to give up their names. Fuck anyone over again and your ass is spending a weekend in one of those lockers. Now, fuck off.”

The boy ran as fast as his legs would take him down the hallway, leaving Magnus alone to study the list in front of him. Not that he got much of a chance before he was approached again, this time by Koschei. He frowned when he saw the way that Magnus was staring at the list of names, his brow furrowed when he peered over to look at it.

“What’s that?” he asked. “I think I sit behind that bloke in cosmic science.”

“Yeah?” Magnus turned to him eagerly. “So, you might know where to find him, then?”

“I suppose so. Why?”

“He pulled a nasty prank on Mortimus and I’m looking to kick his ass. You’re welcome to join if you’re like.”

Koschei didn’t hesitate before he shrugged. “Sure, I got nothing else going on. Let’s go.”

//

“I mean, on the bright side, I’m _fairly_ certain we’re not going to die of any airborne poisoning.”

Initially, trying to do the assignment on their own seemed like a great idea. But the further they got into it, the less steps they remembered from the first time around, and before they knew it, they were absolutely guessing. They poured the wrong mixtures into things, tested the wrong items, and utterly butchered the sacred art of science.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” said Rallon, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. He was no scientist, far from it, but he knew that whatever they were breathing in was not safe. He coughed again, wishing that they had something more than cloths to cover their mouths. “I think maybe we should just come back and try again tomorrow.”

“What, and give up? Absolutely not.” Theta shook his head quickly, already reaching to start cleaning out the beakers which hadn’t shattered during their last failed attempt. “We’re going to figure this out, Rallon. We just have to keep trying. I know we can do it. We did it last time we worked together.”

“We cheated last time we worked together. You promised that wasn’t going to happen again.”

“And yet, who suggested that you do all the work and leave me completely out of it?”

“Who suggested we just steal Ushas’s notes and use those instead of doing the work on our own?”

“In my defense, I didn’t suggest we steal them, I stole them myself and then suggested that we _use_ them. The whole thing wasn’t my fault, really. I remembered she had them, and I just— yep, you don’t care. Okay, I got it. I’ll shut up now. Do you remember what the first step of the experiment was?”

“I told you this a hundred times already,” Rallon snapped, gritting his teeth. “The first step in the experiment is to get the supplies ready. But we don’t _have_ the supplies list because somebody burned it up with that last attempt. Which, might I remind you, was not me. Therefore, the only person who could be responsible is—”

“Don’t say it. Do not say me.” Theta narrowed his eyes, as if there were someone else that Rallon could pin the blame on despite Theta being the one who continuously jumped the gun and fucked up the experiment. “Let’s not put the blame on anyone, okay? Maybe it’s not us. Maybe there’s asbestos in the ceiling and it fell down into our project after the explosion.”

“Okay, but if the explosion already happened, then how could asbestos in the ceiling possibly be responsible for it? That doesn’t make any sense, Theta. If you’re going to try and make up excuses, you need to at least figure out solid logic for it. I mean, honestly. Did you really think that I was going to believe that?”

“Well, I didn’t think it was an utterly lost cause! Now, would you stop blaming this all on me? You’re the one who ripped Ushas’s notes in half. That’s not my fault. I didn’t do that; it was your dumb ass. If we still had those, we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess, and yet you have the audacity to blame all of this on _me_.”

“Yeah, that’s because _you’re_ the one putting the wrong things in here!”

“How am I supposed to know what the right things are when we don’t have any instructions?!”

The fact that neither of them had an answer to that question only served to put things into perspective.

//

“Millennia!”

She really shouldn’t have been surprised that Drax and Jelpax came looking for her, but somehow, she still jumped when the door opened. Even if she was expecting them, Millennia didn’t know _when_ she was expecting them, and being interrupted halfway through her work was more than a little startling. She dropped her pen down onto the table, looking up with her eyes wide in alarm.

“Sorry, I’m really busy right now,” she said, glancing over to make sure the door to the space behind the counter was closed. Thank goodness she chose to sit in the reception area that day. “I’m not going to be able to talk at the moment but if you’d like to come back later, I can—”

“Absolutely not.” Drax glared at Millennia, slamming his hands down onto the table in front of her. He gripped his fingers tightly around the edge of it, his breathing sharp and heavy. “You are going to come out here and talk to us right now and you are not going to fight us. We need your _word_ that you are not going to tell _anyone_ what you’ve learned about us.”

“Fine, you have my word. You know that I’m not a bad person, right, Drax? If you don’t want me to tell anyone, then all you have to do is say that. I want to be kind to you. If keeping this a secret is important to you, then I’m going to do that. I would never, _ever_ throw something back in your face. But for the record—”

“Do not say that it’s not something to be ashamed of. Do not.”

“Then stop interrupting me!” Millennia slammed her hands down onto the table, her gaze narrowing as she turned to look Drax square in the eye. He lurched back suddenly, his hearts racing as he slid away from the counter. “Listen, I am not going to hold this against you unless you give me a damn good reason to. You are some of my best friends and that is important to me. So, stay on my good side, and I will stay quiet. And it’s _not_ something to be ashamed of—”

“Millennia…” Jelpax wanted to say something, to note that it might not have been Drax’s own fault that he hated it so much, but he didn’t get the opportunity to finish his thought.

“No, listen. I think you have a real issue with toxic masculinity and I think it’s something you need to start working on because I’m not trying to be rude, but you’re honestly one of the least masculine people I have ever met. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re great just as you are. But you need to stop letting these things define you. You shouldn’t be so afraid of me telling people about this. Or anything you love. Just be whoever you want to be, Drax. You’re—”

“You don’t think I want to?!” Suddenly, Drax’s tone was twice as serious, his hands gripping back down onto the counter. “If I had the slightest bit of confidence in myself, the smallest shred of hope that I could get away with anything I wanted without being absolutely berated for it then I would do things differently. I would do things so much differently, but I _can’t_.”

“But you _can_ pull off some of the worst schemes this academy has ever seen?” She shook her head, hating that she had to argue but knowing she wouldn’t get a straight answer if she didn’t. “That doesn’t make any sense. The only way I would ever be able to understand that would be if you were— oh, my god. You are? Aren’t you? You’re using the chaos to cover—”

“Nope. You’ve got the wrong idea. Tell anyone about the shoes and I’ll have Magnus kick your ass. You know you’re not exempt from the rules.”

Jelpax barely caught up to Drax before he stormed out of the room, not so much as glancing back over his shoulder to Millennia, her eyes wide with shock and guilt.

//

“So, you know their names, right?”

Magnus nodded stiffly. He didn’t care what their names were. He only figured out what they were so he would know where to find them and with Koschei’s help, that became even easier. After locating them, he did his best to drop the names from his mind. It was easier to beat people up if you didn’t know their names. It made it more impersonal, reminded him that he wasn’t there for himself, but for Mortimus. It didn’t matter whether he knew anything about these people. They hurt Mortimus, and that was it. They needed to suffer.

“Yeah. Not that it matters.” Magnus kept the note in his pocket, just in case, but he didn’t need to know more than to cross the names off the list. Remembering them was irrelevant. “You know where that first bastard is, right? We’ll take him down first and get him to tell us where the others are.”

“Well, I know where his room is,” said Koschei, giving Magnus an odd look. He turned away when his friend tried to gaze back at him, not wanting to get into a fight over his aggression. “I can’t guarantee that he’ll actually be in there, but it’s worth a shot, yeah? And even if he’s not, maybe his roommate will be. They might know where he is.”

“Right, okay. Lead the way.”

Koschei did as he was told, walking a little way in front of Magnus as they headed up the stairs into the higher levels of the dormitory. The look on Magnus’s face was filled with pure rage, as was his tone whenever he spoke, and in a way, Koschei himself almost felt threatened. He crossed his arms defensively, the closed-off positioning somehow making him more comfortable.

Though Koschei wasn’t entirely confident that he knew their target’s room number, he _was_ sure that he knew the right wing, and figured he could take it from there. He went right up to the door he thought it was, knocked, and profusely apologized when he realized he was one door over. Magnus rolled his eyes, and Koschei only shrugged apologetically as he turned into the next room.

He knocked again, biting down on his lip, and wincing as he waited to find out whether he chose the right room this time. When the door slid open and he discovered he had, Koschei suddenly didn’t know whether to be happy or not. They found the person they were looking for, but they had to _hurt_ him. But he’d already hurt Mortimus, right? So, he really had it coming for him.

“Hey. What are you—?”

Magnus didn’t give the bloke the chance to even ask what they were doing there before he grabbed onto the front of his shirt, shoving him back into the room. The boy let out a sharp cry of pain when Magnus slammed him against his desk, shoving his lower back into the edge of the table. Koschei winced. That had to hurt.

“I didn’t do anything!” cried the boy. He was clearly shaking, but the way he continued to look away from Magnus’s eyes gave away the fact that he was lying. Koschei glared at him, but Magnus glared harder. “Okay, I did it. I helped prank Mortimus. But I didn’t know that you were going to come after me. If I had—”

“Why do you morons keep saying that?” Magnus spat, shaking his head. “If anything, that just pisses me off more. You shouldn’t have to be threatened to do the right fucking thing. You should just know that hurting an innocent person isn’t a good fucking thing to do. Fuck off with that bullshit.”

“I’m sorry. Just don’t hurt me. Please. I’ll never do anything like that again if you just don’t hurt me. _Please_. I’ll never touch you or your friends ever again. I’ll keep my distance and I’ll do community service and—”

There was no amount of pleading that would stop Magnus’s fist from colliding with that bloke’s face.

//

“Did we do it?”

Rallon didn’t want to answer. He was afraid that if he did, he would end up jinxing the whole thing and all their hard work would be for nothing. He swallowed hard as he reached forward to check on their experiment after a long twenty minutes of waiting for it to process and settle. There was every chance it would be ruined again, and his heart pounded just thinking about it.

“It’s time to find out.” Rallon slid open the door to the little blackout chamber, terrified that their work hadn’t come together. He slid his arm in, cringing as his fingers wrapped around the glass. But then, something happened. His eyes went wide. “Oh, my god. I actually think it worked. I think— look at it!”

They stared at the beaker, their eyes wide in awe. Or, at least, Rallon’s were. For some reason, Theta didn’t seem to interested in the fact that they’d actually managed to complete the assignment without any instructions. Rallon frowned, turning to look at Theta with his brow furrowed. It didn’t make sense. Why wasn’t he happy that they succeeded?

“What?” he asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “Theta, we did it. Look. How can you not be over the moons right now? I thought we were doomed but we’re not! We did it!”

“No, we didn’t.” Theta shook his head quickly, an uneasy expression on his face. “I don’t want to be the one to have to say this, but I suppose I’m the only one who can, so… I think we did the wrong assignment, Rallon. This isn’t what we were meant to be working on.”

“Wait, wait, _what_?” Rallon’s jaw dropped, eyes wide with shock. There was no way that Theta could be telling the truth. No way that they’d gone through all that work and those struggles for nothing. “No, no, no, we’ve been working on this for _hours_ , Thete. This has to be right. Why wouldn’t it be right?”

“Because I think we did the wrong assignment. Not to be awful about it but I’ve been thinking, and I don’t remember any of this having anything to do with our assignment. I think I grabbed the wrong supplies, and since our supplies were our only clue as to what we were supposed to be doing…”

“Oh, my god. No. No, no, no. You’re lying. There’s no way that we just wasted all that time working on that for nothing.”

“Well, it’s your fault, really.” Theta was so utterly casual in his tone that Rallon almost wanted to up and smack him, one eye twitching in anger. “You’re the one who apparently never read the instructions. If you had, then you would’ve realized that what I was doing was wildly off and you would’ve stopped me ages ago.”

“So, now this is my fault again? You’re joking.” It was both of their faults, really, but there was no making either of them see sense. Not unless someone happened to come along and smack it into them. “Theta Sigma, tell me that we did the right assignment. Tell me that we’re going to pass.”

“I think you better take a look at the questions we’re supposed to answer about our results.”

Rallon did as he was told, and promptly threw their experiment across the room.

//

The only reason Millennia went to see Drax and Jelpax after she finished up at the paper was because she felt bad about what happened. She hadn’t meant to upset Drax, regardless of what happened, and she did owe them an apology for that if nothing else. So, she knocked on the door, taking a deep breath as she waited for it to open.

Of course, it was Jelpax who opened the door and not Drax. When he got himself into a mood, it generally took a while to get out of it, so Millennia wasn’t the least bit surprised to find that he wasn’t there. She was surprised, however, to find that he seemed perfectly okay, sitting in the middle of the floor, tinkering on something she couldn’t identify.

“Hey,” Millennia began, holding up a hand to accompany her greeting. Jelpax only raised a brow in response, refusing to cave and be the one to apologize first. She was okay with that. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I understand that you two are uncomfortable with people knowing that you love shoes, and I’m going to keep it to myself.”

“What?” Before Jelpax could even explain the baffled look on his face, Drax rose to his feet, eyes wide with shock. “Excuse me, but did you just say that we _love_ shoes? Because you’re mistaken. We do not love shoes. We like shoes a healthy amount. We barely have more than we absolutely need.”

“Drax, you absolutely love shoes. Don’t lie to me. I saw how many you have, and I know what you said about Jelpax too. Why would you have so many shoes if you didn’t love them? You don’t have to pretend; you’re allowed to tell the truth around me. I won’t tell anyone else.”

“But he _is_ telling the truth,” Jelpax insisted. He took a step back, closing the distance between him and Drax. “Just because we have a few extra pairs of trainers doesn’t mean that we _love_ shoes. And yeah, Drax has quite a few pairs of boots but that’s just because they get worn out rather easily, you know? He just wants to look nice.”

“Does he?” The smile on Millennia’s face was almost mischievous as she stepped further into the room, crossing her arms smugly. “Or are you just pretending that you want to look nice so that you can have an excuse to buy more of them?”

Drax opened and closed his mouth multiple times, but never managed to get any words out. He clenched his hands into tight fists, his fingers curling around the screwdriver in his hand as he jabbed it in Millennia’s direction. Again, he didn’t say anything, but moved closer to her, his eyes narrowed.

“I do not love shoes,” said Drax. He sounded utterly confident with his words, but Millennia knew better than to believe him. He’d had to lie his way out of far too many punishments for her to ever believe that he was telling the truth. “I like shoes. I do. But it’s a healthy hobby and there is nothing special there or anything worth talking about so just leave it alone, okay?”

“Okay.” Millennia nodded, still not letting up her smug grin. “I’ll leave it alone when you admit that you love them. Come on. Just three words. Just say that you love shoes. I won’t tell anyone. This is just between the three of us, I promise.”

“No. I won’t do it. You can’t make me do it.”

“Drax—!”

Jelpax made the decision not to follow when they chased each other out the door. He really wasn’t in the mood to be fighting either of them.

//

“You actually beat them all up? Every single one of them?”

Magnus nodded. He really wasn’t interested in recounting the details of what he’d done, and it wasn’t even that interesting. He beat people up all the time, especially when he knew they were guilty of hurting one of his friends, and this was hardly any different. He tracked down one of his targets, got the names from him, and went around clocking them all. They begged for mercy and promised they would never hurt Mortimus again. A highly satisfying but rather dull conclusion.

“Hey, I beat up a few of them,” said Koschei bitterly, crossing his arms as he slumped down in his seat. He wasn’t getting any of the credit, despite all the hard work he put into helping Magnus. “Yeah, maybe I didn’t do quite as much as you did but you never would’ve been able to clock that trio of three if I wasn’t there.”

“Sorry, did you just say, ‘trio of three’?” Ushas, who hadn’t yet been interested in their conversation, stepped away from Borusa’s desk, one brow raised. “You do know that a trio _means_ three, right? That’s like saying ‘cloyingly sweet’. Cloying _means_ overly sweet. It’s just fucking redundant.”

“I feel like you’re taking that second part out on the wrong person here.” Mortimus threw his hands up in defense when she whipped around to glare at him, not in the mood to deal with his readings. “Okay, I’m sorry, I was just making an observation. I’ll go ahead and keep my mouth shut for the rest of the night.”

“Or for the rest of your life, if you feel so inclined.”

“Whoa, hey, careful!” Koschei gave her a look, glancing over to Magnus and subtly pointing a finger in his direction. “I just spent several hours watching him beat people up for hurting Mortimus earlier this week. I really don’t think it’s a great idea for you to be trying that now.”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck off. I think I can handle him.” Though she _wanted_ to point out the fact that Magnus was unlikely to hurt her due to the fact that he fancied her, Ushas chose not to. She didn’t think she would ever want to discuss that. “Anyway, does someone else have something more interesting to talk about than the fact that Magnus got drunk on revenge?”

“I think Rallon and Theta were working on some big science project earlier this week,” said Millennia cheerfully. Her tone said that she wanted to give them space to brag about how well they did, but what she didn’t know was how awful they were. “You guys want to tell us how that went? I think Rallon was saying you did pretty well.”

“No, I said that we _did_ do pretty well,” Rallon began, “and then it turned out we were working on the wrong assignment, so the entire thing was null and void. We ended up having to ask Professor Azmael for an extension. It was so embarrassing, I thought I was going to die.”

“You did not think you were going to die of embarrassment,” Theta scoffed, rolling his eyes. He glanced around the room, ensuring he had everyone’s attention before he turned back to look at Rallon. “You thought that you were _already_ dying from whatever dangerous chemicals we released into the air. That’s totally different.”

“Wait, what dangerous chemicals?” Suddenly, Ushas’s tone was entirely serious, as she looked between the boys waiting for an answer. It took too long, and she found herself utterly impatient. “What chemicals did you spill? Tell me _now_. If you released something in there that’s going to hurt people, then you need to go back right now, and—”

“I didn’t do anything _that_ bad! And besides, it’s not like you haven’t made anything poisonous. Or there was that one time you helped burn down Borusa’s office. You want to rehash that again? I think they’re still rebuilding. And are you in detention as well, or have we gotten past that by now?”

“Hey, in her defense, and I don’t often come to Ushas’s defense,” started Drax, shoving a hand through his hair, “it was kind of my fault. I dropped the flaming shit on Borusa’s desk and that’s how the fire got started. I don’t think you can really blame her for that. It was really out of her control. Although, she _did_ give me the shit to burn…”

“Do _not_ act like you are innocent.” Shockingly, it was Jelpax who spoke up, and not Ushas. He held a no nonsense look on his face, his eyes narrowed in disapproval. “Drax, you promised that you were going to start fessing up to your mistakes. This is not fessing up to anything, this is pinning the blame on someone else.”

“Well, I think you must have me confused with someone else, because I would never promise to start fessing up to my mistakes. I may be rather proud of a lot of them but I’m not dumb enough to say I’ll confess to them all. Like, you remember that time I almost killed that kid, I still don’t think the Headmaster knows who that was.”

“‘That kid’?” Vansell’s jaw dropped. “Drax, you jackass, that was me!”

He blinked. “Was it? I don’t remember. The whole day is so fuzzy. All I know is that I pushed something off the roof, heard someone scream, and hauled ass. I wasn’t about to stick around and get in trouble for something that I absolutely did.”

“Are you even hearing yourself right now?” Jelpax shook his head disapprovingly, clicking his tongue in a way which only amplified his feelings. “Drax, darling, do you realize just how much easier things would be if you started telling the truth? You’d get less detention, make less enemies… it’s really a win all the way around.”

“Or is it a _lose_ all the way around?” If he noticed when Jelpax’s shoulders sagged in defeat, he didn’t mention it. “I enjoy the chaos. Yes, the detentions and punishments all do get a little annoying at times but it’s worth it for the hell I get to raise on a daily basis.”

“And you are doing that because you think it’s fun, right?” Millennia’s question came out of nowhere, and a couple of her friends gave her strange looks. Drax turned away. “What? I just want to make sure that I’m understanding this correctly. There’s no other motives to what’s happening here?”

“No, there are not, and the idea that there could be is ridiculous.” It wasn’t Drax who responded, but Ushas, rolling her eyes at the front of the classroom. “Drax is definitely doing this because he loves the chaos. You know he is. That’s all we’ve ever seen from him, and I doubt he’s ever changed. Right, Drax?”

He opened his mouth to respond but didn’t get the chance to actually say a word before the door swung open and in walked Professor Borusa, gesturing for them all to get out. If there was one serious downside to burning down his office, it was the fact that they had far less meeting time since he had nowhere else to work.

Jelpax sighed as he followed Drax out the room. Maybe Ushas didn’t get her answer, but he was determined to get his.


	13. Too Hot to Handle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theta and Vansell get a new professor who may be the most attractive person alive. Drax teams up with Ushas.

“Drax, come here. I need to talk to you.”

He lurched when Ushas latched on to his sleeve, dragging him down a different corridor. That almost definitely would make him late for his class, but he really didn’t care. He hated temporal theory anyway. As such, Drax turned to look at Ushas when she stopped, brushing off his sleeve and grimacing as he looked down to where she’d tugged.

“What?” he asked, raising a brow. He looked around the hall, frowning when he realized the whole area was empty. “The fact that you’ve pulled me down here makes me think you want to talk to me about something really fishy. Please tell me you’re talking about doing something really fishy.”

“Yes, I am.” Ushas glanced over her shoulder, ensuring that no one else was there before she leaned in and went on. “I’m working on a new project and I’d like you to help me with it. Not as my lab rat, but as my partner. I need your engineering expertise.”

“Holy shit, you want _my_ _help_?!”

That was a first. In decades of friendship, Ushas had _never_ asked Drax for help before. Sure, she wanted him to be her lab rat and sometimes recruited him for ridiculous tasks and missions, but she didn’t ask him for serious help. She didn’t ask him for anything that would use his actual intelligence and not the skills he picked up through his chaotic endeavors.

“Well, I _did_ want your help,” said Ushas blandly, “but if you’re going to react like that, then maybe I’ll ask if Millennia knows anything about this stuff instead.”

“No, no, no, wait. I can do this.” Drax whipped around in front of her when she tried to walk away, his arms outstretched in front of him. “I will not let you down, Ushas. Believe me. And if the experiment explodes, that’s a plus in my book. Failure is part of the journey and that’s not me making up for the quality of my work.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad you say that because this experiment is actually remarkably combustible. I was rather afraid that might scare you off since you were so bitter that time I accidentally burned you, but I suppose things like this are right up your alley now, yeah?”

“Wait, no. What? How combustible are we talking? Like, am I going to get blown up or is my room going to get blown up? Because I can handle a room blowing up, but I would really prefer to keep myself in one piece, you know?”

“I’m fairly confident you will not get blown up. No promises, though.” Ushas bit down on her lip when Drax gave her a look, uncertain whether she would be able to keep him on board. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“Nope.” Drax smiled and held out his hand after a short second, and she took it with a relieved sigh. “This is going to be fun.”

//

“Oh, my god. She is so fucking hot.”

Vansell blinked. He looked around the room, trying to figure out which student Theta was referring to, but he couldn’t find anyone who looked attractive in the least. In fact, Theta seemed to be the most attractive one in there aside from himself which was cause for significant concern.

“Who?” he asked, keeping his voice low so their professor wouldn’t realize he was having a conversation in the middle of class. Theta might have been okay with getting a shit ton of detention, but Vansell had better things to do with his time.

“Uh, Professor Melleshamorthalke?” Theta rolled his eyes and suddenly, Vansell realized that he _was_ , in fact, staring at their new professor. He shook his head. There was no way Theta fancied their professor. “Honestly, can you even believe how attractive she is? I mean, _wow_. I don’t normally like people unless I get to know them first, but can you believe her—”

“Would you please stop with that? She’s not even attractive. Look at her, for god’s sake! She’s fucking old!”

“She’s fucking beautiful, is what she is. I think you’re the only one in the room who isn’t staring at her right now, I mean, holy _shit_. Genuinely stunned they let her get a job here at the Academy. You’d have thought someone would realize somewhere along the way just how distracting she is.”

“She’s not distracting!” Vansell looked to their professor, trying desperately to see whatever it was that Theta saw, but there was nothing. She was just bland. Just a regular lady. He glanced over to Theta again, genuinely shocked to find that half the room was still staring at their professor in a way that said they weren’t just watching the lecture. “I don’t understand what you see in her.”

“I don’t understand what you don’t.” Theta didn’t tear his eyes away from the woman for a moment, his eyes wide in awe. He rested his chin on the backs of his hands, utterly amazed by the beauty of his professor. How could Vansell not see it? “She’s so hot. Can you even believe it? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more attractive than her.”

“Does this mean Thoschei is dead?”

“This means that Theta has two hands.”

Vansell slapped his hand against his forehead.

//

“Have you met our new professor?”

It was, of course, Theta who asked the question. After Vansell’s insistence that Professor Mellesha was not attractive, he _had_ to know whether he was the only one. Unfortunately, no one else at the dining table seemed to know who he was talking about, and he had to pull out a picture to help them know. The table went silent when he showed them.

“Wow,” said Mortimus, his eyes wide. He reached out to grab Theta’s phone, wanting a better look at the picture. Instead of responding, he stared at it for several seconds, glancing between the screen and his friends. “She’s so beautiful. Maybe the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. I mean, holy shit. Look at her!”

Jelpax frowned when he took the phone from Mortimus. “I don’t get it. There’s nothing that attractive about her. She just looks like a regular old professor to me.”

“Or maybe she’s just not your type. Who have you fancied before? Anyone? Maybe you just need to take another look at it. Seriously, she’s gorgeous. Have you ever seen skin so clear? Hair so shiny? God _damn_.”

“I just don’t see it. I don’t think she’s attractive. Are you honestly all that attracted to her?”

“I don’t know, let me look.” Koschei reached out for the phone, frowning when he saw it. He definitely found the professor to be attractive, but he didn’t like the fact that Theta did too. Not because he was jealous, of course, he just had some other reason for it that he couldn’t quite identify. “Yeah, I suppose she looks okay. Not the _most_ attractive person I’ve ever seen, but not a bad sight either.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Theta snatched his phone back, glaring at Koschei and then over to Jelpax, shaking his head disapprovingly. He then turned to the others side of the table, trying to find more support. “Magnus, please, tell me you think that she’s attractive. Don’t tell me that you don’t see it because I _know_ she’s attractive. I _know_ it.”

“Okay, well, maybe we have different opinions. Is it so hard to believe that— wow.” Magnus’s eyes went wide when he took the phone, gaping at the photograph in front of him. He was proven wrong. So wrong. “Okay, yeah, I believe you. You’re absolutely right. She’s gorgeous. How do you people not realize that?”

“I think she’s rather attractive,” said Millennia, glancing over his shoulder. “Not as attractive as my boyfriend, of course, but she’s definitely pretty.”

“Wait, let me see that.” It wasn’t jealousy that made Rallon reach across the table for the phone. He didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t jealousy. There was no way he was jealous of a _professor_ because Millennia thought she was pretty. No way. He had more confidence in himself than that. “I mean, I guess she’s conventionally attractive? But I guess I just don’t see it.”

“Well, that doesn’t really mean anything,” Mortimus piped up, halfway through shoving a cookie into his mouth. “You know, since you’re Millenniasexual and all.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re exclusively attracted to Millennia. I mean, come on. Have you _ever_ been attracted to anyone else? Even in passing? Not necessarily that you want to fuck them or anything, just that you think they’re nice to look at. Name one person like that. Just one.”

Rallon opened his mouth to respond, but only shook his head. He had nothing to say. Suddenly, he wondered whether Mortimus was actually right. He _couldn’t_ remember ever having so much as thought someone else was attractive. The only person he ever had eyes for was Millennia. From day one, it was her, and he never stopped to think about anyone else.

“Uh, Rallon?” Koschei poked him in the shoulder, an odd expression on his face. “You okay? You looked you were somewhere else for a minute there.”

“No, yeah, I’m fine.” Rallon shook his head quickly, trying to rid his mind of the weird thoughts. It was fine for him to only like Millennia, right? It was fine for him to know nothing about his sexuality outside of being attracted to her. “I was just thinking about this exam I have later. Tomorrow. Soon. I have to go.”

He rose from his seat quickly, almost bolting out of the dining hall without another word. The rest of the Deca—or at least, those who were at the table—watched him leave in silence, while Drax passed him by on the way in; clearly baffled as to what he’d missed.

“Hey, Drax,” said Theta, cutting him off before he could even begin to ask for a recap. “Come here. Look at this. Do you think my new professor is hot or not?”

“Are you literally asking me this right now?” Drax groaned and took the phone from him reluctantly, making a face when he saw the picture. “No. Not hot. I literally could not be less attracted to her. Why?”

“I’m guessing he wanted to know if a gay guy would like her,” Magnus suggested. When everyone turned to look at him, clearly unamused by the comment, he only shrugged. “What? Just saying. Drax isn’t the most heterosexual bloke on the block. He’s probably the last person I would ever go to for an opinion on a woman. In any way. He can’t function around them.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong on that point. I’m not gay, but I’m also not remarkably good with interacting with women. I’m not really good at interacting with anyone else either, though. Not like they’re anything special. Anyway, I just came to see if anyone knows where Ushas is? She’s not responding to my messages.”

“Try the science lab, that’s where I usually find her when she’s run off.”

“All right. Thanks, mate.”

Drax walked away just in time to avoid the second round of arguments over whether their new professor was attractive or not.

//

“Oh, hey, there you are.”

Ushas rolled her eyes when Drax slid in the door, not looking up from her experiment from a moment. She was already in the middle of things, trying to get everything sorted out before he arrived. Clearly, she was running a tad behind since he was standing right there, but it didn’t matter. She was close enough to having it all prepared that she felt comfortable letting him in.

“Yes, here I am,” she responded bitterly, gritting her teeth despite knowing she was being overly sour. “Where else would you expect to find me?”

“Well, I don’t know. I tried messaging, but you weren’t answering your phone.” Drax dropped his bag onto the floor beside the counter, dragging his stool away from it as he flopped down. He didn’t really know what Ushas was working on, but he didn’t care much either. That wasn’t his part of the project. “So, what exactly are we working on here?”

“I can’t tell you. Sorry.”

Drax’s jaw dropped. How was he supposed to help with the project if he didn’t even know what they were doing? He shook his head slowly, giving Ushas a look. If she wasn’t going to tell him what they were doing, then he wasn’t sure he wanted to be involved with the project at all.

“Okay, listen, I was on board with the explosives,” Drax started, leaning on one hand, “but I can’t do the secrecy. You have to tell me what’s going on or I’m not going to be able to do this. I need a detailed set of plans to know what I’m doing or else this is _definitely_ going to blow up because my calculations will be off.”

“No, they won’t. It’s fine, Drax.” There was no part of Ushas which seemed to be concerned, only continuing with her work. She scribbled a few words on the notebook beside her, biting the edge of her tongue as she glanced over to Drax. “You do things by the seat of your pants all the time. Now, why are you just sitting there? I have your directions written down already. Get started.”

“Instructions? No. I don’t do instructions. You just said, I do things by the seat of my pants. I start with nothing and I figure it out as I go along. I’m not following any of your damn instructions. Just let me see what I’m working on and I’ll figure it out.”

“Fine, you want something to go into without any background? Here. This is my first failed attempt.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a messy, mechanical structure, dropping it onto the table in front of Drax. “Figure out how to fix that and I’ll tell you what it is.”

“How am I supposed to know how to fix it if I don’t even know what it is?”

“Suppose you’ll have to figure it out.”

Drax dropped his forehead onto the table, regretting every choice which led up to that moment.

//

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

The moment he was called out for his behavior, Koschei looked away, turning down back to his assignment. He didn’t mean to be staring at Theta, he was just thinking about him and happened to glance in his direction. For an extended time. Maybe too long. He shook himself off, ignoring Theta when he went on.

“Look, if you want to stare at me, that’s cool,” said Theta, already back to his own doodles, “but don’t do it in a creepy way. Like, I know I’m rather attractive, but there were some people looking at Professor Mellesha earlier in a way that really freaked me out. Honestly, I didn’t know whether they were admiring her or plotting to stalk her. It was rather frightening.”

“As if you weren’t looking at her in the same way,” Koschei grumbled, doing his best to resist the urge to look up again.

“Wait, wait, wait, are you _jealous_?” When his friend failed to respond, Theta spun around in his seat, throwing his sketchbook away to give his full attention to Koschei. “You know that I don’t actually _fancy_ Professor Mellesha, right? I just think she’s the most attractive person I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah? The most attractive person? Maybe I should take away those benefits you’ve got, then. Since you’re just interested in _her_ now. Yeah, she was hot, but the hottest person ever? No, I don’t think so. I think you’re exaggerating. A lot. Maybe more than just a lot.”

“All right, well, I think you’re jealous. I think you agree that she’s the most attractive person you’ve ever seen and you just won’t admit to it because you want me to say that _you’re_ the most attractive person I’ve ever seen even though you’re remarkably mediocre.”

Koschei gasped. Sure, they weren’t _technically_ in a relationship, but they were so good together and they were so close and getting to compliment each other all the time and steal kisses in the dark was amazing. But it wasn’t real. None of it was real or else Theta never would’ve said the things that he did. He clenched his hands into tight fists.

“Leave me alone,” said Koschei bitterly. He turned away from Theta, somehow feeling better with his back to him. He didn’t want to engage anymore in the conversation, feeling utterly defeated. He knew that he was a little funny looking, but he thought that he was enough for Theta. “I just can’t believe you would say something like that!”

“Aha!” Theta cried, causing Koschei to look back over his shoulder. “I _knew_ you wouldn’t really shun me. You were just trying to make it seem like you were even though you’re too weak to keep it up. Pathetic, Koschei. Absolutely pathetic. You don’t even have the guts to shun me like a man.”

“Please, I could shun you properly if I wanted to shun you properly.”

“No, you couldn’t. You’re too weak.”

“Oh, yeah? Try me.”

He did.

//

“So, you’re having a crisis, yeah?”

The only reason Rallon turned around was because he knew that Mortimus wasn’t asking to make fun of him. His friend wanted to be a therapist or a psychologist—he flip-flopped depending on the day and honestly, Rallon had no idea which one was more likely to happen at that point—and he would only use the moment as a way to gain experience.

“Not a crisis, exactly,” said Rallon, though he wasn’t honestly sure whether Mortimus was closer to the truth than he wanted to admit. “It’s just that I’ve realized I have no idea what my sexuality is. Like, I like Millennia. A lot. I’ve always liked Millennia. But I’ve never liked anyone else. _Ever_. Not even in passing. I don’t even have a frame of reference to—”

“Hey, that’s fine.” Mortimus let out a breath, glancing over his shoulder before he said anything else. Luckily, there was no one coming down the steps behind them, leaving him free to speak. “Honestly, I wish I had what you have. Just one woman that you love, and you care about instead of bouncing around all the time. It gives me space to explore my sexuality, sure, but I don’t know. Personally, I think you’re better off where you’re at.”

“But I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never stopped to think about it more than, ‘I like her’. And I do. I like her so, so much, and I suppose it doesn’t really matter who I like since I never want to leave her, but… I guess it just feels like things would be easier if I had a label or something, you know? Like, when I got my anxiety diagnosis and I just _knew_.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to take medications for sexuality, it just exists. And if anyone tries to prescribe you something, don’t take it. They’re probably not trustworthy. Believe me, I know enough of those fishy people. There are guys in my psych class who think they can sell pills for fucking anything.”

Rallon blinked. He knew that conversations with Mortimus could get weird, but the idea that he thought he could somehow take pills to do, er, _something_ to his sexuality was ridiculous. That was crossing a whole other line. Rallon sighed, hesitating before he said anything else. He didn’t quite know how to respond to the comments and needed a moment to process first.

“Okay, I won’t take any strange pills,” said Rallon, biting down on the edge of his thumbnail. “I just really want to know, you know? Like, I just need to learn more about myself. Millennia told me she was bi ages ago and I was just like… yeah, whatever. That’s cool. But now, it’s like… what am _I_?”

“You’re Rallon.” Mortimus wrapped an arm around his shoulders, giving him a reassuring squeeze. It was odd how comforting the touch from a strange person could do. “You don’t need a label to be yourself. Just keep on vibing, okay? Maybe you’ll figure it out at some point or maybe you won’t. That’s okay.”

“You sure about that? You seem so comfortable with your own self.”

“Well, yeah, I am, but that’s just for fun. Like, I love to flash the colors around just to make a statement and to get in people’s faces but that’s totally different. I just like to be obnoxious about it because I like to be obnoxious about everything, you know?”

Rallon could only nod. He knew that _very_ well.

//

In the beginning, Drax thought the task couldn’t be that hard. He thought that he would be able to just fix up Ushas’s project and get himself out of there before things went truly sour, but it didn’t work. Ushas clearly had no idea what she was doing when she first put the thing together, and it was such a mess, he had no idea what was going on anymore.

“What is this supposed to be?” asked Drax, looking over to his friend. Ushas failed to respond, giving him no answer as to what he was working on. “I’m just saying, it would be a hell of a lot easier to make this work if I knew what I was trying to fix. Right now, I’m just tacking random strings together and hoping I can figure this out.”

“Well, keep on hoping because I’m not giving you anything else,” said Ushas, rolling her eyes as she reached out for another beaker. “If I let you in on what we’re doing, it will compromise the entire project. It’s not safe to tell you that. I mean, it would be fine for you since you spend half your life in detention anyway, but not for me.”

“So, why don’t you want to just drag me down with you? Oh, come on, Ushas. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just don’t get the issue here, you know? I’m very obviously going to get in trouble anyway, so it might as well be for this. What do you think? Shall we give it a go?”

Ushas turned to look at him, hesitating for a long several seconds. She tapped a pencil against her chin, her brow furrowed thoughtfully as she looked back and forth between his eyes. For a moment, Drax thought that she was going to tell him the truth, but then she didn’t. Nope. Instead, all she said was, “No.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Drax threw his hands into the air, wincing when he accidentally released the grip on his screwdriver and sent it flying across the room. Rather than standing to go retrieve it, he just grabbed another from his bag. “I am not going to be able to help you if I don’t know what we’re doing, Ushas. Seriously.”

“I know, but I’m not going to be able to finish if I tell you what we’re doing,” she snapped. She sounded too sure of herself despite the situation, and Drax found himself wondering how bad it had to be that she didn’t even trust _him_. “Just keep working, okay? I know you can fix that if you just use your brain.”

“I am using my brain, but it’s hard to figure out what the hell I’m doing when I don’t have any frame of reference. I _think_ I’m moving in the right direction, but I don’t know. For all I know, I’m moving in the goddamn _wrong_ direction, and I’m fucking destroying the thing. At least let me have some blueprints or some shit.”

“No. If I gave you the blueprints, you would know what it was.”

“Yeah,” Drax mumbled, “that was kind of the point.”

//

Given how much he cared for Theta, Koschei was surprised by his ability to shun him.

At first, he didn’t like how quiet it was, but as time went on, he realized that he really enjoyed the silence. It was comforting, gentle, gave him a place to truly relax for the first time in _ages_. Koschei smiled as he sank back into his pillows. He hadn’t been able to read for so long since before he met Theta. His friend always got in his face about what he was doing, asking what he was looking at, or—

“Chapter one: the first law of thermodynamics…”

—reading aloud on the other side of the room. Koschei gripped his fingers around his book, instantly irritated despite attempts to keep himself calm. He didn’t want to cave to Theta’s attempts to be annoying, but it was _so bad_. Koschei already knew about the basic laws of thermodynamics and that was the extent to which he wanted to learn.

“Hey, do you mind shutting up for a second?” cried Koschei, despite how hard he tried to keep his mouth shut. “Some of us are trying to work over here, you know. It’s impossible to think with you reading that out loud.”

“What’s your problem?” Theta snapped, glancing over his shoulder but not turning completely away from his book. “You’ve never called me out on this before. You decide you’re just going to stop the whole shunning thing in favor of being a dick? Great. Thanks. We all really appreciate it.”

“Oi, would you lay off? I’m not being a dick; I’m just asking that you respect me in the space of our own home. I need time to relax and I can’t get that when I’m stuck here with you reading all that out loud. Jackass.”

“Right, well, you’re not actually stuck in here, you know. You’re more than welcome to walk right out that door if that’s what you want. But I have to read this for class, and I learn much better when I’m reading aloud, so…”

“Theta, you absolute asshole, that’s basic thermodynamics!” He didn’t want to throw that in Theta’s face, not so soon, but he didn’t want to lose the argument either and that meant resorting to drastic measures. “You learned all of that in primary school fucking decades ago! You just grabbed a random book off the shelf so you could read out loud to annoy me!”

“No, I didn’t, I’m doing review!” Theta took a deep breath, more than a little irritated with how many exclamation marks were required to keep their argument going at the same level. They needed to relax. Both of them. “Look, I don’t want to make things any worse, okay? How about you just accept that my new professor is the most attractive person you’ve ever met too, and then we can be even?”

“No, Theta, I can’t. Because I don’t think she’s the most attractive person I’ve ever met.”

“Then who…? Oh.”

His face fell harder than an anvil.

//

“Hey! Jelpax! Jelpax, hey!”

Jelpax groaned when he turned around, raising his brow in question. He didn’t know what Mortimus wanted but being chased down by him was never a good sign. He probably wanted to drag Jelpax into some scheme or social experiment or just wanted to give him a reading that he was, honestly, not at all in the mood for.

“What do you want, Mortimus?” he asked, only barely slowing his stride to allow his friend to catch up to him. He was running late for his next class, and truly did not have the time to stop for chatter. “I’m kind of in the middle of something right now. Can we talk about this later?”

“I don’t know what you think ‘this’ is, but no. No, we cannot.” Mortimus moved faster, hopping in front of Jelpax and walking backwards to keep him from getting away. Jelpax’s eyes went wide and he made himself ready to cry out at any moment should walk into someone else. “So, you really don’t think Theta’s new professor is attractive, do you?”

“No, I really don’t.” He rolled his eyes. There was no way _that_ was what Mortimus wanted to talk to him about. He had to be trying to segue into something else. “I think that she is _conventionally_ attractive, but she’s not attractive to me. Why? Is there a point to this conversation?”

“Duh. I think you’re in love with someone else. I just can’t figure out who. I have an inkling that it’s Ushas, but I also think that’s probably not true because you don’t seem to like her very much.”

“If I don’t like her then why would I be in love with her? If I were in love with anyone, it would be— oh.”

Jelpax stopped talking not only because he had no answer for the end of that sentence, but because he realized that what Mortimus was doing was trying to lead him into a trap. He knew that Jelpax would be able to give a better guess than he could and wanted to go off of that. But Jelpax didn’t have a guess because he wasn’t in love.

“Oh?” said Mortimus, clearly not understanding what Jelpax’s tone was meant to convey. “Oh what? Oh, you’ve just realized you’re in love with someone else? Oh, you’ve realized you _are_ in love with Ushas? Somehow? Against all odds? Come on, you can’t just leave me hanging like this.”

“Actually, I can, because I have nothing else to say on the subject.” Jelpax shrugged, trying to step around Mortimus, but let out a groan when his friend moved to keep him from walking away. “I’m not in love with anyone and I never have been. I’m just not attracted to that woman.”

“Are you attracted to any women? Because she’s basically the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen in my life and I’m attracted to every gender. Well, every Gallifreyan gender. There are a few species we’ve learned about that I’ll admit, I have no interest in ever touching. Like that one slimy thing? Or— Jelpax?”

Mortimus let out a sigh when he realized his friend escaped while he was distracted. Every time he thought about pretty people, something bad happened. _Oh well,_ he thought. _It was worth it._

//

At a certain point, Drax was convinced there was nothing else he could do without knowing what he was working on. He managed to fix the broken pieces and a few misplaced wires, but without knowing what exactly he was repairing, he had no idea how to proceed. So, instead of continuing to fiddle with it, he devised a plan.

Surely, Ushas had a copy of her intentions hidden somewhere on her person. If he could get her out of the room for just one minute, he would be able to search her bag and find them, thus finding the blueprints for whatever the hell he was working on. That way, he could actually finish it and get his part of the super-secret plan done.

Thankfully, it only took several minutes of waiting after Drax’s decision for Ushas to retire to the restroom, at which point, he launched into action. He practically dove towards her stool, hurrying to search through her bag before she came back. He unzipped it, looked inside, and froze when he heard a cough behind him.

“I _knew_ it.” Ushas shook her head, her arms crossed against her chest as Drax turned with his hands raised in surrender. “I knew you were going to do that. I saw you make note of it an hour ago. Dumbass. Who writes their plans where their victim can see it?”

“I don’t know!” cried Drax. “Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this if I don’t know what I’m working on, all right? It’s ridiculous. It’s like asking me to put puzzle pieces together but they’re all corners and they don’t make any coherent sort of image.”

“Well, I think you’re just not trying hard enough. You’re supposed to be some seriously incredible engineer, but you can’t even do this? Please. That’s just pathetic. Step up your game or else you’re never going to get to pursue this as a career.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m going to pursue anything as a career. How do you know I won’t just zip off somewhere else after school? Or they’ll all reject me because I’m such a notorious mess?”

“Those are both very plausible,” said Ushas, giving him a look, “but given what you’ve just done, I think it’s more likely you would get hired and then forfeit your career in the name of scandals. Isn’t that basically what you’ve done to your education? You had a future here once, you know. You were placed into the Deca for a reason.”

“And I knew it was fucking pointless, so I threw it all away. Yeah, I know.” Drax rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he crossed his arms to match her defensive stance. “Listen, I’m going to give you one last chance. You can either let me have the blueprints so I know what I’m working on, or you can forfeit my help. What is it going to be?”

Ushas hesitated for so long that Drax thought she wasn’t going to answer at all. She let out a huff, glancing down to the floor before she finally said the words.

“Fine. But you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

He smiled as he nodded.

//

Theta really wanted to keep staring at his professor, but it got harder after Koschei said what he did.

Technically, he hadn’t actually _said_ anything, only _implied_ it. Theta kept telling himself that, hoping he could somehow convince his brain to shut up about it and let him get back to staring at whoever he wanted. But it didn’t work. It never worked. Because Koschei thought he was the most attractive person he’d ever seen, and Theta couldn’t say it back.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. He did. He thought that Koschei was beautiful and kind and kind of a bastard and he said all of that, but part of it was a lie and Koschei called him out on that. Subjectively, Koschei was the most attractive person that Theta ever knew. But _objectively_ , it was his new professor. There was just no fighting it. She was absolutely gorgeous.

“Still fancy her, then?” grumbled Vansell, flopping into the seat beside Theta.

“No,” Theta snapped, slamming his textbook onto the table. “I don’t fancy her; I just think that she’s objectively beautiful. That doesn’t mean that I fancy her, it just means that I think she’s rather nice to look at. I don’t know her outside the classroom. For all I’m aware, she’s an utter bitch. Like—”

“Okay, I didn’t ask for your whole damn autobiography, I just wanted to know if you were going to be embarrassing me again. You are aware that everyone knows we’re friends, sort of, right? When people see you staring at our professor, they know that you’re with me. They think we’re in on this together.”

“Why? It’s not like _you’re_ staring at her, so just get off my back, yeah? Your own self-consciousness is not my problem. Get on with your life. I don’t have to deal with your stupid shit.”

Vansell opened his mouth to say something else but didn’t get the chance before class began. He was immediately disinterested in what was happening—the professor was dull, the class was dull, and all the students were creepily staring—and used the time to take some notes. He was sitting there, scribbling along, when he happened to look over and see it.

Beside him, Theta was doodling none other than Koschei. It was a terrible drawing of him, but it was definitely him nonetheless. Vansell made a face, leaning over to get a better look. It seemed strange that Theta would be doodling his best friend, but then again, they always had been really close. There was even that time when they—

His eyes went wide when Theta doodled the two little hearts. It wasn’t fake. All that time, he thought that the kiss meant nothing. That it was just to get their friends to shut up. But it wasn’t. He nearly opened his mouth to say something, but their professor began to hand out a pop quiz right at the same time.

It didn’t matter. He didn’t need to say anything. It was enough that he knew.

//

“Hey, sweetie, you in there?” Millennia knocked on the door before she pushed the door open, not too surprised when she found Rallon sitting at his desk. He held up a hand to wave to her, the other still scribbling words down. “I just talked to Mortimus and he told me that you two were— what are you doing?”

“I’m making a list,” said Rallon, not looking up from the paper in front of him. “See, I’m trying to work on figuring out my identity but it’s not easy. I thought if I wrote down everything I need to figure out, it might help me get started.”

“Wait, let me see that.” She walked over and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, glancing down to the sheet of paper on his desk. It was ridiculous, exactly the way she was expecting. “Rallon, you know that you don’t have to be aware of every little detail about yourself, right? Sometimes it’s okay to just not know.”

“Yeah, sure, but I think it would be easier if I _did_ know. It’s like working with the defendant. You can’t just blindly defend them; you have to have _reasons_. You know what I’m saying? Maybe I _could_ drift through life without knowing anything for sure, but I just feel like it would all be so much easier if I had a detailed list of everything about me. You understand. You know how great lists are.”

“I do know how great lists are, but I also know how great _you_ are, and I think you’re getting a little carried away with this. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. You know, it’s okay to not have a label for everything. If you’re confident with who you are right now, then you don’t have to try and stamp a label on it.”

“But what if I’m _not_ confident with who I am right now?” Rallon hesitated before he went on, shaking his head slowly. He didn’t quite know how to explain what he was thinking without sounding like a total loser. “My whole identity is built around my homework. My studies. My future career. I hardly know who I am outside of that, and maybe I’m nuts, but I really believe that’s part of why everyone thinks I’m so boring.”

Millennia’s hearts dropped. She wasn’t sure how she was meant to explain to him just how much more to him there was. How amazing and smart and handsome he was. Instead of trying to formulate her thoughts right away, Millennia only tightened her grip around her boyfriend’s shoulders.

“You’re not boring, Rallon, I promise,” she started, hoping she sounded just as sure of her words as she truly was. “You’re incredible and talented and I know you can get really focused on your work sometimes but that’s not a bad thing. It shows how truly dedicated and hardworking you are. And maybe our friends don’t all value that, but I do, and I know that you do too and that’s what really matters.”

“I guess so.” Rallon let out a sigh, staring down at the desk in front of him. The lists were still there on the paper, taunting him and reminding him of just how much he’d never thought about before. How much he didn’t know. “I just wonder if maybe there’s something I’m doing differently from everyone else, you know?”

“There is something you’re doing differently, sweetie. Being yourself. Don’t let anyone take that from you, okay?”

Rallon nodded, reaching a hand up to hold hers. She always knew the right thing to say.

//

Immediately after learning what Ushas was planning, Drax wanted to forget.

The problem wasn’t that he was afraid of getting into trouble, it was that he didn’t want _that_ to be what he got into trouble for. It was ridiculous, insane, one of the most absurd projects that Ushas had ever come up with, and it wasn’t even that fun. It was just cruel, honestly. It was cruel and strange and Drax wasn’t sure he wanted any part in it, but he decided to go for it anyway, if only because he had nothing else to do that afternoon.

Of course, he was quite concerned about the fact that they were going to be attempting their feat in front of the entire Academy, but that was just the cost of the experiment. Just the cost of finding out whether they’d invented something that would change Gallifrey as they knew it. Because it _was_ an invention credited to them both, after Ushas explained what she was attempting to do and Drax figured out how to actually make it happen.

“You’re really sure that this isn’t going to blow up?” asked Drax, biting down on his thumbnail as he watched Ushas prepare the final touches on their project. It was not going to end well. He knew it. “Because I know _I_ signed up for some explosions but killing everyone in the Academy seems a bit overkill.”

“Right, but you see, the project is about making the explosion.” Ushas’s tone was flat and definitive, and Drax’s eyes went wide. “What I told you back there was a lie. You’re actually helping me do the exact thing I said we were trying to avoid. Sorry for the shade, I knew you wouldn’t agree if I told you the truth.”

“You sneaky-ass bitch. All this time, I thought that I was preparing for something safe and you’re coming out right now, at the very last minute, and telling me that it’s going to be extremely violent and deadly? How dare you? How dare you do this to me after all that I’ve—”

“Can you just drop the act already? I can tell from the look on your face that you’re far more excited than you were in the first place. Now get down here, I think I fucked up one of the wires and I’m not quite sure how to reconnect it.”

Drax didn’t hesitate before dropping down to his knees. Yes, the experiment was extremely risky. Yes, there was every chance he was pulling himself into a death trap. But he wanted to do it and he wasn’t going to let any stupid fears stop him. Not when there was so much fun at stake. When he could quite possibly set the record for the world’s longest and harshest detention.

They labored on for several more minutes, both Drax and Ushas constantly glancing over their shoulders to be sure that they were not seen. Thankfully, they were alone, and able to continue with their work. They made it all the way to the very last wire before someone finally came up, at which point they were no longer paying attention to their surroundings and the whole thing crumbled around them.

“What are you doing?” It had to be Magnus who found them, his brow furrowed as he crossed his arms against his chest. At least he fancied her, Ushas thought. Maybe that would be her way out of this disaster. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Well, if you think it’s a high powered but absolutely harmless bomb then yes, I would say you’re correct,” said Drax, pointing a tool at Magnus. He didn’t take his goggles off, turning right back down to his work. “See, Ushas wanted to know if she could create something as powerful as a small volcano. So, we’re doing that.”

“Hold on, you’re making a volcano in the middle of the courtyard?”

“Not a volcano, just something _like_ a volcano,” Ushas corrected him, sliding away from the panel she was working on. “You see, it’s like those little ones you used to make in primary school except it’s much bigger and highly flammable. It probably won’t actually explode, but we’ll just have to see.”

The look on Magnus’s face was one of the most hilarious either of them had ever seen. He was positively dumbfounded, his jaw dropping and his eyes wide as he shook his head. Personally, he did not think the situation was humorous in the least. There was a fifty-fifty chance they were about to murder every student in that Academy and if there were any professors who were out of regenerations, all of them too.

“Listen, I’m here for a little chaos, but you lot are really pushing it this time,” said Magnus, unable to leave them in good conscience, _especially_ considering he would likely be one of their casualties. “Can you just do this somewhere else? In the middle of nowhere, perhaps? I hear there are some perfectly good empty fields out by Koschei’s place.”

“We’re not going to wait to go all the way over there.” Ushas rolled her eyes, giving Drax a look to ask whether he was finished. He only shook his head. A few more tweaks to go. “It’s better to just test it now. Sure, there’s about a forty percent chance it won’t be successful but imagine that it is. Imagine that we do this, and we invent one of the most incredible—”

“There is nothing incredible about this. All you’re doing is putting people’s lives at risk for absolutely no reason. I mean, honestly. You couldn’t even walk out past the gate? This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen any of you lot do. Ever. And I am including everything. Burning down the library, throwing Borusa into the lake…!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Drax waved his right hand around, his left still frantically working to finish. “Can you just be our lookout or something? We have to finish these last tweaks before anyone comes by so that we can test this.”

“What is even the point of it?” asked Magnus, the look on his face growing increasingly baffled by the minute. “You’re just going to create an artificial volcano, and then what? What are you going to do next? Expect someone to want to buy the rights off you? Newsflash: anyone could do this.”

“It’s not about making money, it’s about _science_. We have this in the bag, Magnus, and we’re not going to walk away from it now. Not until we prove that we can do this. That we can change history in a way that has—”

“Most definitely been done before?” When Jelpax walked up, he was waving his phone in front of him, one brow raised. He kicked Drax to get his attention, slowly shaking his head. “I really hope you messaged me with the intent of getting me to come down here and knock some sense into you because this is one of the dumbest things you have ever considered doing.”

“You told him?!” Ushas slapped Drax harder than he’d ever been slapped before, and he grabbed his shoulder quickly, wincing in pain. “Drax, you fucking idiot, the goal was to keep people _away_ from here!”

“Well, I’m sorry I wanted someone here for emotional support!” cried Drax. “Not all of us are totally on board with killing every student in the damn Academy! I mean, holy hell. I know you wanted to do something a little crazy, but you don’t think this is pushing it?”

She hesitated before shaking her head firmly. “No. No, I in fact do not believe that I am pushing it. I want to see how far I can push the stakes without getting caught. That is what I am going to do. If you don’t want to be a part of this, you’re more than welcome to turn around and walk away. I’ve got everything I needed out of you. Now, I just have to push the button and we can see if this all goes ‘bang’.”

“No!” Jelpax was the one to reach out and grab at the machine, stopping Ushas from doing anything too rash. He shook his head quickly, eyes wide with fear. “No. No, no, no. It is definitely going to blow up and when it does, I do not want to be held responsible for it. Don’t do this. Do not. If you do this, people are going to die. I guarantee it. There is no way that you can—”

“Hey, back off, mate.” Before Jelpax could finish his warning, Magnus stepped in front of him, preventing him from completely stopping Ushas from testing her experiment. “If you want to get Ushas to stop, telling her to stop is not the way to do it. Believe me, you’re going to have to find a better way than that.”

“Yeah, seriously.” Ushas rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms, giving Jelpax a look of utter disbelief. “All these years and you still really think that telling me to stop is going to work? Telling me to do it would probably be better discouragement. Have you learned nothing from trying to control Drax?”

“No, I haven’t, because I’ve never tried to control him,” Jelpax told her, though she knew very well that it was a lie. “I just warn him so that he understands the worst possible outcomes. I know there’s no reasoning with him, but I thought maybe you would have a little more sense. Aren’t you supposed to be the smartest of us all?”

“Yes, I am supposed to be the smartest of us all and I _am_ the smartest of us all. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to try some dangerous things sometimes. Not that this is all that dangerous. Believe me, I know exactly what I’m doing, and I know that if I do this, nothing could possibly go—”

In Ushas’s defense, it was Drax who connected the wrong wires.

//

“…so, based on all that, I think the conclusion we should come to is that these meetings are pointless, stupid, and every time we come in here we’re basically just subjecting ourselves to another hour of needless torture.”

“I agree!” said Theta, raising his hands cheerfully. He looked around the room to the others, who were not having quite as fun with the morning as he and Koschei. “I think that we should cancel these things. There’s no reason to be torturing ourselves with these stupid meetings when they’re not even required.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Mortimus nodded enthusiastically, giving him a look. “No reason we have to keep doing these, especially since Ushas is probably going to get expelled. Shame about Drax, though. Always thought he was rather pretty to look at. Oh, and Magnus too. Can’t believe he’s gone. No more hot people in this room. We’ll have to hold auditions for the Deca.”

“Wait, go back.” It was Vansell who held up a hand, his brow furrowed as he shook his head. “Are you implying that you don’t think any of the rest of us are hot?”

“No, I’m just saying it.” He shrugged, not reacting to the looks that his friends gave him. “I suppose a few of you aren’t bad to look at and like I said, Drax was cute, but even he wasn’t hot. Magnus is hot. Go find some muscles and maybe then you can think about getting on his level.”

“Sorry, are you trying to tell us that you’re in love with him?” asked Koschei, his eyes wide.

Mortimus spit out his non-existent drink. “Oh, hell no! No. No, I’m not in love with him. I just think he’s hot. You’re allowed to think someone is hot without actually being emotionally attached to them, you know. Not to say I’m _not_ emotionally attached to Magnus. He’s my roommate, after all. But I’m not romantically emotionally attached to him. Does that make sense?”

“I suppose so,” Millennia answered, sighing as she looked to the four empty seats in the room. She knew that Jelpax and Magnus were not to blame for what Drax and Ushas did, but the Headmaster had yet to clear them. “Aren’t any of you concerned about what’s going to happen to them? I’m just terrified that they’re going to get expelled.”

“Yeah, me too,” said Rallon, leaning forward on his desk. “If we lose them, then everything is going to get worse. Koschei will keep saying he’s in charge of the Deca, Drax won’t be around to maintain the shenanigans, Jelpax won’t be here to help with our history homework, and Magnus…well, actually, I can’t think of any downsides to losing him.”

“Excuse me? Did I not just remind you all how hot he is?” Mortimus shook his head, pouting as he crossed his arms. “Do you have no respect for those more attractive than you? I mean, honestly. Come on, mate. This is ridiculous. You’re not going to make me start another debate over how hot someone is, right?”

“Please, no. God, no.” Vansell shook his head, gently massaging his temples with his first two fingers on either hand. “We are not doing this. No. Absolutely not. Please, for the love of god, no more debates on how attractive anyone is. _Anyone_. I’m fucking sick of you people saying that our professor is hot when she’s not—”

“She’s easily the most attractive person I’ve ever met,” said Theta, ignoring the glare he got from Koschei. He thought about it for a while and inevitably concluded that he had to be honest. “I mean, objectively speaking. I have no emotional attachment to her, but have you ever seen anyone with a nicer—”

“Can we please go back to making fun of our friends while they’re gone?” Koschei cut him off quickly and suddenly, and Theta had a feeling the reason why was not just because the conversation was boring him. He was still salty, even if he wanted to deny it. “Let’s see who can mock them the best. I’ll go first. I want to try and impersonate Ushas.”

“Uh, Koschei?”

“No. Look, this is hilarious. Oh, I’m Ushas, I think I’m better than everyone and I love dunking on my friends and acting like they’re all beneath me. I rant about things no one cares about for an hour every week just to make my friends suffer. I’m a big prat and I think that it’s fun to— what, Theta?”

“Not to sound like a cliche,” he started, “but Ushas has been standing in the doorway since before you started your impersonation.”

Koschei swallowed hard, turning around like the exact cliche Theta was trying not to be. He waved to Ushas, who was standing in the doorway with the other three in tow. Drax looked about ready to start laughing, Jelpax was not the least bit amused, and Magnus was just shoving past them to get to his seat once the moment of silence was over.

“I, uh…” Koschei rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to hide the fact that he was a complete and utter disaster. “I was just… I wasn’t making fun of you or anything, I just really missed you lot and I thought that maybe doing some impersonations might… but it didn’t… never mind, I know you’re going to kick my ass. Get on with it, then.”

He held his hands up, already wincing when Ushas stepped forward to punch him in the gut. Koschei let out a sharp cry of pain, doubling over on his knees and breathing heavily as the wind tried to flow back into his lungs. Not that he could exactly be mad about what happened when it was entirely his fault and he absolutely deserved it.

Koschei laid down on the floor right there, allowing Ushas to step on him and worsen the pain as she moved into her usual seat. Drax and Jelpax walked past him, Jelpax offering a hand that he didn’t take—it ached too much to stand up—and Drax snorting and flipping him the finger. Apparently, mocking Ushas was even above him. That, or he assumed Koschei had mocked him too.

“All right, someone catch us up on what happened while we were dealing with Borusa and the Headmaster,” said Ushas, hopping on top of Borusa’s desk. She took her seat on the edge of it, her long legs dangling towards the ground as she looked around the room expectantly. “Come on. Someone has to have _something_ to say. We’ve been out of classes three days. What did we miss?”

“You missed Mortimus confessing his love for Magnus,” said Vansell, his tone deadpan as he glanced between the roommates.

The look on Magnus’s face wasn’t even confused, just annoyed. He sighed. “He was calling me hot again, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, I was,” Mortimus confirmed, nodding as if it were no big deal. He did do it all the time, after all. He didn’t mind calling hot guys ‘hot’ if that’s what they were. Attraction didn’t have to be romantic. “I don’t know why they think it means I fancy you. I’m allowed to watch you work out without—”

“Ha, yeah, no. You’re not. I thought I told you that you weren’t allowed to do that anymore. Please tell me you’re not back up to your old shit again.”

“No, I’m not. I wasn’t stalking you or anything, I was merely making an observation. See, part of my job as a psychology major is studying the average Gallifreyan’s life, and that means—”

“Please, just stop,” said Magnus, letting out a groan. He dragged his hair back behind his ears, slowly shaking his head. “We are not doing this. We are not going to talk about this again. You don’t do it for your class you do it because you can’t get a date. I am well aware of that. Please just find someone else to creep on.”

“Wow, you must’ve been through a lot in the last couple of days, mate,” said Rallon, his tone almost concerned. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say ‘please’ before, let alone that many times in such a short span. I think you might need to get your head checked.”

“He doesn’t need to get his head checked; I know exactly what’s wrong with it.” Drax smiled as he leaned back in his seat, kicking his feet onto Jelpax’s chair in front of him. Jelpax let out a groan. “See, he had to spend so much time with our dumb asses while we worked everything out with our professors that he lost his damn mind.”

“Hey, speaking of, what happened with that?” asked Millennia, her gaze shifting between those who had been on death row. “Did you get detention or are you going to be expelled or…? I just want to be aware so that we can all keep in the loop with what’s going on.”

“Well, Jelpax and I got off lightly after we explained what happened,” Magnus told her, his tone flat and annoyed. “As for Ushas and Drax, well… Drax really didn’t get that much either because he already had so much detention they couldn’t tack much more on, but Ushas is in there for, what was it, three years? Four?”

“Five,” Ushas grumbled, shaking her head, “but I don’t believe I deserved one of them. Please, I invented something incredible and if they don’t want to see that—”

“Remember how I was saying that we all gather here to listen to her rant?” Koschei groaned, still clutching his stomach on the ground. “This is what I was talking about.”

Needless to say, she kicked his ass a second time.


	14. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Deca tries to cope with the Academy's centennial family day in their own ridiculous ways.

“Oh, god, no. No. No, please no. No. No. _No!_ ”

Theta dove back under the covers the moment he saw the calendar on the wall, his eyes wide with fear. He couldn’t deal with that date. He couldn’t climb out of bed and face the world knowing what he had to do. Or, more specifically, who he had to see.

“Get over it, Theta,” grumbled Koschei, already adjusting his tie. “I can’t deal with you acting like this today. So, you have to spend some time with your brother. Big deal. Not as bad as me having to deal with you-know-who.”

“You know, you could just say it. Not like I’m going to get out of saying ‘Brax’ all day.” Regardless of what he said, Theta still did not pull his head out from under the covers, narrowing his eyes against the pillows. “Is he even coming? I thought he said you were too much of a disappointment to visit or something.”

It was the only time the Academy allowed visitors. Family day, as it was informally known. A day for guardians to check on the progress of their children and decide whether they still wanted them or not. Okay, technically it wasn’t the last thing but that’s what it felt like to Theta. He was fairly certain he would be disowned by the end of the day.

“Yeah, that’s what I think. Doubt he’ll show his face.” Koschei sighed, slowly shaking his head. “Even if he does, it won’t be for me. Like you said, I’m the disappointment in the family. No real reason for him to come ‘round here. Not for me.”

“Right but there’s reasons for him to come around and see your cousins? Please. I’ve met them and they’re all losers.” When Koschei looked at him, all Theta did was shrug. He stood by his statement. “What? I’m just saying. I’ve met them all and I think they’re remarkably boring and gigantic dicks too.”

“Hey, I’m not saying _I_ disagree, I’m just saying my dad does. All I’ve ever been to him is a glorified piece of shit so there’s no reason for him to treat me like anything else. Anyhow, I’ll probably spend the entire day trying to avoid him. I have no interest in speaking with him and I know he has no interest in speaking with me either, so. Might as well not do it at all.”

“You say, adjusting your robes for the thousandth time since you woke up.”

Koschei only rolled his eyes. Technically, Theta did have a point there. In the event that his dad for some reason decided to interact with him, Koschei wanted to make sure he looked his best. Otherwise, the consequences could be disastrous. Koschei’s father did _not_ stand for failure and he was not the least bit interested in getting on the wrong end of his temper again.

“I’m just making sure I don’t look like a fool,” said Koschei, doing his best to keep his voice level. “You know how my dad appreciates formality.”

The only reason Theta nodded instead of arguing was because he understood the truth behind his motivations. That Koschei’s dad was an absolutely horrible person and pissing him off was the world’s worst idea. Still, at least he didn’t have to deal with his stupid older brother for the entire day. _That_ was pure torture.

//

“Drax? You all right? You’ve been in there for a while.”

It took all his remaining energy to answer positively. In all honesty, Drax didn’t know if he could stand up. He spent half the night throwing up—thankfully, Jelpax didn’t seem to wake up at any point during that—and the last thirty minutes trying to quietly talk himself through a panic attack. But it was fine.

“I know you’re lying.” Jelpax’s tone was too real, too certain, and all Drax could do was run his hands over his face again. Of course, Jelpax couldn’t just let it go for once. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I want you to leave me alone,” he shot back. Drax knew too well that he was being aggressive, but he didn’t know how to make himself relax. How to stop the pounding in his chest as he anticipated all the inevitable pain that was to come. It wouldn’t end well. It couldn’t end well. “I’m fine. I’m just a little sick. I don’t think I’ll be able to do this whole thing today.”

“You’re not sick, you just don’t want to go. Come on, what is this about? I thought you were excited to get to see all of my stupid brothers. What made you change your mind?”

“Someone I thought wasn’t coming decided to come and I don’t want to go out there anymore. Sorry. I’ve met all your brothers before anyway, not like I’m missing much. Just leave me alone, yeah? I can’t deal with this right now.”

The real answer was that he couldn’t deal with it ever, but that was what he had to do. He couldn’t stand up, he didn’t want to stand up, and the last thing he ever felt like he could do was walk out of the room but doing that was the only choice he had. Jelpax’s silence came as a sign that he wouldn’t leave, and Drax gave him.

He stood up awkwardly, running his hands over his face and moving to the sink before anything else. Drax threw some cold water on himself, trying to get the flushing of his face to cease. Looking like an idiot wouldn’t help anything. It would only make his family think he was even more pathetic than he’d already proven he was.

“There you are.” Jelpax smiled when Drax finally stepped out of the room, but he didn’t get anything in return. The pat on the shoulder didn’t help either, only serving to make Drax wince. “I know you don’t want to do this, but we really have to get to class regardless, so…”

“Right.” Drax rolled his eyes, groaning as he walked over to the door. “Because we weren’t being tortured enough.”

//

“Oh, my god. I’m going to die. I am so going to die. I can’t believe I agreed to this after everything that— I need to start planning my funeral. I don’t want that responsibility to fall on Millennia’s shoulders after everything that happened. I have to— I have to decide where I’m going to be burned so that I can—”

“Please, for the love of all that is pure, shut the fuck up.” Vansell yanked a pillow over his face, trying to drown out the sounds of his roommate’s babbling. He knew that Rallon wasn’t really trying to talk to him, but he didn’t know how else to deal with his annoyance without acting like he was. “I don’t care. Nobody cares. Everything is going to be fine, just stop fucking talking about it.”

“I have to talk about it,” said Rallon anxiously, dragging a comb through his hair for the umpteenth time. “If I don’t talk about it, then I’m going to internalize everything and if I do that, I’m going to freak out even more. I’m meeting Millennia’s _family_ , mate. This is a big deal. You know how close she is with them.”

“Actually, I don’t, and I really don’t care either. Nobody can possibly be _that_ close with their families, right? I mean, we’re fucking in the middle of nowhere at this dumbass academy with little to no contact with the outside world. Not like anyone ever calls me.”

“No? Well, do you even have a family? I do, but they’re really, really busy so they’re not going to be able to come today. That’s why I’m spending the afternoon with Millennia’s. Probably. I might panic and end up asking her to tell them I’m sick instead. Or telling her I’m sick. Do you think she would know if I’m lying?”

“Yes, I think she would know you’re lying,” Vansell answered flatly. He glared over at the clock, willing it to turn back. It didn’t. “She knows you better than anyone in the world, Rallon. Obviously, she’s going to know if you’re lying. But I think you should give it a try anyway. It would be absolutely hilarious to see if you could get away with it.”

“But you just said that I—”

Rallon didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence before a knock on the door interrupted him and in walked Millennia. She smiled when she saw her boyfriend, frowning as she walked across the room to him. Vansell gave Rallon a look and he shook his head furiously, refusing to so much as give it a try. It wasn’t worth it.

“Hey, sweetie,” said Millennia, an odd look on her face as she noted just how much work Rallon had done on his appearance. “You know this isn’t a big deal, right? Just take a deep breath. You’re fine. I know that my family is going to love you so much. And even if they don’t— well, actually, there’s no reason to think about that because I know they’re going to love you and that’s that.”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure.” Rallon ran a hand through his hair, immediately sucking in his breath and reaching out for his comb. He needed to do it all over again. He couldn’t go out looking like that. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m extremely awkward and horrible at socializing with people I _do_ know, let alone people I don’t.”

“It’s going to be fine, Rallon. I promise.”

He only nodded. It was a disaster just waiting to happen.

//

“So… this isn’t nice.”

Braxiatel barely turned to look at his brother, one brow raised. Theta only shrugged in response, staying in his spot on the steps. His brother was not pleased with him sitting atop the large stone railing but that wasn’t his problem. He could sit wherever he wanted to while they waited for their parents to arrive. Not that they seemed to be coming. Others flowed by, but never theirs.

“No, it’s not,” Braxiatel agreed after several long seconds of silence. “I told you, you didn’t have to come out here and wait with me. I am perfectly capable of bringing them in there by myself. Besides, they probably don’t even need me. I’m sure they remember what the Academy was like from their days here.”

“Yeah, right. Nobody knows it as well as I do. Except for maybe Drax.” Again, he shrugged when Braxiatel gave him a look, questioning why they were so informed on the layout of the Academy. He chose not to ask. He probably wouldn’t want to know. “They’ll have to show up at some point, right?”

“Most likely, but there’s always a chance they’ll—”

“Hey, Epsilon!”

If the other option weren’t his brother, Theta never would have chosen Epsilon as someone he wanted to talk to. However, that was a different day, and he was okay using the idiot as an excuse for at least a minute. He waved to his frenemy, glaring at Braxiatel when he rolled his eyes. It was none of his business who Theta spoke to.

“Oh, hi, Theta.” Epsilon’s tone seemed a little sad, but it wasn’t the worst he’d heard before. “Is your family coming today?”

“Yeah, I’m just waiting here with my brother Jackassiatel.” The look on Braxiatel’s face made it worth the absolutely horrendous pun. “What about you? Any of your family coming today? You look like you’ve just got word that they’re not. Not to say you don’t look happy, it’s just—”

“No, you’re right. I’m not happy. My whole family came to see me but when they arrived at my dorm, they saw Ummins first and they decided he’s more fun and smarter and better so they’re spending time with him instead. Guess I’m just going to be alone the whole day. But thanks for asking. This was nice.”

“It really wasn’t nice; I’m using you to get away from my brother. But you’re welcome anyway. I know it must suck being in that position. Do you know what you’re going to do since they’re out there spending time with your imaginary friend?”

“For the last time, he’s not imaginary!” shouted Epsilon. He glared at Theta, slowly shaking his head. “Look, if you’re not going to be nice about it, I’m not going to deal with this. Asshole.”

Theta blinked as Epsilon flipped him off and ran, not looking back once as he darted into the Academy. Once he was gone, Theta looked back to the rest of the incoming crowd, looking around blankly. He took a deep breath. Still, his family was nowhere to be seen. At that point, he was starting to wonder whether they were actually coming at all. Braxiatel didn’t look concerned.

“Look at it this way,” said Braxiatel, when Theta moved to hop back into his seat, “did you _really_ want to see mum and dad today? Because I really don’t think this is going to go well at all if they show up. You know all they ever do is hate on you, right?”

“Yeah, no shit.” Theta crossed his arms, letting out a huff as he turned his chin upward. “I think it’s stupid. You’re clearly the dumber sibling so what the fuck is the point in worshiping you? If it were up to me, I would be the one getting all the attention and you’d be thrown into a river or some shit.”

“Thank you for that. I really appreciate the image of me being drowned in a river.”

“You’re welcome.”

Braxiatel let out a sigh, slowly and bitterly shaking his head. Theta took no pity on him, only stretching out along the railing as he waited for their parents to arrive. They said they would be there, so they had to show up, right? There was no way they would just lie. Although, they had been known to lie before. A lot. Honestly, that was probably where Theta got it from.

“Okay. How about we just agree to be quiet until they get here?” suggested Theta. “No more arguing, no more bitching, we just sit here and deal with it.”

“Fine,” Braxiatel agreed. “Starting now.”

The silence barely lasted.

//

“Hey.” Mortimus swung his leg over the bench, settling down into the seat across from his roommate. In response, Magnus barely even looked up, too busy with whatever was on his phone to bother responding to poor Mortimus. “I just found out that my mum’s not coming today. Might see if I can get my sister to talk to me anyway, though. Your family here yet?”

“Bold of you to assume I have a family,” grumbled Magnus, still not meeting his eyes. He glared down at his screen, and it took everything for Mortimus to resist taking the phone from him. He would’ve done that if it were anyone else, but not Magnus. It was different with him. “Seriously, stop looking at me like that. Nobody is coming. I haven’t got anyone. That’s why Vansell and I are just here vibing in the orphans club.”

“Yep.” Vansell held up a hand from where he was lying on the bench, also staring up at his phone aimlessly. Suddenly, Mortimus started to wonder if maybe they were talking about him behind his back. Or rather, in front of it. “We invited Ushas as well since she said she had nobody, but I suppose she decided not to come after all.”

“Or maybe her family did,” suggested Mortimus, hoping for the best. At least one of them could have someone there to visit. “Have you tried messaging her again? Actually, no, don’t. If her mums came then I don’t want to get in the way of anything, you know? It must be nice to have someone there. Only time in a century they’re allowed to come, and they bail. Can you imagine?”

“Don’t have to. I’m looking at the result right now.” Magnus nodded across the table to Mortimus, who only squinted. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter to me because, like I said, don’t have any family. Whether they came or not was never even a consideration because if they came, I’d be remarkably concerned about whether our body burning process actually works.”

“Wait, they’re _dead_?” Vansell nodded, an odd look on his face. “Well then. I thought they were just avoiding you because you’re such an ass. Not to be a dick or anything. I’m sure it’s hard not having a family.”

“Says the bloke sitting here with no family,” said Mortimus, crossing his arms bitterly. He didn’t think it was okay to make fun of anyone’s family or lack thereof, regardless of the circumstances. Okay, maybe if the alive family was absolutely ridiculous, like Theta’s stupid brother, but only then. “Come on, mate. It’s dumb to try and be sympathetic when you are literally in like, the same place.”

“It’s not really the _same_ place, but okay. Whatever.”

“Hey.” As if she somehow knew they were talking about her, Ushas suddenly walked into the room, a look on her face saying she wasn’t remotely amused. She slid onto the bench beside Mortimus, leaving considerable space between them. He did his best not to be offended “Sorry I’m late to this pity party, I had some things to take care of. Also, Millennia was freaking out about introducing Rallon to her parents, so I had to talk her down before I left.”

“Wait, _she’s_ nervous about it?” Vansell sat up suddenly, pointing his phone in Ushas’s direction. Mortimus was relieved to see that his screen displayed a puzzle game and not a secret chat about how much he and Magnus hated Mortimus. “No shit. Rallon was telling me for ages that he was freaking out about what was going to happen. I didn’t realize it went both ways. She’s normally so proud to show him off.”

“Yeah, but he has horrible anxiety issues and is also boring as shit in case you hadn’t noticed. If Rallon was my boyfriend—and I am _not_ saying I want him to be—I wouldn’t want to introduce him to my family either. Not that I was getting the vibe that Millennia didn’t want them to meet him, just that she wasn’t sure whether they would like him or not.”

“Right, yeah, like whenever I bring someone back to meet you guys,” started Mortimus, “and you lot immediately rip them apart.”

“That has literally never happened.” Magnus’s tone was flat, his face scrunching up oddly. “I think it’s actually quite the opposite. You bring someone to meet us, and then we go on about how much better they are than you and how odd it is that you actually managed to land them. No offense. It’s not your fault that you’re a serious creep.”

“Wow, thanks for that. I really appreciate it. Just love being called a creep. Love it. Love. Thanks. I’m going to go see if I can find my sister now.”

“All right, we’ll still be here moping around if you fail and decide to rejoin us.”

Mortimus only rolled his eyes. They really thought he was going to rejoin them after that comment? He shook his head. They knew him way too well.

//

“Are you all right, Rallon?”

The answer was no. No, he was not exactly all right, but no, he was not going to admit to that either. He had no reason to tell her the truth because if he _did_ tell her the truth then she would probably lose all faith in him and end up leaving him behind and going to see her family on her own. Then again, that didn’t sound like such an awful idea. If they got into a fight, Rallon wouldn’t have to go, and then he would have an excuse to avoid the meeting for another hundred years or so.

“Yeah,” he said, despite his brain screaming for him to get out of there. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little sick to my stomach. I think I’m just nervous. You know, I’ve never really thought about having to meet your family before so it’s a little overwhelming to be doing this right now. I think it might be better if I just bail.”

“ _No_. My family is really looking forward to meeting you, honey.” Millennia wrapped her arm around Rallon’s, clinging to him tightly. He wanted to pull away, to run the other direction and get the hell out of there before it was too late, but he couldn’t. Not without messing things up between him and Millennia, which he could never risk. “You’re going to love them, I promise. And they’ll love you too. How could they not?”

In all honesty, Rallon could’ve rattled off an entire list of reasons they wouldn’t love him, but he held his tongue. He didn’t want to come off like he hated himself—he didn’t, he just had a very honest opinion of himself which was highly reflective of the things everyone said about him, many of which were negative—nor did he want to risk upsetting Millennia; no matter how badly his hearts were pounding.

Rallon took another deep breath as he followed Millennia out to where they were meeting with her family. He had no idea what he was supposed to expect. No idea whether her family would be kind or if they would like him, and the only thing he could do was imagine that they would be something like Millennia herself. That helped. Being like Millennia was a good thought. Anyone who had half of Millennia’s kindness was someone Rallon would like to meet.

They went outside to the courtyard, around the same place where Millennia always set up the picnics she had with him. The family was unrecognizable at first, but the moment Rallon got close enough to see their faces, he knew. That was Millennia’s family. He smiled when Millennia gave his hand a squeeze, guiding him over to the blanket where they were sitting so as not to touch the grass.

“Hey,” said Millennia, smiling as she gestured to Rallon, showing him off to her family. “This is Rallon, the boy I’ve been telling you about.”

Someone waved to him, and Rallon barely started to wave back before he passed out.

//

After an hour of waiting, Theta started to wonder why he was still bothering.

It was clear his family wasn’t going to come. Braxiatel hadn’t left yet, but their parents were nowhere to be seen. They called a few times, messaged, but no one ever showed up. It was just Theta and Braxiatel left sitting at the front of the Academy after everyone else had gone inside or met up with their families elsewhere. It was pretty damn clear that Theta’s family wasn’t going to show up, but he didn’t completely abandon all hope. Not yet.

“Are we really just going to keep sitting out here all day?” asked Braxiatel, barely glancing up from his phone. He wasn’t the last bit bothered by the fact that their parents weren’t coming, and Theta could tell that in a second. “Listen, I was hoping they would show up just as much as you were—”

“No, you weren’t because they love you,” said Theta, crossing his arms bitterly. He shook his head slowly, knowing full well that Braxiatel did not understand the way he felt. He didn’t understand any of it, having been the favorite child his entire life. “You’re the family prodigy and I’m just the little dumbass nobody cares about. That’s probably why they didn’t come, honestly. They didn’t want to see me.”

“Yeah, you know what, I think you’re right. Our parents do hate you, and all our cousins do too. But can you really blame them? You’ve been such a poor example of a student your entire career, the idea of anyone supporting you is quite honestly unheard of. I mean, your friend tied the lunch lady to a tree. Poor woman.”

“Hey, that wasn’t even me!” He made a face. “I mean, technically I was involved in that whole thing but not that particular part of it! I had nothing to do with that woman getting tied up, that was all Drax. Mostly. I’ll admit he had a little bit of help from myself and Koschei but—”

“Please, for the love of Rassilon, shut up.” Braxiatel rubbed his temples, shaking his head exasperatedly. He had little patience for his brother, and Theta had known that his entire life, but it never deterred him before. He blinked innocently, only shrugging in response to Theta’s next glare. “I understand that it’s not all your fault, but you choose to hang out with those people. You choose to be associated with them. That’s only making your image worse. You’re the one who’s making yourself into an even bigger failure than you already are.”

“Oh, I’m a failure now, huh?” Theta hopped off the stairs, wandering into the grass and glaring at Braxiatel as the ground squished beneath his feet. “ _I’m_ the failure. I’ve done all this amazing, super fun stuff, and you’re over here being an absolute boring loser head, but _I’m_ the one who’s failing. Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Theta, you are literally on the edge of flunking out of the Academy and you have been for the last decade. I’m not trying to be a dick when I say you’re failing, it’s the truth. And yes, our parents are disappointed in you because you’re an enormous failure. I don’t need to hear them say that to know that it’s true.”

“Right, because you decided it by yourself and just went with that like it was something set in stone when you’re the asshole saying it in the first place. Fuck you, Brax. It’s no wonder Mum and Dad like you more, you’re the spitting image of a stuck-up Prydonian. At least I have more of a personality than spoiled prat.”

“Excuse me?” This time, it was Braxiatel who stood up, his eyes wide and his brow furrowing angrily. He stuffed his phone into his pocket, clenching his hands into tight fist as his lip flattened into a stiff line. “I am not a spoiled prat. If anyone is spoiled, it’s _you_. All I’ve ever done is try hard, while you fly by the seat of your pants. You barely survived this far and the fact that you’re at all surprised Mum and Dad don’t want to see you is—”

“I’m not surprised. At all. I honestly couldn’t care less. Just fuck off, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

Theta didn’t let him get one more word in before he ran off.

//

“Hey.” Jelpax slid on the bench beside Mortimus, ignoring it when his friend peered over his shoulder to read the screen. At that point, everyone was used to Mortimus snooping around on them. It didn’t matter. “Have any of you seen Drax? Or heard from him at all? He was messaging me before, but I haven’t gotten anything from him in almost an hour.”

“No, I think he said something about meeting with his mum,” said Mortimus, shrugging as he slid back into his own seat. “That was yesterday, though, so I might be remembering wrong. Anyway, aren’t you supposed to be meeting with your brothers? Or have you decided to ditch them and join the no-family crew?”

“You mean like you did?” Magnus’s voice was flat, his brows raised in a way that made Mortimus turn and glare at him. Clearly, Jelpax had missed something before he came in. He had no intention of asking what it was, but his friends didn’t seem to care that he didn’t want to know. “Mortimus said he was going to go talk to his sister, but he gave up after one lap around two halls and decided that he was content with never speaking to her again.”

“It’s not that I’m content with never speaking to her again, it’s just that I’ve accepted the reality that she wants nothing to do with me now.” Mortimus shrugged, popping a piece of candy into his mouth. He started to lean back but suddenly realized there was no support behind him and flopped back into his place. “It’s fine, she’s hated me for decades. It’s long past time for me to acknowledge it.”

“Yeah, but why does she hate you though? You’ve never told us that.” Vansell was lying on the bench again, his phone in one hand and the other resting on his stomach. “Did you creep her out like you creep us out and she just got sick of it? Or did you have an actual fight, and she hates you for real reasons?”

“What, you think I’m just going to tell you? This is my personal life. It’s not like I walk up to you and start asking about your— yeah, I see my mistake there. You’re right, I’ll tell you about it at some point. Just not today. It’s too soon. I need a little longer to get over the fact that I lost her first. It’s still new, the mourning. I always kept around a glimmer of hope before.”

The only reason he got exactly no emotional support was because he was surrounded by the three most half-glass-empty members of the Deca. Not one of the others could reach their extreme levels of apathy and pessimism, which was exactly why Mortimus didn’t try to press for anything when they all failed to do more than shrug. He understood the way they were. He’d analyzed them enough times to know way more than that.

“Anyway,” said Jelpax, as if he didn’t care one bit that Mortimus was still going through a horrible internal crisis, “I really do need to find Drax, I’m starting to get worried. He just stopped responding in the middle of a conversation and I remember he said he had to see his cousins today. You think they did something to him?”

“No.” Vansell shook his head, not so much as sitting up when he did so. He didn’t care enough to look at his friends when he spoke. “He said his mum was coming today, right? So, he’ll be with her. Don’t know much about her but if his cousins are sensible Gallifreyans, they won’t try anything with her around lest they get their asses kicked out of his shithole.”

“Yeah, I suppose. I think I’m going to go take another look around anyway, just in case.”

“All right. We’ll still be here moping around if you need anything.”

Jelpax did nothing more than rolled his eyes as he wandered out of the dining hall, trying his best to convince himself that what Vansell said was true.

//

Rallon blinked several times, his head pounding as he tried his best to sit up. The world was spinning around him, and all he could hear was a faint beeping and the sound of someone walking nearby. He couldn’t quite recognize where he was, only that it wasn’t familiar, and the walls were a lighter shade of red than everywhere else. He groaned as he blinked again, finally getting them to open the rest of the way.

He wasn’t too surprised to find he was in the nurse’s office, but he wasn’t too pleased about it either. Rallon couldn’t remember one minute of meeting Millennia’s family and unless he got a serious concussion, that meant it never happened at all. He let out another groan, sighing as he flopped his head back into the pillows. He didn’t have the strength to actually sit up. He didn’t have the strength to do anything at all.

“Hello, dear,” said the nurse, as cold and impersonal as ever. Rallon almost couldn’t wait until he’d gotten rid of the last of his emotions too just so that wouldn’t bother him anymore. “How are you feeling? You were out for about an hour?”

“Head hurts,” Rallon mumbled, smacking his lips together. His throat was so dry, and he could barely get out any real words. He twisted his fingers around, opening and closing his fists as he regained the movement in his body. Had it really only been an hour? “Millennia. Where…?”

“She went back with her family after I spoke to her. They’re only here for one day, you know, so she didn’t want to miss out.”

All he could do was nod, but not for long because his head hurt far too badly. It was too much to handle. Now, not only did he have to meet Millennia’s family, but he also had to apologize to them, apologize to Millennia herself, and try not to pass out, throw up, or look like an absolute idiot again. He let out a long breath and flopped his head back into the pillows. He was doomed. Absolutely royally doomed.

“Please tell me I have a concussion and the only reason I don’t remember meeting Millennia’s family is because I’m experiencing memory loss,’ said Rallon, turning to look at the nurse. She snorted and shook her head, flipping through a clipboard of papers. “Oh, god. You know what, I think it might be better if you just let me die in here after all. I don’t think I can do this.”

“That’s not my problem, dear. I’m only here to make sure you’re physically well. Whatever is going on in your personal life is absolutely none of my business. Girlfriend troubles? Speak to your friends about it. Now, we’re just going to run a few tests to make sure your head is okay and once we’re doing with that, you’ll be free to go.”

Rallon suffered the whole way through the tests. Not because they hurt—actually, the nurse said that he was somehow in better than perfect health despite passing out on everyone—but because he couldn’t stop thinking about what happened with Millennia and her family. He promised her that it was going to be okay. That they were going to be there for each other and support each other and he was going to show her family that he was worth her time. But he didn’t. He freaked out and passed out.

He didn’t even know what to do when the nurse finally let him go. There was nowhere else for him to be.

//

“Can you believe he would do that to me? After everything we’ve been through, he just turns around and stabs me in the back? It’s insane. Horrible. Absolutely unheard of. I can’t believe he would do something like that to his own _brother_. I mean, seriously, can you believe that?”

Koschei blinked. He really wasn’t sure how he was supposed to answer that question. On the one hand, Theta was really cute when he was mad but very scary when he was angry, and on the other, Koschei absolutely could believe that he would do that. Having known Braxiatel as long as he had, that actually sounded _exactly_ up his alley, and the fact that Theta was at all surprised was almost shocking.

“I mean, yeah,” he admitted finally, already reaching for a pillow to cover himself with in case Theta tried to fight. “It sounds exactly like something he would do. You two have never really gotten along in the past. What makes you think he’s suddenly going to be nice now? Especially when he already thought he had to deal with your dick—”

“Please, don’t. I know they’re not the best, but—”

“I was going to say cousins.”

“—I hate them a lot, yeah. You’re right. I thought you were going to say parents and I was going to try and defend them but no, yeah, my cousins are seriously annoying. Absolute dicks, you’re right. That’s probably why Brax was so angry. He just didn’t want to have to deal with all of those morons on top of everything else going on right now.”

“What do you mean, ‘everything else going on right now’?” Koschei made a face, glancing over to the calendar. He winced when he saw it, realizing that he’d crossed out the day a thousand times in fear of his father coming. But he didn’t even show. Not even a fucking surprise. “Oh, are you talking about exams and stuff? Because you’re right, there are a lot of those coming up. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself, but I think I might be a tad bit fucked there. Haven’t studied at all.”

“Has anyone?” Theta stood up suddenly, moving from his bed to flop down on Koschei’s. He dropped right onto his stomach, lying on the blankets beside Koschei and giving him a look. They were so close together Koschei could feel the breath on his neck. He tried not to pay attention to it. “I mean, really. Come on. It’s a whole bunch of shit anyway. We can figure it out. Studying is for losers.”

“Is it, though? Because I feel like Ushas and Jelpax probably get way better grades than us because they spend a lot of time studying. Rallon too, actually. I think he spends more time studying than any of us but he’s usually working on all his law shit, so he doesn’t get in our way much, you know?”

“Yeah, right. Okay. Well, anyway, I think that this whole day has been a gigantic bust. Your dad didn’t show up, my parents didn’t show up, and honestly, I don’t think anyone we saw looked particularly pleased to be seeing their families. Not that either of us would’ve been too thrilled either. If I’m being honest, we’d probably be the worst.”

“Are you sure? You don’t know what other people’s cousins are like.”

“Do we need to?” For scientific purposes, the answer would’ve been yes, but it wasn’t relevant to them. “Anyway, I think I might know how to save this day.”

Koschei was not remotely prepared for what Theta did next.

//

At a certain point, sitting around the dining hall just became too depressing.

If they weren’t hurting their asses sitting on those hard benches all day, neither Vansell nor Magnus ever would’ve pushed Mortimus to talk to his sister but as it were, they needed an excuse to stand up. It was clear that the whole situation was bothering Mortimus really badly, so they decided to do the best they could to reunite him and his sister. The only problem? They had no idea who his sister was, and no motivation to find out.

“Where are we going?” asked Mortimus, following the others down the hall. Neither answered. Truth was, they had no idea. They were just waiting for him to give them a clue. “Are you giving me a surprise? I’ve always wanted you to do that, Magnus, but I didn’t imagine it like this. Or with Vansell here. Okay, god! It was a joke!”

Joking aside, Mortimus’s face fell the second they walked past a window and he caught sight of a group of girls walking by outside. He stared at them for a long moment, the look in his eyes unmistakable, and Vansell knew they caught him. Magnus moved first, snapping the window open and whistling out to the girls. Mortimus’s eyes went wide and he immediately turned to bolt in the other direction, but Magnus grabbed his arm before he could

He resisted the whole way outside, almost begging Magnus to let him go, but he refused to give in. It was time that Mortimus finally faced his fears and did the thing that he needed to. Reconnected with the one girl who shouldn’t have ever left him. Magnus practically threw him into the group of girls, who immediately gave him a weird look because obviously, half of them had dated Mortimus and the others knew to stay far away.

“Hi,” said Mortimus awkwardly, holding up one hand. There was a girl with dark hair and eyes like his standing in the middle. She was the one they were after, no doubt. “Sorry. I didn’t want to get in your way. It was Magnus. He pulled me over here and I couldn’t— sorry. I’m going to go now. I know you don’t want to talk to me.”

“No, I don’t.” She glanced around to her friends, hesitating, and shooing them off before she went on. “But it’s family day, so we might as well get this over with now, right? You want to whine about how Mum’s not coming or spend a while trying to ruin my life like you always do?”

“I don’t try to ruin your life; I just want to help, and things get out of hand. I was really sure that bloke was stalking you. I was. I didn’t just make that up, he was following you _everywhere_. And I know we never caught him, and you still don’t really believe that he existed, but I swear to god, it’s true. It is.”

“Listen, Mortimus, I don’t hate you, but I don’t really want you in my life. And I know that’s kind of an awful thing to say, but it’s true, all right? You’re my brother and I love for that, but I don’t _like_ you, I— no. That’s the wrong way to put it. I think you’re a good person and I think you have a lot of potential, but you need help. You’ve always needed help. And until you fucking talk to someone and get that help, I can’t be in your life. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t say one more word before turning to walk back into the Academy. Mortimus watched her go in silence, his fingers twitching uncomfortably and his eyes staring at the ground in front of him. That was it. That was the truth he’d been hiding from for so long. He wasn’t mentally right, and it was keeping his sister away from him. It was keeping everyone away from him and he didn’t know how he was supposed to cope with that.

“Mortimus?” The way Magnus spoke was too reassuring and for a moment, Mortimus thought he was caught up in a dream. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” he snapped, turning to walk back to the dorms. “No thanks to you.”

//

“Millennia?”

Rallon went back and forth several times before he actually knocked on the door. He knew that he was risking a lot by approaching Millennia so suddenly, but there was only so much he could do. Family day was already over, everyone was already on their way home, and she was inevitably sad and hurt because Rallon hadn’t done what he promised he would. He hadn’t met with her family after weeks of excitement.

“It’s unlocked,” came her voice from the other side of the door. She spoke softly and sadly, and another pang of guilt stabbed at his chest. Rallon hesitated before he walked inside, biting down on his lip when he saw her lying on her bed, clinging to her pillow. He wanted to lay at her side, but knew it was too soon and remained by the door. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Rallon, the guilt heavy in his words. He knew he messed up. He didn’t know how he managed to mess up so badly because he couldn’t remember anything after leaving the dorms, but he knew it happened and he regretted it more than anything. “I’m really sorry that I messed up your day. I wanted to meet your family. I really did, I just… I don’t know what happened. I guess I just freaked out.”

Millennia nodded. “I know. I don’t blame you.”

“I blame me. I knew that I was going to end up bailing somehow because of my anxiety and I just went anyway. I should’ve told you sooner that I couldn’t do it, but I didn’t. I didn’t do it at all, and I didn’t know how to— I’m so, _so_ sorry for what happened, Millennia. Next time, I am going to meet them, and they will love me, I promise. I can even video call them if you want? We can try to—”

“No, Rallon, it’s okay. I promise. I’m not upset with you, I’m just sad that they had to leave so soon. They’re my _family_ , you know? And I’m not going to get to see them until next break. Who knows how far away that is? And don’t say the calendar, I’m not in the mood for your tacky jokes.”

The fact that she brought them up at all was enough for Rallon to know that wasn’t true. He sighed and finally moved forward, lying down in bed right beside Millennia and pulling her into his arms. He let out a deep breath as she snuggled into his grasp, staring out at the wall in front of her. She hadn’t forgiven him yet. It was obvious. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try his best to make it happen. He pressed a kiss behind her ear before saying another word.

“I don’t know if I can ever make this up to you,” he started quietly, “but I really, really want to. If there is anything I can do, anything you need from me, please just say and I will make it happen, okay? I want to fix this.”

“You don’t need to fix it.” Millennia wrapped her hands around his, gently squeezing them as if she didn’t even notice the tear slipping down her own cheek. “It’s okay. Just promise you’re not going to leave me.”

“I won’t. I would never leave you, Millennia. I promise.”

She only squeezed his hands tighter in response.

//

Jelpax searched for him everywhere. _Everywhere_. When he finally got away from his three stupid brothers and his overbearing parents, Jelpax went right back to his search for Drax, hoping he would turn up, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t answer his phone, he wouldn’t send a word, and no one seemed to know where he’d gotten to. Eventually, Jelpax just accepted he had to give up. He went back to his door, pulled the door open, and stopped.

Lying down on his bed, his back to the door, was Drax.

He was turned on his side, his knees pulled up to his chest. One hand rested under his head, while the other held an ice pack to his left cheekbone. His eyes were blank and wide, and his phone was on his desk, blinking repeatedly but going unanswered. The fact that Drax wasn’t asleep was the most concerning part. He hadn’t just slept through the messages; he deliberately avoided his phone. Whatever happened was bad enough that he didn’t even want to talk to Jelpax.

“Drax? You all right, darling?” Jelpax approached him slowly, carefully sitting down on the bed at his side. He placed a hand on Drax’s shoulder, but his friend pulled away quickly, his left hand shifting to better cover whatever happened to his face. “Hey. It’s okay. You can talk to me. Did you see your cousins? Did they do this?”

No answer. Drax only shifted further into the covers, brushing his spare hand over his eyes. They were pink and puffy and looked like he’d been crying, though there were no tears on his cheeks. Just water from the ice pack stuck to his cheek. Jelpax wanted to move closer, to try something else, but it was clear that Drax didn’t want to be touched or comforted in the way he usually did. He sniffed, nuzzling into the mattress before he opened his mouth.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, even though he clearly wasn’t. He took a long, deep breath; flinching and pulling away when Jelpax slid another hand toward him. “Seriously, I’m okay. Just don’t touch me. Please. Just back up. I don’t want you on top of me right now.”

That was more concerning that anything else. Drax was a huge lover of physical affection. More than anything, all he wanted was to he loved and hugged, and he touched everyone in the most mundane, casual way. The fact that he didn’t want to be touched at all, didn’t even want his best friend _near_ him, was terrifying. Regardless, Jelpax complied to his request and slid back, giving him the space he needed.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” asked Jelpax, knowing already that the answer would be negative. He was surprised when the answer ended up being nothing. “Please, Drax. Just say something. Just tell me you’re okay.”

“I can’t tell you I’m okay,” Drax snapped. He finally turned to look at Jelpax, his hand shifting and moving the ice pack from his eye. It was bruised. His entire cheekbone was turning an unnatural shade of purple, his eye swelling and vaguely black. “If I tell you I’m okay, I would be lying to you, but I don’t want to tell you the truth either so just leave me alone, okay? I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t.”

“You need to see the nurse. Now. She can give you something that will take care of that.”

“No, I’m fucking sick of dealing with the nurse. She doesn’t do anything but tell me to stop getting myself into trouble and you know what? If I had a way to get myself out of this, then I would but I don’t have a way and I never had a way so just back the fuck off, okay? I’m not going to see the nurse and honestly, I don’t want to see you much either, so you should just go.”

“I’m not going to leave you like this.” Jelpax didn’t care how aggressive his tone was. How firm and solid Drax sounded when he spoke. He needed to help his friend. The person he cared about more than anyone else in the world. “You don’t have to tell me what happened, Drax, but I can’t just walk away when you’re in such a bad place. Please, just communicate with me, okay? Just let me know that you’re all right.”

“I just told you that I’m _not_.” He threw the covers off himself suddenly, swinging his legs over the bed and shaking his head as he took a step back, gesturing his hands dramatically. “The fact that you seriously think I could be okay when my face is fucking _purple_ is just goddamn hilarious. Look at me. I’m the definition of a disaster and you want me to say that I’m okay. It’s stupid.”

“Okay, I get it. You don’t have to be okay, Drax, just tell me what happened. Tell me how I can help.”

“No. I’ve told people before and nobody helps. Nobody cares. I’m the fucked up, stupid kid with all these issues and because I’m always getting myself into trouble, nobody gives a shit when I get hurt. Do they have every right to expect it? Yeah. But you’d think after everything I’d done, if I went to someone begging for help, they would listen, right? They’d see that this kid who never talks to anyone seriously is asking for help so something must be really wrong, but they _don’t_. Nobody gives a shit, and nobody ever has.”

“I do.” Jelpax didn’t act on any of his larger instincts, choosing only to hold out a hand. “Please, Drax. Let me help you.”

Several long seconds passed by before he finally took Jelpax’s hand.

//

The Deca’s weekly meeting was oddly silent that time around.

Suffice to say, nobody exactly had a great family day, and as such, no one was particularly interested in talking about it or what went down. Mortimus was still angry about what happened, Drax was still nursing his face, and those who had no one come were still sitting around, hanging out in their little trio of people who had nothing to say regardless.

Of course, just because nobody _wanted_ to talk about it didn’t mean that nobody would. Ushas was still just as nosy as ever and refused to let them get through the entire meeting without saying a word. She wanted to know what was happening, how everyone’s days went, and asked the question that not one of them wanted to answer.

“So, who wants to talk about their family first?”

The entire room was silent, and it stayed silent when she asked the question. Not one of them raised their hand or said a single word, not even to mock her question. A full two minutes passed without so much as a hint of conversation or the thought of a response, leaving Ushas annoyed at the front of the room because it wasn’t like _she_ had a family to babble on about.

“I think that means nobody,” said Drax, rubbing one hand against his cheek. Jelpax wanted to tell him to stop it, that touching the bruise only made it worse, but he resisted the urge. “Can we just call this meeting to a close or something? I don’t think anyone really wants to talk after the disaster that was yesterday.”

“Really? Because I feel like I want to know what happened to your face,” Ushas told him, crossing her arms. She ignored it when Jelpax tried to make signals at her, begging her to shut up and dragging a finger across his throat as he pointed to Drax. “Did you really spend time with your family or were you out causing more chaos?”

“I really wish that I was out causing more chaos, but no. I was not doing that, I was with my family. Lost a perfectly good opportunity to stir up some shit while everyone was distracted. Imagine not being pissed about that.”

“Well, if you weren’t fucking things up,” Magnus started, “then who do I need to beat up?”

“Yourself,” muttered Mortimus, sliding down further in his seat. “You’re the one who was being a dick to me. I was perfectly content to not speak with my sister anymore and you had to go and make her throw everything back in my face. Nice. Real nice. I seriously appreciate how awful that felt. It’s just the greatest thing, you know? The greatest. I’m not upset in the least.”

“No, that’s why you’re rambling on right now.” Ushas rolled her eyes, leaning back against Borusa’s desk. She crossed her arms, raising her brows expectantly. Mortimus only gave her a look, not understanding why. “Well, you started talking about your sister, so I suppose that means you’re going first, yeah?”

“I said everything I wanted to say. Let Millennia go. I’m sure her and Rallon had a great day.”

“Yeah, not so much.” Rallon shifted uncomfortably, leaning forward onto his desk, and rubbing his hands over his face. “I kind of made a mess of everything. I was really nervous and the moment I went to sit down with her family, I sort of—”

“Did great,” said Millennia. She gave Rallon a reassuring look, and his hearts pounded a little faster. He never would’ve expected Millennia to be so kind about what happened but somehow, it wasn’t surprising in the least. He smiled when he turned to look back at her. “It was long, but it was really nice all of us together. Boring to talk about. We should move on.”

“I’ll take my turn to talk.” Theta rose up in his seat, clearing his throat dramatically. Knowing full well what happened to him, Koschei groaned, not wanting to deal with whatever shit he was inevitably going to rant about. “So, my parents never showed up, and I wasn’t all that surprised, but I had to hang out with Brax all day. If you know anything about Brax, it’s like—”

“Can you not call him Brax?” asked Mortimus suddenly. Theta gave him a weird look, but Mortimus was not deterred. “What? I can’t be the only one who hears that and thinks of Drax’s like, evil twin.”

“Okay, fine, if you know anything about _Braxiatel_ , you’ll know how awful it is to have to spend a day with him. He was bitching and an asshole and loud and I never want to talk to him again. He just kept saying that I’m a terrible brother and a terrible son and it makes sense that our parents didn’t come because they didn’t want to see me. Dick. And then—”

“All right, that’s enough.” Magnus held up his hands, slowly shaking his head. “Can I be the one to say that nobody cares? If you’re going to make us sit through this, we might as well talk about something more interesting. Jelpax, you going to tell us how it went with your brothers and your crazy-ass dad?”

“Did I ever even mention my dad to you?” Jelpax made a face, and Magnus glanced over to Mortimus before he shrugged. Of course, it was that dumbass reading him again. “Yeah, I was with my brothers all day, but I don’t think it was remarkably interesting. I talk to them plenty outside of family day too. Just not my parents. And actually, not them much either.”

“That’s just because you think Ailmar is really annoying,” said Drax, giving him a look.

“No, Ailmar is fine, he’s just young. It’s Kelsey that I fucking hate.”

“Why haven’t we met any of them?” asked Ushas suddenly. She rolled her eyes when Drax and Jelpax both gave her a look. “All right, I know that Drax has met them all, but you never even talk about them with us. Are they just that boring or are they just that annoying that you don’t care to ever bring them up?”

“Probably the first one, sometimes the second one. I get out all my bitching on Drax.” Jelpax gestured to his best friend, who nodded until he winced and grabbed at his cheek again. His head still hurt too badly to move it a lot. “Anyway, someone else go now. I have nothing to say except I spent the whole day sixth-wheeling because I didn’t want to talk to anyone.”

“Yeah, your best part of the day was probably hanging out with us at the ‘no family’ table.” It was the first thing Vansell said from his seat at the back of the room, and everyone turned to look at him, as if they were surprised to hear him speak. “I thought it was rather dull sitting around all day, but I suppose it beats having to hang out with a bunch of people you barely even know.”

“Or people who hate you,” said Koschei, sliding down in his seat. He was not the least bit disappointed that his father didn’t come, and was, in fact, rather relieved. Not that he had any interest in talking about that either. “I think the most important thing to remember now is that it’s over. We have ages until we have to see them again.”

“That’s right,” Millennia agreed, though her tone was significantly sadder. “I think it’s important to know that we still have family with us always too. Maybe we’re not all biologically related or anything but you’re all my family. More than anyone else in the universe. I’m so lucky I was able to meet you.”

“All right, okay, no need to get all sappy.” Though Ushas said that, she was clearly touched by the words, slowly shaking her head, and turning around to grab her clipboard from off the desk behind her. “If we’re doing speaking about our families, than I think it’s time for us to talk about this upcoming week. We have a lot of exams coming up, as you know, and I think it’s rather important that we make sure we’re prepared…”

The only reason no one argued was because they didn’t want the conversation to go backwards again.


	15. The Moon of Korpal pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Deca goes on an extended field trip and somehow winds up at a party bar. Predictable chaos ensues.

“This is going to be _brilliant_.”

Jelpax rolled his eyes as Drax stuffed another piece of clothing into his suitcase. He’d been packing for ages at that point, despite the fact that he didn’t need half the things he was grabbing. He either didn’t notice or didn’t care about that fact, too busy thinking about what was going to happen when they actually went on their trip.

“I know,” said Jelpax, flipping to the next page in his book, “you’ve said that a thousand times already. You’re excited. I get it. I know. But you don’t have to keep going on and on about this like it’s some kind of amazing thing. We’re just going on a field trip. Big fucking deal.”

“Big fucking deal? Yeah, it is a big fucking deal!” Drax slapped the last of his things into the suitcase, slamming it shut and turning to look at Jelpax with a disapproving expression on his face. “Can’t believe you would act like this is nothing when we’re going to the moon with one of the greatest bars of all time on it.”

“Maybe, but we’re not going to the bar. We’re there to study rocks and shit. It doesn’t matter that there’s anything good there because we aren’t going to get to see it.”

“Well, maybe _you’re_ not going to get to see it but personally, I have every intention of going to that bar after hours and I think everyone else does too. I know Mortimus was on board, and Theta and Koschei too. We’re all going to head out after we finish the assigned shit and get to the real fun of the planet. You know it’s going to be worth it, right? Just come with me.”

“I do not want to come with you. In no reality would I _ever_ come with you to that bar.”

//

Obviously, the moment they were finished with the assigned work, Jelpax went with Drax to the bar.

There was a surprising amount of their classmates there, considering the bar was strictly off-limits. A whole party’s worth, in fact. Of course, Theta and Koschei were already there when Drax and Jelpax arrived—they appeared to have blown off the assignment, which Jelpax did not allow Drax to do—and the others started to arrive after they walked in. Though Jelpax wasn’t at all comfortable in the bar, Drax settled in fast, and within minutes, he was holding a vodka in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

“You look way too comfortable with those,” said Jelpax, refusing yet another offer for a drink with one hand. He didn’t do alcohol. He wouldn’t do alcohol. “Please tell me you haven’t been drinking and smoking behind my back all this time. I really don’t want to have to pull an intervention.”

“An intervention? Seriously? Because I’m having _one_ vodka at a _party_? Damn, Pax. No need to get your knickers in such a twist. Why don’t you just go ahead and have a drink of your own? It’ll loosen you up. You like gin? I think you’re a gin kind of guy. Or whiskey. Ooh, yeah, that’s it. You’re absolutely a whiskey man. Bartender!”

“No.” He held out a hand quickly, shaking his head in a way more furious than Drax had ever seen before. It was almost ridiculous. Sure, Drax respected a person’s right not to drink, but after everything he’d been dragged into before, it seemed like a bizarre place to cross the line. “Seriously, Drax, this is a bad idea. A terrible idea. You don’t honestly think that going to a party behind our professors’ backs is going to accomplish anything?”

“Who the fuck needs it to accomplish anything?” Drax draped an arm around Jelpax’s shoulders, taking a long drag on his cigarette with his other hand. “All I care about is that we have some damn fun before we have to get back into things.”

“Did someone say ‘fun’?” Out of nowhere, Mortimus jumped up and flopped onto the stool beside Drax, his eyes wide and bloodshot. It was no well-kept secret that he’d been smoking too, and it wasn’t the same kind as Drax. “I am so fucking excited right now you don’t even know. I haven’t been to a party like this since… uh… does Ushas’s birthday count?”

“No, it does not,” said Jelpax, raising an eyebrow. “Everyone was sober at that one.”

“Oh, shit, we were supposed to be sober?”

Drax blinked. “Uh, yeah, we were supposed to be sober. Did you not read the invitations? At her last birthday party, Ushas _literally_ printed the words, ‘Mortimus, don’t you dare show up fucking stoned again’ on it. Like, seriously. It was right underneath her instructions for what we were all meant to gift her.”

“Well, that explains why she was so pissed at me.” Mortimus made a face, waving for the bartender to bring him another drink. Apparently, he’d done nothing to learn his lesson. He downed his colorful drink in seconds, grinning when he turned back to the others. “All right, then. What are we going to do here at this brilliant party?”

“I am going to try my damnedest to get Drax out of here without dying,” Jelpax answered. “And you?”

“Haven’t decided yet. But I think it’s going to be rather life-changing.”

//

“Your dancing still sucks ass.”

Theta turned around to glare at Koschei when he spoke, continuing his movements as he shook his head. After all they’d been through, he had the nerve to tell Theta that he wasn’t a good dancer? It was ridiculous. Theta would never say something so horrible to Koschei. Okay, maybe he would, but not about something so stupid. Er, actually, yeah, there was no winning that one.

“My dancing does _not_ suck ass,” said Theta, continuing on with his atrocious dancing. “I am clearly blowing this party away. You wish you were as talented as me, but you don’t even know how to move your hips.”

“You don’t even _have_ any hips,” Koschei sneered, causing Theta’s eyes to abruptly widen as he looked down. Obviously, Koschei was right. Theta was about as curvy as a pencil. He shrugged, resuming his horrendous dancing. “Please, Theta, you’re seriously embarrassing me.”

“Well, big deal. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch it.”

In all honesty, Theta hadn’t really expected Koschei to walk away when he said that, but he did. Koschei only shrugged before turning around, heading off into the crowd. Theta blinked, ceasing all movement to scratch his head. That was that, he supposed. No use bothering with trying to get Koschei back when there was absolutely no hope in it. He picked up his dancing again. At least he’d always have that.

He continued his awful moves for a few more minutes, looking around to the others at the bar. There was a wild party going on in there that night, mostly other Academy students from their year, but it wasn’t too insane. At least, not for Theta. He’d been in far more ridiculous situations before; that didn’t even come close to the worst of them.

“Are you aware you look like an absolute dumbass?”

Theta didn’t recognize the voice that spoke, turning around to see who it was. The guy standing there was unfamiliar but right around his same age with one of the most average, yet intriguing expressions Theta could remember seeing. He held his arms against his chest, his head cocked slightly to the side as he looked to his peer in bewilderment.

“Honestly,” he went on, shaking his head in disbelief, “that is one of the most atrocious dances I have ever seen in my life. Any chance you invented that yourself? Because I really don’t believe those are a set of movements anyone else has done before. Not in this timeline, at least.”

“Thank you for that addendum because I already forgot that we can time travel,” snapped Theta, giving him a look. This guy, slightly taller than Theta and slightly larger than him too, was clearly a dick. Not to be liked at all. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have some horribly embarrassing dancing to get back to.”

“How about we get a drink instead?”

He hesitated. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Not a romantic thing,” said the bloke, holding out a hand. Theta shook it hesitantly, hoping the guy hadn’t seen through his bluff. “I just want to get wasted and it’s a whole lot more fun with someone else there. You look like you’ll be fun after a couple of tequilas. Want to give it a go?”

“Yeah, all right. But you have to pay because I have no damn money.”

“Deal. I’m Rummas, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Rummas. Theta Sigma. Academy genius and the bane of Professor Borusa’s existence.”

Rummas laughed harder than Theta expected, and he knew right then that he’d made a new friend.

//

“This is a terrible idea.”

“This is not a terrible idea,” Millennia argued. The smile on her face was far too big for the situation. Sure, Rallon loved her, but sometimes, he felt like she was far too adventurous for him. She tossed a racket into his hand, smiling eagerly. “I know you’re amazing at table tennis, Rallon. We can do this no problem.”

“It’s not a matter of whether we can do it,” said Rallon, “it’s a matter of whether we’re going to get into a brawl if we win. You know that people can get insane when they’re drunk, right? And a lot of people here are really, really drunk. That’s not a good combination. We really should not be playing these games.”

“Okay, I think you’re overreacting a little bit. It’s not _that_ big of a deal. We just have to make sure that we’re kind about it when we demolish everyone, and if they pull anything on us, I won’t hesitate to kick everyone’s asses.”

He let out a sigh. He knew that was true, and he was not about to try and argue with her. Rallon had been on the wrong side of Millennia’s temper before and he had no desire to get there again if he could avoid it. Especially not if it was over something so trivial as playing bar games. He could do some beer pong or table tennis if it meant making his girlfriend happy for a while.

The people they were potentially playing against varied greatly in size and ability. A lot of them were just other Academy students who were mediocre at best, but others were random bar customers who looked like they could pound Rallon to a pulp. Thankfully, their first round was against a couple of Ceruleans they already knew in passing, who they were able to crush in a second.

Given how incredible Millennia was at playing the game, they continued to win every round until they’d absolutely dominated the party. People started giving up or coming back for rematches, and Rallon felt like a fake for taking the credit when Millennia was basically playing the whole game by herself. Not to say he wasn’t any good at the game, but he really wasn’t all that good at the game. He just liked playing with his girlfriend.

“All right, that’s enough.” The last voice Rallon expected to hear was that of his roommate’s, but there he was. Vansell walked up with Magnus, each of them standing at the table opposite Rallon and Millennia. Great. Rallon thought he’d rather fight the bar brawlers than his stupidly competitive friends. “You’ve been hogging the winner’s side long enough. Let’s see how this really is, yeah?”

Rallon wanted to say no, but Millennia accepted the challenge before he had the chance. He was basically forced into a new competition, and it was even worse than the last. This time, he had no choice but to work as hard as his girlfriend, or at least as hard as he could. He still wasn’t half as good as her, but he did his best.

They managed to win the first round, but only by a slim margin. The second round came out as a tie after far too many fails and a lot of fouls on Rallon’s part, and the last round was won almost exclusively by Magnus’s throbbing rage. Rallon and Millennia didn’t give up right after losing, however. They played over and over again, doing the best they could to take their title back.

It bounced back and forth for a while, but neither side gave up. A few other party goers were displeased with how long they hogged the table, but the second Magnus glared at them, they turned and hauled ass out of there. At least, until one specific person came up to them.

The only reason Rallon didn’t run out right then and there was because Magnus was already on the defense.

//

“Oh, my god. You are so fucking wasted.”

Mortimus snorted when Drax spoke, finishing off the last of his drink before shoving it off the counter and leaning his hands forward on the bar in front of him. He couldn’t stop laughing as he slid forward onto the bar, his forehead pressing against the table and his entire body shaking with chuckles. It wasn’t even that funny, but Mortimus was ridiculously amused.

“I am _not_ wasted,” Mortimus argued, already reaching out for another drink when the bartender offered it. He was absolutely wasted, even Drax could tell and he was horrible at reading people. “ _You_ are the one that’s wasted. Have you not realized how handsy you’re getting?”

“When am I _not_ handsy?” asked Drax, one hand already back on Mortimus’s shoulder. He squeezed his sleeve, shaking his head as he took another drag on the cigarette in his other hand. “Come on, Mortimus. I’m not _that_ wasted. Maybe I’ve had a few too many vodkas but it’s all good. I’ll stop having shots now.”

“Good, because you’re slurring your words so much, I can’t even tell what you’re saying anymore.” He looked around suddenly, furrowing his brow when he failed to find whatever he was looking for. “Hey… where did Jelpax go?”

“He said he was going to, uh… I don’t remember. He was going to get me some coffee or something. He told me but I wasn’t really listening.”

“Don’t tell him that, you know how much he values his own word and I know how much you value him. Right? ‘Cos you’re in love with him, right?”

“No.” Drax shook his head as he made a face, reaching out for another shot. “I’m not into guys like that. Especially not Jelpax. If I were into guys, I would be into someone who was all carefree like you, not someone with a stick up their ass like fucking Pax. Wow, that was a horrible way of phrasing that. Did you hear me? I made it— I made it sound like— like—”

He didn’t finish his sentence, laughing too hard beside Mortimus to even get it out. Mortimus choked on his own chuckles too, trying and failing to keep them in as he pounded one fist against the counter to the dismay of the bartender. Drax kept one hand around Mortimus’s shoulders as he reached out for another vodka shot, clearly not realizing or not caring that he’d already had too many.

“How much vodka have you had?” questioned Mortimus, twisting around the straw in whatever colorful drink he was sipping at that point. He liked the fancy cocktails, nothing straight like Drax was having. “Don’t you think you’ve had too many? You could at least switch it up. Do they have jello shots anywhere? I think that you should have some jello shots instead, that would at least make it more interesting, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

“Are you having a conversation with yourself?” Drax made a face, wrinkling his nose and reaching out for Mortimus’s drink. He frowned when he took a sip of it, displeased with the odd flavor. He promptly forgot about his previous question. “Do you seriously drink this stuff? What the hell is it?”

“I don’t know. It’s disgusting but it’s colorful and it comes with a cool straw.” As if he didn’t care one bit, Mortimus took the drink back from Drax, popping the straw back into his mouth and taking a good long sip despite how disgusting it was. Drax gave him a look. “What? It’s not like I’m making _you_ drink it. I’ll do whatever I want, and you can do whatever you want.”

“I cannot do whatever I want but thank you.”

“Oh, are you an angsty drunk? Just don’t get too deep, all right? My textbook is back on the ship.”

Drax didn’t even bother looking to him that time.

//

“Hey. Theta being a little bitch again?”

Koschei nodded, taking another sip of his beer when Jelpax sat down at his side. He wasn’t drinking anything, just looking equally as worn and done with everything. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Drax was probably messing about just as stupidly and embarrassingly as Theta was.

“Bold of you to assume he’s ever been anything else.” Koschei offered a bottle to Jelpax, but he shook his head and leaned back against the wall. Whatever happened, he wasn’t interested in going back inside either. Maybe it was just too loud. Koschei knew that feeling all too well. “Drax being a reckless dumbass like always?”

“Couldn’t imagine him doing anything else.” It was a conscious choice to avoid mentioning the fact that he was seriously concerned about Drax. That there was something he was hiding in regard to the alcohol and the smoking. “So, you planning to hang around here longer, or going to head back over to the ship?”

“Haven’t decided yet. I went back in there a minute ago to check on Theta, but I couldn’t even find him, so I suppose he’s off doing something fun without me, yeah? I’m not too worried about him. You know what kind of shit he’s gotten himself into in the past. A little bit of alcohol is hardly cause for concern.”

“I mean, I’d argue it’s absolutely cause for concern both in terms of how it could affect his behavior and the fact that he could become addicted to or dependent on it, but you know. I understand that not everyone has the same experiences, so I’ll let you make your own decisions based on however the hell he reacts to the substances. I’m willing to bet it’s going to be absolutely horrendous, but let’s not put too much money down because there’s every chance he’s a hilarious drunk.”

“Damn, you really care about this shit, huh?” Koschei took a swig of his drink, letting out a breath as he shook his head. Jelpax didn’t bother to respond. If he wasn’t going to take it seriously, there was no point in dragging it out. “Well, I’m not really worried, honestly. It’s going to be fine. I think he’ll probably end up with a hell of a hangover and I’m not really sure how he’s going to pay for all his drinks, but it is what it is. Not my problem.”

“Isn’t it, though? He’s your best friend.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, he is, but that doesn’t mean I’m responsible for his actions. If that were true, then I’d have gotten myself into a hell of a lot more trouble, you know? As it stands, I’ve been doing pretty damn good keeping myself away from the messes he gets himself into, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.”

“You mean, even though that’s literally not true because I’ve seen you get into trouble with him a thousand times before?” Jelpax crossed his arms, snorting as he kicked his legs out in front of him. He rolled his eyes at Koschei’s look. “What? I’m just saying, if you’re going to make up a story, it might as well be a believable one.”

“Fine, you want a believable story? How about this…”

Jelpax suddenly wished he’d stayed inside.

//

“You are— You are the _funniest_ person I have _ever_ met.”

Theta was hiccupping more than he was talking but he didn’t notice it all that much. He was too busy focusing on his new best friend, Rummas, who was essentially the most hilarious person he’d ever encountered in his few short decades in the universe. The bartender was not a big fan of Theta’s outlandish laughter, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. Not when Rummas’s credit card was supplying them with bottomless drinks.

“I’m not _that_ funny,” Rummas argued, taking another sip of his own drink. He clearly didn’t understand just how ridiculously amazing his stories were. It was something that Theta felt like he could listen to all day, and not just because the bloke had a weirdly nice voice. “If I were really that funny, I would suggest you do something like… jump on that chandelier.”

“That one?” Theta turned and pointed to the wooden chandelier hanging in the middle of the room, nodding as he glanced around the rest of the room. Students and random folks were still partying all around, drinking too much alcohol and taking everything too seriously. “Yeah, I think I can manage it. Make sure you get this on camera.”

Theta quickly downed the rest of his drink before hopping out of his seat, striding through the crowd to the table beneath the chandelier. He didn’t pay any attention to the people who were standing there, only kicked their hands out of the way and took a deep breath; shaking off his hands before he leapt up and grabbed the chandelier. He dangled for a few seconds before swinging his legs up, kicking his feet on the edges of it.

People immediately started shouting at him, telling him to get down, but Rummas only laughed heartily and he took that as a good sign. He chose to keep swinging around, doing dumb dances in the air, and letting out a mighty yelp when he nearly fell down. Eventually, a bartender leapt right onto the table and yanked Theta down himself, but it still didn’t stop him from laughing.

He laughed the whole way out the bar and even as he was thrown on the ground outside, Rummas following behind him with their drinks in hand. Technically, they weren’t meant to take the glasses, but they didn’t care. They were too drunk off their asses to bother thinking about a thing aside from how hilarious they were. Theta personally thought their shenanigans were brilliant, and if other people didn’t want to see that, it wasn’t his problem.

“Oh, my god.” Rummas clapped Theta on the back after handing him his drink, not seeming to notice nor care when Theta spit out a mouthful of alcohol in response to the sudden pressure on him. “I can’t believe you actually did it. I’ve dared people to do things a thousand times before but nobody— nobody ever actually listens! That was fucking hilarious!”

“I know, I’m pretty great.” Okay, so maybe Theta was a little cocky when he was drunk. Big deal. He was pretty cocky when he wasn’t drunk too. “Except now we’ve been kicked out of the party, so what are we supposed to do? Just hang around outside? Everything is going on in there without us!”

“Please, you don’t honestly think we’re just going to stand out here? Finish your drink. We’re sneaking back in soon as you’re done.”

//

“Can we not do this anymore? Please? I can’t possibly be the only one who is seriously tired of it.”

Rallon felt a little bit like a whiner when he spoke, but he just wanted the games to be over. The party folks were getting way too into their battle against Magnus and Vansell, especially those who wanted to play next. They rooted for one specific team they wanted to go against, but nobody won. They kept getting into ties over and over again and Rallon was losing his damn mind.

“Absolutely not,” said Vansell, glaring at him. “You think we’re just going to quit now? No. Not happening. Let’s just do this one more time and when Magnus and I totally and utterly destroy you, you’ll be able to get out of here no problem and we’ll play against the rest of the bar.”

“Please.” Rallon looked to Millennia pleadingly, but she didn’t seem to care whether he wanted out. She was too busy wanting to destroy _them_ and he knew it. Millennia was sometimes far too competitive for her own good. For both of their goods. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Millennia, I’m losing my mind. They’re going to kill me. My arm is sore as anything, and—”

“And it’s no reason not to wreck them.” Of course, Millennia still refused to quit, despite how concerned she looked when Rallon started rubbing his arm. She already knew he had bad carpal tunnel from all the writing he did from school, but she couldn’t just give up. Not yet. “Take a deep breath, stretch your arm out, and let’s go.”

Magnus didn’t bother weighing into the conversation, not even turning to look when Vansell rolled his eyes as if mocking their friends. There was no reason to be mad at them. Not really. He was too busy thinking about what he was going to do when he declared himself the ultimate champion of the bar games. There was no doubt that it would happen, after all. Not with his strength and skill.

As he predicted, he was just as incredible as he’d always thought. The only reason he wasn’t winning was because Vansell was dragging him down, and the only reason Millennia wasn’t winning was because Rallon was dragging her down. Plus, there was ungodly loud music playing in the bar and people screaming left and right, which wasn’t helping anything. They almost made it to the end of a round, Magnus nearly about to win, when someone came up and dragged the racket out of Rallon’s hand.

“What are you doing?” demanded Magnus, immediately switching sides. He was only against Rallon and Millennia so long as he was the one destroying them. No one else had permission to do that. Not on his watch. “Get the hell away from him, you asshole.”

“Ooh, little boy’s calling me an asshole.” The guy was tall and broad and that was the only reason Magnus didn’t immediately rush over to kick his ass. He held his ground, narrowing his eyes and curling his fingers into tight fists. He wasn’t afraid to strike. “Maybe you and your stupid Academy friends shouldn’t be hogging the table tennis table.”

“‘Stupid’? That’s the best you can come up with? Come on. If you’re going to insult us, at least do it in a way that’s entertaining. And you know, you could just ask for the table like a man instead of yanking at my friend here.”

“Please, we really don’t want any trouble,” said Rallon, holding his hands up in defense. He didn’t fight back for the racket at all, and Magnus almost wanted to slap him himself. How were they supposed to hold their ground if the guy wouldn’t even try? “You’re right that we’ve been hogging this table quite a bit, so how about we move away, and you can have it for a while, yeah?”

“Or you could stop being such a little pussy and—”

Magnus’s fist collided with the bloke’s face the second he started to insult Rallon. His chest rose and fell heavily, his eyes narrowed in bitter rage as he stepped forward. Fuck being smaller, he was going to get his revenge. Even if he had to start a whole damn bar brawl to do it.

//

“Oh, my god. How many of those have you had? Let me see your tongue.”

Mortimus obliged immediately, snorting when Drax pointed at him and started laughing about how blue and purple his tongue had become after all the different tropical drinks. They still didn’t taste good, but he was amassing a collection of straws that was rather impressive in his humble opinion. At least, it was, until Drax started taking them from him.

On the one hand, it was hilarious watching him see how fast he could take a shot through each straw. On the other hand, Mortimus knew very well that the proper was to consume a shot was _not_ to drink it slowly and the fact that Drax was doing that several times in a row was more than a little concerning. He tried to convince himself to say something, to get Drax to stop, but he knew it wouldn’t work and let himself laugh anyway. Maybe he would’ve done something different if he were sober, but he wasn’t.

“You should try more of these colorful ones,” Mortimus told him, ignoring the fact that he’d already spent every bit of cash that he had. “I think we should both try and— we should try and— oh, my god, I can’t even talk anymore. How drunk do you have to be for the words to start falling out of your head? ‘Cos I think that’s what’s happening to me right now. Any chance you’ve brought a dictionary with you?”

“A _dictionary_?” Drax let out a hearty laugh, somehow exceeding what he’d already laughed about before. “No, I haven’t got a— I haven’t got a _dictionary_. Why would I have a _dictionary_? Wait. Do you think phones have dictionaries on them? I have a phone. We could try my phone. Just let me— _shit_.”

The screen only cracked a little bit when Drax dropped it and it was for that reason that he only laughed instead of freaking out over the fact that one of his most important possessions was broken. It wasn’t the reason that he didn’t notice the bar brawl happening in the background, however. That was because of the fact that he was absolutely drunk off his ass and barely processing two feet in front of him, let alone several behind him.

“Okay, okay, I think we’ve had enough drinks. Maybe we should try and get some coffee or something.” Mortimus glanced around the room, as if he somehow expected to find coffee in there. “Shit. Do you think they have any coffee in the back room? I don’t think they serve it up here but if we look—”

“This is a goddamn _bar_ , Mortimus. Why the fuck would they have any coffee?” Drax started to motion for another drink but Mortimus swatted him away. He wasn’t as fun as he looked, apparently. “They’re here to serve _alcohol_. Why would they bother serving anyone something that counteracts the effects of alcohol?”

“So that people will buy more of it…?”

The fact that Mortimus’s words actually made sense was only more confusing because of the fact that Drax was wasted. He blinked, nodding slowly. As much as he wanted to, he really had no way to argue that claim.

//

Theta was only a little afraid to sneak back into the bar and because he was so drunk, that fear was diluted down into nothing. He followed immediately when Rummas showed him around to the back entrance, grinning when they kicked the door open. They weren’t technically supposed to be in that part of the building, but they also weren’t technically meant to be in the building at all, so Theta didn’t care. Not a bit.

“All right, so here’s the plan,” said Rummas, leaning back toward the door as he glanced around the area. “You’re going to go and get us some more beers while I figure out where to get— what the hell is happening over there?”

What was happening over there, was, of course, the bar brawl that Magnus had somewhat intentionally caught himself in the middle of. Theta looked over right as Magnus shoved his opponent into a wall, despite the fact that the bloke was significantly taller and larger than him. He let out a groan as his back collided with the bricks, sliding down to his knees before reaching his arm up and yanking Magnus down in front of him.

Rather than trying to intervene or in any way distancing himself from the stressful situation, Theta chose to run up by Magnus and the angry drunk, cheering wildly for his friend. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but Theta wasn’t the smartest person in the world, and neither was Rummas. They both started screaming and cheering Magnus on, despite Rummas likely having never met the bloke before.

Though Theta was hoping that Magnus would feel encouraged, he only glared when he looked up to Theta and his new friend, shaking his head before kneeing the angry man in the face. His nose let out a small stream of blood, but it barely seemed to faze him. He stumbled back to his feet, grabbing Magnus by the front of his shirt, and shoving him, sending him stumbling back several feet.

“Why don’t you just give up, you little punk?” snapped the fuming drunk, his arms positioned in a way to make them look more muscular or threatening. Magnus didn’t so much as flinch, only dragging a hand under his chin to wipe away some stray liquid and taking a deep breath. “You fucking moron. I gave you an out and you didn’t take it. Don’t blame me for this.”

“Magnus, get down!”

The man pulled out his gun as fast as Rallon popped up out of nowhere. He was holding a bottle of whiskey, which he broke right over the bloke’s head. He went crashing to the floor in a second, while Rallon’s chest rose and fell heavily, his eyes going wide. Immediately, Millennia ran over to make sure he was okay, Theta watching in drunk shock, and Magnus watching in slightly more sober shock.

“Are you all right, Rallon?” asked Millennia hurriedly. He only blinked, staring at the unconscious man on the floor. “What were you thinking? You could’ve gotten seriously hurt! Never mind. We have to get out of here before someone—”

“No.” Rallon shook his head suddenly, his eyes not wavering as he held up a finger. “Think I might stay here a while.”

If Millennia weren’t standing there to catch him when he suddenly passed out, Rallon probably would’ve ended that party with more than a simple concussion.

//

Though Koschei’s stories and babbles were rather annoying to listen to, Jelpax still preferred the calm outside air to the chaos inside and chose not to return to the inside of the bar. At least, he wasn’t intending to go back any time soon. Not until he had good reason to go through all that chaos and annoyance again.

“So, you think we should head back in there at some point?” asked Koschei, leaning back against the wall of the building. Jelpax only shrugged. He really didn’t want to do it, but that didn’t change the fact that they’d probably have to eventually. “I mean, it’s fine if you don’t, I just don’t particularly want to leave Theta alone in there all night.”

“Well, he’s not completely alone,” Jelpax pointed out. Sure, it wasn’t necessarily a great thing to leave him in there without _knowing_ he was with their friends, but he was inevitably with their friends by that point. Probably messing around with Drax and Mortimus, having known him for so long. “I mean, there’s still probably half the Deca in there, maybe even more. I think Ushas is the only one I didn’t see floating around while I was in there.”

“That’s true, I suppose. I’m just kind of worried, you know? Sometimes Theta’s all right but sometimes he gets himself into the stupidest situations and you just never know which way he’s going to turn. I can only hope he’s hanging out with some of the good guys like Millennia and Rallon and not like, Drax. No offense, but you know how Theta bows to the mayhem.”

“Like Drax doesn’t? No offense taken. Either they’re in there getting absolutely shitfaced or they’ve already done something seriously stupid and either got kicked out or started a bar brawl. Absolutely no doubt in my mind. Can’t imagine them doing anything different, especially under the influence of whatever shit they’re drinking. Or smoking, if Mortimus opted to share.”

“Oh, mother of Rassilon, Mortimus is smoking again?” Koschei slammed a hand against his forehead, giving Jelpax an exasperated look. He should’ve expected nothing less from their friend, but after everything they’d gone through, he was at least _hoping_ he’d try to quit. “Damn, I thought he gave that up after trying and failing to become a dealer.”

“Wait, when did he try to become a dealer?” Jelpax’s eyes went wide. He knew there were a lot of stories from the Deca that he hadn’t heard, but that was certainly not one he’d rather keep from knowing.

“I don’t remember. Couple years back? It wasn’t like that time Magnus and Ushas got caught selling fake weed, it was the real shit. Only problem was that he was trying to sell to Ceruleans, and you know none of those pricks can keep their damn mouths shut. I had one rat me out for cheating once. How the hell did they even find out?”

“How the hell didn’t they? You’re not exactly subtle.”

“Please, I’m super subtle,” Koschei argued, despite his entire reputation banking on the fact that he was the opposite. Jelpax opted not to point that out. It was probably best _not_ to anger Koschei when he’d already downed several beers. “I’m so subtle that you don’t even notice my subtlety. That’s how subtle I am.”

Jelpax didn’t even try to reason with the logic in Koschei’s bragging. There was no point in it.

//

“Do you think we should go out there?”

Mortimus shook his head quickly. He was perfectly content hiding out under a table in the back room. It was much calmer than the chaos they’d run from before. Normally, they’d have gotten involved, but getting in the middle of a bar brawl didn’t seem fun enough to be worth getting hurt over, even if witnessing it _did_ very much spice up their evening.

“Actually,” Mortimus started, “I was thinking we should just stay here until everyone else has left.”

Drax made a face. “This is an always open establishment.”

“I stand by my statement.”

“Wait, so, let me get this straight. You—”

“No.”

“No what?”

“No, I will not let you get anything straight.” Mortimus crossed his arms, narrowing his gaze and raising a brow as he looked to his friend in disapproval. “Nobody in the Deca is allowed to do anything straight. It’s against the rules.”

“What?” Drax glanced over his shoulder as if someone would be there to provide him with answers, but obviously, they were still alone. “That doesn’t make any sense. What about Millennia and Rallon? You’re always cheering them on, but you don’t think they should be allowed to do anything?”

“That doesn’t count because they’re not straight. Millennia’s bi and Rallon is… uh… I think we came to the conclusion that he’s Millenniasexual but maybe he’s decided on something else since then. I should probably talk to him about it. I’m usually more up to date on this stuff.”

“What do you mean you’re more up to date on this stuff? You got a file of our sexualities?”

“Obviously not. Just your identities and preferred pronouns.” Of course, Drax’s face twisted in an odd way, and Mortimus only shrugged. He didn’t find anything he was doing to be remarkably out of the ordinary. “What? Don’t you do that?”

He blinked. “Uh, no?”

“Then how do you know that you’re respecting everyone’s—”

“Shh!”

Thankfully, Mortimus realized that Drax was shushing him because someone walked into the room before he started on a spiel about being a decent person. He snapped his mouth shut quickly, sliding down farther, and leaning back against the side of the desk, trying to make himself as hidden as possible. Beside him, Drax did the same, silently sliding his knees up to his chest.

Neither of them dared to speak a word the entire time the person was walking around the room, looking to each other with fearful expressions. They had no interest in getting caught, not in a place filled with raging, angry adults, and utter silence seemed like the better option. Even if it was possibly the longest either had gone without saying a word in each other’s presence.

“Oh, my god,” said Mortimus, letting out a breath the moment the door shut behind their visitor. He threw a hand across his chest dramatically, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “I cannot believe we escaped that. I thought we were going to die. Like, genuinely, I was terrified.”

“You thought he was going to kill us?” Drax raised a brow. “Seriously, literally, you thought that bloke was— look me in the eye and tell me that you believed he was going to kill us. Do it.”

“I… uh… it’s a figure of speech, all right?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

//

“Is he dead?”

It was the question on everyone’s mind, but only Theta was drunk enough and dumb enough to actually ask it. He dragged a hand over the back of his head, staring down at his friend with a deeply concerned gaze. Yeah, he and Rallon weren’t _that_ close, and every project they’d ever worked on together ended in utter disaster, but that didn’t mean he wanted him _dead_.

“I don’t know,” said Magnus, his own eyes also directed at Rallon’s unconscious figure. “He’s losing a lot of blood. We should probably call someone before he bleeds out. That is, if he’s not already too far gone. Holy _fuck_ , that’s a lot of blood.”

“Uh, Magnus?” He was almost disturbed by how casually Millennia said his name, as if she weren’t the least bit bothered by the fact that her boyfriend was probably going to die within minutes. “He’s not bleeding. That’s wine.”

“Oh. Well, damn. That’s going to leave a hell of a stain, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, he might have a concussion— _again_ , I might add—and you’re concerned about the fact that his shirt might be stained?”

“ _Will_ be stained, and his pants too.” When Millennia looked to him with an expression of nothing but utter disbelief, Magnus blinked, dragging a hand through his hair awkwardly. “You know, I think I may have had one too many drinks.”

“Yeah, _one_ too many?” To Magnus’s surprise, it was not Theta nor Millennia who spoke to him that time, but Ushas, standing over her friends and glaring down at them with crossed arms. “Anyone want to explain to me what the hell you’re all doing in a fucking bar party when we were specifically told not to go to any bars and not to go to any parties?”

Theta hesitated. “No, I don’t think I do want to explain that. Rummas, let’s go. She’s killing the mood.”

No one said a word as Theta dragged his new friend off. If he thought that ensuring that Rallon wasn’t dead counted as ‘killing the mood’, then there was no point in keeping him around anyway. He wasn’t doing anything helpful. Not like Ushas, who knelt down beside her friends with a brow raised in bewilderment. Magnus barely glanced over to her.

“What the hell happened here?” asked Ushas, glaring between her friends who failed to provide her with an answer. It was ridiculous. She’d done so much for them in the past, she deserved a simple explanation. “Guys, seriously. Who tried to kill Rallon?”

“Pretty sure he did it to himself,” Magnus answered, gently slapping Rallon in the face. Millennia swatted his hand away, her eyes narrowed. “What? He whacked that asshole over the head with the bottle and then he collapsed. Unless a ghost did it, I’m fairly certain we’ve got no one else to blame.”

“Could’ve been a ghost.”

“Yeah, you think?”

“No!” Ushas smacked him across the shoulder, slowly shaking her head. “I just wanted to see how damn wasted you were. Fuck, Magnus, you are not stupid enough to believe in ghosts.”

“All right, all right, whatever.” He only rolled his eyes. There were countless species in the universe; who was to say ghosts _weren’t_ actually a thing? Seemed entirely plausible in his opinion. Before he could say that, however, Magnus realized they were missing someone and glanced over his shoulder in bewilderment. “Hey, what happened to Vansell?”

“Probably wandered off again,” said Millennia, her hands on either side of Rallon’s face. He still wouldn’t wake, no matter how many times she dragged her fingers around his cheeks, and she was starting to worry something was really wrong. “Not like he doesn’t do it all the time. Do you guys think he’s okay? He looks rather pale.”

Magnus blinked down at Rallon’s olive skin. “Looks the same as he always does to me. But we all look a little blue because of the room lights, if that’s what you’re referring to.”

“Oh. Maybe it is.”

“Can we stop with the stupid comments for one moment?” Ushas slid forward, shoving past Magnus to get beside Millennia. She stared down at Rallon’s unmoving face, glaring at anyone who dared to look beside her. Magnus and Millennia were allowed be concerned. The strangers and drunks could get the fuck out. “I think we’d better call a doctor. Or at least get him out of here so he doesn’t wake up with a hundred drunks standing over him.”

“All right.” Obviously, Magnus was the one to move to lift Rallon, though Millennia quickly slid to support his other side. “So, er, anyone know where to find a doctor in this place?”

The fact that no one had an answer was not a good sign for Rallon.

//

“I really think we should head back in there now. I’m starting to get worried about—”

“Koschei!” Before Koschei actually had the chance to say his name, Theta appeared out of nowhere, practically stumbling into his arms as he slid off the step. Another student stepped out behind him, but he didn’t look familiar. “Oh, thank _Rassilon_ I found you, I thought I’d lost you forever!”

“What do you mean, you thought you lost me forever?” Koschei pushed Theta back when he tried to lean in for a kiss, refusing to take advantage of him when he was absolutely drunk off his ass. “Theta, I told you where I was going. I’ve been out here for like, ages. Since I walked out. And you do know that you have a phone, right? You literally could’ve just messaged me if you needed something.”

“Okay. But look, I made a new friend!”

Jelpax had no idea who this ‘new friend’ of his was but based on the fact that he was staggering just as badly as Theta was, it was clear that there was little chance either of them would remember much of their encounter and so he opted not to introduce himself. It was easier to just stay on the steps and pretend he wasn’t listening.

“Hey, I’m Rummas.” He reached out a hand to shake Koschei’s but ended up basically just slapping him thanks to his lack of motor control. Koschei didn’t bother trying to do it again. He had no interest in touching the stranger. “You’re the mysterious Koschei, eh? Theta’s been talking about you all evening. Well, whenever we weren’t getting ourselves into trouble. Not that we were!”

“Rummas, please, I’ve known Theta since my first day at the Academy,” said Koschei, giving him a look. He couldn’t say what it was exactly, but something about that Rummas guy just rubbed him the wrong way. “You’re never going to convince me he hasn’t already broken at least four things, pissed off several people, and both gotten kicked out and sneaked back in since I left. It’s not exactly rocket science.”

Theta blinked. In all honesty, he hadn’t expected Koschei to know that he’d done so much wrong, and even if he _had_ guessed that Theta was misbehaving, the odds of him guessing what he’d done so accurately were low as anything. He wasn’t even sure how he was meant to respond to the situation, only staring at Koschei and trying to find a way that wouldn’t make him look like a dick or seriously embarrass him.

“Right, okay,” he ended up saying, not quite sure what else to do. “So, what have you two been doing out here? Had a lot of drinks yet? Rummas and I had _all_ the drinks. See, I only had so much money, but Rummas… oh, Rummas had one of those cards that gets you like, infinite drinks. You know those cards?”

“Yes, Theta, everybody knows those cards.” Jelpax rolled his eyes. He couldn’t have cared less about Theta’s babbling, but the longer he swayed, the more Jelpax started to worry about how well Drax was doing inside. “Any chance you saw Drax or Mortimus in there? They doing all right?”

“You know what, I’m not really sure. Haven’t seen them in ages. That’s all right, though. I’m sure they’re around here somewhere.”

//

“We really shouldn’t be doing this.”

Mortimus nodded and took a step forward, reaching around to push the door open behind them. They got busted in their last hideout, sure, but nobody would be going in the cleaner’s closet any time soon. They were fine. Even if Drax’s breath was moving too fast and Mortimus’s hearts were racing in a way they hadn’t done since he broke up with Zas.

“No, I think this is exactly what we should be doing,” he argued, sliding his hands back to where they’d been before he moved them to grab the door handle. To his surprise, Drax didn’t resist, only letting out a breath and following Mortimus’s movements. “We’ve only had like, what? Two dozen drinks each? This is entirely smart and entirely safe. We’re geniuses.”

“I think geniuses is the last way I would describe us.” Soft would’ve been a better word, Mortimus realized. Drax’s fingers were callused from his projects but there was something about his skin that made it so soft, so delicate, that he couldn’t pull away. “Just promise me you’re not going to tell anyone about this, all right?”

The fact that Drax even had to ask was ridiculous. He couldn’t count how many times he’d done something stupid or impulsive and never told anyone about it. Most of the time, Magnus caught on rather early, but even then, he rarely exposed what he’d done or who he’d been with. Mortimus was great at keeping secrets, even if most people wouldn’t believe it.

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” said Mortimus, letting out a slow breath. Drax inhaled deeply, and he couldn’t stop himself from smirking. It was clear who had more experience in that particular realm of dumbassery. “And I already know this means nothing and we’re not going to do anything so just… relax, okay? Just let it happen.”

If Drax had refused, Mortimus would’ve pulled away in an instant, but he didn’t. He only nodded and slid his arms around Mortimus’s neck, allowing their lips to press back together again. It was weird. It was definitely weird, and he had absolutely no romantic feelings toward Drax, but he was definitely pretty and definitely worth it after a few too many drinks.

On the flip side, Drax wasn’t even sure it was a good idea _with_ the drinks, and even as he was doing it, he had no idea why, but he let himself keep going anyway. He was drunk off his ass and probably wouldn’t remember anything in the morning anyway. If he wanted the closeness, the comfort, then he would allow himself to have it for just a few minutes. Just a few long, awkward minutes.

“I’m not gay,” whispered Drax, between warm kisses and soft breaths.

Mortimus barely shifted. “Me neither.”

“You’re pan.”

“Astute observation.”

Kissing his lips was one thing but kissing his neck was another. Drax let out a long breath when Mortimus shifted down, his fingers locking behind his head and holding him where he pressed his lips. He liked the way it felt. It was a weird thing to say after years of avoiding dates and far too many awkward encounters with women, but it was true. There was no romantic attraction there and he honestly _hoped_ he wouldn’t remember it in the morning, but he was okay with it then.

Though he’d known how many dates Mortimus had been on and could therefore assume he’d snogged a lot of people, Drax never imagined that he could be so good at it. That underneath all that madness and those ridiculous jokes, Mortimus had the softest lips and the most skilled fingers he’d ever known. He didn’t let Mortimus get past the hem of his shirt but even that was enough to give him chills.

“What the hell are we doing?” asked Drax suddenly, not moving despite his conflicted words.

Mortimus hesitated, not looking up and only slightly pulling away when he answered. “Something really stupid that we’re definitely going to regret if we’re actually still forming any memories right now.”

“Yeah,” was all he could say. That was pretty much the perfect way to sum it up, after all.

//

“On the bright side,” started the doctor, “you haven’t actually killed him.”

The sigh of relief which escaped Millennia’s mouth was one of the deepest she’d ever known. She hadn’t really thought that Rallon was dead, and even if he was, she knew they wouldn’t have been able to blame themselves for what happened, but that didn’t make it any easier to have to sit and wait for the results.

“But on the not so bright side,” she went on, as Millennia’s face began to fall, “he does appear to have killed that other guy.”

And in an instant, the relief was sucked right back up into her mouth. There was no way that anything could ever be okay again. If Rallon truly killed someone, he would never be able to forgive himself, and nobody would ever look at him the same. Sure, there were some members of the Deca who were honestly destined to end up as murderers, but Rallon was not one of them.

“The bullet appears to have pierced right through one of his hearts, and since he was on his last regeneration, he—”

“Wait, bullet?” Magnus made a face, glancing over to Millennia and Ushas, who were both seated to his left. Clearly, Millennia wasn’t the only one who was suddenly wondering when the hell Rallon had a gun. “What are you talking about, a bullet? There was no bullet. Rallon smashed a bottle over his head and he conked out. How the hell would he have gotten shot? There were no guns in there.”

“Oh. I, er, may have gotten the wrong patient.” The doctor made a face, frantically flipping through the papers in her hands. “Please excuse me for a moment, I think I need to go check these names.”

“Wait, but are we allowed to—” The doctor either didn’t hear Ushas or just didn’t care that she was trying to ask another question. She turned and walked away, not one more glanced spared to the students. Ushas let out a grumble. “Damn, that’s what we get for coming to a foreign hospital. We should’ve just gone to see the medic on the ship.”

“I know, you’ve said that a thousand times already,” snapped Magnus, barely glancing over to her. He was not in the mood to deal with that shit. Not when they had no idea whether Rallon was okay or if the doctor had mixed him up with someone else too. “We already talked about this and I know how you feel, but I’m not renegotiating it, all right? If _you_ want to take him to the medic and explain that we were all getting drunk at a bar party, then you go ahead and do that, but I’d really rather not.”

“Please, are you afraid of trouble now? Thought we’d all had enough of it to be immune at this point. Pathetic.”

“ _Pathetic_? Well, fuck you too, Miss Prissy—”

“Can you both just shut up?” Millennia whipped around to glare at both of them, too much aggressiveness seeping into her tone. She knew that she was being overly harsh, but when it came to Rallon, she had little patience. “I know that you’re still pissed at each other for whatever stupid thing went down whenever but I don’t care, okay? I just want to know if Rallon is all right and if you don’t mind, I’m going to go find out.”

She rose to her feet suddenly, stomping right over to the front desk. It took more than long enough to catch the receptionist’s attention and by the time she actually got a room number and permission to see Rallon, Millennia felt about ready to hit someone over the head herself. Not that she would, of course. Not until she found someone she disliked enough to do that to.

Inside his room, Rallon was lying on a rather uncomfortable looking bed, completely unconscious and wired-up to some equipment that Millennia did not recognize. She was able to determine the functions, however, associating it enough with Gallifreyan technology to understand what was happening. They were just monitoring Rallon’s vitals. He was okay. His shirt was still covered in wine, but he was okay.

“Hey.” Millennia sat down in the chair beside Rallon’s bed, gently stroking his hair. He didn’t wake up, unfortunately, but she felt better being able to feel him. “I hope you’re feeling better. I’ll bring you a clean shirt if they don’t let you out soon, so…”

“Do you think she knows that he can’t actually hear her?” asked Magnus, glancing over to Ushas. Obviously, they hadn’t let Millennia go alone, but waited in the hallway out of respect. “She’s just kind of talking to herself right now.”

“There’s every chance he can hear her, actually,” said Ushas, rolling her eyes, “and if you don’t believe that, then you seriously need to get some more studying done. I— hold on, that’s my phone. It’s probably nothing, just one of the idiots drunk calling me since they’re— aw, shit.”

“Do I want to know?”

“Yeah, so, turns out, I’m the second drunk message.” The fact that Ushas hesitated for so long was more concerning than anything else. Magnus swallowed hard. “The first drunk message went to Borusa and Theta sent it about twenty minutes ago. We’re all fucking busted unless we can find a really great way out of this. Also, we’re going to have to get Rallon out of here because we need a solid alibi and being in here is not—”

“Okay, all right, I got you. Just go get Millennia and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Honestly, Magnus had absolutely no idea what he was going to do, but he knew he couldn’t just stand around. Aside from getting himself into a bit of a bar brawl trying to defend his friends, he’d done absolutely nothing wrong, and he was not going to go down with the rest of the idiots he made the mistake of attending the party with.

And, okay, maybe there was a _tiny_ little part of him that wanted to make sure that they were all okay too, but self-preservation was at the top of his list. That’s what he told himself, at least.


	16. The Moon of Korpal pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths and lies come out as the Deca deals with the fallout from the bar party.

“Drax. Hey.” He felt the hand slapping his cheek even before he managed to register the words being spoken somewhere in front of him. The voice was comforting and safe but didn’t quite click. “Open your eyes, darling. We have to get your alibi sorted before Borusa starts asking questions.”

“Alibi?” The only thing that was really, truly solidified in Drax’s mind was that his head was _pounding_. He recognized that he was back in his room on the ship, that they must’ve returned at some point, but his head ached too much to fully open his eyes. “What the hell do I need an alibi for?”

“To prove you weren’t at that damn bar last night. I told you it was a bad idea to go. What the hell did you get yourself into?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything beyond the… umpteenth shot of tequila and however many sips of Mortimus’s cocktails I had. Might have tried one of his blunts too. Honestly can’t remember anymore. Not sure I ever remembered in the first place. Doesn’t your mind stop making memories after a certain level of wasted.”

“Please, for the love of all that is pure, just get off the floor.”

Drax blinked when he realized he was not lying on his bed, but on the floor of the ship, and shoved himself up to a seated position. Mortimus was conked out at his side, Jelpax sitting across from them with his arms crossed as he glared at his friends. Clearly, he was not the least bit amused by whatever went down at the bar the night before. If only Drax had any recollection of it.

“I’m not sure I understand why I’m supposed to have an alibi?” Drax shifted to kick Mortimus, who only stirred and let out a grumble. He was probably suffering from a hangover of the same severity. Drax didn’t feel that bad for him. He was the one who kept buying all the drinks, anyway. “I mean, I was there. What’s the point in saying I wasn’t there when I literally was there?”

“Uh, Borusa’s going to have our asses if he finds out what happened,” said Jelpax, leaning over to repeat Drax’s motion. Again, he failed to get any response but the bloke burying his head deeper into his arms. “Do you have any possible excuse for what went down last night? The slightest recollection that might work as a story for outside the bar?”

“I don’t remember anything past the seventh jello shot,” groaned Mortimus, turning into the floor. His arms were almost completely covering his head, his whole body shaking just slightly. Drax imagined his must’ve been too. He was too out of it to fully register his own movements at that point. “And I think I had the sixth right when you left, Jel, so there’s very little chance I remember enough to string together a story. You’d be better off just inventing something new.”

“I remember being in a closet,” Drax piped up suddenly, dragging a hand through his hair. Messy _and_ sticky. Great. He’d definitely slipped in alcohol at some point. At least, he hoped it was alcohol.

“You’ve been in a closet since the day we met.”

“Fuck off. I mean, like, a cleaner’s closet. I remember stepping in a bucket or something? Everything smelled like chemicals. I can’t remember much more than that. Except that I drank a whole lot of your cocktails and downed at least three jello shots, I think. Could be wrong. Really don’t remember much after Pax left either.”

“Well then.” Jelpax let out a long sigh, slowly shaking his head. “I suppose it’s time to make something up.”

“Yeah.” Mortimus nodded, still not lifting his forehead from the ground. “Suppose it is.”

//

The one and only reason Theta didn’t get into trouble with Borusa was because Koschei was kind enough to cover his ass. At least, that was what he said. It was pretty obvious that he did it because he wanted Theta to owe him a favor or something more physical, but Theta didn’t care. He was just glad he wasn’t dragged down with the rest of the bar.

Despite the chaos of the next morning as Theta was dragged out of bed to deal with the fact that he’d apparently told Borusa that they were at the bar, he was actually in a rather good mood. He’d made a great friend the night before, if nothing else, and he was excited to spend more time with him again.

Theta headed right over to the directory, searching up Rummas’s name and tracking down his room number. It didn’t take long at all considering there were only a few shared rooms on the ship, and within minutes, Theta found himself on his way to see his friend. He practically skipped the whole way there, too excited to reunite with his new pal, and knocked on the door before he even stopped his stride.

It took several seconds for someone to open the door, and when they did, it was not Rummas. Theta was let in regardless, but he had to search through the beds to find him, only to discover that he was still asleep. He knelt down beside the bed, poking Rummas repeatedly. If he had to be awake with a hangover, then Rummas did too.

“…what?” Rummas blinked, his hands immediately flying up to cradle his head. “Ugh, what happened? Who the hell are you?”

“Theta,” said Theta, furrowing his brow. “We met last night. Remember?”

“I think I’d remember meeting someone named Thot.”

“Hey!” He crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing suddenly. “At least _my_ parents didn’t run out of ideas halfway through. Your name is dumber than Ummins’s.”

Rummas made a face. “Who the fuck is Ummins?”

“Please, you know exactly who he is. Everyone knows who he is. Everyone except for me and my dumbass friends according to sources.”

“What sources?”

“As if you don’t know the sources. You’re probably one of them!”

“I’m sorry,” started Rummas, letting out a groan when he sat up too quickly, “are you here to interrogate me, Thot? I don’t even know who you are and you’re in here asking all these weird questions? You must have me mixed up with someone else. Get out.”

“I’ll get out when you explain why you’re lying to me.” Theta narrowed his eyes even farther, squinting so hard he could barely even see. “Unless you were literally so drunk you forgot I existed, in which case, why the hell do _I_ still remember?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, get out before I call security.”

Theta stared at him for a long several seconds before he finally shook his head and rose to his feet. If Rummas couldn’t even be bothered to remember him, then Theta couldn’t be bothered to speak about it either.

//

“All right, hold on for a moment. Let’s just be really clear about this, yeah? You _do_ understand that I have a _concussion_ , right?”

“Yes?” Magnus raised a brow, shaking his head in disbelief. There was no way that Rallon thought he was stupid enough to not understand how concussions worked. “I know you have a concussion, Rallon, I just don’t care. There are bigger things to worry about than your health and safety right now.”

“You did not just say that.” The look on Rallon’s face was that of utter disbelief. The fact that Magnus was prioritizing not getting into trouble over a literal life was insane. Of all the things he expected to ever happen, that was not one of them. “You literally did not just say that. Tell me that was a joke.”

“How am I supposed to tell you that was a joke when it wasn’t? Sorry I think about myself before others, but some of us are in the game for self-preservation. I, for example, would rather not—”

“Can we not do this?” asked Millennia, interrupting the incoming argument. She knew that Rallon was stubborn and Magnus was aggressive and letting them get into any real altercation would not end well. “We have far more important things to think about right now, so I think it’s best we just stop this now, yeah?”

“No,” Magnus snapped, narrowing his eyes, and crossing his arms against his chest. He sighed when Millennia gave him a challenging stare, realizing he’d never be able to win the battle. “All right, all right, fine. Do you know where Ushas and Vansell went? I thought they were supposed to be helping us with the alibis.”

“They’re probably off causing even more trouble for us,” grumbled Rallon. “You know how Ushas wants us all kicked out of the Academy. She’s always wanted to be the absolute best.”

“She’s already the absolute best. If we were all kicked out, they’d just pick nine more people to be the best in the year. Doesn’t matter what we do, she’s never going to side with us in that realm, so we might as well just get on without her. And Vansell, I suppose. Nobody likes Vansell anyway.”

“What do you mean, nobody likes—? No, wait, never mind. I think you’re right. The only person who actually likes Vansell _is_ Vansell and sometimes, I think even that’s up for debate.”

“Rallon, sweetie, please sit down.” Millennia wrapped a hand around his arm, urging him to sit back down on his bed. He was not supposed to be moving so much while he healed, even if they did need him to pretend he was fine so they could get away with their mistakes. “We’re going to figure this out, okay? We just have to get our stories straight.”

“Right, so who gave me this?” asked Magnus, pointing a finger up to his bruised eye. He probably should’ve asked someone to heal it while they were at the hospital, but it hadn’t even occurred to him as an option at the time. He was too busy thinking about everything else that was happening. “Never mind. I’ll just say Vansell. Since he’s not here, he clearly doesn’t care whether he’s thrown under the bus.”

Of course, he chose the exact wrong time to say that because the moment he spoke, the door opened up and in walked Ushas and Vansell. They both looked thoroughly annoyed, but it was difficult to tell whether that was because something actually happened or because the world in general had a habit of always pissing them off. Magnus didn’t bother asking, knowing they’d just point out that he always looked the same.

“Who doesn’t care whether he’s been thrown under the bus?” Vansell gave him a look, and Magnus only shrugged. The answer was obvious, and it didn’t need saying. “Oh, all right, I see. You’re trying to use me as your fall guy. No. Absolutely not. We’re going to go after someone else for our fall guy. See, we came up with the _best_ plan.”

“That’s right,” Ushas agreed. “We thought about it a lot and we realized that if we want to get away with everything that happened, we need a fall guy, like you want to use Vansell for, but we have to choose someone specific. If it’s anyone we know, they’ll sell us out. So, we have to pick someone that won’t trace it back to us.”

“Like who?” questioned Millennia.

Vansell grinned. “Ummins.”

//

“Did we do anything weird last night?”

The second Drax asked the question, Mortimus turned to look at him, glancing over at Jelpax before he shrugged. He’d already admitted to the fact that he couldn’t remember anything from the night before, wasn’t that enough? All he knew was that he had some jello shots and way too many cocktails. Anything beyond that was a mystery.

“Hell if I know,” said Mortimus, flopping back and dropping a pillow over his eyes. For a moon, that shit was surprisingly bright. “Like I told you before, the only thing I remember is how much I drank up to a certain hour. Everything after that was… fuck, I don’t have the faintest idea.”

“You probably did something weird,” Jelpax interrupted, before Drax had the chance to ask any more questions. He was still scribbling out their alibis, creating stories that they were somehow supposed to memorize despite how terrible both their memories were. “I mean, honestly, look at the two of you. I love you, but you’re idiots.”

“And you don’t even love us.” Drax rolled his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “Don’t act like we’re really your friends, Pax. I know you’re just hanging out with us because you have to.”

“No, I do love you.” The look on his face twisted oddly, and he didn’t say anything else for a few seconds, blinking quickly. “All of you. The Deca is my family just as much as it’s yours. I wouldn’t say I loved you if I didn’t. You guys are my friends, and you mean a lot to me, whether or not you want to believe it.”

“Well, I’ll believe we mean more to you than we do to Vansell, but I still think you love us almost the least. Bottom three, for sure. I can see the resentment in your eyes right now. If only we’d stayed silent, yeah? If only we didn’t go to the bar and party. If we just stayed sober and safe then you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“You’re right, if you weren’t absolute idiots, I wouldn’t be in this mess right now. But for the record, I blame Mortimus more than I blame you because he’s the one who kept giving you cocktails. You’d already had enough vodka for a small village by the time I walked out. Can’t imagine how wasted you must’ve been when I found you.”

“Yeah, wait, where _did_ you find us?” asked Mortimus. Drax gave him a look, and he only shrugged. “What? It might help us piece together what the hell happened last night.”

“You were in a closet, I think.” Jelpax rubbed the side of his head, tapping his pen against the floor in front of him. He must’ve been struggling to think up the next part of the plan, whatever that might be. “Not entirely sure, to be honest. I was a little hazy at that point too. I just found you guys and got the hell out. Mortimus was already unconscious. Probably from too many drinks.”

“Maybe hit my head. Hit something. Definitely hit something. Just can’t remember what. Drax?”

“What? You didn’t hit me, if that’s what you’re suggesting.” Drax patted his hands all around his own body, searching for any sign of bruising. There was nothing to be seen or felt anywhere. “Maybe a shelf? We _were_ in a closet, so it was probably pretty cramped in there, yeah? I think all my pain’s just from the hangover. Never going to drink that much again.”

“The first thing you did when you woke up was ask me for more vodka,” said Jelpax. He raised his brows, and Drax only shrugged. It wasn’t his fault his memory was shot. Okay, so it was _kind of_ his fault, but still. “Now, both of you shut up, all right? Doesn’t matter what happened yesterday as long as Borusa doesn’t find out about it. Here’s our story. Ready?”

Neither Drax nor Mortimus agreed, but Jelpax went on anyway.

//

“Wow, so he seriously doesn’t remember you at _all_.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Theta wasn’t finding the situation to be nearly as humorous as Koschei was, too irritated to even sit down. He paced across the room again, shaking his head in disbelief. “How can you just forget somebody like that? I mean, shit. That’s just not cool. We were hanging out _all night_ and he just forgot me! He literally forgot me!”

“Yes, I know, you’ve been complaining about this for like a million years.” It was more like ten minutes based on when Theta walked into the room, but Koschei wasn’t about to admit to that. He was perfectly content exaggerating everything. “I understand that you’re pissed and everything but how much can you really complain about this?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised by how much I can complain. This is just the start. I’m going to bitch and bitch until I figure out what’s happening with him and then I’m going to kick his ass for pissing me off so much. This is not okay. I don’t care how many drinks he had, I had just as many, and I still remembered him. It’s not okay to just forget people, especially when you work so well together.”

“Okay, all right, are you trying to say you would make great friends or you want to bang him? Because I’m starting to think this is just a really convoluted way for you to dump me.”

Theta glared at him, walking right over to aggressively kiss the top of his head. “For one thing, I can’t dump you because we’re not even technically together and for another thing, you’ll always be there if I want to bang someone. I do not want to bang Rummas. I just want to know why the fuck he doesn’t remember me.”

“Well, let me teach you about science.” Koschei shifted in his seat, sitting up straighter and looking straight over to Theta. “You see, the thing is, when you drink a lot, your brain stops making memories. It’s just a side effect of… er… I don’t remember because I don’t really pay attention in class, but you know what I’m talking about, right? That’s just what happens when you drink too much sometimes and what happened to Rummas.”

“You know, at first, I felt a little bad for dissing his name but the more I hear you say it, the more I think it’s just that stupid. It’s like Ummins. You know it’s fake because it’s not even a goddamn name, someone just went, ‘um…ins’ and called it good. That’s what Rummas’s parents did. They—”

“We are getting very far off track here so I think it’s time to stop, all right? You want to keep ranting about Rummas and his dumb name, you can get out. I, on the other hand, think it would be a great idea to pretend last night never happened since you can’t remember the majority of it anyway and we barely convinced Borusa we weren’t involved. It’s too risky.”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you. I’m going to continue ranting about whatever I want. If you don’t like it, _you_ can get out.”

Theta wasn’t expecting Koschei to actually leave, but he wasn’t exactly surprised when he did it either.

//

“So, what you’re telling me is that not one of you was involved, it was this Ummins bloke who trashed the bar.”

“Yes.” Vansell nodded firmly, ignoring how baffled Borusa’s look was. He was becoming increasingly more convinced by the moment that Ummins wasn’t real and Borusa was going to call them on that, but he didn’t. Not yet. “We were framed by this student because he despises all of us and he wanted to get his revenge. We’re entirely innocent and everything you’ve been told is a lie.”

“I’m not sure I can believe that,” said Borusa, his brow furrowed as he read through the reports for the umpteenth time. “For one thing, I don’t know who this ‘Ummins’ is. I can’t immediately discredit you because he could be from a different class or academy I’m not involved in, but still. It sounds rather suspicious and especially given your history as troublemakers, I’m inclined to conclude that you’re lying and making this up so we can—”

“We’re not making it up!” Magnus snapped, slamming his hands down on the desk in front of him. That was a bad idea. On the other side of it, Borusa raised a brow, clearly not amused by his actions. “Listen, sir, we understand that some of our friends get themselves into ridiculous situations and I’m not saying they weren’t involved. Some of them probably were. But look at us! Me, Vansell, Ushas, Millennia, sort of Rallon but he crumbles to peer pressure and gets dragged into things a lot—we’re good students! Sort of. We usually listen to what you say. More so than our friends, at least. We do our best.”

“Do you, though? Do you really? Because I seem to remember pulling each and every one of you out of horrendously illegal situations. You’ve been in multiple physical altercations, Rallon burned down the library, Ushas has attempted far too many illegal experiments, and—”

“Okay, all right, we get it.” Exasperated, Rallon waved his hands around, trying to get everyone to calm down. He knew what he’d done, and it wasn’t fun to have it brought up again. He imagined it wasn’t much different for his friends. “Regardless of what’s happened, we promise we’ve not been in any serious trouble and we won’t get into any more before the end of the field trip. We just want to learn, Professor. Honestly.”

“I understand you don’t want to be punished but I’m really starting to question whether you understand what you’re doing by lying to me. It’s not a good idea, Rallon. You know better than that. You know if you keep doing this, you’re going to get yourselves into some serious trouble one day. Trouble even I won’t be able to get you out of.”

“Yes, we understand that,” said Ushas, rolling her eyes. “But we also understand that you don’t really try to get us out of anything. You just leave us to suffer which, quite honestly, I don’t think is very kind. We’re the smartest students in our year and you don’t even care to protect us? Shameful. Absolutely shameful. I’d hope a professor like you would do better to protect—”

“How can I protect you when you’re getting into situations like this?” Borusa held a folder up in front of him, slowly shaking his head. Ushas let out a sigh. The fact that the authorities wrote it all out on paper was so primitive. “Honestly, all I can do is hope that you weren’t a part of this bar brawl.”

“Nope, that was all Ummins.”

“All of it? Every side of this fight was Ummins?”

“Yep.” Magnus nodded. “Ummins versus Ummins. He was really drunk.”

“Wait, a minute, hold on.” Borusa shook his head, rubbing his temples with each hand. “So, you’re telling me that all of this was caused by Ummins? This person I’ve never even heard of?”

“Yes.”

“And he was fighting against _himself_?”

“Exactly.”

“So, Ummins hit _himself_ over the head with a bottle of wine?”

“In his defense,” started Rallon, “I’m fairly certain it was whiskey.”

The silence which followed was unsurprising. Borusa was far from the only one trying to figure out how that in any way defended anyone.

//

“Okay, we need to talk about what happened last night.”

Drax made a face, turning around to look at Mortimus. He had no idea what happened the night before. In fact, up until Jelpax had left the room, Mortimus was saying that he had no idea either. The fact that he was suddenly changing his story was extremely confusing, especially without even a lick of context.

“What are you talking about?” asked Drax, raising a brow. Mortimus glanced over his shoulder, as if Jelpax or someone else were about to walk in the room at any moment. “Mort, I don’t remember anything from last night. Not beyond how much alcohol we consumed, and even that’s hazy.”

“You don’t remember what happened in the closet?” For a moment, Drax thought he was getting dragged into some sort of joke, but then he realized how serious the look in Mortimus’s eyes was and frowned as he leaned in closer. “Drax, you and I, we… we snogged for like… a while.”

“ _What?!_ ”

He yanked back suddenly, his eyes wide with shock. There was no way that Mortimus was telling the truth. It wasn’t possible. He didn’t want to snog anyone and if he did, it definitely wouldn’t be Mortimus, and for a multitude of reasons. He couldn’t count on his fingers all the reasons why he would never want to snog Mortimus.

“Yeah, it happened,” said Mortimus, and the look on his face said he was telling the truth. Drax hoped beyond belief that he was just talking about something he’d imagined, and that he didn’t actually snog anyone. “We were messing around in the back rooms and then things escalated and… well… you know. Somehow we ended up snogging and I think that’s where Jelpax found us. I don’t remember a whole lot of it, but…”

“Wait, did he see us… you know?” In response, Mortimus only shrugged, and Drax let out an exasperated groan. After all those years of rejecting romance, Jelpax would have a _lot_ of questions if Drax suddenly turned up snogging one of their friends. “Okay, I think I’m going to go see if I can find him, all right? He said he was going to bring our alibis to Borusa, yeah?”

“Unless I’ve stopped making memories again and/or creating false ones, yes, that is what he said.”

“Okay. I’m going to head over there and see if I can figure out what he saw. Don’t tell anyone about this, all right? It never happened. We were both drunk. It means nothing.”

“All right. But if you ever want to try it again, we—”

Drax rolled his eyes, refusing to let Mortimus finish his sentence before he turned and rushed out of the room. He needed to find out what Jelpax knew, and he needed to do it as soon as possible.

//

“Did I mention that he called me Thot? Because when I talked to him, he said ‘at least my name isn’t Thot’ or something like that and I had a really great comeback, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.”

“I regret coming back in here.” Koschei dropped his face down into the pillows, letting out a deep, exaggerated sigh as he pressed his hands against the back of his head. It was ridiculous. All he wanted was some peace and quiet to finish his assignment before they left the moon and Theta couldn’t be bothered to shut up. “I regret ever meeting you in the first place. Benefits are off. Leave me alone.”

“Please, Koschei, this is no time for your sarcasm,” said Theta, as if he was literally dumb enough to believe that Koschei was being sarcastic and not just deadpan. “Let’s just move on, yeah? I do have something else I’d like to talk about. I was thinking hard about what happened last night, and I realized, I have no idea what it was.”

“What?”

“I remember meeting Rummas and making good friends with him but honestly, I don’t have the faintest idea what we did. Don’t know how we met, don’t know what we got into, just know we spent the evening together. I’m starting to wonder if maybe there’s a reason he’s acting like he doesn’t remember me. Like, what if I did something really weird and I don’t even remember it, you know? I could’ve done anything. We just don’t know.”

“Don’t we, though?” Koschei looked at him before reaching out for his phone and turning it on. “Look at this. You chronicled half your adventures and sent them to me. I don’t believe there’s any reason to show them to you especially since you’ve already drunk ratted us out to Borusa and got us detention for three months.”

“Excuse me?” Theta made a face. “I thought we didn’t get into any trouble because you covered my ass.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t cover it that well. All I did was get you protection for the rest of the field trip. You’re fucked as soon as we get back to the Academy. You really think I could somehow completely get you out of what happened? Theta, you literally messaged Borusa and told him that you were drunk off your ass at a bar party. Nobody could get you out of that.”

“Okay, all right, I see what you’re saying. But you know what? I think that you—”

Koschei put his earbuds in the moment Theta started going off on his rant. If he wasn’t going to appreciate the amount of effort that Koschei already put in for him, then there was no reason to continue the conversation.

//

“…and then after he hit himself in the face, that’s when he broke the bottle over his head.”

Borusa blinked. If he’d ever heard a worse cover story, Rallon could never guess what it was. The fact that his friends let him keep rambling on for so long was ridiculous. He obviously had no idea what to do and was anxiously panicking, and not one of them swooped in to save him. They just let him go on with his excuses and lies, not once trying to help.

“All right, well, for one thing, if this Ummins is real, he needs some serious psychotherapy.” Borusa shook his head, an exhale escaping through his nostrils. “I’m still not convinced he’s actually real, though, and what you’re suggesting sounds absolutely ridiculous. There’s no way anyone would just bash a wine bottle over their own head or engage in a fight against themselves.”

“Well, it happened, so I suppose you’re just going to have to deal with that.” Vansell sounded strangely convincing considering how pissed he was about Rallon’s rambling lies. At least he was good at being shady. “Anyway, there’s no proof that I can see that we were actually at the bar, so I think you’re going to have to send us home because of innocent until proven guilty.”

“You think we listen to innocent until proven guilty? That’s cute. Try turning it the other way around. We do not live in a society where this sort of behavior is tolerated. If you’re going to do these ridiculous things and then blame it on an imaginary person, we are not going to—”

“He’s not imaginary!” cried Millennia. At that point, they were almost desperate to get out of that situation, and if that was what they had to do to get out of there without being punished, so be it. She took a deep breath, dragging her hands through her hair. “Okay, listen. Here’s the truth. We did go to the bar. We were there. But we did not engage in anything that took place. We saw Ummins going crazy when he was drunk, but all we did was play table tennis.”

“Was it table tennis?” Rallon rubbed the side of his head, narrowing his eyes as he struggled to remember the night before. He hadn’t even had more than two drinks. His memory couldn’t be _that_ shoddy. “Never mind, that’s not important. Millennia is telling the truth. We were there and we saw some bad things going down, but I swear, we didn’t engage in any of it. Well, Magnus did, a little bit, but that was self-defense. Technically. He was protecting us, so…”

Punching Rallon in the arm right then was definitively not self-defense, but he did it anyway. Rallon groaned and pressed a hand to his arm, groaning as he clung to where he was hurt. Magnus didn’t so much as blink, only glaring at him for several more long seconds before turning to look back at Borusa. He was not interested in defending himself but if it had to happen, then so be it.

“Fine, I got into a little fight with some drunk asshole,” said Magnus, crossing his arms. He slid down in his seat, shaking his head, and grumbling quietly. “He tried to attack my friends, so I attacked him. You know it’s far from the first time I’ve done something like that to anyone, right? I have to get a lower punishment for a mundane, repeat offense like that, right?”

“No, repeat offenders get worse sentences.” Borusa glared around at all of them, a look of utter disbelief crossing his face. “Honestly, I think you’d all do better to speak with Rallon more often because he seems to be the only one who knows anything about the law around here.”

“I mean, in their defense,” started Rallon, “I _am_ a law major, so… but wait, if you trust me to know the law, then you trust me, right? You know I wouldn’t do anything to get myself thrown in prison. So, you’d be okay letting me go since I’m totally following the law, right? I’m a good person.”

“You know what? Yeah. All right. You’re probably the most mundane of the Deca, so I trust that you’ll—”

“He’s the one who smashed a bottle over Ummins’s head!”

Rallon was halfway to standing up but he sat right back down when Ushas ratted him out. It was over. The first domino fell, and the rest of them were sure to follow.

//

“Hey. You find Borusa?”

When they ran into each other, Drax and Jelpax were walking opposite ways down the wall. Jelpax looked a little irritated, but he didn’t seem like he was upset with Drax, which made him a little less terrified that he knew what went down. Or, what supposedly went down. Drax still wasn’t sure whether Mortimus was actually telling the truth, but he wasn’t about to say he was lying. Not to that erratic bloke.

“Yeah, but he’s busy,” said Jelpax, shrugging lamely. “He’s in there with some of the others, I think, so I’m not going to worry about that right now. Just thinking about some stuff. You remember anything of what you did last night?”

“No, I already told you.” Drax’s hearts pounded in his chest and he knew that he was getting himself into a bad situation. Jelpax knew something happened. There was no way that he didn’t. “I had a lot of drinks and I can’t remember anything beyond the fact that I was there. I don’t know what else went down, or any specifics. I don’t even remember coming back here at all. Had way too many drinks.”

“I know, I told you to stop drinking them and you ignored me. Told you smoking was bad too, but I found a pack of them in your bag when I went to get you a clean shirt, so I suppose you were lying about only doing it once or twice, yeah? But it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me about that. Totally understand why you’d keep everything from me, your best friend.”

“Would you stop being such a dick? Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you’re entitled to know everything about my life. Look, I came to make sure you were okay with everything happening and the shit we got ourselves into but if you’re going to act like this, then I’m just going to go. Good luck with Borusa.”

“Drax, wait, I—” Jelpax cut himself off when his hand wrapped around Drax’s wrist and he yanked away, letting out a pained gasp. Neither said a word after that, Drax clinging to his wrist and Jelpax furrowing his brow as he took as step forward. “What was that? What happened to your arm?”

“Nothing, it’s fine.” He turned back around again, not moving his hand from where it covered his wrist. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I probably just slipped or something while I was drunk. It’s not a big deal. People get scratched all the time so just leave it alone. I don’t want to talk about this. It’s nothing.”

“Okay, but you’ve had bandages on for fucking ages and now I’m wondering whether you’re really as reckless as I thought or if something is actually really wrong because if someone is hurting you, Drax, we can—”

“Yeah, all right, fine, someone is hurting me. But it doesn’t matter, it’s not important. Like I said, this is not any of your fucking business. You’re my best friend, you are, but this doesn’t matter.”

“Right, like it doesn’t matter what happened last night.” The look on Jelpax’s face was entirely unreadable, and Drax couldn’t even tell whether he was worried or just utterly pissed. He decided not to think about it too hard. “Drax, seriously, I love you, but you have backed me into way too many corners. You want to be my best friend, but you won’t tell me anything serious and it’s fucking killing me. Just tell me how to help you.”

“Tell _me_ why you’re so pissed,” Drax snapped, taking a step forward and dropping his hands to his sides. “What do you think I did to you that made you so mad at me? I came out here to see if you were okay and you’re fucking attacking me like I—”

“I’m worried about you, okay? I found you in the closet sobbing on Mortimus’s shoulder last night and when I dragged you to your feet, you wouldn’t stop fucking sobbing apologies, and I don’t even know why. I couldn’t get you to say anything and Mortimus was way too drunk to give me an answer. So, yeah. I’m sorry I’m being a dick, but I’m worried about you, all right? I’m worried.”

“You don’t have to be worried. I’m fine. Whatever happened last night was just a result of me being too fucking wasted. It shouldn’t even cross your mind again.”

“So, I should just ignore the fact that you’re always wearing fucking bandages and you blow me off every time I try to ask you how you’re feeling? Because if you want me to do that, then maybe we just shouldn’t be friends at all anymore because I can’t look at someone I care about and not want to make sure they’re okay.”

“I know, because you’re always acting like you’re our mum for some reason,” said Drax, crossing his arms against his chest. He let out a huff through his nose, his eyes narrowing angrily. “Well, newsflash, I don’t want you to be my fucking mum. I don’t even want my _mum_ to be my fucking mum. I just want you to be my friend. You don’t have to care about me so much.”

“Yes, I do!” cried Jelpax, throwing his hands into the air. He didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know how to convince Drax of his viewpoint. “Being your friend means caring about you, dumbass. Just talk to me, okay? Just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not going to tell anyone else.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t. I’m trying to figure it out and I have no idea. None. I can’t remember anything from last night so if I was sobbing, I don’t remember it. I’m fine now. It’s all just a mess. It’s a fat mess and I hate it and I don’t want to talk about this anymore so just leave me alone.”

Jelpax had absolutely no intention of doing what he was told, but Drax was a faster runner and disappeared before he had the chance to argue.

//

“Theta, I’m telling you, this is a terrible idea.”

“What?” Theta didn’t even look back at Koschei, continuing on his way down the hall and slamming his knuckles against the door the moment he made it to the one he was looking for. “I don’t see how it’s a terrible idea at all. In fact, I think it’s a rather brilliant idea. You see, I only remember Rummas, so maybe he only remembers what we did and not who he did it with. If that’s true, we can get the whole story.”

“You know the chances of that are like, slim to none?” said Koschei, reaching out to grab Theta’s wrist. He stopped him from knocking on the door, thoroughly annoyed by how long he’d been doing it for. “This is never going to work, Theta. I understand that you want to know what happened and you want to be friends but there’s almost no chance that this is ever going to—”

“You again.” The student on the other side of the door glared at Theta, not even glancing over to Koschei when he did so. He didn’t have the time to waste on meeting someone new, Theta figured. Entitled people always felt that way. “What do you want now? Storming into our room again? You know, they split us all up for a reason. These places get rather cramped rather fast!”

“Can you stop talking like an entitled little prat?” snapped Theta. Maybe they were all entitled little prats in that Academy—minus Rallon, who was a stupidly tall, entitled prat—but that didn’t mean he couldn’t bitch about it. “Just let me in there, all right? I’m just one person. I’m not going to crowd the whole room by coming in here. Is Rummas still over there?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before gliding across to the other side of the room. The moment he arrived at the side of Rummas’s bed, Theta knelt down and poked him repeatedly, waiting for him to awake. Rummas woke up far before he actually opened his eyes, glaring at Theta and tugging his blanket over his head. Apparently, he still didn’t care to understand who Theta was.

“What do you want? Go away.” he asked, his words muffled by the blanket over his head. Theta sighed, poking him again and refusing to let up so easily. “Please, I have the worst hangover and I don’t want to deal with this right now so just get out. I’m literally begging you.”

“Then keep begging because I’m not leaving until you admit that you know who I am,” said Theta, knowing full well that there was every chance Rummas was not lying about having forgotten who he was. “Rummas, please. Last night was one of the greatest, funnest nights of my entire life. I can’t imagine it never happening again.”

“I can’t imagine it happening the first time, so you’re really wasting my time here right now. No offense, but full offense. If I don’t remember you, then I think you’re probably one of the more boring people I’ve ever spent a drunken night with. Now please, for the love of Rassilon, just get out of my face. I’m trying to sleep off this hangover and you are not helping.”

“Sorry, we’ll get out of here,” Koschei interrupted, grabbing Theta’s wrist to drag him out of there. He was definitely pulling him away because he felt bad about being bothersome, not because he was jealous. “Theta, stop resisting me. We’re not going to bug him anymore, okay? You’re already in enough trouble with Borusa, we don’t need you getting into an altercation with a student too.”

Theta was not silent with his protests, but he didn’t try to rip away either. If nothing else, holding the hot boy’s hand wasn’t too bad. He could stand to get dragged out of rooms a little more often.

//

“All right, so let me get this straight. There is, to your knowledge, no such thing as Ummins, but you did not make him up?”

“Exactly.” Ushas nodded, as if it were a perfectly normal thing to be discussing. Honestly, she wasn’t sure why Borusa was having such a difficult time wrapping his head around it. “You see, we’ve never met him personally, but we have every reason to assume that he’s real since it’s been insisted so heavily, and…”

Vansell had to admit, she was pretty damn good at lying too. None of them believed in Ummins and he knew that for a fact, but she was really selling it like they did. If he didn’t already know the truth, Vansell might have actually believed her himself. Thankfully, he was aware that Ummins wasn’t real, and he wouldn’t fall for the tricks.

“So, what about this evidence here?” The fact that Borusa had any evidence and that he hadn’t played it sooner came as a shock. He turned his monitor around suddenly, playing security footage from the bar which clearly showed someone swinging on the chandelier, though only the back of his head was visible. “What do you have to say about the chaos going on here? Where were you when all this was going down? Do you know who this was?”

“Yeah, obviously.” The second Rallon spoke, he snapped his mouth shut, his eyes widening in disbelief. All that stupidity that came out of his mouth before, and he was still dumb enough to say something again? It was ridiculous. He’d have clocked himself if he were anyone else. “That’s… er… that was… uh… um… Rumm… ins.”

The longest silence followed his claim and not one of the students said a word. Borusa stared at Rallon with the oddest look on his face, as if he were both confused and yet wanting to believe. They’d barely gotten out of the bar brawl—it _was_ self-defense, Borusa agreed after hearing the stories—and they were not about to go down because of something Theta did.

“‘Rummins’?” repeated Borusa slowly. Rallon only nodded once in response and froze when Borusa’s expression changed. “Oh, do you mean _Rummas_?”

“Yeah!” Rallon agreed a little too enthusiastically, and it must’ve been ridiculously obvious that he was lying. Thankfully, Borusa didn’t seem too disturbed, and said nothing as he nodded along. “It was Rummas. He was causing all kinds of trouble there. Should’ve seen him. Some of us just wanted to play innocent games and he was trying to get everyone drunk!”

“Ah, I should’ve known, I saw him on the footage earlier. If that’s true, I’ll let you all off the hook, but this is not a guarantee, yeah? I have to talk to Rummas and review some more of the security footage and if that all checks out, then I won’t contact you again. But if I do… assume our next conversation won’t be ending as well.”

Not one of the students said a word as they scrambled out of the room. If Borusa was going to let this other person take the fall for him, they were fine with it. They didn’t know him, and there was every chance he didn’t know them either. Rallon barely felt a pang of guilt as they ran out. At least he didn’t have detention.

//

“Didn’t think I’d find you here.”

Jelpax’s voice barely registered in his ears. In response, Drax managed only a shrug, picking at the bandages wrapped around his right arm. Normally, he wouldn’t touch them, but Jelpax already admitted he always knew they were there. No point in hiding them anymore. Not when they were away from everyone else.

“Clearly you did,” said Drax, pausing for a drag on his cigarette, “or else you wouldn’t have come. We’re not exactly in a place where you can just find me by mistake.”

“Not exactly in a place where you can just hang out either, but clearly you don’t care.” Jelpax sat down beside Drax on the step, glancing at the bar behind them. It was quieter at that early hour, but still open and busy with a handful of customers. “What are you doing out here? You know Borusa would kill you if he found you.”

“Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.” He groaned, putting his cigarette out on the step, and dragging his hands down his face before he went on. “I thought if I walked around here for a bit, it might help drag my memory. I don’t know what the fuck happened last night, and I’ve got some bits from Mortimus and myself but… I don’t know. Don’t remember sobbing.”

At first, Jelpax nearly opened his mouth to say something, but stopped and wrapped an arm around Drax’s shoulders instead. Immediately, Drax leaned into him, resting his head against Jelpax’s shoulders, and closing his eyes as he let out a breath. Jelpax gave his arm a squeeze, trying to think of something he could say that would be helpful.

It happened. Jelpax didn’t know why it happened any better than Drax did, but when he found them the night before, they were sitting on the floor of the closet and Drax was an absolute wreck. He was basically sobbing into Mortimus’s arms, and the best explanation Jelpax could come up with was that Mortimus’s readings got too overwhelming in his drunken state. He didn’t try to guess beyond that. It seemed insensitive given everything that happened.

“Mortimus is right, though,” Drax told him quietly, not elaborating right away. “When he says you all know what the bandages are for, I mean. It’s not fucking hard to figure it out. I’m a dumbass and accidents happen a lot, but they don’t happen like that. They don’t happen that often, and I don’t— I don’t know. I should’ve told you sooner.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” He swallowed hard, trying to find the right way to respond given the intensity of the situation. Jelpax was never good at dealing with emotional people, and having it be Drax didn’t magically make it easier. “You were right, Drax. Just because I’m your best friend doesn’t mean I’m entitled to anything. If you want to keep secrets, that’s fine. That’s your business. I’m not going to tell you that you have to—”

“It was my mum.”

“What?”

“Family day. The bruise on my face. It was my mum.” In all honesty, Jelpax wasn’t surprised by the revelation, but that didn’t stop his hearts from plummeting into his stomach. “Sorry. You don’t have to say anything to that, I just felt like you should know. Been hiding it long enough, you probably figured it out by now anyway.”

“Little bit.” Jelpax shrugged, giving Drax another squeeze. “But you know it doesn’t change anything, right? We’ve all got issues and secrets. I’m not going to tell anyone about any of this. You can talk to me whenever you need to. I understand that it’s hard but if something is bothering you, don’t shout at me, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Okay. But you know it’s a two-way street? If I’m going to tell you things, then you have to tell me things too.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Drax hesitated, an odd look on his face as he stared out at the grass in front of them. “You just said we all have issues and secrets, right? So, there must be something there that you can tell me about. What is it? Your secret or issue, I mean.”

“You know what my issue is,” said Jelpax, giving Drax the side-eye.

“Yeah, all right, then what’s your secret? Come on. I just spilled my guts out to you. Just tell me the truth for once. Doesn’t have to be anything special or big, just something I don’t know about you.”

“You know everything about me.”

“Yeah, right.”

Jelpax bit down on his lip, staring down at his shoes. He didn’t know whether he was ready to talk about anything he hadn’t said yet. There were a thousand possibilities of what he could talk about, but he didn’t know which one to say. He didn’t know which one he could talk about and not badly regret it later on. He swallowed hard before committing to a decision.

“I fancied someone once,” he admitted, and Drax’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “What? Lots of people fancy someone. It’s not like it’s some major revelation. It’s just a little thing, like you said.”

“Yeah, but it’s a major little thing. You never told me before!” Drax nudged his shoulder, and Jelpax’s face flushed red. “Come on, what’s their name? Is it Ushas? It’s Ushas, isn’t it? That’s why you kept sneaking off into her room.”

“For one thing, I have never sneaked into Ushas’s room except for when you asked me to bring back something you stole from Millennia, and for another, it, uh… it was actually… it was a guy.”

“Holy shit! Who? Come on, just tell me. I promise I won’t tell anyone else.”

Jelpax stared at him for the longest several seconds before he shook his head. “Nope. It’s in the past. I don’t want to talk about it. Doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’s in the past,” said Drax. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Yeah.” Jelpax squeezed his fingers around Drax’s arm, leaning into his head and pulling him in close. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

//

“Well, I suppose this means I’ll never know what really happened.”

Koschei nodded for the umpteenth time. He did not care when Theta started talking and he did not care two hours later. He had no interest in whatever happened with Rummas—again, not because he was jealous, but because he was simply annoyed at how quickly this guy bonded with Theta—and the fact that Theta wouldn’t shut up about it was honestly infuriating.

“Yeah, maybe that’s for the best,” said Koschei. “After all, whatever you did when you were drunk probably wasn’t all that much like you anyway, you know? There’s all kinds of things we do when we’re out of it and the person you were last night isn’t necessarily the person you are now. Sober Theta might not even like Rummas! I say you just— what the hell?”

Theta leapt to his feet the same time Koschei did, running over to peek out the door and see what was going on. The shouting in the small corridor was unmistakable, after having heard that bitching earlier in the day. Koschei’s eyes went wide when he saw Rummas being dragged past them, and Theta’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

“I didn’t do anything!” he cried. “I wasn’t even at the bar.”

“Then why were you complaining of a hangover when we found you?” asked the professor on his right. “Sounds rather suspicious if you ask me.”

“Nobody asked you, you piece of shit. Theta! Theta, you have to help me.”

“Oh, so you _do_ remember me.” Theta crossed his arms when he met Rummas’s gaze, shaking his head in disbelief. “Pathetic. I’m not going to bother dealing with this lunacy. You want to keep switching sides? Fuck off. I’ll find my own friends, thanks.”

It was the fact he said that without regard for his current friends that held Koschei’s grudge in place.

//

“Hey, you all right?”

Mortimus barely looked up, nodding when Magnus passed him by. He wasn’t expecting anyone to speak to him that evening and was still leaning over his notebook. He was far behind on the assignment, and at that rate, was never going to finish before they had to head back home to Gallifrey.

“Fine, why?”

“Heard you drank a lot last night,” said Magnus, sliding into the seat beside him. “You only drink when you’re upset.”

“Oh.” Mortimus shrugged casually, hoping the gesture came off as genuine. “It’s nothing. I just felt like going crazy last night, you know? Nothing’s wrong, just wanted to have a wild night.”

“Okay. Just making sure. Heard you talking to your sister before we left, thought something might have been wrong.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“Mortimus, I heard her ultimatum.” That got him gripping his pencil so hard it nearly snapped, but he refused to lift his gaze. “What the hell was that about?”

“Nothing,” Mortimus grumbled, erasing the lines he messed up while distracted. “Don’t worry about it.”

“All right, fine. Just wondering because I had no idea you used to be on—”

It wasn’t because of Mortimus that Magnus cut himself off, but because the others that Magnus had strayed away from suddenly came over and sat down at the table. Vansell, Rallon, Millennia, and Ushas sat down across from them. Ushas immediately went to work on her own assignment, while the others relaxed (aside from Rallon who still looked shaken from their talk with Borusa).

“Hey. You guys do anything interesting today?” asked Vansell. When Mortimus shook his head, Magnus agreed. He wasn’t about to stir up anything if his roommate didn’t want it getting out. “Okay, just wondering. We’ve been in Borusa’s office all day and it looks like we just pinned the blame for everything at the bar on someone we’ve never met before. Um… something?”

“Holy shit, _you’re_ the ones who got Rummas taken away?” Out of nowhere, Theta and Koschei joined them at the table, though it was barely big enough for them all to fit in. “We just saw him being like, dragged down the hall screaming that he didn’t do anything wrong. You’re telling me that it’s your fault?”

“It was an accident, okay?!” Rallon’s eyes were wide and his voice cracked a little when he spoke up. “I didn’t know it was going to happen. I didn’t want it to. I just started trying to make a cover story and things got out of hand. It’s not my fault. Things just happened and I didn’t know what to do and Borusa took it too far.”

“Borusa takes everything too far.” Of course, because the table wasn’t full enough already, Drax and Jelpax chose that moment to walk in and steal the last tiny seats beside Mortimus. So much for him getting anything done. “Remember that time we were in detention for a _decade_? Fucking ridiculous, mate.”

“Drax, we burned down the library.”

“Big fucking deal. We burned down his office too and nobody batted an eye.”

“Can you all just shut up?” snapped Ushas. Clearly, her attention span wasn’t as small as Mortimus’s, because she was still trying to focus on her assignment. “Some of us would like to actually get some credit for this trip and not just a hangover and/or alcohol poisoning.”

“Alcohol poisoning?” Millennia furrowed her brow. “Who had alcohol poisoning?”

“Think it was Epsilon. Someone said it was his roommate, but I assume he was wasted, and the story ended up getting twisted somewhere along the grapevine.”

“Oh, all right.”

“Anyway,” started Koschei, “can we all just agree that this was an absolute bust? I thought this was going to be one of our better field trips but holy shit, that was just a disaster.”

“I know, right?” Mortimus shook his head, again erasing lines he’d messed up while his attention was divided. “The only thing that went right was that I got to snog someone in a closet. That’s one thing checked off my list. Can you believe I hadn’t done that yet? Seems like an obvious place to do it.”

“What?” Millennia raised her brow thoughtfully, while Drax’s face went dark. “Who did you snog?”

“It was, uh…” He glanced over at Drax first, then Jelpax, whose expression was baffled and fell the second he noticed the way Mortimus was shifting his gaze toward Drax. “Nobody. I don’t know. Some random person. I don’t know, I was drunk. It’s not a big deal. What does matter is that we’re all together again, yeah? Nothing could ever tear us apart.”

“Excellent,” said Ushas dryly, “so with that settled, let’s work on our assignments, yeah?”

They agreed and got to work on what they were meant to do, but not all of them were focused. Some of them were focused on things that happened while they were sober. Some of them were focused on things that happened while they were not. One of them was focused on the soul-crushing news that he desperately needed to be a misunderstanding, but he didn’t say a word. None of them said a word.

That was the thing about the Deca. Their lives were a mess and constantly got messier whenever they were together, but somehow, that messiness made it okay. Being alone was never easy, but having a family to fall back on, to joke with when they were struggling, made it better. It made it hurt less.

It also made it hurt more when they were the ones breaking each other, but that’s a matter for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you for reading along! series five coming spring 2021 x


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